TGITDNMAR (8/31/07)

Remind me to just suspend this feature next August. It's really painful to look at the new lineup of victims each and every week. As a form of protest/a reflection of the state of things, I will take Hollywood's laziness and bad products and similarly deliver a bad product. As such, you get a no-frills, stripped-down version of TGITDNMAR this week - that's right, no links, no pictures, and short, hastily-written descriptions. You wanna know more about this week's movies? First of all, may god have mercy on your soul, and second, you're on your own.

Halloween
Though I'm not typically a fan of horror, and not really ever of this series, I was intrigued by the thought of Rob Zombie directing this 86th version of Halloween. (Full disclosure: I've never seen a Rob Zombie movie, but I imagine I would like them if I were a fan of the genre.) Then I saw that Malcolm McDowell was in it. McDowell on TV good (Heroes, Entourage); McDowell on film (lately, anyway) bad, very bad (uh...Hidalgo, I Spy). Doesn't help that it's getting rotten reviews.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

Balls of Fury
This looks like it might make a good-great cable movie (Chris Walken never hurts in that department - just ask Joe Dirt), but if I were to even think of seeing this in the theater, I might wear a paper bag on my way in and out. Bonus: the "Seinfeld, four" guy (from the "Chinese Restaurant" episode) is in it, and he always cracks me up. Otherwise, meh.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%


Death Sentence
Sure, Charlie Bronson ought to come back and exact vengeance on director James Wan (Saw) and star Kevin Bacon for stealing his franchise (Death Wish). Nonetheless, this looks like it might be fun, albeit gory as hell considering the director. Bacon gets down and dirty as an average joe who's out to get vengeance on the guys that killed his son. (Somewhat) bitchin'.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 17%

And then...

Thursday's Things to Click On (8/30/07)

If you haven't "Dugg" one of my posts yet, I will forgive you (though really, you should do it, as it brings me riches and fame the likes of which Brewster has only seen before). However, even if you don't, Digg is truly a great site to visit, and often.

In case you're not aware of how Digg works, let me explain (badly). See the "Digg this" buttons on each of my posts? Well, trillions upon billions of other sites also have these sorts of buttons, and when an article or video is submitted to Digg, it enters their database for whatever subject matter it is submitted under. Things with multiple diggs get more attention, which snowballs into more and more. Typically, the items that are dugg hundreds or thousands of times are items that (for a given field) are truly worth checking out. As it so happens, all of today's items are things that I found on Digg. Enjoy:

* Even if you're not a big Star Wars fan, this is still fun to watch: the first three movies each trimmed to fit into an animated gif. Very well done.

* Filmwad declares that the following actors keep playing the same roles over and over and over again. Obviously, they need to (re)watch Dazed & Confused to understand the range that Ben Affleck truly has. No really, he kicks ass in that.

* Goddamn, I've been waiting for this! NBC, you're making friends.

* You might have heard about this, but it's too good not to repeat. Sure, Steve - it had nothing to do with your ponytail or your environmentalist lectures or your wooden acting or your gut or...

* Finally, Quigspot counts down The Ten Most Obnoxiously Overquoted Movies. Let's see: Really guilty, not guilty, not guilty, guilty, guilty, not guilty...

And then...

The Five Most Awesomely Bad (or Maybe Just Awesome) TV Theme Songs...Ever!

A discussion elsewhere on the internets got me started on this one. One person mentioned the opening song to WKRP from Cincinnati and it all went downhill from there. Anyway, here are some of my favorites - some are cheesy, some are legitimately good, but all are worth revisiting:

Saved By The Bell

If I did karaoke (which I don't and never would...unless I'm really drunk, I suppose), this might be my choice. Unfortunately, the show wasn't in its prime for all that long, so I imagine it's a small window of an age group that knows and loves this show and song like I do. Oh well - your loss.



The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

You remember the Fresh Prince, right? "He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper?" Yes, kiddies, Will Smith was actually a musician years ago - light, jokey stuff, but pretty good nonetheless. The lyrics and video for this opener make it a memorable winner. The show itself? Not so much. (It had its moments, but ran way too long.)




The Dukes of Hazard

Though I never was crazy about the show, it's hard not to recongnize this as one of the best theme songs of all time. A Star singer, a good tune, and a flying car sure go a long ways...



A bonus entry (yet not official selection) goes to The Fall Guy. Unlike Will Smith, Lee Majors was never known as a singer, yet he sung the theme to his short-lived (and well loved by a young Fletch) show here. I wish I could have a beer with the Fall Guy...



The Greatest American Hero

"Look at what's happened to me..." Sure, the show didn't last long, and actually the song is somewhat of a relic, but just the solid gold transformation into George Costanza's answering machine incoming message ought to be enough to earn this theme a spot amongst the greats. William Katt's perm doesn't hurt, either.



Golden Girls

Just cause this ought to get stuck in your head for the next 4 hours.

And then...

Cleanup time

A little bit of everything here, as I type this at 1:00 AM, just 10 hours before embarking on a trip to Sin City. First off, a couple (really) short reviews:

Fletch's Film Review: The Simpsons Movie

There's a good reason it's taken this long to come up with something for this review: there really isn't much to say about it. The Simpsons Movie is exactly what it was supposed to be, and just as you'd expect. It's a long, well-done (yet still obviously past its prime) episode. Clocking in at just shy of 90 minutes, it's considerably longer than a 22-minute TV version, and the scope and size of the story are big without feeling too big (in other words, you can tell they were trying hard to make it BIG, but it doesn't feel too forced or hackneyed or go beyond the scale it should).

As usual, Homer f*cks up his family and his town at large, and it is up to him to realize how much he needs his family to help clean up after him. There's the usual scads of puns, non sequitirs, political jabs, physical comedy, and on and on. Many jokes hit, many miss - none too much in either direction. There's a few voice over cameos (Green Day, Albert Brooks) and most (but not all) of your favorite characters are featured in at least some small way.

Solid, if unspectacular.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."



Thursday's Things to Click On

Let's just ignore the fact that it will be Friday when you read this, ok? It's still non-technically Thursday night to me. Thanks.

* If you check back to this site constantly over the next 72 hours or so...there's still a 99.9% chance you'll never see me. But it's probably worth it to try.

* Cool, interesting poster for an upcoming movie about sex trafficking. (Movie Poster Addict).

* Intermission at Work writes my Superbad review for me. (Okay, not really - I'm sure I'll do one as well. In the meantime, check out his site.)

* Like redheaded actresses? The Critical Critics count down their favorites.



TGITDNMAR

Just the major releases here...

War
Jason Statham is making it really hard for me to be a fan of his. Snatch? Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels? Hell yeah! The Transporter? Um, ok - it has its moments. Just about anything since? Gimme a break, man. Either make a good action flick or go back to just making some quality.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%



The Nanny Diaries
Wow - this got buried. I thought this was supposed to be a big hit, a breakout vehicle for star Scarlett Johannson. Guess not. She and a stable of quality co-stars (Laura Linney, Paul Giamatti, Alicia Keys, Chris Evans) will just have to be satisfied with a $10M box office take. Ouch.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%



Mr. Bean's Holiday
If you have yet to see the trailer for this, I implore you to turn off your TV, avoid the theater altogether, and turn off your computer (after reading this, naturally) as soon as possible. I am already 14% dummer after having seen it. Have I mentioned that August sucks yet?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -35%



Resurrecting the Champ
This thing slipped through my radar completely. I've still yet to see a trailer or ad for it. Odd, considering it stars Sam Jackson (apparently actually acting here, judging by the plot) and Josh Hartnett and has been received well by the voters at IMDb (8.1/10 so far). If Mrs. Fletch liked sports, we'd probably check this out; as it is, I can wait till cable.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 11%

And then...

The Blog Cabins have not burned down.

If you've noticed a lack of posts recently, you're not alone. A mixture of being busy with work, a lack of movies and a lack of motivation have combined to lessen the productivity around here.

Alas, there is hope. Off to see Superbad tonight, and still have a long-overdue Simpsons Movie review to do. That said, Thursday's Things to Click On and TGITDNMAR will be combined for a Thursday post, as your host Fletch makes his way to Vegas on Friday for a weekend of geekdom, also known as my annual fantasy football draft. Wish me luck that I don't need for my draft and wish me luck that I definitely need when it comes to the gaming. And from what I hear, my hotel even has a movie theater, so I might catch a flick while there (though I doubt it - why go to Vegas to watch a movie?). Also, the laptop ought to be in tow, so an "On Location" post may be in the works as well.

Thanks to all of my readers (Hi Mrs. Fletch! Hi Mom and Dad! Hi people who are voting in the new poll!) for sticking with me for this long.

And then...

TGITDNMAR (8/17/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

It's a weird week for new releases. On the one hand, we have what is really the last anticipated movie of the summer season in Superbad. On the other hand, we have two official dumpings and one small, faux-British comedy. You could argue that Columbia is either insane for waiting so long to release it now that we've officially reached the doldrums, or could you sat that they're crazy like a fox for being essentially the only game in town this week (and next week and probably the week after). I guess we'll know on Monday how smart or dumb they are.


Superbad
It's a shame that the inevitable Judd Apatow backlash will occur. It's just the nature of the beast, so it's unavoidable, but there's really foreseeable reason for it. True, he didn't direct this, but he might as well have, as the actual director's name (Greg Mottola) gets less press than Eric Roberts. Either way, this looks like a winner all around - likable stars, "Panama" in the trailer, and Apatow and gang don't turn PG on the guys in the audience when it comes to the raunch.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%


The Last Legion
I happened to see a commercial for this the other day and it was the first thing that I had even heard about it. How is this possible? I see approximately two movies a week, covering all genres. I read lots of blogs and movie news sites. What's the story? Did the decision to put this out now just happen last week, am I off my game, or is this just an aberration?

Anyway, this swords-and-sandals flick stars Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley and blah blah blah. What does it matter - it'll be gone and never heard from again in two weeks.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 6%


The Invasion
Nicole then (~1988):









Nicole now:












Invasion, indeed.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 30%

Death at a Funeral
Weird that people are calling this a British comedy. Last time I checked, director Frank Oz, and stars Alan Tudyk (Dodgeball) and Peter Dinklage (Elf, The Station Agent) were American, though Tudyk fakes a Brit accent. Nonetheless, it does take place across the pond and I'm sure the humor is more like "humour." Either way, it looks like it might be a winner, and the counter programming ought to work, at least somewhat. Worth noting that this is two Dinklage movies to be released in the last few weeks (the last one being Underdog). Could he be the rare little-person actor to actually break through to consistent non-cliched roles? It seems so, and good for him.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 49%

And then...

Thursday's Things to Click On (8/16/07)

A special thanks to the proprietors of Murph's Place (specifically, um, Murph) for finding out about the latest poll and linking up to Blog Cabins on a few pages over there, specifically the Clive Owen and Russel Crowe news pages. If you want up-to-date info on them and a few other actors (like Daniel Craig), this is obviously the place to go. Anyway, here's this week's links:

* Watching HBO's Flight of the Conchords yet? If not, you should check it out - it's subtle and dry, but funny as hell at times. It's an acquired taste, though. Definitely watch the first episode first and go from there. Should you already be a fan, I give you Mel's video blog. Awesome. Also, here's some more comedy from the actress that plays her.

* The Hater Nation has the gall to tell me (and the world) that my beloved 49ers will not win the Super Bowl this year.

* You might have seen my Seven People to Avoid at the Movie Theater post a couple months back. Well, Intermission at Work has done something similar, but with a good twist. See, IAW works as a theater manager, so he has a slightly different perspective on it.

* Movieman dared to see Rush Hour 3. Then again, General Disdain over at The Critical Critics dared to see Daddy Day Camp. They are both braver than I.

* Cracked.com looks at some of the greatest movies never made. There's even a Fletch shout-out. Pardon me while I go shed a tear.

* Many reasons to love Grosse Point Blank, just in case you already don't. The recent You Kill Me would make for a nice double feature, if you ask me.

And then...

Voting time again...

Thanks to all who voted in the "pick your favorite Simpson" poll. Homer was the runaway winner with 45% of the vote, followed by a four-way tie between Bart, Lisa, Jessica and OJ (10% each) for second.

Well, we're a little more than halfway through with August. Thank god for that. Now, let's set our sights on the fall movie season. I've listed some of the high-profile films hitting theaters over the next few months - let's see which one you're anticipating most. Also, this is my first go with Blogger's poll widget - let me know if you run into any problems.

The choices:

Beowulf - the latest from Robert Zemekis features Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich and some weird yet interesting computer animation (think The Polar Express).

I Am Legend - Will Smith, a dog, and no one else on the planet. Or maybe some zombies. Ooohhh, scary.

The Kingdom - long delayed actioner featuring Jamie Foxx, Hilary Swank, Chris Cooper and some pissed off Iraqis. Something like that. May be good, but prospects are low considering the delayed release.

3:10 To Yuma - Bale. Crowe. Western. Love the title, love the poster - from the trailer, the rest doesn't look all that great to me, but I'm sure I'll give it a shot.

Sweeney Todd - Here we go again: Burton. Depp. Yep, that's enough.

American Gangster - Crowe is back with Gladiator director Ridley Scott and teaming up with Denzel Washington for a 70s gangster flick. This has a 95% chance of being an absolute critical and commercial hit, with a 5% chance of bombing spectacularly.

Across the Universe - this Beatles-inspired tale of love in the 60s and 70s has also been delayed, but it looks pretty interesting judging by the trailer. At worst, it can't be as bad as Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club, right?

The Golden Compass - this looks like Stardust all over again to me, but I think there's a following for it.

The Darjeeling Limited - this is most likely my choice. Wes Anderson's latest (Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums) features Anderson regulars Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Owen Wilson and Angelica Huston, but also introduces Adrien Brody, Natalie Portman and Fletch favorite Irfan Khan (The Namesake, A Mighty Heart) to the club. God yes.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age - a sequel to Elizabeth?!? Though I'll admit I haven't seen the first, it's on the "see soon" list and this one looks pretty sweet. Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, Clive Owen and Samantha Morton star. Expect a third as well from what I hear.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Rescue Dawn

Dieter Dangler is one strange dude. Growing up in Germany in the 40s, he and his town were subjected to bombing from the Allied forces. Dieter looked through a hole in his roof one day and caught a glimpse of a bomber pilot flying by. Despite this (or, as Rescue Dawn, because of it), Dieter comes to America in his teens with the lone goal of becoming a pilot. As the title of director Werner Herzog's earlier documentary of Dangler states, Little Dieter Needs to Fly.

However, not long after Dieter (Christian Bale) gets to fly, he's shot down. Near Vietnam. All alone, he does his best to gets rescued, but in no time flat, he's captured and transferred to a POW camp in nearby Laos. Yet, despite being in a helpless situation, tortured all along, Dieter keeps his spirits high, almost smiling the whole way. He's taking it all in, for better or worse.

At the POW camp, he meets a group of prisoners, some of which have been there upwards of two years or more. While not tortured much at the camp, the prisoners (and their captors, to some extent) are emaciated, given little to no food as they slowly fade away (Jeremy Davies, playing a near-crazy prisoner looks as close to death's door as Bale did previously in The Machinist - I might say moreso, but Davies is naturally a slight man). Again, Dieter doesn't let the situation affect him adversely in the slightest. No food? He'll eat the grubs given to him. Stuck for years in a POW camp? Not a chance - Dieter's there not a week and he's already planned his escape. Watching someone with such undying optimism can really make you feel like sh*t.

Much of the drama of the film is removed by the knowledge of it being a true story. Nonetheless, it features great performances by Bale, Steve Zahn and Davies. However, with my being a big Seinfeld geek, I was more impressed with the appearance of Mr. Toby Huss, aka "The Wiz." Unfortunately, even though he's playing a rebel and a clown, he took me out of the movie whenever he was onscreen, as all I could think of was him singing and dancing "Nobody beats The Wiz!!" Also in the cast is Marshall Bell, better known for being Kuato's "host" in Total Recall. Nothing like a good batch of character actors to brighten up my movie going experience.

To sum up, this is a good period piece, nothing more or less. The film ends with a cornball sequence, but it's really the journey, both physically, geographically, and mentally, that makes the movie. If you want to be depressed, uplifted and inspired all at once, check this out.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"



For those who haven't seen it or who have a bad memory, here's an edited, Spanish-subtitled clip of The Wiz in action. It's gold, Jerry! Gold!

And then...

Please, don't do that.

This past Friday, Mrs. Fletch and I decided to catch The Simpsons Movie (review forthcoming). We hit an 8:25 show, and the rather small theater (less than 60 seats, I'd say) was at least 3/4 full.

With about 10 seconds left until showtime, a group of four folks came and sat behind us. It was a two women and two children (hard to say whose kids were whose, but that's neither here nor there). Sure, it was probably a bit late to be taking 8- or 10-year olds out to a PG-13 rated film, but again - neither here nor there.

After all, the kids were (mostly) good little customers. They had a good old time and laughed a lot and asked "Mommy, what's that?" questions and what not. In other words, they acted like kids.

What we didn't expect, or enjoy in the slightest, was "Mommy" proceeding to narrate the film for those of us with sight issues. Oh wait, that's right - we're in a movie theater, so the gift of sight is a foregone conclusion. Yet, with every new non-sequitir/pun/play-on-words that flashed onscreen (Example: church sign reads "We told you so" as doom is impending), there she was reading "We told you so" and laughing as she reads it.

Hey dipsh*t! I can see what's on the screen. I can read it as well! Your kids can, too - if they can't maybe they're too young for the movie. I imagine this lady also moves her mouth while she reads so that she can pay attention, unless perhaps she goes the full monty and just plain reads aloud from the book (sorry, US Magazine) at all time.

Eventually, Mrs. Fletch pulled a nail clipper from her purse and snipped the woman's tongue off, then we threw popcorn at her while reading the contents of a Band-Aid wrapper aloud and laughing. As the movie ended, we skipped out of the theater giddy with the feeling of a job well done.

And then...

TGITDNMAR (8/10/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Fall can't come fast enough. Six movies being thrown away this week. I shouldn't say that - at least one of them sounds halfway appealing. What a surprise, it's an indie. That said, where's the breakout indie hits this summer? The biggest little film that's been even a moderate hit is Sicko, but that barely qualifies, as it already had a high profile and really hasn't grossed all that much (just over $20M). Paris, je t'aime should have been it, but people see Paris in the title and turn up their noses while inhaling ___ Fries. Whatever.

Stardust
Matthew Vaughn, producer of hipster hits Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, as well as director of the Daniel Craig breakout vehicle Layer Cake brings us a fairy tale starring (amongst others) Robert DeNiro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, Sienna Miller, and Peter O'Toole. Sounds like an impressive ensemble/collaboration, no?

Um, no. This looks like (and has been mildly compared to) warmed-over Princess Bride, minus the humor (and story and...). I'm sure I'll catch this on cable, but I have a rule about avoiding movies where "fallen stars" turn out to be "mystical, magical people." Ugh.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 8%


Skinwalkers
I liked this better when it was called Underworld. And I didn't even really like that all that much. Cool poster, though.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%






Rocket Science
In two minutes of research, this indie about a stuttering high school kid who joins a debate team to impress a girl was compared (though not particularly favorably) to Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and Napoleon Dynamite. Unfavorable comparison or no, that's pretty heady company to be lumped in with. If this makes its way to Phoenix, and I've seen everything else out that has been deemed "interesting," this may be worth a look. If not, no biggie.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 29%


Daddy Day Camp
When I first saw the trailer for this POS sequel, I almost got excited. See, both the stars of the first POS movie (which I have not seen; forgive my assumptions), Eddie Murphy and Jeff Garlin, were wise avoid to avoid this like the plague (congrats on saying "No" to something rotten, Eddie!). As a result, the producers did their best to find some impersonators (stereotypes?) to fill their shoes, coming up with Cuba Gooding, Jr. and...what appear to be TeenWolf's good friend "Chubby" (or Chubbs if you prefer), aka Mark Holton.

Imagine my disappointment, though, when I found out that it was not Chubbs after all, but Paul Rae. Hey, at least its directed by Fred Savage. As it turns out, there is one film released this week that has something in common with The Princess Bride, after all.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%


2 Days in Paris
Though I'm positive that this film won't make its way to my part of the country, this sounds like another Parisian film that I'd be up for seeing that the rest of the country might ignore. Julie Delpy did everything but the catering apparently (stars, wrote, directed, composed, edited) and Adam Goldberg (Dazed and Confused, Saving Private Ryan) co-stars. The plot focuses on the real-life couple playing a couple who travel to (!) Paris to see if the City of Lights can't kick start their relationship.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 53%


Rush Hour 3
Why?

I can see the appeal of the first one. Bi-racial buddy comedies typically carry enough material based solely on the interplay between the races, and this one had the bonus of not having a white guy as one of the two. It also had two likable stars in Chan and Tucker.

But did you see the movies? Sure, Chan does his thing, and Tucker screams and boasts a lot, but it really ain't all that funny, and I find it hard to lighten up enough when watching them not to be offended at how ignorant and stereotypical they are. This new one looks no different, what with the trailer featuring Tucker berating an Asian transplant to Paris (again with Paris) for speaking French, as if that's something to be ashamed of. I can only imagine the reaction if the French Asian turned the tables on Tucker and gave him sh*t for not speaking a common language of Africa (one of which is...French!). Offensive. And dumb.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

And then...

Thursday's Things to Click On (8/9/07)

As if the poll and comments and link lists weren't enough to click on, I bring you more things to click on. After all, the overwhelming message I always want you to have when visiting here is: "Please! Leave my site!" Wait, that's not true. Anyway, here's some cool sh*t I've stumbled upon lately:

* Exciting news over at Pointless Banter about the star of Charles in Charge. So exciting that they want the world to know all about it.

* Rumors and Rants asks: Barry Bonds or Milli Vanilli? RIP, Rob. :sniff:

* Devin over at Comictivity has some sites to suggest as well. Most of them are good, but one of them is beyond awesometasticfabulousness. I'll let you guess which one that is.

* Somebody dig up Charles Bronson - he's gonna be pissed that Kevin Bacon and the director of Saw are stealing his movie. While he's at it, he ought to polish off Jodie Foster, too.

* A great review of Sunshine. Seriously, if you like movies, go see it in the theater. If you wait until rental/cable/DVD, the appeal will be greatly diminished, unless you have a kickass home theater.

* Matt over at The Spoon has some preconceived notions about movies he wants to get off his chest. I agree with all of them - but what's the take on Lynch/Eraserhead? I'll add that you can take what he says about Hackman and apply it to Chris Cooper without batting an eye.

* Met up with the Hin Man over at BlogCatalog. He's doing a pay-it-forward goodwill experiment and chose Blog Cabins as one of his featured sites. What good taste. I'm more than happy to be Kevin Spacey to his Haley Joel Osment and return the favor.

* I miss John Candy. Don't you? The Armchair Critic looks back on Summer Rental. This isn't my favorite work of his (Uncle Buck probably holds that spot), but it ain't bad.

And then...

Whatever happened to...

If I were to ask 100 movie buffs to name a big shot director from the 80s that was never heard from again, with no other information given, I'll bet I know who the number one answer would be. If I were to thrown in that this person was responsible for no less than five epic comedies that starred all of the biggest names in comedy, I'd bet that the votes would then go overwhelmingly in this person's favor - 80% of higher.

So who do you think that number one answer would be?

John Hughes, of course. However, that's not who I'm referring to with the details given above. No, the guy I'm talking about made bigger hits than Hughes (though they may not have had as much of a cultural impact). Who is it?

John Landis. Someone please tell me what happened to John Landis. Check out this directorial run, starting in 1978 and running through 1988:

1. The Kentucky Fried Movie
2. Animal House
3. Blues Brothers
4. An American Werewolf in London
5. Trading Places
6. Twilight Zone: The Movie
7. Michael Jackson's Thriller video
8. Spies Like Us
9. ¡Three Amigos!
10. Coming to America

I know that comedies in general, and specifically comedic directors not named Woody Allen don't get a lot of media love, but that stretch is Spielbergian in terms of the size of the hits and the consistency of the quality. There's not a stinker there (I haven't seen Werewolf, but it's rated highly and has a good reputation as far as I know). Yet after that - nothing.

Well, not exactly nothing, I suppose. Three years after Coming to America was the Sylvester Stallone bomb Oscar, a failed comedy attempt for the former Rambo. A french vampire horror comedy (Innocent Blood) was next - someone should have told multiple-time Landis collaborator Eddie Murphy that the vampire comedy wasn't a good idea, as that might have saved him from making Vampire in Brooklyn. His next three films, in '94, '96, and '98 respectively, were Beverly Hills Cop III, The Stupids, and Blues Brothers 2000, none of which were critical or commercial hits.

However, the man really hasn't had a known feature film hit the streets since. Lately, the director of Animal House and Trading Places has worked as a director of the USA network original series Psych (2 episodes) and is currently doing post-production on a Don Rickles documentary. It seems a long way to drop - imagine Woody Allen directing episodes of Two and a Half Men to pay the bills just because some of his latest flicks weren't hits. Then again, I don't know the details of his life or career, and this is all just speculation. Any way you look at it, though, his hits clearly outnumber his misses. Here's hoping some of the magic comes back.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

It's times like these that I wish I hadn't started using the "Fletch's Film Review: ___" headline for these reviews, as every review under the sun that I've come across for The Bourne Ultimatum has some terrible pun like "Bourne Again" or "Bourne To Be Wild," while I'm left out of the pun party. Damn it all.

Bourne To Run

Though I usually like to keep my reviews to myself (meaning, what I thought of the film), I also couldn't help but notice that quite a few of the reviews I'm reading are from people who are tripping over themselves lauding director Paul Greengrass for his directorial style. His use of handheld cameras is said to add realism and immediacy to the action surrounding the former amnesiac, as he (and the audience) cope with the struggles of being confused and anxious and - huh? Greengrass's style (aka "shaky cam") is overdone, overused and overtly nauseating. The use of handheld cameras in moderation can be wildly effective, for the reasons mentioned above. However, using that technique for the duration of the film is downright annoying. I fail to see how an over-the-shoulder (while epileptic) point-of-view is warranted for a meeting between two people in a restaurant. Additionally, am I the only one who finds the action impossible to follow, what with 900 edits of 6 handheld cameras for a 5-minute fight scene? I hope not.

Despite all the negativity I feel towards all that, I enjoyed Ultimatum in spite of itself (as I did with the previous film in the series). Though there really isn't all that much in the way of story in the Bourne series, Matt Damon has always made for an appealing anxiety-ridden action hero, and the co-stars have always been top notch character actors. In fact, they're probably the defining aspect of the series. Much like more or less every known British actor on the planet is featured in the Harry Potter films, so it goes for the "serious American character actor over 50" for the Bourne series (Chris Cooper, Joan Allen, David Straithairn, Scott Glenn, Albert Finney, Brian Cox - okay, so maybe the last two aren't American, but they can lay on a mean American accent, and have done so for much of the last 10 years). If you need an FBI/CIA/NSA type, take your pick.

Also co-starring once again is Julia Stiles, the only actor besides Damon to appear in all three films (not counting Franka Potente in flashbacks). Why Stiles is included this time is a bit more of a mystery - sure, her character plays an important role in Bourne's past, but the use of Stiles as an actress is bizarre to say the least. Though she's onscreen for a good 15-20 minutes, she's given about as many words as well. In the rest of her scenes, her apparent direction was to "stare at Matt with a slightly confused, slightly scared, constantly bewildered look" upon her face. I couldn't help but think that her character became a mute in a scene that was left on the cutting room floor. Weird.

This movie doesn't deviate much in terms of either story, tone or execution. Jason Bourne, while clearly not the clueless soul he was in the first film, still doesn't have all of the pieces of the puzzle that is his past all worked out. Paddy Considine (In America) plays a journalist who stumbles upon a keyword that's bigger than he could have ever imagined - the only problem is that he's the only one that doesn't realize the significance of his findings. So begins the cat-and-mouse chase: bad guys after Considine, Damon after him, bad guys after Damon, as the films globe trots all over Europe and into New York. The action pieces, had they not been rendered useless by the shaky cam, are top notch and full of unbelievable-yet-still-believable technology and tactics. This is the Patriot Act come to life.

In fact, Greengrass takes the opportunity on multiple occasions to slip past the amnesiac story to make parallels to our modern times, with Straithairn even going so far as to reply "Until we've won" to a colleague asking him just how far he and his team are willing to stretch the laws. Additionally, he gives off a very Decider-like "with us or against us" mentality, as the slightest questioning of his motives become suspect behavior, and that in and of itself is worthy of a death sentence. He's one of the nicest bad guys you'll see in a movie of this sort, making Chris Cooper's version from the first film appear to be a real sunavabitch in comparison.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Sunshine

As evidenced by the box office tally thus far, Danny Boyle's latest film, Sunshine, isn't being seen by hardly anyone. That's a shame, for despite its shortcomings, it's really a film that should be seen on a big screen (the bigger the better).

Mind you, the shortcomings are big...but I'll get to those later.

The concept is pretty simple and straightforward. A few hundred years into the future (a date is never given, but it's safe to say that it's a long ways off), our sun is dying, and the people of earth come up with a plan - send a team (or two) of astronauts on a suicide mission to "reignite" the big star with a big bomb.

It's a great concept, and the execution of the first act is impeccable. The action starts off slow, with the audience learning pieces of the story, of the characters and of their ship, the Icarus II, for the first hour or so. Not enough can really be said about the visuals and concepts that the filmmakers dreamed up, CGI or otherwise - the only real comparisons are 2001: A Space Odyssey and The Fountain. At first, I found the swooping shots of the ship - shown over and over again at various angles - to be a bit monotonous, but you slowly get to see more of their surroundings, as well as more gorgeous shots of the dying sun and even a glimpse of Mercury. A sequence that finds two of the crew members working on the ship's shield gives the viewer some long-range shots that, if they were photographs, could be hung on your wall. In addition to the 8 crew members, the Icarus and the sun itself take on co-starring roles, becoming all the more important as the film goes on.

Unfortunately, as the film moves towards its third act, it becomes apparent that the details of the story itself were not so well thought out, or perhaps just thought out poorly (shades of 28 Days Later). Without giving away any details, let's just say that the movie takes a severely misguided detour that runs the train almost completely off its tracks. Everything that had led up to this point - the genre, the acting, the beauty - becomes tarnished and nearly wiped from your memory. I imagine a composer leading his orchestra through a near-perfect, timeless performance, only to begin incessantly vomiting while simultaneously running around and stabbing the members of his strings section. Sure, once the trombonist knocks him out, the horns section may be able to finish the piece and salvage the night, but its already been tainted at that point.

Nonetheless, I still must recommend the film, as the set pieces, cinematography and vision of the future are too compelling not to see. Much like The Fountain, Boyle and his cast have made a monstrously ambitious film, though, while The Fountain fell just short of greatness, Sunshine drops a few more notches short. Just close your eyes when the composer loses his mind.

Fletch's Film Rating:
Concept, cinematography, first and second act, cast, imagination, ambition:

"You're the best...around!"


Twenty minutes of the third act:

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"


Average:

"Darn tootin!"


By the way, if you have any desire and/or have been influenced to see this in the theater, you better hurry - it will be vanishing soon, if it's not gone from your local theater already.

Also, a note on the cast, since I haven't really mentioned anyone. Aside from the typically engaging Cillian Murphy, Cliff Curtis (seen also in Live Free or Die Hard) and Chris Evans (of Fantastic Four and Not Another Teen Movie fame) stand out. Michelle Yeoh also turns in her standard good performance.

And then...

TGITDNMAR (8/3/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Are you ready for the Annual Movie Studio Garage Sale? Outside of a certain Matt Damon franchise, this week's releases look an awful lot like leftovers. Well, it is August after all - keep in mind, it's only going to get worse for the next month or so.


Underdog
Normally, if you told me about a movie that starred Jason Lee, Amy Adams (Junebug, Talladega Nights) and Peter Dinklage (The Station Agent, Elf), I'd be on board. But this kids movie just looks awful, from the CG "talking" that Underdog does, to the story, to the "humor." I'm sure its full of heart and good messages and all that, but I'd have to be pretty desperate to see this.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%


El Cantante
Doesn't "El Cantante" sound ten times better than "The Singer"? Of course, that's no reason to watch a movie, and early buzz (shockingly) has been negative for yet another J-Lo flick. The film tells the story of Hector Lavoe, a pioneer of salsa music. Ms. Lopez's husband Marc Anthony stars.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%


Becoming Jane
Two young stars who were topped by their co-stars in major films last year - Anne Hathaway by Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada and James McAvoy by Forrest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland - get a chance to take the stage all to themselves. Hathaway plays Jane Austen, in the first of yet another batch of Austen movies hitting theaters (The Jane Austen Book Club hits theaters in January '08). Didn't we get our fill of Austen in the mid-90s, when Emma, Clueless, Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility and god-knows-how-many-other films were released? The woman's more prolific than Shakespeare, for chrissakes.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 13%


Bratz: The Movie
Make it stop! Is there nothing decent coming out?

By the way, Paula Adbul is listed as one of the "stars" of this film. If that doesn't signal everyone to run from this as though the theater was on fire, I don't know what would.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -2648%


Hot Rod
Again, you'd think that a comedy with SNL rising star and internet phenom Andy Samberg, along with Wedding Crashers' Isla Fisher would be a safe bet (not to mention Ian McShane and all the other supporting players). But...this looks like crap. Who knows, maybe it will be funnier than it should be, like Will Ferrell's Blades of Glory was. But I doubt it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 21%


The Bourne Ultimatum
Yeah, I've saved the best for last. You know, had this been released in June, I would have expected it to gross around $50 million in its opening weekend. However, with the crap I've listed above, the sky's the limit. Whoever makes the release schedule over at Universal deserves a raise - this film is a guaranteed winner, despite being the third in a series that maybe shouldn't have gone beyond one (don't get me wrong - I like the Bourne series, but there really ain't much to these subsequent stories). Additionally, I didn't care too much for Bourne Supremacy director Paul Greengrass's shaky-cam style - I would have preferred to have seen Doug Liman stick around. Nonetheless, count me in.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 99%

And then...

Boo Movie Classification System...Hooray Beer!

(Editor's note: This post will most likely be deemed rambling and incoherent at times. If, at any point, you are wondering what the overall theme is, or if there is one, then I have done my job. Or vice versa. )

Recently, while perusing the normally-overpriced DVD section at my neighborhood Costco, I came across one of a series of collections that Fox Video is putting out. The collections are comprised of three movies featuring a given star. The quality varies from collection to collection. George Clooney's features One Fine Day, Solaris, and The Thin Red Line. I'm ashamed to say that the only one of those three that I've seen is the first, but in my defense, the others haven't exactly received stellar reviews, either. Michael Douglas's features War of the Roses, Wall Street and Don't Say a Word. As Meat Loaf would say, two out of three ain't bad. Denzel Washington's? Man on Fire, Courage Under Fire and The Siege. Nic Cage? Trapped in Paradise, Kiss of Death, and Raising Arizona. Even I'd say that Cage has made better films than those first two (though Kiss of Death wasn't his fault - he was actually quite good in that. But I digress.).

You get the point. The collections are all a part of a series called "The Celebrity Pack." (No, I didn't realize Martin Lawrence was still a celebrity, either.) Anyway, the one that I picked up, for $8.99, was Arnold Schwarzenegger's. It's made up of Commando, True Lies, and Predator. A strong collection by any measure, and probably the best in overall quality of any of the collections (Douglas's could make an argument as well). Commando's pretty good, and True Lies isn't the greatest movie that Arnold or Cameron has made, but it definitely has its moments.

However - Predator? That's one of the best action movies of all time. I would have bought that for $8.99 alone, if not more. So, um...sure, I'll take the other two movies for "free."

Having not watched Predator from start to finish (and uninterrupted by commercials) for at least a decade, I couldn't wait to watch it again. Which I promptly did. And though my purpose here today isn't to give a review, I'll give you some thoughts:

* It holds up exceptionally well. This film is timeless and does not look or feel like a 20-year old film.

* I don't know if I had ever seen the opening credits, or if I had, I completely lost the memory of the alien ship "dropping off" the Predator to earth. It's a little corny, but was nice to see nonetheless.

Anyway, after watching it, I wanted to consult with the Bible (IMDb) to read more about it. First off, I was shocked that its rating stands at just 7.6/10. Blasphemy. I promptly rated it a 9, and I wanted to see what "Action" movies were rated higher. The Top 10 stands as follows:

1. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly


2. Seven Samurai


3. The Empire Strikes Back


4. LOTR: The Return of the King


5. Star Wars
   
6. Once Upon a Time in the West


7. Raiders of the Lost Ark


8. LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring


9. LOTR: The Two Towers


10. Fight Club
    

Granted, there are surely flaws in the IMDb rating system - namely, the demographics of internet surfers comes into play (I'd guess that the largest group is males from 16-25). However, outside of Seven Samurai (which, admittedly, I have not seen), I don't see an action movie on that list - and that's supposed to be the Top 10! Numbers 1 and 6 are Westerns; numbers 3 and 5 are Sci-Fi; 4, 8, and 9 are Fantasy; 7 is Adventure, and 10 is hard to classify, but I would call it a Drama more than anything else.

I'm sure that my classification for films is just as wrong as anyone else's. Music and movies are often multi-dimensional and shouldn't be forced into one of six neat little genres. That said, I can't be the only one that sees something wrong with the above list. Just because something has "action" in it does not necessarily make it an action film. Would that qualify Schindler's List as an action movie? I hope not. The Action genre should be filled with films that are a) not Sci-Fi, b) not Fantasy and c) not Adventure. I realize that's a terrible definition, but it's almost easier to define it by what it's not than by what it is, and if a film is one of those things, it shouldn't be classified as Action.

Then again, Predator has an alien in it, and is probably defined by some as Sci-Fi. Told you I had no point.

Anyway, here are five of my "favored" Action flicks, using my definition of Action (which I never really defined):

* Predator (simple, concise, awesome)

* Die Hard (a standard bearer and original. Simplicity a strength as well.)

* Ronin (I'm not a big fan of car chases, but these blow me away. Bonus points for the stellar cast.)

* Top Gun (yeah, I said it!)

* Point Break (Vastly underrated due to the public's issues with its stars. Bullsh*t. It doesn't get much better than this.)

And then...