Please, don't do that.

This past Friday, Mrs. Fletch and I decided to catch The Simpsons Movie (review forthcoming). We hit an 8:25 show, and the rather small theater (less than 60 seats, I'd say) was at least 3/4 full.

With about 10 seconds left until showtime, a group of four folks came and sat behind us. It was a two women and two children (hard to say whose kids were whose, but that's neither here nor there). Sure, it was probably a bit late to be taking 8- or 10-year olds out to a PG-13 rated film, but again - neither here nor there.

After all, the kids were (mostly) good little customers. They had a good old time and laughed a lot and asked "Mommy, what's that?" questions and what not. In other words, they acted like kids.

What we didn't expect, or enjoy in the slightest, was "Mommy" proceeding to narrate the film for those of us with sight issues. Oh wait, that's right - we're in a movie theater, so the gift of sight is a foregone conclusion. Yet, with every new non-sequitir/pun/play-on-words that flashed onscreen (Example: church sign reads "We told you so" as doom is impending), there she was reading "We told you so" and laughing as she reads it.

Hey dipsh*t! I can see what's on the screen. I can read it as well! Your kids can, too - if they can't maybe they're too young for the movie. I imagine this lady also moves her mouth while she reads so that she can pay attention, unless perhaps she goes the full monty and just plain reads aloud from the book (sorry, US Magazine) at all time.

Eventually, Mrs. Fletch pulled a nail clipper from her purse and snipped the woman's tongue off, then we threw popcorn at her while reading the contents of a Band-Aid wrapper aloud and laughing. As the movie ended, we skipped out of the theater giddy with the feeling of a job well done.