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Aug 3, 2007

TGITDNMAR (8/3/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Are you ready for the Annual Movie Studio Garage Sale? Outside of a certain Matt Damon franchise, this week's releases look an awful lot like leftovers. Well, it is August after all - keep in mind, it's only going to get worse for the next month or so.

Normally, if you told me about a movie that starred Jason Lee, Amy Adams (Junebug, Talladega Nights) and Peter Dinklage (The Station Agent, Elf), I'd be on board. But this kids movie just looks awful, from the CG "talking" that Underdog does, to the story, to the "humor." I'm sure its full of heart and good messages and all that, but I'd have to be pretty desperate to see this.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

El Cantante
Doesn't "El Cantante" sound ten times better than "The Singer"? Of course, that's no reason to watch a movie, and early buzz (shockingly) has been negative for yet another J-Lo flick. The film tells the story of Hector Lavoe, a pioneer of salsa music. Ms. Lopez's husband Marc Anthony stars.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

Becoming Jane
Two young stars who were topped by their co-stars in major films last year - Anne Hathaway by Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada and James McAvoy by Forrest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland - get a chance to take the stage all to themselves. Hathaway plays Jane Austen, in the first of yet another batch of Austen movies hitting theaters (The Jane Austen Book Club hits theaters in January '08). Didn't we get our fill of Austen in the mid-90s, when Emma, Clueless, Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility and god-knows-how-many-other films were released? The woman's more prolific than Shakespeare, for chrissakes.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 13%

Bratz: The Movie
Make it stop! Is there nothing decent coming out?

By the way, Paula Adbul is listed as one of the "stars" of this film. If that doesn't signal everyone to run from this as though the theater was on fire, I don't know what would.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -2648%

Hot Rod
Again, you'd think that a comedy with SNL rising star and internet phenom Andy Samberg, along with Wedding Crashers' Isla Fisher would be a safe bet (not to mention Ian McShane and all the other supporting players). But...this looks like crap. Who knows, maybe it will be funnier than it should be, like Will Ferrell's Blades of Glory was. But I doubt it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 21%

The Bourne Ultimatum
Yeah, I've saved the best for last. You know, had this been released in June, I would have expected it to gross around $50 million in its opening weekend. However, with the crap I've listed above, the sky's the limit. Whoever makes the release schedule over at Universal deserves a raise - this film is a guaranteed winner, despite being the third in a series that maybe shouldn't have gone beyond one (don't get me wrong - I like the Bourne series, but there really ain't much to these subsequent stories). Additionally, I didn't care too much for Bourne Supremacy director Paul Greengrass's shaky-cam style - I would have preferred to have seen Doug Liman stick around. Nonetheless, count me in.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 99%

5 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (8/3/07)"

bee said...

This is one of my favorite columns by Fletch. A quick guide so ya don't waste your time.

Dunk said...

My daughter has asked me to take her to the Bratz movie. Can't do it. I could at least tolerate Nancy Drew.

gaylord said...

I fell asleep when watching Bourne Supremacy, what an awful flick, I will not be seeing Bourne 3, Damon is a loser, Affleck is much better, how bout a Dr Jack Style comparison of the two Fletcher?

Fletch said...

Yeah, seeing Bratz is a task too tall for most men. I don't blame you.

I liked Bourne Supremacy, but the shaky cam was too much for me, and it doesn't even make me sick, like it does for Mrs. Fletch.

Though, as with the Boof, you and I disagree here, Gay. Benaflek has a long way to go to get back to respectability. Damon's got him beat up and down the street. That said, a breakdown might be fun. I'll think on it.

Reel Fanatic said...

I think I'm gonna take a chance on Hot Rod, if only for Ian McShane and Isla Fisher .. the scenes in the commercial of McShane and Samberg wrestling are just hilarious ... But you're right that the rest of the slate, except for Bourne, is just pure, unfiltered crap!