Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 14 (the Finale!) Recap/Live Blog

6:58: Damnit, the show's starting early and the whole gang isn't here and ready in the living room. So I'll be starting off a couple minutes behind already, though I'm sure to catch up at the first commercial break.

7:01: Let me start off with this: I know I've been (jokingly) saying for weeks now that the producers have been pimping us for a Colby victory, but the only way that that could/should possibly happen would be if he were to make it to the final three, and the remaining Villains would be idiots to take him there. That means that Colby - who's been awful at challenges all season - would have to win both Immunity Challenges in order to make the final Council. Has he really been hustling them (and us) with his awful play? Or will the producers figure out a way to rig the challenges in his favor (if that's possible)? I'll be pulling him for no other reason than that he's the underdog at this point, but I don't like his chances at all.

7:05: How exactly have the other players let TWO former winners (read: millionaires) stay in the game this long? Aren't they supposed to be the first people targeted?

7:06: Wow, this is a long intro. What, 10 minutes so far?

7:08: You know you're a memorable player when you won the previous season and I barely can recall who you are. Natalie? Who's that?

7:08: I think Russell just admitted being wrong at something. That's a first.

7:12: What a terrible time for a "break the other players' tiles" challenge for Colby. So much for the producers rigging the game for him. He's --

7:13: Nevermind - it's yet another stamina challenge, which I'm back to welcoming (this is the finale, after all). Not that this gives Colby any better odds - he'll probably be out within three minutes...

7:14: Of all the people left, who would you say is the safest in the game at this point. Improbably, I say Jeri. She's nearly a lock for the final four, and less likable players like Russ, Parv and Sandra would be somewhat follish to take her to the final three.

7:15: Sandra and Jeri out. Colby FTW?

7:16: I'm sure the players are just loving the wind that's picking up in this very delicate balancing game...

7:17: Parvati looks locked in.

7:19: Unsurprisingly, she won. That was pretty impressive.

7:19: And we're back live! (Well, still tape-delayed to the West Coast. As live as it's gonna get, anyway.)

7:23: Colby using the old "I'm not gonna try to turn you guys against each other" play. Sneaky. That's right up there with the "I'm thinking about quitting the game" play in the annals of Survivor strategies.

7:24: Of course, not a minute later does Colby admit that his speech was a last-gasp attempt at sympathy. Wisely, the first person he goes to is Russell, playing on the Oil Man's insecurities about Parvati and Sandra. It just might get interesting. I would certainly consider keeping Colby (despite what I said above), at least if I were Russell. Were three Villains to make the final Council, and Russell were one of them, I'd peg him as the least likely to win it all.

7:30: Yeah, I just don't see anything happening here. A lot of potential drama, but Colby's gone.

7:31: Indeed. Bad as you played, Colby, you made it to the top five and were the last Hero standing. Hold your head high, and do your best to turn this into another Curb Your Enthusiasm role.

7:33: I gotta admit, I'm ready and willing to see The Karate Kid remake, despite the presence of the awful-acting Smith kid. I won't go so far as to say that I have high hopes for it, but it certainly doesn't look terrible.

7:37: I have to idea which alliance is truly the strongest amongst the final four. Weeks ago, I would've said Parv and Russ, but not only does Russ seem tighter with Jeri these days, but Parv has taken to Sandra quite a bit since her BFF Danielle got voted out.

7:38: TRAIL OF DEAD!!! They moved this segment up in the episode - I'm pretty sure it doesn't normally occur until there are just three players left, right? Or am I taking crazy pills?

7:40: Okay, I think I am crazy. The whole trail of dead segue into the final Immunity Challenge does seem to ring a bell. This is what happens when you skip this segment season after season.

7:41: The best part about all-star seasons? I'm actually not left saying "I have no idea who that is" or "Who the hell is that chick?" during all of it. Nice to know who all of the dead players are! It actually makes this segment halfway tolerable.

7:43: James, you didn't just talk more. You were more of a dick. Next time, try ditching that strategy.

7:44: I think Coach is juuuust about ready to write the screenplay of his life. Hitting theaters in 2012 (no coincidence that the Apocalypse has been foretold to occur that year as well).

Here you go, Coach - I made this right now just for you (well, I pasted your head on an already existing image, but you get the point). Feel free to use it:


7:46: Candice: I'm pretty sure that if you show up on a future season, I'll say the same thing I did at the start of this one: "Who's Candice?"

7:48: Colby, give it a rest with the "I'm older" card. Wiki says you're 36, for chrissakes, which I think would make you the second youngest of the remaining players. You're also (supposedly) in much better shape than the rest of 'em. Enough.

7:57: Had to pause for a couple minutes. Be behind until the next commercial break.

7:58: On a whim, I'm picking Jeri to win this challenge. A blindfolded maze? Is there a favorite for such a thing?

8:03: Okay, this is close - now I'm just rooting for Jeri so that I'll be right.

8:04: Holy shit, that was close. All three players - Russ, Jeri and Parvati withing inches of the final Immunity Necklace, yet Russ grabs it by the hair on his chinny chin chin. That was intense.

8:07: Sandra's hilarious. "I don't care - I'll take the $100,000." Pretty sure I'd be voting out Parvati as well were I in Russ's shoes. Though Jeri might be a bit of a threat considering how few people she pissed off during the game, along with her status as a non-winner.

8:10: I'm sure the fact that his seasons are back-to-back plays on our emotions a bit, but it's hard not to really consider Russ, for all his faults, one of the game's greatest players. Back-to-back final three! What more do you need to say?

8:13: Who's been protecting whom? The Russ-Parv power struggle never ceases to end. Who wears the pants in that relationship? I fear we might never know.

8:15: Someone needs to tell Amanda that she looks better sans makeup.

8:15: No need to read the votes, Jeff - we already know it's Parvati Jeri.

8:16: I admit, I was shocked there, especially considering what we heard Russ say as he cast his vote. I have to believe it was the wrong decision, though. As Mrs. Fletch is saying right now, if the jury were to consider giving their vote to a player that "really played the game yada yada yada," now there are two of those people left instead of just one, and frankly, Parv is a lot more likable than Russ, fake smile or no.

8:25: Yeah, not a whole lot going on, as you well know. Breakfast of champions, chat about how great we are, prepare answers for the Final Tribal.

8:26: This thing about "So-and-so has played the game of Survivor longer than anyone else ever!!" is retarded. Playing in three separate seasons certainly helps.

8:28: Revenge of the Socks! Russ burns peoples' socks, and now Sandra burns his hat. Hilarious.

8:29: Sandra's almost convincing me to vote for her, but in the end, I think this is Parv's to lose.

8:31: A poor play by Sandra in saying that "she tried to get Russell voted out three times." Uh, he's still there - how good could you be?

8:38: Somewhere along the way, I forgot that Parvati also won a season. Perhaps Russ has a distinct advantage after all. Though I don't know that people would vote for him solely because he's the lone non-winner standing.

8:39: Christ, Amanda looks like ass. Again, ditch the makeup, and while you're at it, put your hair in a ponytail - it suits you and your long face much better.

8:40: Coach just said "the penitent man shall pass." I think not of the Bible and yet of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I know I'm not the only one.

8:41: Coach is wearing an Affliction t-shirt, to the surprise of no one at all in the audience.

8:43: Sandra again making the case for Russell, telling the jury how he was the one taking them out and how much she wanted him out and couldn't do it.

8:44: These jury members are doling out some really weak questions/comments so far. I know I get them for having vitriol after sitting in the jury box for weeks, but the opposite (this) is much worse. I want some fireworks, damnit!

8:45: If ever there's a Total Recall remake (there is, in production right now, I believe), I'm begging the producers to cast Danielle and her uni-boob as its version of the three-titted stripper. No additional makeup necessary!

8:47: Speaking of Selleck - the mustache is angry!

8:50: Rupert's looked pissed for weeks now - this ought to be good.

8:50: Funny, I seem to recall Rupert shaking Russ's hand just recently when his neck was on the line. Strange how desperation makes Russ a much better person, no? Spare me the false indignation.

8:56: That said, Russ can't be feeling all that good after that Council. He got his ass kicked up and down the street. Looks like another Sandra win, after all???

8:58: Christ, is Russ gonna get ANY votes?

8:58: I can't believe how many votes they're showing us. I guess that means it'll be coming down to the last vote. 5-4 in favor of....?

8:59: Hahahahahaha - they played an eagle sound effect at the end of Coach's speech! Effing awesome!

9:01: Johnny Fairplay in the house!?!? Say what??? I thought that guy was banned from all future Survivor events.

9:02: Russell...really not good at looking happy for others.

9:03: Sandra wins it 6-3 over Parvati. Impressive. Coming into tonight, I don't think I would have guessed that. The big question for Russell is, were you to play for a third time, after making the final vote twice and seeing that strategy not work, do ya think you would try something different? I sure hope so, but knowing how stubborn the guy is, I wouldn't bet on it.

9:19: I'm back from a short break, but only to say goodbye. To this episode (two hours is enough - you're on your own for the reunion show), to the season, and - unless there's a change of heart - to my days as a Survivor live blogger. It's been a fun run, but I think I've said that I have to say about the show. Thanks to those that have kept up with my snarky takes for the past god-knows-how-many seasons.

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 13 Recap/Live Blog

So...will this be the week that Russ finally gets ousted? My bet is no - I think he makes the final three, yet loses again. Then again, I'm not so sure my prediction percentage in the history of this show is all that great. We shall see.

7:00: I'm not positive, but I think that tree over there just gave Russ a dirty look. Expect the tree to be voted off at the end of tonight's show.

7:03: Parvati with a Goonies reference, screaming out "Hey, you guuuuuys!" I gotta admit, she just earned some brownie points with me.

7:04: You'll have to excuse me for a moment, I just got a call on my non-existent Sprint Palm Pre that I just dreamed I owned. Don't worry, I'll SPRINT right back to watch some player put this game in the PALM of their hand and win. PREemptively.

7:06: Yay! Russell didn't cry.

7:07: Colby sure did, though. And Rupert's had the waterworks going for hours now, I think. Nothing worse than a blubbering, stinky pirate.

7:08: I think Sandra's uncle is about three years older than her. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

7:09: The blowholes? Or the SPRINT PALM PRE blowholes? I'm only going if it's the latter.

7:11: Sandra's cheating - using some strange dialect to communicate with her uncle. Of course, it's not helping at all. Meanwhile, Colby's having bad memories of his childhood or something, bitching and moaning at his brother the whole time. Remember, his brother's only duty in this challenge was to hold a bucket and catch the water that Colby threw at him. If the throw was weak...obviously, his brother was to blame.

7:13: I'm pretty sure I made the same observation years ago, but Parv's dad looks just enough like Joe Montana for it to bother me.

7:16: You're not gonna believe this, but the winner of that Reward Challenge (Jeri) and the people she took along with her (Sandra and Parv) get to - or have to, rather - take the SPRINT PALM PRE along with them to document their trip. I wonder if we'll get to watch the highlights later on CBS.com. We can only hope...

7:18: Interesting. The producers paid some old "native" guy to come out and show the players the time-tested tradition/game of throwing coconuts into the blowholes (which, admittedly, are cool as hell) so they can watch them get shot in the air a hundred feet. Yeah, I'm sure that was just a coincidence.

7:19: Parvati: "Honestly, the best part of the trip was that Jeri had that Sprint phone yada yada yada..." Cue eye rolls aplenty from your host.

7:21: Sure seems like this is shaping up to be a men vs. women final to tonight's episode. We know Sandra already has an idol; the winner of the next challenge is huge.

7:23: Rupert really has lost a ton of weight. He actually almost looks fit and trim. I'm seriously impressed.

7:24: Call me crazy, but it didn't seem like Colby was all that hip to Russell's guys' alliance idea. Though Colby hasn't exactly been all that responsive to anything this season, so who the hell knows what he's thinking?

7:27: Rupe with a nice display of passive-aggressiveness, being an ass making a shitton of noise while the rest of the tribe attempts to sleep. What the hell is he thinking?

7:30: Pardon me, I need to recyclye a comment from last week:

"Ok, as much as I have professed love for these types of challenges that test stamina and will, I must say that I'm getting just a tad sick of all these recycled challenges. They're good challenges, but c'mon, it's a bit much."

7:31: Colby continues his streak of inexplicably sucking ass at the challenges! It's as if he's purposely trying to make people think he's not a physical threat. Is he hustling everyone or is he just awful? Hustling them would be a hell of a move, but I just don't think he's that clever.

7:33: No wonder Rupert's lost so much weight - when it gets to these challenges, he just drips buckets of sweat. It's really kind of amazing. I think he lost two pounds in 17 minutes.

7:35: Well, with a Parvati win, she ain't going home. Nor is Sandra. There goes Russell's master plan. So who does the "guys alliance" go after? Will Russ be more loyal to Jeri or Colby and Rupe? History tells us that he'll go with whoever gives him the biggest ego stroke. Of course, if any of these people had a clue, they'd band together and take him out.

7:40: And there's our answer. Russ sees getting rid of Rupert as his best chance of staying in the game. Will the Magic Man work it again? Of course, helping him is Rupert's naivete this time around, as Rupe immediate told him that Sandra has a target on his back.

7:42: Within the last two minutes, it's become almost abundantly clear that Russell is going home, if not at least in danger. Sandra and Parv are showing the least bit of tact or fear in the face of the mighty Russell, pissing him off in the process. Little does he know that Sandra has an idol.

7:44: Of course! Not two seconds after I type that does Sandra say "Yeah, I've got an idol, and today's the last time I can use it. I might bring it to Tribal Council, but I might not." You f#&%ing idiot. God, I hope you go home. Anyone with that kind of hubris deserves to be voted out.

7:48: My biggest question: will Colby slip through yet another Tribal Council unscathed? Will the producers win again? Book it! The guy's made of butter.

7:50: Sandra shows some brains and plays the idol. Good for her. I'm sticking with my hunch that Russell is going home; I'm pretty sure Rupert just voted for him.

7:51: Or not. Bye, Rupert.

7:52: Ever the dork, Rupe leaves, but before he does he stares down Russell for a solid three seconds, giving him a lame pirate scowl. Here's a quarter, Rupe, call someone who cares (yes, that was just a weak attempt to shoehorn in yet another SPRINT PALM PRE reference, even though it doesn't even make sense with the whole quarter/cell phone thing. Just go with it, people.).

7:53: Oh, and it should be noted that Colby is the last remaining Hero in the game.

7:55: Finally, my Official Question Request for Rupert via Travis:

"Any plans to shave the beard and/or cut the hair? How much would it cost to get you to do either?"

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 12 Recap/Live Blog

No time for love, Dr. Jones - let's get down to business.

7:00: Starting off the show with a retrospection of Russ' greatest hits of the season? Not a good sign for the oil man's prospects to last through this episode, especially since two people are going home tonight.

7:01: Random prediction: Colby wins this season. I've been saying (joking) all season that the producers have been doing everything they can to keep him around - why not see him get the win?

7:02: Of course, that means I've all but sealed his fate. Colby going home tonight.

7:03: "Colby and I are on a sinking ship - there are no other Heroes." - Rupert. See - what'd I tell ya? Colby's going home.

7:04: No, Rupert - Russplestiltskin is not worse than Johnny Fairplay. That dude's just pathetic.

7:05: Sweet - fireworks! The battle of guys whose names start with Ru- is off to a rip-roaring start.

7:06: What does Candice's arm say? "I love John?" Boyfriend? She must be trying to one-up Sandra's Afghanistan t-shirt.

7:06: Ok, as much as I have professed love for these types of challenges that test stamina and will, I must say that I'm getting just a tad sick of all these recycled challenges. They're good challenges, but c'mon, it's a bit much.

7:08: Might I please suggest a bonus luxury item - please please please give these women (and men) some razors! Ugh.

7:09: How stupid do you have to be to voluntarily give up immunity at this stage of the game? It almost makes me want to see Rupert (and Sandra) go home. This is ridiculous. For food! Offer me a quarter-million dollars to step down and I'd think about it. Anything less - screw off.

7:11: Rupert just said as much. Apparently, his was the lead head on the chopping block, and he'll be the first one gone this episode.

7:12: Rhyming "stone" and "home" - interesting...

7:14: So, who wants to bet against Russell for getting this hidden idol? Not me.

7:15: Ha! Sandra thought there was seriously a bush on fire out there? Priceless.

7:16: As a reward for her stupidity, of course Sandra finds the idol. Though did she just put it back, or was that just the paper that came along with it? Either way, I don't get it. Everyone's gonna find out she has it eventually.

7:18: Ok, this is getting interesting. We've had situations before where people faked having an idol, but I can't recall a time when one person faked it at the same time that another person not only had it, but was actually (god forbid) hiding the fact that they have one. Though, at this point, it looks as though Rupe's plan is going to work - Candice appears to have her head on the block now.

7:20: Jeri almost appears to be balding. Don't get me wrong - her hairline is striking, almost attractive, but it looks weird.

7:22: Colby, I like you, Billy, but the self-righteous act you're playing against Candice is a bit much. People do what they have to do to get ahead in the game; you're not allowed to get all butt-hurt when it doesn't work out to your advantage. There can be only one! (Though there can be two movie references.)

7:24: Just saw a commercial for Burger King where the King was mocked up like Iron Man. Hilarious.

7:28: Oh yeah, the game. Bye, Candice. You will be sorely missed by no one. Well played, Stinky Pirate. I can't believe it worked.

7:29: I hope you saw what I saw just now: Russ just wrote down "Candance" instead of "Candice."

7:30: Russ needs to just chill the eff out, as his teammates effectively told him just now. "We're five, they're two. They suck at challenges." I swear, one of the biggest downfalls of people in power in this game is having a vendetta against one specific person that's in a position of weakness. Even with a Sandra flip, the numbers are 4-3 in favor of the Villains. Say Rupert gets immunity, which Russ is terribly afraid of for some reason. Bam - get rid of Colby. Now it's 4-2. You really think Rupert's going to win three challenges in a row? Calm down and stop feeling the need to dominate every section of the game.

7:33: God, I would so kick ass at this challenge...

7:34: ...until we got to the slide puzzle. I find those things either really easy or really impossible. Not much middle ground, and getting the solution is usually an accident.

7:35: Yes! Russ keeps Rupert from getting the idol! Which pretty much means it has to be Rupert or Colby going home now.

7:41: Goddamn, Russell is stupid. He's making it really hard for me to root for him. This plan will not work.

7:42: Russell just dug his own grave. This is going to backfire horribly, and it's plainly obvious that Parvati wears the pants in this tribe. Unappealing as she can be, Parv ain't stupid, and his thinking that he's the smart one and everyone else is part of some "stupid person alliance" is idiotic.

7:45: What has this game come to when Jeri has become the most honorable person in the game?

7:46: This is bonkers; it's clear that people are not meant to play back-to-back seasons of this game. Russ, who mind you is in a winning tribe right now, is off his flipping rocker, trying to convince anyone and everyone that they are the ones to go next unless they do whatever he tells them. He's acting as though he's an uber-desperate player who's about to go home. This is a cry for help.

7:47: I just saw Russ' idol - I'd totally forgotten that he even had it. If he didn't, he'd be going home right now.

7:48: That Amanda is one powerful chick - she managed to send Cosmic Crying Waves towards Danielle, forcing her into a crying fit.

7:49: This Council is painful, and Exhibit X for "Times Jeff Gets Too Involved in the Game." Waaaaaay too much being discussed right now.

7:51: Was I wrong about Jeri? "With this vote, I'm sealing my fate." Did she just vote for Danielle?!?!

7:52: Russell might have won this battle, but THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL that he's won the war. He's made a number of temporary allies...one problem, though - none of them like him! By my count, the only person that might even remotely be his ally is Jeri. Rupert might like him tonight, but that'll change once they get back to camp. Same with Colby. Sandra doesn't like him, and now Parvati will hate him. Who's left? Next week will be nothing if not entertaining, as all these separate mini-teams go head-to-head. Zany.

7:57: Oy - must come up with two questions for Travis now.

For Candice: Of all the people on the show this season, you appeared to be the most normal, the most down-to-earth, out there with so many loony personalities. Did it feel that way to you?

For Danielle: Who's your plastic surgeon? I want to be able to tell women who to avoid when they're considering breast augmentation. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 11 Recap/Live Blog

I'm one of those people that hate what I call peoples' tendency towards "Instant History," in which everything that's most recent must be the best, worst, whatever extreme works into the discussion of the day. A playoff basketball game will come and go and be called "the most intense game ever!" A movie list declaring the best of a decade will be heavy with flicks from just the past three years. People have short memories, and hyperbole runs wild.

Well, I've just said all that, so you know it's time for me to contradict myself (at least kind of). I won't go so far as to say that this is "OMGZERS the best season eva!!," but it has to be in the conversation, doesn't it? Then again, I actually do have a terrible memory about things like this, so I could say that it's the best season in recent memory and I wouldn't be exaggerating at all.

How will they keep the drama going tonight?

7:00: Shocker of all shockers - Russell is pissed that he wasn't the driving force in the events of the previous Tribal Council. I am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise.

7:01: The downside of Rupert (finally) being right about something? Having to hear him say "I told you so." Thank god I'm not there on the island; I can only imagine how unbearable he'd be about that. Then again, the people out there with him actually deserve to hear it - we're just innocent bystanders.

7:05: Survivor Shuffle? Sweet - I've been dying to learn a new dance. Oh...nevermind, it's just shuffleboard. Shame on CBS for not really going with what's hot and having Survivor Curling. That'd truly be sweet.

7:08: Nice shot by Selleck!

(That's my nickname for Danielle's mustache - should you have any better ideas, I'm all ears.)

7:10: Alright - a commercial for Outback! They should sponsor the show or something.

7:12: Speaking of Outback, Bob Stevenson's house does a pretty decent job of resembling the Down Under steakhouse...

7:15: Amanda is a child. She's gonna cry now, isn't she?

7:17: Turnabout is fair play in the game of Survivor. I'm not sure if Russell's decision to hide the fact that he found the idol is a good thing or not, but it's hard to fault him for it, at least in terms of emotions. Strategically, it's a pretty bad play. It's not as though the ladies aren't going to find out that you have it (and have been hiding it) eventually. You have (had?) a strong alliance with Parvati and Danielle - why risk that over some hurt feelings? Share the idol with them, but retain possession of it this time, and you'll be fine.

7:24: Lost in all this back-slapping by Russell is this question: what the hell did he need that clue for? How come he hadn't found the idol before the reward challenge winners even came back from Stevenson's house?

7:26: Uh, Sandra and Candace - I have some bad news. You're each doing badly at this game if you're in the role of swing vote at this point. Even should your plan work, you're the low woman on the totem pole (ah, memories of Stick...). Why not get with Jeri and Colby and create a team of four unbeknownst to the other players? Worst case scenario, you force the remaining players to bond together (haha - Rupert and Russell on the same team) to force a tie next week.

7:28: Mrs. Fletch doesn't like the card-building Immunity Challenge, but I dig this one. Wasn't it used as the challenge to get to a final three or something in a previous season? A tense, tough exercise (for the mind this time).

7:29: Oh, and something tells me J.T. would win this challenge were he still in the game.

7:30: Players not named Russell or Jeri: what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you watching them when there's always a chance that their towers could fall to the ground?

7:31: Of course, Jeri won the challenge as I was typing that. Whatever - point still stands.

7:32: "Even Coach, who I don't care about, but...I'll stick him in there, too." - Sandra talking about people she's winning one for the Gipper for (aka getting rid of Russell). Nice.

7:36: I guess I'm happy for Jeri and all, but damned if she hasn't been flying under the radar a lot here this season, seemingly being on no one's team at any given point. In other words, I'll be upset if she ends up going too far in the game.

7:38: Are you Team Villains or Team Heroes? And will Russell play his Hidden Immunity Idol? I sure as hell would if I were him.

7:41: I just realized that I've been spelling Candice's name wrong all season. Who the hell spells it with an "i?" Thanks for helping out, guys! It's hard enough to remember to spell Jeri's name correctly...

ETA: Apparently, I'm wrong about this and just don't know that many Canda(i)ces. I've been outnumbered, and just to be sure, left the final vote up to the Google, which had 12+ million hits for ICE and only 8+ million for ACE.

7:43: Could these people be more condescending to Candice? If I were him, I'd definitely be on Team Villain at this point. They're all saying "if this doesn't work, it'll be your fault," but she should be more like "if this doesn't work, it's because I didn't want it to work and I wanted to put myself in a position to win and see you lose." I know she's meek, but I don't think she's stupid.

7:48: Well, I have no idea what's happening tonight. Though from the first two votes shown, it looks as though Russ is safe. Parvati or Amanda? Perhaps a major player is going down tonight.

7:51: Though I'm not sure how good the future looks for Russ, Parv, Selleck, Jeri, and Candice, it's hard to argue with their numbers should they stick together. Although my entire family disagrees, I think Candice made a wise choice (outside of my 7:26 idea). She's higher up with the Villains than she was with the Heroes, and with the way the Heroes were treating her, it's obvious they didn't have plans to keep her much longer.

8:05: Ok, sorry for the delay - we've been arguing about Russell and Candice and who made the right call and who's in charge and whatnot. My final thoughts are that it looks like Russ is indeed going home next week....and my Official Question Request for Amanda is:

I have two, actually. First, are you aware that it looks like you're crying 80% of the time? And second, having had the opportunity to watch this episode, are you ready to admit that the hidden idol belonged to Danielle or will you cling to that sequence as your excuse for leaving the game forever?

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 10 Recap/Live Blog

Well, Mrs. Fletch is out of town on business, and as it turns out, was unable to catch the show, so this live blog will serve some additional purposes this week, enabling me to not only say hi ("Hi!), but to also do my best to really be descriptive and explain the show more than my usual snarky responses do.

7:00: Okay, Rupert, Candace and J.T. are sitting by a fire. They look bored and tired. Cut to Amanda and Colby looking equally grizzled.

7:01: Alright, I won't be quite that descriptive.

7:01: Rupert and Amanda make their way to the jungle, where they find a treasure chest of sorts with a note. Long story short: it's merge goodies, but they don't have the key - the Villains do. When they meet up, they'll open the chest and drink wine and get drunk and say stupid things to each other. Oh, the times they'll have!

7:02: Russ is planning his meetup with J.T., which will have to include an explanation as to why he didn't vote out Parvati at the previous Tribal Council. This oughta be good.

7:05: And we're back from commercial. Parvati is blabbing about how great she is or something. You're not missing much yet.

7:06: But then we get a perk-up in the show. J.T. sees Parv coming over from their camp for the merge and immediately gives us a play-by-play of the circumstances he's dreaming of in his head to explain why she's still there, involving something about Parv having another idol that she played and whatnot. Yeah, not even close, son.

7:08: Just wanted to note that Rupert seems to have lost just about as much weight as Russ. I want that smelly pirate to chop off his hair and shave his beard for the reunion. I don't think a single person would recognize him.

7:09: We've seen Candace a few times so far this episode, and each time she's looked as though she needed to, um, release her bowels. Something about her body language tells me she's not too happy about her place in the game right about now.

7:10: Parv is feeling slighted about how the Heroes are treating her. Waah. "I'm disrespected - woe is me!" Please.

7:10: Russ-plestiltskin is spinning yarns yet again. He just sold J.T. hook, line, and sinker (he even just used those exact words!) about how he's totally with them and such. Wow - this guy rules.

7:12: He or she who is desperate is the most dangerous player in the game. Sandra just spilled the Russ guts all over the place to Rupert, letting the pirate know who's really in charge. As Rupert just stated, "This is where the game gets crazy." I couldn't agree more.

7:15: Drama with breakfast foods. Yawn.

7:17: Did you ever think there would be a scenario in the game where Rupert was the seer, the wise one? He's trying his damnedest to inform J.T., Amanda, and Candace about what a snake Russell is, but they don't believe him at all! This is priceless. J.T. is trying to convince Rupe that he's a rube for believing Sandra at all. This is bound to have a good ending.

7:23: And so the Parvati-Amanda alliance rears its ugly head for the first time, as they met up in the jungle and spilled some secrets to each other. Though, to be honest, half the time they spent together was telling each other "I trust you." "No, I trust you." "No, I trust you." Christ, we get it.

7:25: Ha! Finally, an "eff you" to the producers by a merged tribe. Their new name? Yin Yang, which Russ even explained to Jeff. What a wildly original name - I love it. "It means good and evil." No shit, dude.

7:26: Another Immunity Challenge up my alley, as the players are forced to climb a pole and hang on as long as their bodies let them.

7:27: Colby and Sandra first out, after no less than 20 seconds, apparently. Bad move for Sandra as she's on the chopping block, but Colby's actually pretty safe in the game now (nice work, producers!), so him being out can only serve to conserve his energy.

7:28: Russ and Rupert out. Down to six (J.T., Candace, Parv, Amanda, Danielle and Jeri). Amanda out now.

7:29: J.T. falls/jumps off. Just four women left, all of them Villains save Candace. If only Stick were here, she'd kill at this challenge! Oh, and I just thought of the Stick/pole connection. Oh, the bad jokes I could've used...sigh.

7:30: Jeri climbs off. I don't understand why any of these people (granted: they've been on their poles for 95 minutes, so they're doing something right) stayed so high on their poles, when gravity will only work against them more up there. Anyway...

7:32: Boobs wins immunity, as only she and Parvati remained, and since Parv already had an idol, she "let" Boobs take it. That's three Villains with an Immunity Idol, by the way, versus zero Heroes. Guess which (former) tribe is going home tonight?

7:38: Huh, whaddaya know? All of a sudden, J.T. and gang are a bit worried, wondering why Parvati was so unafraid to step down from her pole. Yeah, people, she ain't going anywhere - that's why she's not afraid. Wake up to the truthteller that is Rupert.

7:39: Here's where Russell and/or Parvati have made a serious mistake, and only time will tell which one. Russ, who doesn't know that Parvati has her own idol, just gave her his (that J.T. gave to him). Now Parv has two. She did not think it was worth telling Russ about hers, which means that she has just lost him should that news ever surface. This would actually be a perfect time for Parvati to get Russell out of the game, but that won't happen because the former Villains need to stick together just as much as the former Heroes need to.

7:41: Christ, Amanda, again with the "I'm gonna cry" face? Enough already! Put this girl in the Marines or something.

7:43: Two seconds into Tribal Council and Rupert's going apeshit over the bananas or plantains or some other ripe fruit of the day. Wow, what a banal topic for Council.

7:44: Russ ingratiates himself to me even more, telling Jeff "So what?" about the fruit convo. Bless you, Russ-plestiltskin, for being the voice of reason in a sea of idiots.

7:45: Jeff, to Parvati, after she complained about a lack of strategic talking to her from the Heroes: "Well, maybe that's because you're just so used to getting so much attention in real life." Burn....

7:47: Now I can't decide if I want to call Danielle "Boobs" or "Tom Selleck." That mustache of hers is gettin' nasty. Somebody let her win a reward challenge that involves a razor and/or hot wax, pronto.

7:48: In an interesting move, the producers appear to be showing us all of the votes. Not quite, but it seems that way. All of the votes shown thus far are either Jeri or J.T. Which obviously means someone else is going home. Hell, I have no idea.

7:49: Christ - this is awesome (if not stupid). Parvati just piped up to play BOTH idols, giving one to Sandra and one to Jeri. Sorry to be so immature, but damn, that was friggin' awesome!

7:50: Rupert: "I knew we shouldn't have trusted that ___," in regards to Russell.

7:51: The first few votes all for Jeri. All useless. The next three are for J.T. Buh-bye, J.T. You just got played!

7:52: Russ to Parvati (whispering): "You have some explaining to do." Parvati in response: "It's a secret." Clearly, Russ can't be too mad at her, as she just ensured the Villains place at the tribe in charge of this game (and herself as the HNIC). Memorable episode. I can only hope I did a good enough job describing it all for my lovely and lonely wife. Goodnight, dear.

7:54: Before we go, though, my Official Question Request for Travis:

"J.T., the complexities of the game presuppose that the situations that the players are put into force them to reconsider what they normally observe about human social conditions and put themselves on an island in terms of their instinctual thinking. What would you say about the way that --

-- aw, who the hell am I kidding? The question everyone has is: "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING YOUR IDOL TO RUSSELL?!?!?!"

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 9 Recap/Live Blog

Alright, what the hell happened last week?

Ah yes, that's right. The Dragon Slayer was slayed by a bunch of disloyal, dishonorable scoundrels. Or something like that. That's right, Coach joined the jury, robbing us of his inevitable nervous breakdown and countless hours of unintentional comedy. And the worst part? Friend of the Cabins Travis, who interviews the castoffs on the day after each show, had a chance to hear a personalized kayaking story from the Slayer himself...and turned the opportunity down! If this were the game, I would be wanting to vote him out based on such an egregious error. Be sure to click the link at the bottom and visit his site so you can give him a hard time for this unforgivable gaffe.

7:00: Yea, I didn't see much of the dialogue just now as I was busy typing the previous paragraph. Didn't seem all that important. Russ pissed about so and so not voting his way; it's time for them to go yada yada yada. I think I got the point.

7:03: Hooray - I'm a big fan of challenges where the contestants are forced to endure pain, show their stamina, etc. I'm not a sadist or anything, I just like it when we get to see what their true colors are - what are they made of and how badly do they want it? All challenges should attempt to instill this mindset.

7:06: God, I love corporate sponsorships on this show. You know how some movies or TV shows are so bad that they go so far that you end up loving them for their badness? That's how I feel about these in-show commercials. I detest them so much that they practically give me joy when they pop up, just because they're always so awkward and cheesy. This one, for Outback Steakhouse, isn't as forced as some of them, so that takes away some of my pleasure, but most of it's still there. Bloomin' great!

7:08: Oh, the gift that keeps on giving - Sandra was just paid under the table to proclaim her love for the Down Under-themed restaurant. I wish I could remember their theme song so that I could make a bad joke about it.

7:11: Good christ, how much sweat does that stinky pirate make? Rupert's head just vomited a pint of water. Gross.

7:12: Finally, a challenge where Courtney is the strongest competitor. How much pressure can there be on a 43-lb. frame?

7:16: If a Bloomin' Onion does not make its way onscreen, I might not be able to watch the rest of this episode.

7:16: Have another shot - Sandra spoke her true love for Outback again!
7:19: That Parvati - so discreet. She couldn't wait 10 or 20 minutes to read it?

7:20: "Do you have a pocket?" - Parvati to Danielle, as she's looking for a hiding place for her clue.

"No, but I can put it in my boobs." - Danielle. You're damn right you can hide it in there! Here, take my car keys and wallet, too, please - I'm sure there's plenty of room.

7:22: J.T. with the tremendously stupid idea we heard about in the previews last week. Not even sure what to make of it so far. I just know that if I were ever to find a hidden immunity idol, I ain't even telling a soul, much less giving it away in some complicated scheme to gain a team advantage.

7:24: WATFO? An Outback commercial! I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that they got a discounted rate on that ad? Lucky for them, as a part of their deal, they got a free ad on Blog Cabins, too. OUTBACK. NO RULES, JUST RIGHT!

7:28: Please, please, please J.T. end his letter with, "XOXO, J-Tizzle."

7:29: So, um, where'd J-Tizzle get a pad and paper?

7:31: The Villains have to lose this challenge, right? That's the only way they would have kept J.T.'s ridiculous letter/idol plan in the show, I'd assume. Unless that segment was included just to show his stupidity/slight chance at brilliance. Let's just say that if the Villains lose that I'll be upset that they telegraphed that fact, and if they win, then I'll be upset that they wasted our time showing all that. It's a win-win, lose-lose scenario.

7:34: The Villains lost. I'm upset that they telegraphed that defeat from 30 minutes away.

7:35: Thus far, Russell proves J.T.'s stupidity, telling us the obvious: "You don't hand the enemy an idol...especially when his name is Russell Hantz." Well, no shit. At the same time, I'm not entirely sold that Russ is the Grinch - he'd be a fool not to take J.T.'s gift into consideration later on down the road.

7:40: Hilarious - the first thing we see back from commercial at Villain camp is Russell showing the letter to Parvati, the person they "instructed" him to sideswipe and vote off.

7:42: Was just thinking about this: Russell (and I) are laughing at J.T.'s move, and likely with good reason. However, what if Russ doesn't do as instructed? If they show up at the next challenge and Courtney or Sandra is voted out, now you have a team of six that are all united against Russ, and he's on a team of five people. So despite being given an idol, he's also been given a shitty scenario in which he won't vote off Parv, and in not doing so he can only infuriate the other tribe.

[ETA @ 7:55: Ok, nevermind the previous paragraph: I thought there were six Heroes, but there are just five. Invalidates all of that pretty much.]

7:46: I'd keep Courtney; the words she just spoke to Parvati were the most genuine and full of common sense I've ever heard her speak. And good on her for not trashing Sandra. That is a loyal player.

7:47: Does Danielle have a mustache? Oh, and I almost forgot - Sandra's "rice and beans" line about her and Courtney being best buds was classic. I wonder which one is the rice?

7:49: Russ just declared to everyone that he, Parv and Danielle have had an alliance. So what's left - Courtney and Sandra who have an alliance together and know their days are numbered...and Jeri, who is somehow still there, probably only because no one fears her as she has no one to ally with. Only...SHE DOES! Sandra, Courtney - want to stay in the game? Why don'tcha, ya know, pull Jeri along over to your side and the three of you can go up against Russ and his gals?

Friggin' idiots.

7:51: And shocker of shockers, Courtney is voted off. Sandra and/or Jeri, enjoy the three days you have left before it's your turn.

7:54: Finally, it's time for my Official Question Request for Travis' interview with Stick:

"Courtney, you seemed much less obnoxious this time around. Would you say this was due to the producers just not showing you as much this season, or have you matured as a person in the years since your last run on Survivor?"

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 8 Recap/Live Blog

I spoke about a letdown at the beginning of the last week, what with Russell's histrionics to stay in the game in episode six, but I have to make the same point again. This week is the one that really needs to avoid a letdown; with one of the two most interesting players in the game gone, what can the producers do to keep this from turning into The Russell Show? Don't get me wrong - the guy's great, but after a season and a half, an overload of the diminutive oil man is seemingly inevitable. Will Comeback Kid Colby continue his rise to prominence in the game? Will formerly invisible Courtney and/or Candace and/or Danielle step to the forefront? I'm ready to find out.

6:59: Coach just called the other members of his tribe a coward. That's effing rich, dipsh*t. You're the one who didn't have the cajones to vote for Russell. You're just as much to play for Rob being gone as the ones that voted for him. What an ass.

7:05: Nice acting by Colby to feign happiness for J.T. after he found the Hidden Idol. The Favre Clone needs it more than anyone else.

7:06: Not ten seconds after learning that J.T. has it, Candace is already plotting against him. Amazing how that happens.

7:08: Obviously, Parvati has no one honest with her in her life. All the time, she's whining about how she's a good person and doesn't understand why people think she's a villain and such. Honey, it's because you can't and/or don't smile genuinely...ever. You have the fakest separation of lips and exposed teeth I might've ever seen, and if you weren't remotely cute, people would think you were creepy and insane. Someone please teach this girl how to smile.

7:11: Survivor producers hate to be seen as predictable. They probably were scheduled to merge, but once they saw that the Villains were expecting one, they changed course. Jerks. Jeff just loves the chance to throw people off.

7:13: Woody Harrelson with one hand bowls better than these Villains. Despicable.

7:14: Coach needs to let his hair down to unleash his inner Lebowski here.

7:15: Told you, Coach. Calmer than you.

7:20: You know what one of my favorite parts of this season has been? The non-ridiculous tribe names: Heroes....and Villains. You know what's gonna stink? When they merge and force the merged tribe to come up with some retarded name. Let's start brainstorming names, ok? Hellains? Veroes? Herains? Villoes?

Yeah...definitely Villoes.

7:22: Boy, Jeri sure wants to go home, eh? Your team is already in the dumps, and you're gonna be a sourpuss to everyone the whole time, even talking sh*t about Sandra right to her face? Buh-bye.

7:23: Ha - Sandra's awesome! I have absolute faith that her plan will work. Russell's big ego will almost definitely win out over any Coach pleading of "I would never betray you blah blah loyalty warrior!"

7:27: I hate it whenever they show that island (you know, the small, beautiful one out in the ocean) that should be Exile Island, you know, if the E.I. idea weren't terrible.

7:30: In their minds, Russ and Parv have already won the game, it seems. Funny how that often doesn't work out. Let's file that scene away for future use.

7:31: First tribe to score two points? A whopping best-of-three? Don't drain the competitors too much there. Weak.

7:32: Note to Sandra: try some aerobic training before re-entering the game. Way to make my complaint about the shortness of the challenge look wrong. Jerk.

7:34: And once again, Colby will live to fight another day. The producer's goal of keeping their golden boy on the show lives on for at least another week.

7:39: I want to know how much weight Russ has lost in the last season and a half of Survivor - it's got to be 40-50 lbs., right?

7:40: Now, Sandra's not even a liar - Coach wants to get rid of Russell now. How prescient. The good news - the two people on the chopping block are Coach and Courtney, two of my least favorite people left. Though Coach is obviously much more entertaining; the Stick Figure is useless on all fronts.

7:45: Nice job by Jeff, starting off Tribal Council by subtly (or not so subtly) hinting that getting rid of all of the men was a bad idea, almost rooting for Courtney to be the next person voted out.

7:46: Of course, such comments from Jefe would be hated by me in the past, as I typically hate it when he steps over the line and becomes too big a part of the game. I realize this makes me a hypocrite, and I am completely okay with that.

7:49: I just realized Jeri's last name spells "Man They." I don't have much more to add about that right now.

7:50: Bye Courtney. (I wrote that before all of the names were read.) We won't miss you.

7:51: I shouldn't have. I was wrong. Well, at least we'll have Coach on the jury - still on the show in a small way. And that's really all we ever needed from Coach, as a dose of him goes a long way.

7:52: Alright, time for my Official Question Request. Wanna hear it, here it goes:

"Coach, did you ever seriously consider quitting the game? Because it seemed to us at home that you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown at times."

I know, more of a statement than a question, but it's all I got right now. It's either that or some kind of Steven Seagal jab.

7:56: Thought I was done, but not just yet. Let me get this straight: Russ and Bloated Boobs got into a heated argument over who should go home - Russ wanted to dump Coach and Boobs wanted to axe the weakest player, Courtney. Minutes later, Russ says "mea culpa, you were right, Boobs, we should vote off Court."

So what happens? Russ walked the talk and voted for Stick Figure. And Bloated Boobs? She votes for Coach! What the hell just happened? Should make for an interesting time next week.

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 7 Recap/Live Blog

The big question headed into episode seven: what can the show possibly do to avoid a letdown after the awesometacity that was last week's show? Much of the air would be let out of the balloon were the Villains to win immunity, giving us a Russell-less Tribal Council. Considering that the only way the Villains seem to go to Tribal is when they're forced, there's a good chance we won't see him late in the show. Colby, Rupert, Amanda, et al...the show needs some fireworks from you.

7:00: Courtney, you wish Russ's success in the game was as simple as some crush on Parvati turned into a win for him. Knowing what we know of Russell, I think it's safe to say that he has complete control of the situation and that no silly little girl is taking advantage of him, especially not with her looks. The guy just ain't that stupid.

7:08: Lucky you, Colby. You get to spend another few days on a team where they look at you with regret the entire time, only to likely vote you out at the next chance they get. Then again, this guy's apparently got nine lives, so you never know how long he might stick around for. My guess is he's buds with Probst in real life, so Jeff does everything he can to keep him in the game.

7:10: See? I say that and the next thing that happens is Colby makes a basket in the Reward Challenge. You might not have seen the fishing line that was helping him out, but I did.

7:11: I wanna play Coach at Pop-a-Shot for money. I could be a very rich man, and it's not like I'm any hoops stud. He's cover-your-eyes awful.

7:13: The Colby Fix is in. Mark it down - he ain't goin' nowhere.

7:19: Having the teams find/read the clues to the Hidden Immunity Idols as a team is an annoying yet still interesting wrinkle to the game. Annoying because we're forced to watch the players act as though they're all noble and that they'll "go and find the idol as a team" and have them be all lovey-dovey, but interesting because it adds another element of backstabbing to the game that's not there so much when someone just gets a bunch of clues and finds it. The drama here is, what happens when they do in fact find it as a team? Do they use it as a team?

7:22: By the way, I'm more or less missing this Coach crying fit over the Jerri/Russell thing typing what I just typed. Doesn't seem like I missed much.

7:23: "Coach just seems like someone that doesn't get it," says Jerri, referring to his unwillingness to see the bigger picture strategy-wise. Okay, that was a funny line.

7:24: We can't help but notice the number of people talking about "taking" others to the final four tonight. I'd be offended if someone said that to me, so long as I wasn't in a Colby-like situation. Jerri and/or Coach ought to say, "No, maybe I'll take you to the final four!"

7:28: Whaddaya know? Rob handling puzzle duties for the Villains. I woulda never guessed.

7:29: God, I wanna do an obstacle course like that. That looks like so much fun. How can I do so without joining the Army (or playing Survivor)?

7:35: Well, I was right about one thing (The Colby Fix - in!) and wrong about another (the Villains) not headed to Council. Will it be Coach per his reactionary rant against Courtney? (Note to Coach: Courtney has always been the weak link of your tribe; beats me why she's managed to escape the hammer previously. Good connections, I suppose.)

7:37: Wow - brass huevos on that Russell. "What do you think?," says Rob. "One of these two," says Russ, pointing directly to the two females in front of him - Sandra and Courtney. You have to respect the lack of bullshit. That display is pretty much unprecedented on this show.

7:39: "You're my right-hand man," Coach tells Rob. You wish, Coach - you're just a pawn to Rob.

7:41: Coach is like a lost little boy right now. I think he's gonna cry again.

7:41: You know how athletes stay too long and you can see them breaking down, but it usually takes months if not years? I feel like that's what we're seeing with Coach, only it's happening in days if not hours. A nervous breakdown is coming soon.

7:43: I'm surprised Russell isn't looking for the next Hidden Immunity Idol. You know it's been put back out there already...

7:44: For the record, as much as I respect Russ's game, I'm still rooting for Rob to win this thing, or at the least, get to the final show. He's smart, funny, a tough competitor - losing him would be devastating to the show, almost as detrimental as losing Russ. Can't Courtney please go home?

7:46: Forget tomorrow - Clash of the Titans is on my TV right now! This is badass!

7:48: I change my mind - this sucks. I really don't want to see either Rob or Russell leave. I'm not liking this already.

7:50: Rob ECHOES my earlier sentiment about Coach, telling him "You're a little man" as he gathers his torch and leaves the game. I'm simultaneously depressed and thrilled. Coach is truly a sad, sad person (in real life, I mean) - a liar and a pathetic individual who puffs himself up like a peacock with his bullshit lies and posturing, but it little more than an insecure, pimple-faced 12-year old on the inside.

7:51: (Though he can still be entertaining as hell for the audience.)

7:53: Sad that the show just lost their most likable player. And now, my Official Question Request for Travis, who'll be interviewing the man from Boston tomorrow:

"Rob, having had the opportunity to watch this season and last (I presume you've caught up at this point), would you be willing to admit that you underestimated Russell coming into the game? "

- and a second, related question -

"If you had watched last season, do you think you'd have target Russell as a potential ally?"

(Yeah, that's right - I actually went with serious questions about the game. Have no fear, snark will surely return next week.)

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And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 6 Recap/Live Blog

I'm pretty sure that Kid Vegas knew that Survivor was on tonight rather than its usual Thursday spot and is waiting to post the recap from last night's LOST episode just to that he can steal my thunder and post his TV show recap after mine. Well, that or he's just being a lazy ass. (Or maybe he's just busy. It's all speculation with K.V.)

Anyway, Survivor's back after a two week hiatus (and the live blog's three week hiatus)! Do you remember what happened? I'll attempt to be your guide through yet another episode.

6:58: Wow - 15 left? Seems like there should be fewer.

6:59: "Jeez, Candance - stop being so quiet and invisible. It's damned annoying!" In other words, I don't get the Candace hate; if anything, she's the most boring player out there not named Danielle. What's there to latch on to and dislike?

7:06: Why is James allowed to have a brace? I understand them not wanting to kick him out of the game, and I'm fine with that. Getting medical care is iffy in terms of the sportsmanship and spirit of the game, but I can even get over that. But "3rd-party" medical objects that the players are able to keep beyond the scope of their immediate injury? Seems unfair to the uninjured.

7:07: Jeff is saying a lot about this immunity challenge, but all I'm hearing is "we rigged this challenge to ensure my good buddy Colby's place in the game." Not that I really have a problem with that.

7:10: Well, so much for Colby's escape from being voted off.

7:12: Some creative editing there with the Villains turn at the challenge, as they attempted to make it seem a lot closer than it was. Jeff's play-by-play made it sounds as though Tyson, Coach and/or Russ were right behind Rob, but the video wasn't matching the audio at all. Didn't look even close.

7:15: I saw a post from Jeff/Survivor on Facebook earlier today talking about what an epic Tribal Council(s) this was going to be, and I guess I can see why - it has to be! There's 45 minutes left in the show. I know there'll be scrambling on both sides, but we know Colby is pretty much out (it would take a miracle). I guess there'll be drama on the Villains side, but I guess what I'm saying is...I don't know, I have no point. I just like two challenges per show.

7:18: So, who else has bought their tickets to J-Lo's new movie, The Back-Up Plan? I gotta say, I'm excited!

7:19: A bit of hubris from Rob...I hope it doesn't come back to bite him in the ass.

7:20: So what is Russell's plan, exactly? He has the Hidden Immunity Idol, but is choosing to give it away...for what reason? Color me confused.

7:32: Mrs. Fletch and I had hot dogs (from Costco!) for dinner tonight. Just thought that you'd like to know that we eat like Survivors! I might even have a banana later to feel more James-ish.

7:33: Oh, and I feel like I should tell you that Tyson appeared in a dream of Mrs. Fletch's a few days ago. I'll let her explain it to you sometime.

7:34: Speaking of Tyson, he's one of the few names up for ousting tonight from the Villains tribe, along with Russell and Parvati. You might think that Russ's head is the one that's really on the chopping block, but the man has proven to be too smart for such an early exit, no matter the circumstances. Time to vote...

7:36: Sandra: not a fan of mincing words, apparently.

7:37: A commercial in the middle of Tribal Council? You bastards.

7:42: So Russ gives it up to Parvati. What if she didn't want to play it? Either way, I can't effing believe that he put his neck out on the line when we all know he coulda played it, then just found it again.

7:43: Wow...and that's why I'm not playing and Russell is. What a goddamned genius. An all-time moment in the game's history. Even better yet, I don't like Tyson, so I'm thrilled to see him go. And "he's still pretty awesome," as he'll tell you.

7:44: And, no surprise, Rob does not look pleased. The good news for us is that the Villains have to sit there and seethe and/or gloat amongst themselves in silence while watching the Heroes' council. Good stuff.

7:47: Also no surprise - Amanda looks like she's about to cry again. Though at least she's not to blame this time - the rain is coming down pretty hard on them. But christ, I swear that girl always looks like she just got finished chopping a bunch of onions.

7:49: Colby sounds 100% defeated. Underperforming or not, to just sit there and be called a lazy fat ass (I'm paraphrasing) and not put up a fight at all, either to stay in the game or just protect your pride? Go home, dude.

7:51: I call shenanigans. Aside from the one bit of doubt instilled by J.T. earlier on in the show (and post- the J.T./James race), we were given almost no indication that they would actually follow through with voting off James. Is it just me? I got blindsided there! Colby got blindsided there! Amanda was in tears (okay, that's not shocking at all). J.T. appeared to be in tears. What the hell just happened?

ETA: I can't believe this, but amidst all of the craziness of the two-person-ouster, I neglected to post my Official Question Requests for Travis' interviews with the castoffs and had to be reminded by the man himself. This is what happens when I go three weeks without a Survivor post. Anyway, here they be:

For Tyson: Were you raised in Europe or something? What's with the kissing? Continue being "awesome" at Ponderosa, buddy.

For James: Do your biceps measure larger than your thigh muscles? 'Cause it sure looks that way.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com
Interviews with the castoffs at The Movie Encyclopedia

And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 4 Recap/Live Blog

I've mentioned them before, but I must again recommend that you check out The Movie Encyclopedia's interviews with the castoffs that are posted on Fridays. Upon learning that he was doing these, I told Travis to watch out, as now I would seize the opportunity to recommend questions for him to ask. Well, last week, after Grumpy Gus Randy was ousted, I initiated my premier official Question Request, suggesting that he please ask him if he would play Gary Busey in a biopic were he offered the part, based on a passing resemblance between the two, though the question was totally tongue-in-cheek. But he did it! Sweet! See the link at the bottom for it and other exchanges.

Crap, I almost forgot - this is the Crying Coach episode. This oughta be spectacular. Let's do it...

7:00: And here it is, right at the beginning of the show! I almost wish they'd made us wait a bit longer. The real shocker? Tyson being there as a shoulder to cry on for Coach. Meanwhile, I can't even remember what Sandra said that bothered the weirdo so much, and yet here he is ready to quit the game. Huh?

7:04: Dang, Russell has lost a ton of weight. He's practically thin.

7:05: Seriously, I have like no words. Coach is the gift that keeps on giving.

7:07: Product placement is back - woo hoo! This blog post officially brought to you by Sears.

7:09: Aww, who am I kidding? I could never be sponsored by such an esteemed corporation such as Sears. Discover, maybe, but not Sears.

7:10: Courtney must be going far in this game, because she has to be the most invisible player through 3 episodes.

7:11: Survivor producers: "How can we amp up the sex factor on this show? Oooh, I know - let's lather up the players in cold water!" It might not be too effective for the Ciries and Ruperts of the world, but christ, this episode ought to be rated PG-13.

7:13: Danielle's Massive Breasts Villains win the Sears reward!

7:18: And who but Russell would accidentally stumble upon a clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol? Better yet (for him), none of these people are wise to his HII-finding skills - it should be as good as his.

7:21: Then again, it seems as though his good fortune might just be up, having pissed off his entire tribe by looking for the idol. At the very least, he ticked off Rob, and we all know he's pulling the strings at the Villain camp.

7:23: I've got my money on Cirie to find the Heroes HII - that's just the kind of blind, dumb luck that she has happened upon in her prior two seasons.

7:24: Of course, as I'm typing that, Tom found it.

7:25: I understand how Tom, the oldest player out there, might be on the outs with his tribemates, but what's the deal with Colby? Doesn't it say "Golden Boy/Leader" as his occupation? This has got to be a weird feeling for him being on the outside looking in; I can't imagine it's happened much in his life.

7:25: WATFO? A Sears commercial! I would have never guessed. Think they got a discounted rate?

7:31: I think the most impressive thing about this challenge is the job they did hiding the cameras that are inside the giant rolling balls.

7:32: I thought that was creative editing, but perhaps not - that looked like an incredibly close challenge. As in millimeters made the difference. A nice win for the Villains.

7:38: It's right about this point when you wonder to yourself, why are there 20 minutes left in the show - it seems like a slam dunk for the six people not named Tom or Colby. They have a good plan, an easy to accomplish plan, and at the end of the show, either Tom or Colby should be gone.

But there's always that itch, and it appears as though JT is the one that's got it, as he's taken a disliking to Candace. Will it be enough or is this all a smokescreen? I have to assume it's the latter, but this is one of the best things about Survivor: even when the outcome seems obvious, it never is. Anything is possible.

7:44: C'mon, JT - shake up the game - it'll make for a hell of an interesting beginning to next week's show. Moreover, it's hard to root against Tom, even though Cirie's logic is absolutely sound.

7:46: I hated the guy back when he was hosting Rock 'n' Roll Jeopardy! and I was jealous that I wasn't a contestant, but it can not be understated how important Probst is to this show; though I think he does sometimes go a bit too far with the questions at these Tribal Councils, the display he put on in this show just illustrated his value to Survivor. If and when he's had enough, the show needs to end, because it's hard to imagine anyone touching the job he does (easy as it seems sometimes, it ain't - he's a master interviewer, for starters).

7:49: Poor Colby. Champ to chump? (Ok, so he was never a champ, but you know what I mean.)

7:51: Nay! The Hero Alliance pulled it off, via a JT flip and an early HII play. Can't say I'm not pleased, or a bit surprised. So often we see the threat of something interesting like this happening only to see it end just like you'd think. Next week oughta be great.

7:54: Lest I forget, before I go, I must come up with my official Question Request for Travis to ask Cirie. Interestingly enough, we share the same last name, but that's neither interesting nor a question.

After a bit of research, I rediscovered that Cirie was on a season of Survivor with not only this season's own Danielle (potential question: "How many times bigger are Danielle's boobs now than on her Panama season?"), but one of my favorite real villains of all-time: insane Shane, he of the love that dare not speak its name with his son and the wooden Blackberry that he fashioned. I must ask this, then: "Have you kept in touch with Insane Shane at all since Panama, and is he half as nutty in real life as he was portrayed on the show?"

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com
Interviews with the castoffs at The Movie Encyclopedia

And then...

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 3 Recap/Live Blog

I'm curious - by the end of this episode, will we all hop on to the Hate James bandwagon, or will redemption be his? The man's proven to be a fan favorite for years now, so I'd think that if even a smidgen of his charm returns, he'll be back in our good graces, but last week's preview of this episode didn't exactly paint that picture. I suppose it's irrelevant somewhat anyway, since as we all know, the Grave Digger ain't exactly the best strategic player in the game, so he won't be around all that long anyhow.

Off we go...

7:00: So far, so good for James. Pleading his case, but not overbearingly so. Tom makes for a pretty good peacekeeper and team leader, which comes as no surprise.

7:01: Colby...thinking about quitting on Day 6? After a few days of turmoil and a couple challenge losses, the Golden Boy is ready to throw in the towel? Color me shocked. And disappointed. Larry David would not approve.

7:05: Wow...Boston Rob wins the Survivor Farm Tan Showdown 2010 by far. It's as bad a tan as Shambo had a hairstyle. Oh, and he makes some good points about tribal alliances/sleeping arrangements. Common sense, but still smart.

7:07: That's a lesson for all you future managers out there: if ever you need to bring up morale and/of diffuse an ugly situation, get your team involved in a game of Catch the Chicken(s). Works like magic.

7:08: "People are allured by [Parvati's] charm," says Coach. Well, that or her minuscule bikini and constant flirting.

7:11: Prepare yourself, I'm about to say something nice about Randy: It looks as though Oscar the Grouch has actually lost quite a bit of weight. Nice job (asshole).

7:15: Thinking back a few minutes, does it bother anyone else that when the players return from Tribal Council, the first thing we see them do is set down their torches...and yet their torches are not engulfed in flames? I thought fire represented life on the island - does this mean they're all dead? Stupid, I know, but it must be asked.

7:16: Yes! Nonsensically evil Russell is back!

7:17: So, how much you wanna bet that the Villain tribe loses at the Immunity Challenge? We suuuure are seeing a lot of them, specifically of Russ and eternal idiot Coach (god love him).

7:19: Oh, poor Randy! It's just like high school all over again! He's pissy because Parvati is supposedly getting by in the game on her looks and not via the kind of brilliant hard work that he encapsulates. Tough titties, Grouch.

7:22: It's too bad Russ and JT aren't on the same team - I wonder how much they'd get along. they seem like opposite sides of the same coin, kinda like Harvey Two-Face (yea, I know, his coin had the same thing on both sides, but you get the picture).

7:22: Wow - Cirie just totally threw JT under the bus. That was cold-blooded.

7:24: Russell gets his ass handed to him by Tom. So much for having an advantage by being short and squat.

7:26: Nice to see that James shared some of his PEDs with Colby, who's positively way too fired up for this challenge, flexing and screaming like The Incredible Hulk. I'm scared.

7:28: Did Tyson just steal a kiss from JT? Okaaaay.

7:30: Super Colby wins!

7:31: Ahahaha - Randy has to face James! I love it.

7:32: If I knew Danielle in real life and didn't like her for whatever reason, you can bet I would get my hands on the highest resolution video I could, freeze frame it on that image of her with mud covering so much of her face that if even looked as though some of her teeth were missing, and then blow it up poster size and post it outside of her office or cubicle or whatever. Pointless, sure, but it would give me some sort of satisfaction, I'm sure.

7:34: Told you the Villains were headed to Tribal Council. My psychic powers are progressing nicely.

7:35: I've gotta believe Parvati is either going home tonight or will be the major player in getting someone else booted tonight, if only because she's easily the focal point of the episode. Seems odd to think that her number will come up, but it also seems inevitable. Also, up until Sandra was allowed to speak just now, she was practically the only female heard from on the Villain tribe tonight.

7:37: Okay, it's seeming less like a prediction and more like a guarantee that Poverty is gone. Not sure if she has any friends (despite all the talk of her having so many friends) outside of Russell.

7:40: Parvati with a burn on Jeri. That stung from here.

7:41: "There's nobody out there that's honorable out here...anymore...except for me." - Coach. Mrs. Fletch with the great call this time, blurting out "except for me" mere seconds before the buffoon had a chance to. This was followed by the honorable dragon slayer quoting Martin Luther King, Jr. Beautiful - it's as if he knew the episode would be airing in February. What a lovely man.

7:45: Tactless question: Did Danielle have those monstrously massive breasts the last time she was on the game? I think not, since I would imagine I'd remember those...

7:47: OMG - Courtney speaks!

7:48: "It grew legs and walked away," says Sandra of the now missing machete. Sandra cracks me up, though her pinpointing Coach on his weaknesses seemed a bad idea; what was the upside of calling him out right there? Stay under the radar, woman.

7:50: What are the chances we can get Coach to co-star in Tommy Wiseau's next movie? I smell a blockbuster.

7:51: Oh sahnap! Parvati sticks around and Oscar the Grouch is gone. Might not have been the smartest move by the Villain team, but I certainly can't complain. The guy's an asshole, and I take pleasure in his misfortune. Schadenfreude FTW! Nice move tossing the buff in the fire, though. I can't say Randy's not clever.

7:55: And like that, James is back in America's good graces. Next week: A CRYING COACH! Must See TV is back, Dwellers, and thy name is Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.

7:57: There's a link below, but it deserves another mention: Travis over at The Movie Encyclopedia has been doing interviews with the castoffs on the Friday after each show. Wow, do I look forward to this one with Randy. My official Question Request for Travis is this - please ask him if he would play Gary Busey in a biopic were he offered the part. Thanks.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com
Interviews with the castoffs at The Movie Encyclopedia

And then...