Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#68)

Since J.D. currently has a 14-6 advantage over the second place player (my tally is only for the times I've stumped you all), I'm basically going to just take this game as a challenge to stymie J.D.

I think I might have you here, young man. And don't worry - it's not some obscure film.




















Standings:
J.D. - 14
Fletch - 11
Nick - 6
Wendymoon, Clive Dangerously - 5
Jason/Daniel, David Bishop, Rachel - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, BD79 - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, JLG, Big Mike Mendez - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

TGITDNMAR (11/20/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon
OMG Taylor! OMG Robert! OMG Kristin! OMG Kristin and Robert! OMG Look at Taylor! OMG Dakota Fanning! OMG Vampires! OMG Werewolves! OMG OMG! OMG Taylor! OMG Robert! OMG Kristin! OMG Kristin and Robert! OMG Look at Taylor! OMG Dakota Fanning! OMG Vampires! OMG Werewolves! OMG OMG!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Planet 51
I feel like the Politically Correct Police is slacking on their job of annoying us and making sure we're aware of things that don't matter. This week, it's the fact that Dwayne Johnson, he of multi-racial descent (Black and Samoan), is doing the voice of a white character. Of course, I don't particularly care about this, save for the part where you can be certain it would be a big, fat, hairy deal were the situation reversed (The Last Airbender, anyone?). Hypocrisy?

Anyway, I haven't even watched the full trailer for this, but I'm not sure I need to; it's a clever concept, but one that can be summed up in about 3.5 words. Ought to be ripe for some decent jokes - just don't go looking for anything deep. Solid vocal cast, with Jessica Biel, Justin Long, Gary Oldman, John Cleese, and Seann William Scott (The Rundown reunion!) on board.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 23%

The Blind Side
I'm really hoping that at some point, Sandra Bullock's Southern belle will paraphrase the iconic John Moxon and tell the disenfranchised, parentless and poor teen she has taken in, "I don't want...you to have...your life." But that's probably not going to happen.

I don't have much else to say about this one - just not interested in the slightest. Newsflash, but Sandra Bullock, as a rule, doesn't make good movies. Though is anyone else shocked that this is a Warner production and not Disney? Talk about an upset.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 6%

The Fantastic Mr. Fox
By all accounts, I shouldn't be all that excited for this. After all, it's Wes Anderson, doing a replica of his Wes Anderson thang (the major criticism of The Darjeeling Limited), only this time with stop-motion. Most of the W.A. Players are on board as well, from Bill Murray to Jason Schwartzman to Owen Wilson. And yet, I'm psyched to see it. Must be the whistle click*click - it's my trademark.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 99%

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
I suppose it's too obvious for me to ask that the title be changed to Bad Actor, right?

Truth is, despite the fact that I haven't seen the first, openly loathe Cage, and am not all that interested in Herzog's films (in general), the trailer for this makes it appear to be pretty interesting, even if the material is the kind of stuff that we've seen before. Cage (warning: compliment coming) is at his best when he's off the reservation a bit and he's clearly off it here. No theatrical viewing in my future, but I wouldn't mind a future cable one.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 11%

Broken Embraces
I'm about to hit you with some of my famous, fabulous Insider's Insight™ yet again. Are you sitting down?

Ready?

Ok, here it is.

Pedro Almodóvar thinks Penelope Cruz is hot. Like, really hot. Woody Allen thinks she's the bees knees. Whoever directed Elegy (sorry, my Insider brain can only retain so much information) thinks she's hot, too. Pretty sure Cameron Crowe agrees as well.

You know what? I f*$#ing get it. Penny Cruz is hotter than all other starlets combined. Her face is a porcelain doll come to life. Her breasts rival Venus de Milo's in their beauty. Her hair is made of fine Corinthian leather and her neck emits its own perfume whenever she desires it to.

I get it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 2%

Survivor: Samoa Episode 10 Recap/Live Blog

One week until Thanksgiving. You know what that means, right? The evil clips show will be the next episode, if there's even one at all. A Wednesday airing is possible, but I'm gonna say unlikely. So get your Russ fix in tonight, since he won't be back for two weeks (if he's still on the show at all...).

7:01: One more reason to like Danger Dave...immediately back form Tribal Council and he comes over and congratulates Russ and the Foa Foa Four. His shocked yet bemused looks at Tribal were a good hint to his mindset (as opposed to Laura, who looked stone-cold pissed), but it was still a great display of humility.

7:05: The rat race begins early, as Russell is up at the crack of dawn - before his fellow players, of course - already looking for the latest hiding place for the hidden idol. Let the calamity begin!

7:08: Yes - tacky product placement returns! I won't say what the product is since I don't want to contribute to this behavior, but let's just say that it's a phone whose name rhymes with Calm Free. Sorry, I need to go to the Home Depot toilet now.

7:10: Why is John the team member in the lever-pulley challenge that's being pulled around by his teammates? Wouldn't you always choose the lightest person, in this case being Monica? Dumb.

7:12: Shocking - that tactical error likely cost the yellow team a victory, as the purple team had the ultra-light Natalie in their hammocky thing. Even better news for the purple team? They can now make phone calls with their schmacy Palm Pre - oops! Damn, I said it.

7:17: As if the mid-show commercial for a phone wasn't bad enough, they decide to show us "pictures" that the castaways took with their phone. Um...those pictures were not taken with that phone - at least not all of them. What's it got, a 3-megapixel camera in there, and yet it can take crystal-clear images that fill an HDTV? My ass.

7:18: So we're shown some footage of Mick, Jaison, and Monica chatting it up back at loser island about strategy and this and that and the other. !!!! Why aren't these maroons tearing up the place looking for the hidden immunity idol. Complacence and confidence are good tactics to use if you'd like to leave the game.

7:22: And so the insanity has begun. Russell tells Jaison and Mick about the clues, and within seconds flat, Laura and Dave are following him around like a puppy following its master.

7:24: If I say "he did it again," do I even need to extrapolate on that for you to know exactly what I'm talking about. Russell is on another plane of Survivor Consciousness, people. The big question now...to play it again or give it away? I say play it again - what's to stop him from getting it again?

7:26: Of course, the better plan would be for Russ to get the run of the mill Immunity Idol. I say he's due. Laura can not win it again.

7:28: I don't know about the "throwing rocks" portion of this Immunity Challenge, but John sure had a smirk on his face when the "shooting arrows" portion came up.

7:30: Seriously, how old is Brett? I know women with more facial hair than him!

7:31: Ok, I don't actually know any women with more, but I know I've seen women with more. Get that boy some testosterone, stat (Mick, you're a doctor, you do it).

7:32: Speaking of Mick - good god, a Foa Foan actually won something, as Doc took home the Immunity. Not quite as good as Russ taking it, but pritty, pritty, pritty good nevertheless.

7:35: The sensitive piano music during Shambo's heart-to-heart with Brett was priceless. That is all.

7:40: There's a lot going on, so it's hard to get my head wrapped around all of this business that Monica, Dave, and Brett are selling, but I'm pretty sure it's going to fail miserably. There's no way Sham is voting anyone but Laura, and I'm fairly certain that the Foans are more than content in playing their odds with a tie (at worst). If anyone's likely to flip, it's a former Galu player, not a Foan. And so far, it seems like John is wont to join Shambo. It really seems as though the balance of power has shifted, despite what the Galus (minus John and Shambo) think.

Oh, and by the way, I'm liking John more and more after the events of this episode.

7:48: Don't you love how the focus got shifted away from Russell's head justlikethat? He lives (barring a rock draw).

7:49: And oh by the way, I know we're getting a tie, because there's too much time left in the show. Sometimes, it's just that easy.

7:50: Tie ballgame! Even Dave Matthews loves it!

7:51: C'mon, John - this is your time to shine...

7:52: Laura...
Natalie...
Laura...
Natalie...
Laura...
Natalie...
3-3...2 votes left.
Laura...
...
...
Final vote: Laura!!!! Bless you, John - you're officially my second-favorite player. Of course, you are NOT the favorite player of Dave, Brett and Monica - they were sending tiny daggers of hate his way. The next episode ought to be full of frisky fun. See you in...two weeks? (They didn't say.)

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

Poll results; new poll

Y'all are a bunch of bald-faced liars...or Up in the Air is gonna earn a lot more than its producers are probably expecting right now. 13-for-13? Everyone's hot for Jason Reitman's next flick?

I'm one of that baker's dozen as well, but as a Clooney fan, I voted for all three, having already seen Goats and planning on seeing Fox this weekend. I'm just shocked - I figured Up in the Air was the least accessible of the three; then again, it's the one most likely to earn high-profile Academy nods. We shall see...

New poll is all about 2012 director Roland Emmerich, who seems to have run out of earth to destroy. What's next on his slate?

Just because: Weezing the juice

Fletch's Film Review: 2012

Note: There will be spoilers in this review. However, not only does this movie not have any spoilers in that Sixth Sense idea of what a spoiler is, but really, is there anything that I could say that would possibly spoil this movie for anyone? If you don't know that it's about the end of the world as R.E.M. knows it (how much was Roland Emmerich killing himself for already using that song in Independence Day?), then you have bigger issues than worrying about spoilers. Like, it might be time for a CT scan, and pronto. So proceed sans fear, dwellers.

Note two: Yes, the author of this review is the same moron that placed his odds of seeing this film at 7% just days ago in the last TGITDNMAR and stated that "I just can't support it financially and look at myself in the mirror." I don't know what to tell you other than to share the news that I have about 49 years of bad luck due to me now. I just had to see how bad it was, and good lord, it was worth every penny. It's terrible - laugh out loud terrible at times, and you will simultaneously love and hate yourself for seeing it.

On to the review...

You know what? Scratch that. Actually, scratch that "scratch that;" Roland Emmerich doesn't "scratch" anything - he blows it the hell up or drowns it in a torrent of water. So..."explode that." There will be no formal review for this - just a series of random thoughts strung together by "feelings" and special effects sequences.

* I'll save my picking of nits for later because I have a much larger gripe with this flick. Not surprisingly, it has to do with the writing.

The first character we meet is a scientist played by Chewitall Edgeonthefloor (if you're familiar with the deli franchise Schlotzsky's, their slogan is "Funny Name. Serious Sandwich." Ejiofor needs to change his name to "Impossible Name. Serious Actor." But I digress.). His scientist, Dr. Sherman Hemsley, learns of impending doom headed to Middle Earth in the very near future, and he must speak to the White House Chief of Staff (Oliver Platt, known to Mrs. Fletch as "the fat guy") to tell him of this news. He talks to him, gets on the White House staff himself and yada yada yada a plan is set forth to ensure the future of the species, which includes building a number of 21st century arks. It's all top secret, hush hush, on the down low and the QT. As DOOMSDAY looms larger, Hemsley becomes stricken with a serious guilty conscience and the main drama of the film (outside of that whole "planet more or less going bye-bye thing") hinges upon the see-saw for power between Ejiofor and Platt over whether to go public, to the public, that they're pretty much all gonna die, and pronto.

Ejiofor wants to spread the word, Platt wants to zip the collective mouths of all that are in the know, and will go to any length to enforce this. We're meant to join in Ejiofor's plight since his Indian pal was lied to about this and some French was killed for that and damnit, the "people DESERVE to know!," or something like that. He is just and true, Platt is wrong and bad (the situation plays out on a smaller scale later in the film as well).

My problem is that I sided with Platt the entire time. Am I supposed to feel guilty about this? "What about the workers [that built the arks]?," Platt is asked, with everyone knowing that their fate is doomed along with 99% of the rest of humanity, while the rich and powerful (and John Cusacks) are safely stowed onboard.

Well, what about them (and the rest of the "masses"), you might ask? A wise person once wrote something about "survival of the fittest" and evolution and all that jazz; news flash, Mr. Scientist, but in this here 21st century, like it or not, wealth and power are what makes one man (or woman) "the fittest" in this society. The ability to kill a buffalo with your own hands and/or rudimentary tools might be nice, but it doesn't make for the greatest of retirements or the largest pool of available mates. The group of people that set out to build these arks (and stock them full of as many historical artifacts and species as possible) were doing this for the hopeful continuation of life on Earth as they knew it. To have told the remaining 7 billion people on the planet, at any time, would no doubt have submarined the entire efforts, causing mass hysteria, riots, and a pre-apocalypse apocalypse that no one could possibly imagine.

Had there been any tangible benefit to telling the world of their fate - had it made the slightest difference in the end outcome - I might have been right there with the righteous Hemsley. But it wouldn't have.

* Well, I feel better with that off my chest. Now, let's round this out with my Favored Five Improbable, Impossibly Stupid, Incredibly Genius Moments of 2012.

5. Was this a run-of-the-mill horror flick or a disaster pic? Could the deaths among the known characters have been any more obvious? Those that had sex or said "I'll be right back" were doomed; all "innocents" were spared. More annoying than anything else.

4. How were the arks being powered, exactly? And why was there apparently still internet service post-apocalypse?

3. So, are we to believe that typhoons/tidal waves/whatever just appear out of nowhere without the slightest notice or precursory water? A character stands on the grass of the National Mall in front of the U.S. Capitol and watches a mile-high tidal wave appear - out of nowhere - and subsequently take out the White House. Um...they're practically parallel. There was no water in front of said character as they witnessed the wave. Not a drop.

2. Emmerich wanted to destroy the Sistine Chapel. Fine, I get it. Did the crack in the ceiling have to go directly between God's hand and Adam's? There was not a more obvious shot in the movie.

1. We all rolled our eyes when Arnie (brilliantly lampooned here, by the way) flew a friggin' F-whatever jet plane through a building in True Lies. That was so 90s, though. It was high time that got outdone, and severely, no? The sight of Cusack driving a speeding limousine through a building would have been bad enough, but a building that's crumbling to the ground at that moment? Laugh out loud funny.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"Whatever"

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

LAMBcast #5

The LAMBcast is back in its full form, and back with a full slate of five hosts. The featured discussion this time out is none other than the supposed "last great movie star," Mr. George Clooney, who (in case you've been living under a rock in a cave) might have three films out at your local theater next month when Up in the Air opens, joining The Men Who Stare at Goats and his vocal contribution to The Fantastic Mr. Fox. We dissect his career, from The Facts of Life to Batman & Robin and everything in between. Also on tap: some Trailer Talk and a game of Last Man Person Standing.

In it, I was joined by fellow LAMBs:

* Tom Clift of Plus Trailers
* Nick Jobe of Random Ramblings of a Demented Doorknob,
* Mike Mendez of Big Mike's Movie Blog, and
* Alex Kittle of Film Forager.

Trailers discussed:









As usual, the music, as provided royalty-free by Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website, is the bomb. Big thanks to Kevin for providing this service.

You can listen by playing it in the widget in the sidebar; if you'd like to add it to your site (you would), click the "Add to my page" link. Also, you can find us on iTunes; just go to the Podcasts section and search for "LAMBcast."

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, we'd love to hear them.

The Dude That Does Stuff Movie Plot Game #6

Last Week's Results: JacksSmirkingRevenge pulled out a second straight victory with 4 points, though I deserve a mention as well, what with the six (!) stumpers I walked away with.

The concept is overwhelmingly simple; below are 15 movie plots, torn down to their basest base, and invariably involving the words "dude" and/or "stuff." All you must do is name the film. 1 point per correct answer; he/she with the most points wins. Google to your heart's content; it will do you no good. Many films might match the plots you see below, but there is only one correct answer, and that's the one that's in my head when I write it.

Have fun with this stuff, dudes and dudettes.

1. Dude is tormented by...stuff?
2. Dude eats stuff.
3. Dude stops doing stuff.
4. Dude doesn't want stuff taken away from him.
5. Dudes and dudette think they can do stuff, but they can't...but they can.
6. Dude does stuff the wrong way.
7. Dude gives up stuff.
8. Dude needs to throw stuff away.
9. Dude's gonna try doing stuff again. Bad idea.
10. Dudes do stuff to get back at other dudes that did bad stuff.
11. Dude and dudette do random stuff together.
12. Dude does stuff for the second time.
13. Dudes engage in lifelong battle over stuff.
14. Dudes turn stuff off, so to speak.
15. Dude and dudette look for a place for their stuff.

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
JacksSmirkingRevenge - 2
Myherobobhope - 1.5
BD79 - 1
Nic Cage - .5

Correct answers so far:
1. Duel (Jason Soto)
2. Supersize Me (Fitz)
3. Office Space (RarelyHeard)
4.
5. Mystery Men (JSR)
6. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (JSR)
7. Trainspotting (JSR)
8. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (JSR)
9. The Wrestler (Fitz)
10. Munich (Justin)
11. Before Sunrise (Bob Turnbull)
12. 17 Again (Jason Soto)
13. There Will Be Blood (JSR)
14. The Hurt Locker (Jason Soto)
15. Away We Go (Fitz)

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#67)

Alright - thanks to the assistance of Mrs. Fletch, I'm back and stocked with a large batch of SGCs in which to torment you with. We start with this well-known and much loved film.




















Standings:
J.D. - 13
Fletch - 11
Nick - 6
Wendymoon, Clive Dangerously - 5
Jason/Daniel, David Bishop, Rachel - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, BD79 - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, JLG, Big Mike Mendez - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

In celebration of arbitrary achievements: 100 Certified Cabin Dwellers

As friend and fellow LAMB Nick might say, "Woot!!"

Yes, it's a meaningless milestone in the grand scheme of things, but I just noticed that Blog Cabins now has 100 Google/Blogger followers, or Cabin Dwellers as I prefer to call y'all. This post is merely an excuse to say thanks to you and any other non-Google sanctioned followers of this nearly three-year old blog (and this post doesn't mean I won't do something to commemorate that date, in which I will say essentially the same thing. Recycling for the win!). To paraphrase the Doobie Brothers (something I try to do daily...or not), "It keeps me running, yeah it keeps me running...," with the "it" being your following, commentary and loyal patronage.

And to anyone out there who follows BC but wonders why I'm not listed as a follower on your Blogger site, it's because your site sucks and I don't like it the explanation is here.