Survivor: Nicaragua Episode 15 (Finale and Reunion) Random Thoughts

* First of all - yay, Fabio won! Though I never bought his "my strategy was to not piss people off" schpiel and don't endorse that type of game play, he was far and away the most likable of the remaining contestants coming into the finale. Holly wasn't necessarily unlikable, but she couldn't come close to his vibe. And I'm with the fellow players who thought Chase something of an idiot. On the other hand...

* Woot! Sash got zero votes. Though it's hypocritical of me since I think he actually did play one of the better strategic games, he was a totally hate-able (hatable? hateable?) buffoon and arrogant jackass. On the other hand...

* Speaking of jackasses, Shannon proved what a complete one that he is. A goat is a goat is a chicken is a duck. Or whatever. Loved Jeff's treatment to his answer.

* The "you're so boring you're not worth talking to" award sadly went to Yve, Tyrone, Jill, and "Purple" Kelly?

* Why why why why why did they continue to refer to her as Purple Kelly days after the only other Kelly got voted off? Ugh...pissed me off all season, in case you couldn't tell.

* How is it that the guy from St. Louis is the "surfer dude?" Never really thought of that until they reminded us of Fabio's hometown.

* I must say, I'm a bit shocked that Jane was the overwhelming winner of the Fan Vote for $100k. I could have sworn that was Fabio's in the bag. However, much as I liked the surfer dude, I'm actually glad he didn't win that, as I don't think the winner should be eligible for that award - spread the love around.

* How in the hell is Dan a millionaire? His ethnicity, looks, clothing and pinkie ring tell me that he must be in the mob. HAS TO BE. There were five people left including him, and he asks Fabio "How many votes do we need?" Easily the biggest WTF moment of the show.

* Redemption Island. It ain't a bad idea, but I really don't see how it's the "game-changer!" that Jeff would have us believe it is. It's a neat wrinkle, but really only one person will be coming back (and at what point?), and it's someone that got voted off earlier in the show. Why would they be any more loved upon their return? I guess it's a better idea than Exile Isle, though.

* Until next season...

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And then...

Survivor: Nicaragua Episode 14 Live Blog

It's a Festivus miracle! Just in time for the second-to-last episode of the season, I bring you the first live blogging of the season. I have no idea if this is really episode 14 - that's just what a 10-second Google search told me. Don't count on another one of these for the three-hour finale, though...

7:01: So, are the producers just telling us right away that Chase is going home tonight or are they just trying to throw us off the "Fabio's days are numbered" scent? I say the latter. There's no reason Fabio shouldn't be going tonight, much as it pains me to say so.

7:03: Alright - we got the obligatory "I'm in control of this game" statement out of the good and early. That's always nice.

7:04: "We got a cell phone!," says Chase immediately upon the return from commercial break. Um, shouldn't you be saying "We got a SPRINT cell phone?"

7:05: "Something as simple as a Sprint cell phone." There we go.

7:07: Have we ever had a contestant that had no family to speak of at all? Who would be in their video? I know we've had friends come to the island, but I imagine family was still represented in the [INSERT SPONSOR HERE] Family Message segment.

7:08: Not just a Sprint, but a Sprint EVO. Thanks for the clarification, Jeff.

7:09: Are those Subway sandwiches on that plate? If so, why the hell not?

7:10: I know I say this (just about) every season, but really? Do these people get drugged into being so goddamn emotional? Ton Hanks wasn't that emotional after seeing Helen Hunt for the first time again in Cast Away, for chrissakes!

7:12: "Fletch, here's your daughter, presented by Sprint!"

"Woooooo!!! This makes me so EVOtional!"

7:14: Oooh...Holly's husband Charlie gave quite the look of determination there.

7:15: Speaking of Chuck, I think he's this guy's brother --->>>

7:18: Charlie's gonna kill Chase when he returns to America...

7:18: But no! Chase gets one more pick, and it's Holly and her hubby!

7:19: Note to Fabio - if you love your Mom so much, why don't you live in the same state as her. Don't blame Chase for your issues at being a bad son.

7:23: God, I would never want to win a Reward Challenge after the tribal merge - these people turn into whining ninnies if you don't pick THEM to go with you. You only get so many selections...everyone can't go. Deal with it.

7:26: Blah blah blah family reward blah blah eating blah blah boats. Sorry, I was reading emails through all that. Whatever. Get to the good stuff.

7:30: And now...the return of the reviled Chase. Presented by EVO.

7:30: Fabio: "I'm a little bit jealous. You got four awesome rewards in a row." Whah-whah-whah. Maybe if you just won a challenge every now and then you wouldn't be such a whiny bitch right now.

7:32:"Some of the items in your bag will feel right but won't match." That's just messed up right there.

7:33: Dan is the last one. Who'da thunk it?

7:35: And just like that, Fabio pulls out a Challenge win...and he couldn't possibly need it more. Thankfully, this will make for an interesting end to this show. Dan might seem the logical pick since he and Fabio are in the minority, but is there a better person to take to the final Council than Dan? I think not. We all know Sash is in control, so he ain't going. Chase also has a hidden idol, so he shouldn't be going any where (when else is he gonna play it?). That leaves Jane and Holly. We all know they don't want to take Jane to the final Council, so my money's on her to go home.

7:38: An EVO commercial...how entirely un-coincidental.

7:40: What if Dan quits?

7:42: "Without us saying anything, what do you think?" In other words, "Holly, reveal your position before we reveal ours." Of course, Holly is dumb enough to fall for it.

7:44: LOL! I don't care about anything else Jane has done, that (pixelated) move by Jane right there (flipping Sash off) was fucking brilliant. On the other hand, I see what they did as being pretty damn honorable. They could have lied to her and just said "Yeah, we're voting off Dan," but instead they told her that they knew she would beat them and that they were afraid of her. I don't expect her to like those word, but they're probably better than the alternative of being backstabbed. People gotta go home eventually, right?

7:46: Seriously...stop calling that chick Purple Kelly.

7:49: Thank you, Jeff - the voice of reason. This is gonna be one hell of an interesting vote.

7:50: The look on Holly's face is priceless right now. She went from being secure to being pretty well fucked right now, being the only one of the three without an idol. So are we getting a tie or what?

7:52: The sad news in all this (that Mrs. Fletch just pointed out) is that Jeff essentially had to tell Jane, Dan, and Fabio what to do in this situation. Hello!?!?!

7:53: WTF just happened? I can't wait to see which of the Dan/Fabio combo is the bigger idiot - why didn't they all vote for Holly? And if neither did, well I'm just speechless.

7:57: (..........)

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And then...

Survivor: Nicaragua Episode 10 - Random Thoughts

* I was all set on doing a rare Live Blog of last night's episode from my Dad's house, but damn it all, couldn't find anyone's wi-fi connection to steal. If there's an ep next week, perhaps...

* Christ, Purple Kelly is a moron, and she hasn't said more than 40 words onscreen this season.

* Both sides screwed up pretty badly last night. Holly impressed me a bit by waking up from the blank stare that normally inhabits her face and formulating a plan, but they sure as shit weren't sly with it.

* Sash was thinking short-term, and though it might work out for him, had he given Brenda the idol, it'd now be him, her, Kelly and Chase vs. five instead of the current (maybe; Naonka's a damn wild card) six-three.

* Alina cleans up nicely.

* On the other side of that is this: with Holly et al screaming "Brenda" from the rooftops, they should have just voted out Chase on the down low. He didn't have a target, Sash wouldn't have given him the idol (had no one spilled the beans) and there wouldn't be any danger of one of their own getting surprised.

* Either way, I loved the way the show played out because Brenda's and Sash's heads were bigger than that volcano the Reward Challenge winners went to. They needed to be taken down a peg, and they got a hell of a lot more than that. Also, I'm rooting for Ben and Fabio at this point, and they seem to be more in power now, so yeah.

* #(*%^ing idiots...wood chests right next to a fire...

* I'm not positive, but I think Chase wanted Benry gone last night. Does that sound right? I mean, I could be mistaken; it's not like we heard him say that 49 times in 16 minutes or anything.

* Two solid challenges. The barrel-plank-rope one might not have been, but it seemed like something we hadn't seen anything like before (though I still have yet to figure out what the purpose of the ropes was). Meanwhile, you ought to know that I'm a fan of stamina, "how bad do you want it?" Immunity Challenges, and twice now the elderly-yet-strong-and-thin Jane has come out on top. Say whatever you want about her gristly personality, she's a gamer and a tough s.o.b.

Until next time...

And then...

Survivor: Nicaragua Episode 3 - Random Thoughts

* Marty might have won the battle, but methinks he is going to lose the war. He seems like a generally smart guy, but his Jimmy Johnson paranoia was truly bizarre, as was his unflinching desire to oust him from the team as soon as possible. For starters, I don't for a second believe that anyone - anyone - would grant Johnson the million dollars. But let's suppose that Marty is correct in his assumptions. Why not dump Dan this time and Jimmy next time? Clearly, there was enough support to get rid of Jimmy. Congratulations, your tribe is now weaker.

* It's early yet, but I'm fairly certain that my two favorite players thus far are Tyrone (aka "The Eyebrow") and the woman that looks like she should be playing Peter Pan in a stage production (Jill?). Sadly, there's not a single appealing player from the younger tribe.

(This is the part where Kid Vegas will come in and comment about some nubile young female from that tribe and say how I'm not salivating all over her because my wife might read this post or something like that. Sadly, this is not the case - there's really no one that stands out, aside from the really annoying people like Naonka ow whatever her name is. Jud, while an idiot, is at least an entertaining idiot - he hasn't really gotten on my nerves yet. Anyway.)

* The Jimmy T. vs. Marty struggle for power ought to be mildly grating; each is wildly insecure, and each is most likely willing to ostracize themselves from the rest of their tribe in an effort to prove their dominance. How predictable and boring and lame - I won't miss either of them.

* I feel genuinely bad for Dan, but he has no business being there, much less claiming that he's a "strong player" (more on this in a sec). Your guns aren't doing you a damn bit of good, Danny Boy - unless there's a bench press competition coming up, you and your bum knee and arthritis and general old-man-ness (he's 63) are doing nothing but dragging your team down.

* The most telling part of the show for me was towards the end of Tribal Council. Probst asked each and every one of the tribe whether or not they thought they "were one of the weaker players on the tribe."

Not a single one of them responded with "weak in what way?" or answered anything like that - they all claimed that, no, they were not weak, which indicated to me that they all assumed he meant physically, and no one would claim to be that save for Jimmy, something that I predicted. A true leader will admit to their strengths and weaknesses. Remember, the fools that claim "I'm too weak to play the game" are often the same people that end up sticking around for awhile; the vain ones fooling themselves by claiming strength are sent home. Yes, Jimmy went home, but I think his fate was sealed prior to giving that answer.

* I still can't believe that guy's name is "Benry." Next year, I demand a player named "Billiam."

Until next time...

And then...

Survivor: Nicaragua Episode 1 - Random Thoughts

Alright, I might not be doing the live blog, but that doesn't mean I can't/won't have something to share every now and then (or every week - who knows, we'll see) about the latest edition of Survivior. So...

* Wow. I thought that bartender guy from Arizona some years back (I wanna say his name was Rob) was the dumbest player ever to be featured, but Jud/Fabio takes the cake by far. Not only is he functionally retarded, but a spaz to boot - what a player. I really hope he sticks around for awhile, if only to keep me entertained.

* I've been largely opposed to them bringing in a famous player (caveat: unless the entire cast was of famous folks), so I wasn't too thrilled with Jimmy Johnson (who aged 10 years in the past two - or, more likely, just looks older without the benefit of makeup) being cast. However, I must say that I loved the attitude he brought to the table. Unlike the paranoid players in the game who think his "I won't win" speech is all a part of some strategy (c'mon, really?), I really believe he's just there to test himself and have a good time, and despite being exhausted, he appears to be doing just that.

* I felt really bad for the goat rancher that got sent home - she seemed like a nice lady and all that - but seriously, you can only shoot yourself in the foot so many times before it starts to bleed.

* Not one but two sad stories in the opening episode? Between the amputee and the recently-widowed, I didn't know who to feel worse for. That widow/dog trainer lady sure is a character, though, no?

* I don't know his name yet, but the older black guy that was at Tribal...I haven't seen eyebrow magic like that since The Rock.

* That North Dakotan swim coach has to stick around - she's gonna drive my mom crazy with her Marge Gunderson accent.

* A swim coach in North Dakota? That sounds like either a really secure job or one in constant danger of being eliminated. How many swim coaches would you say there are combined in the Dakotas? Over/under 20?

* Seriously, WTF, Survivor? You got something against people in their 30s? "People 40 and over, go right, people under 30, go left." I smell a discrimination lawsuit.

* Medallion. of. Power. Well, at least Exile Island is gone.

Until next time...

And then...