The three rules of real estate

Cedar Rapids. Just say it to yourself. "Cedar Rapids."

Sounds funny just saying the words, doesn't it? All homey and Midwesterny and kitchy, right? And, like, what would a film be doing that's set there? It's so funny and unique, let's just name the silly little film that would dare set itself there after the city.

I'm not entirely sure why (though I'll try to explain), but the name of Ed Helms' new comedy irks me. But it's not just the name - it's the mindset. And frankly, this film is on my good side...the fact that it's such an anomaly is what bothers me.

In case you have no idea what I'm babbling, let me explain. Now, perhaps my perception is all wrong on this, and I'm really not prepared to do extensive research of 80 years' worth of film to support my (obvious) theory, but it can be summed up as this: Hollywood films are extraordinarily boring with their choice of settings. So much so, in fact, that when the rare film is released that doesn't take place in New York City or Los Angeles, they go and name the damn thing Cedar Rapids, because the thought of anything taking place in the fucking Midwest is just so damn comical all on its own, right?

Now, before you realize that I'm entirely way off-base, know that I realize that a great deal of independent films (probably the majority) do not, in fact, take place in one of the two meccas of locales, likely due to the fact that many indies are produced by their writer/directors in their home towns (wherever that may be) and on the cheap. I also understand that production studios are located overwhelmingly in Los Angeles and New York, which would only serve to make sense that many productions would be set in these cities, given the cost of travel and whatnot. But I think there's something to said for the implication we can infer from decades of film watching - namely, that those are the only two cities that matter, and if you're not in one of them, you are missing out.

Of course, every now and then, other cities are allowed some time in the spotlight. "Second City" Chicago is as close to the Big Two as any city will likely ever be. Boston has in fact become such the trendy setting in the last decade or so that it's now almost more annoying to hear about yet another film being made there, if only because, more so than any other city, it seems, Boston MUST become a character itself within the film. Whatever that means, but I think you get the gist. Philadelphia has been seen quite a bit over a similar time frame, but I think those days are over, largely because M. Night Shyamalan's career is a shell of its former self, and he was the driving force behind that.

But what of the other, I don't know, 10-20 major metropolitan areas all over North America. How many movies can you recall being set in Houston, Dallas, Denver or my hometown of Phoenix? Sure, Miami, San Francisco and Seattle are occasionally trendy picks, but what of Atlanta, Baltimore, and San Diego? Of course, it's far from just these bigger cities getting the short end of the stick - more rural areas are all but forgotten altogether.

The saddest, funniest part of this? Cedar Rapids was filmed in Michigan. I give up.

And then...

Sorry...

No "Tigmar" today. I feel like crap. :| Thankfully, I already wrote about Drive Angry. Trust me, I don't have anything kinder to say about Hall Pass...

And then...

Fletch's Film Review/The LAMB Devours the Oscars: The 2010 Oscar Nominated Animated Short Films

* Note 1: This post was written for the 4th annual LAMB Devours the Oscars event going on right now at the Large Association of Movie Blogs. It will be going up today; the event, which features articles from 30+ bloggers on all of the categories (plus one for each Best Picture nominee), will conclude tomorrow. Many thanks to Jess Rogers for running the show (beautifully!) this year - in addition to the just-as-impressive 30 Days of Oscar event she's running over at her site.

* Note 2: I am not a smart man. I was assigned the Animated Short Film category for The LAMB Devours the Oscars, so what did I do? I made sure to see the Live Action Shorts at the theater. Ordinarily, this wouldn't have been a problem at all, but with a newborn in the house, getting out to the theater isn't exactly a piece of cake. Thankfully, so many of the other writers had their stuff in on time, and Jess was able to push me back until today. Also helpful (since I couldn't, in fact, get to the theater again) was the fact that you can purchase many of the short films for $1.99/each via iTunes. Not a bad deal at all - at least, not until you consider that one of them (in both live action and animated) is not available. So that sucks, in that I'll only be able to provide an opinion on 80% of the nominated animated films. But that's a much better percentage than 0%, right?

* Note 3: The following intro was written for the live action shorts post I already put up, but I'll include it here as well for perspective.


It's become somewhat of a tradition in the Fletch household to see the Academy Award-nominated short films each year - at least all but the docs, which aren't typically screened. This is the third year in a row my wife and I have gone to see them, and it's an event that I look forward to more and more with each passing year. They play away from our "home" theater (that's just a few miles away), but that's no deterrent - the longer drive is made up for by the picture house in which they are screened: the wonderful Harkins Valley Art theater in Tempe, Arizona. It's somewhat of a relic of days gone by, having stood for decades (a rarity in the Phoenix metro area) and being one of, if not the only, theaters in town that has but one screen. The lobby is no bigger than a large master bedroom, but that only adds to the charm, as does the retro art above the concession stand.


The setting puts us in a great frame of mind to catch some of that movie magic - short films are anything but commercial, so you know that they are made with loads of passion and heart. Every year leaves us with at least one short that has you rooting for the filmmakers' future, giving us a chance to one day possibly say "Hey, I knew about them from way back when." Who will it be this year?

Day & Night

Far as I can tell, Pixar's entry into this category - and the pre-show bonus for Toy Story 3 audiences - is the favorite to win, and for good measure. It's quick, to the point, and beautiful on a variety of levels. It tells a story of rivalry, tolerance, and, ultimately, understanding, by way of introducing us to two characters who at first seem polar opposites but soon find common ground. That it does so (mostly) without words and (of course) with a healthy dose of humor should come as no surprise to veterans of Pixar's work. The real kicker, however, is the brilliant blending of old- and new-school animation techniques, rendering a final product that can truly be enjoyed by audiences of all ages.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"It's in the hole!"

LAMBScore:

Let's Pollute

Hey kids! Have you ever watched a PSA that turns its message on its head? That tells you to do something that you shouldn't or wouldn't want to do in a lazy attempt at humor and/or satire? Well, then sign right up for Let's Pollute, a short film so bewilderingly obvious that it blows my fucking mind that it was nominated for any awards at all, much less from the Academy! You'll blow your mind when you struggle to stay awake during this six-minute short that says that same thing over and over again! You'll shit your pants when you wonder how it is that a six-minute short can feel long and tedious!

Ugh.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"I want you to punch me as hard as you can."

LAMBScore:

Madagascar, carnet de voyage

Madagascar will not win the Oscar, and will likely turn off a number of voters/viewers for one significant reason: it's 11 minutes long and doesn't tell much of a story at all. However, of the three short film categories, I've kind of always felt as though you might be able to get away with such a thing in the Animated category, as it hinges so strongly these days on technology and pure visuals than either of the others.

In that regard, Madagascar is a tremendous achievement, and a pretty literal adaptation of its title. "Carnet de voyage" essentially translates to "travel diary," and for those out there with even a hint of desire to visit Madagascar, I would assume that this might be the best place to start. Mixing seemingly dozens of animation styles, creator Bastien Dubois infuses each frame with so much vibrancy and life and sounds that you can't help but want to make the trip yourself. Let go of your need for narrative and just enjoy the scenery.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

The Lost Thing

Is it possible to rate one film lower than the top spot and still have it be your favorite? The Lost Thing is certainly beautiful, but in that regard alone, it can not match either Day & Night or Madagascar. It tells a touching story of people being so fretfully busy with the lives around them that they neglect to open their eyes to the wondrous things in their world, but it's a story that feels a bit too familiar to really wow you. All in all, I guess you could say that the sum of the whole is greater than that of its individual parts. It has a childlike wonder, a compassion - a humanity - that, while found in the plotless Madagascar, is missing somewhat from Day & Night, which hits all the right notes, but feels too precise and organized (Partly Cloudy had the same effect on me a few years back). The Lost Thing meanders, charms, and introduces you to a dystopian world in need of cheering up, but in the end it's you that gets cheered up.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"It's in the hole!"

LAMBScore:

The Gruffalo
The one film unavailable via iTunes, and it just so happens to be the longest, clocking in at 27 minutes. I tried to do some research on the film to gauge just where it might fit in, but opinion seems a bit split, largely due to said run time, which doesn't seem to be able to support the story being told. Adapted from the children's book by Julia Donaldson, but in a much sharper visual style, The Gruffalo features a loaded voice cast of top-notch British actors, including Helena Bonham Carter, Tom Wilkinson, John Hurt, and Robbie Coltrane. I hope to catch it soon.

And then...

Survivor: Redemption Island Episode 2 Thoughts

* A good and bad episode for The Rooster (I forgot his name). Good that he found the hidden idol, despite his finding of it to be more accidental than a thought-out plan. As for his confrontation with Russ, it was good and bad. We all know that he has the idol - if you wanna tell people that Russ bogarted the clue (to the idol that you already have), go right ahead, as that only makes Russ look bad. But being the chief interrogator of the big stink? What purpose did that serve, outside of perhaps acting as a penis measuring contest? Now you've made an enemy out of a guy that, arrogant as hell or not, manages to do pretty well in the game. Yet, at the same time, I think it might work for The Rooster, in that if it was just a measuring contest, I think he won, or at least will get the last laugh. Russ' ego is out of control, and unlike his previous two runs on the show, these folks know his game. I'll be surprised if he lasts very long.

* Although I don't like Rob's plan since I'm a Christina fan, you have to respect how well it played out for him and how much control he has over his faction of his tribe. He's made an enemy of Andrea, but that seems more like entertainment for us than a threat to him.

* "I....am an EFFF BEE IIII...agent!!!" Yeah, that's pretty much all that runs through my head when I see Philip. Well, that and "Wow, just shut up, dude...."

* Speaking of Point Break, does Matt remind anyone else of James LeGros circa his surfing and bank-robbing days?


* OMG! Grant speaks! I knew he was soft-spoken, but I hadn't anticipated just how soft-spoken indeed. Despite him being little more than a Team Rob supporter at the moment, I think I'm gonna like the guy. He's gonna make a move at the right time somewhere down the line.

* Redemption Is-yaaaawwwn...

But really, I wasn't expecting much from R.I. this week. It'll start to get interesting next week when we have our first duel!

* Overall, a mostly uninteresting setup show, in fact. Tribal Council was another yawner, brought on possibly by the downpour that started up. I'm looking forward to the inevitable Rooster/Russter showdown, but who knows when that will be. And as I mentioned, seeing Andrea get in a hissy (the reaction shots of her after Matt was ousted were priceless) ought to be fun. Stay tuned...

And then...

The State of the Cabins (2/23/11)

Movies watched for the first time (non-theatrically) since last week:

A Town Called Panic
This is one of those movies where the person who has seen and loved it just says "See this! It's awesome!," and you have to take their word for it, because the more they might try to tell you about it, the less likely you are to find their description enticing.


I'll just give you the basics: it's Flemish, it's in French with subtitles, it came out last year, and it's so absurd that it's hilarious in any language. See it (and thanks to Scott of FMD and Hatter for the strong recommends)!

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "It's in the hole!"
	Reality: "It's in the hole!"

LAMBScore:

Black Dynamite
Speaking of being told about movies...the interwebs were abuzz with Dynomite (!) fever for months after the release of Black Dynamite, and for damn good reason. As it turns out, all of my anticipation and giddiness over Machete was spent on the wrong movie.

Dynamite is everything that Bob Rodriguez set out to make, only Dynamite director Scott Sanders and star Michael Jai White did it a hell of a lot better, perfectly blending the blaxploitation films of the 70s with chopsocky kung fu flicks, then throwing the thickest afro sheens of parody and - more importantly - love that they could find. Dynamite is made with a fondness for the films of decades ago that shines brightly through.


And the best part - even if you don't get all of the references to films from yesteryear or hallmarks of said films (i.e. boom mics entering into the frame), it's still a damn fine and funny action flick.

Bonuses: Arsenio - I missed you! Also, BD is wise enough not to overstay its welcome, clocking in at just 84 minutes.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "It's in the hole!"
	Reality: "You're the best...around!"

LAMBScore:

Music I'm currently obsessed with:
* I've been in an Amelie mood again lately. I tell ya - if that "Valse d'Amelie" gets in my head for whatever reason, it's days before it's getting out.

I really need to buy (and fall in love with) some new music.

Book I'm currently reading:
* Nothing! I think I'll start up the fourth book in the Camel Club series by David Baldacci here pretty soon, and I'd also like to read One Day before I hear anything further about the film. Finished Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon and, as I've said the last few weeks, was mostly put off by it. Smart guy, tapped into the themes and currents of our times, but his writing style is too sappy and not nearly humorous enough for me.

Things to Click On
Howsabout just some general shoutouts to the sites I've added to my regular reading in the last couple months:

* The Smoking Pen

* Darkmatters

* The Ramblings of a Minnesota Geek

* The Audient

* Pompous Film Snob

* Net-flixation

* Jack L. film reviews

And then...

Poll results; new poll

In a runaway, Emma is your favorite "Stone." By far. The Easy A star took nearly 50% of the voting, gathering 29/60 votes. A three-way tie for second followed, with Oliver, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, and, shockingly, Romancing the Stone. Sadly, Edward Norton's latest flick, merely titled Stone was the sole option to receive nary a vote.

Today's run of "#jewishbondfilm" hashtags on Twitter had me seeing loads of Diamonds Are Forever jokes. Combine that with an inability to come up with a great poll topic and/or the desire to avoid an Oscar-themed one, and the result is another precious stone-themed poll. In other words, it's time to pick your favorite Diamond (I left movies out of the equation this time around...maybe that'll be the next poll).

In the meantime, here's a nice picture of Emma Stone.

And then...

MILFcast, Episode 17 (guest podspot)

Because he loves me, and because his co-host Heather thinks I'm more handsome than James Cameron, I was asked back for another go-round (read: NOT another reach around) on Kai's MILFcast. Also on board was the droll, hilarious Frank from fellow LAMB site Pompous Film Snob.

Head on over to The List for the skinny on what we talked about and where you can listen and all that junk. And don't forget to drink while listening - it makes the show that much better!

And then...

Drive Angry: To See or Not To See?

CON: Let's get this out of the way early - it stars Mr. Bangkok Ghost Wicker Man himself, Nic Cage.

PRO: I can't speak for Ghost Rider or Bangkok Dangerous, but The Wicker Man (and Bad Lieutenant, from what I hear) is hilarious, thanks largely in part to Nic Cage. When he goes really, really bad, that's good for us.

CON: The director and writer for this each have virtually nothing but (I'm assuming) awful horror movies on their resumes, shit like White Noise 2 and Jason X and Dracula 2000.

PRO: William Fichtner, aka one of the greatest character actors ever, co-stars.

UNDECIDED: The trailer and plot summaries for this film are wildly confusing and/or divergent. Watch the trailer and you can (possibly) surmise that some shit happened to Cage's character (or family) and that he's out for revenge. Like that Faster movie starring Dwayne Johnson. Read the plot summary, involving the devil and Cage's character escaping hell or something, and you might suffer from Ghost Rider night terrors.

CON: It looks fucking terrible.

PRO: Amber Heard co-stars. I've seen Heard in The Joneses, Zombieland, and Pineapple Express, to name a few. She's attractive...

CON: ...but apparently either charisma-free or not attractive enough or too attractive. I'm really not sure - all I know is that she's wildly unmemorable, since I've even seen her naked (in The Joneses) and still had to look her up to jog my brain as to who she was.

PRO: Fichtner's character name is "The Accountant," which means he must be the (or a) bad guy. This is music to my ears.

CON: Cage's character's name is "Milton." Ugh. Didn't we cover the obviousness of a character named Milton in a film about hell/the devil in The Devil's Advocate?

PRO: David Morse co-stars. 'Nuff said.

CON: It's a live-action film being released in 3D. 'Cause those are always good.

Minor, minor PRO: Pruitt Taylor-Vince co-stars. He's a decent character actor with a kick ass lazy eye.


That's all I got. The final tally?

* 5.25 PRO
* 6 CON
* 1 UNDECIDED

A video viewing it shall be!

And then...

Have you entered the LAMB Oscar Pool yet?

If not, you should! It's free, easy, and you can win (semi-) valuable prizes! Click the image below for details and the entry!



http://tinyurl.com/oscarcontest

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: The 2010 Oscar Nominated Live-Action Short Films

Note: this post was meant to be included as part of the LAMB's fourth annual LAMB Devours the Oscars series, in which dozens of bloggers each are assigned a nominated category to write about. However, I'm an idiot that can't read, and made a point to see the Live Action shorts before seeing the Animated ones, which was the category I was assigned. Not a big deal, as I planned on seeing both programs anyhow. You just get this one early.

It's become somewhat of a tradition in the Fletch household to see the Academy Award-nominated short films each year - at least all but the docs, which aren't typically screened. This is the third year in a row my wife and I have gone to see them, and it's an event that I look forward to more and more with each passing year. They play away from our "home" theater (that's just a few miles away), but that's no deterrent - the longer drive is made up for by the picture house in which they are screened: the wonderful Harkins Valley Art theater in Tempe, Arizona. It's somewhat of a relic of days gone by, having stood for decades (a rarity in the Phoenix metro area) and being one of, if not the only, theaters in town that has but one screen. The lobby is no bigger than a large master bedroom, but that only adds to the charm, as does the retro art above the concession stand.


The setting puts us in a great frame of mind to catch some of that movie magic - short films are anything but commercial, so you know that they are made with loads of passion and heart. Every year leaves us with at least one short that has you rooting for the filmmakers' future, giving us a chance to one day possibly say "Hey, I knew about them from way back when." Who will it be this year?

Films listed in the order they were screened. No "Expectation" score for these as I had none at all.

The Confession
Films that leave their messages open to interpretation can be a good thing. Unlike, say, the works of Michael Moore, a little subtlety can go along way. Unfortunately, The Confession leaves its message so open that you may not know exactly what it's about by the time it's over.


It starts off cute, centering on a British Catholic school boy around the age of nine who is fret with anxiety over his upcoming inaugural trip to the confessional. He doesn't know what to expect, but even worse, he's not sure what to confess. Confiding in his mischievous best friend, the two set out to earn him some good ol' sins so he's got something to say to the priest when the time comes. And then...

If writer/director Tanel Toom has set about to make a film that demonstrates the pointlessness and inanity of spiritual rituals, then he's made a wonderfully-shot short with an imprecise-yet-strong message. However, if he's merely made a film about little boys who ought to be careful what they wish for lest they get it, the power of the film diminishes greatly in my eyes. What's worse, I can't tell.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

Wish 143
At once hilarious and heartbreaking, Wish 143 tells the tale of David, a 16-year old terminal patient who, via a Make A Wish-like foundation, has been offered the chance for something - anything - that he would like before the tumor in his head kills him. His answer rings true - he wants not for a trip to DisneyWorld or a ride in a Ferrari - the boy wants to lose his virginity.


With such a premise, it would be easy for "sentimental zaniness" to ensue. In a way, it does, as the tone changes rapidly back-and-forth between serious and comic, but director Ian Barnes balances the clashing tones so well that you never feel as though you're being manipulated, and star Samuel Peter Holland has a Gyllenhaal-ic charm to him that brings reality to the situation. There's a bit of a standard Hollywood cliche (that I won't spoil for you) towards the end, but nothing that permanently mars the experience. A winner.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"It's in the hole!"

LAMBScore:

Na Wewe
If you've ever seen and/or are a fan of Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill stand up special, there's a decent chance that this film may be ruined for you. It's not all that often that I hear about Burundi, so when it was listed as the setting for this short, all that kept entering my mind were Izzard's words about a cat, a monkey, a table, a chair, and the King of Burundi.

But I digress.

Na Wewe takes on an important topic for us denizens of the 21st century. Ever since the advent of the wheel, we've discovered new, faster, and better ways to move ourselves around the world. Where once upon a time, you might have lived a lifetime and never had the desire nor need to travel beyond a 50-mile radius from your birthplace, now it is not uncommon for people to travel twice that distance (one way) for their daily commute. Where once, the vast majority of the residents of a country were born in said country, now we all are global citizens, refugees (or the children of refugees) from countries half a world away from where we might end up.


The film is set in Burundi in the midst of a genocidal civil war. We catch up with a group of travellers, innocently (?) making their way through the countryside when they happen upon a roadblock, heavily guarded by several armed soldiers. The soldiers' mission is to separate the Hutus from the Tutsis, a task that's not as easy as they might have thought.

Empathy, forgiveness, compassion - all of these things come in to play, and I was going along nicely with Na Wewe until the climax, which I'd love to spoil for you but won't. Let's just say that the film left a bad taste in my mouth, as though I'd not just seen a touching story of globalism gone right but a commercial gone wrong.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

LAMBScore:

The Crush
After the seriousness of Na Wewe, the Academy saw fit to honor this slim (at 15 minutes, the shortest of the live action shorts) Irish comedy about a young schoolboy (again!) in love with his teacher. Elation, heartbreak, and cleverness ensue, as Ardan must battle to win her affections.


The most appealing thing about The Crush was Ardan, played by writer/director Michael Creagh's son, Oran. He's obviously a first-time actor (or thereabouts), but the style of his delivery is so deadpan and unpolished that he easily steals the show, despite being the star of it.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

God of Love
As Vanessa Williams once put it, Shorts International "went and saved the best for last." Comedy is oft-ignored by the Oscars in general, but I'll be greatly disappointed if Luke Matheny's student film about a dart-throwing singer in love with an unrespondent band mate doesn't win the award.


Shot in black-and-white, God of Love is an absurdist fairy tale in which Matheny's Ray must come to grips with the fact that Kelly does not love him, but rather his best friend Fozzie. Or must he? Equipped with a gift from the gods, Ray undergoes a crisis of conscience (briefly) before learning what his true destiny is meant to be.

So as I said above, each year, it seems as though I walk away from the Shorts program with the name of one filmmaker to keep an eye out for in the future. Last year, it was Tomasz Baginski (his beautiful animated short The Kinematograph wasn't even nominated but was shown as being "commended"). This year, it's Luke Matheny. God of Love is by far the most charming and funny movie I've seen in the past year, and all done in the span of 18 minutes. Matheny infuses the proceedings with great wit and considerable charisma, and I can't wait to see what he does next.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"You're the best...around!"

LAMBScore:

Predicting the winners of the short film categories seems about as pointless as seeing films starring Justin Bieber, but for the sake of those in Oscar pools who won't get the chance to see these films, I'd say that The Confession or Na Wewe have the best chance at winning. Then again, I don't think I'd have predicted The New Tenants to have won last year, so take that with a grain of salt.

And then...