TGITDNMAR (7/30/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Just two more weeks until the geek-spasm that is Scott Pilgrim hits a theater near you; until then, more dreck.

Dinner for Schmucks
Has anyone not had a bad feeling about this one from the moment that the first (unfunny) trailer dropped?

I'll admit, I've been itching to see it just a bit more as time has passed, as first I learned that Jemaine Clement had a decent-sized role, and he is pure awesome rolled up into lanky New Zealand form, and then I saw took notice of the underrated Larry Willmore (The Office, The Daily Show). The Soon-To-Be-Overexposed Zach G. looks pretty funny as well; so much so that I'd have much rather seen him as the lead Schmuck than Steve Carrell, who I find less and less funny by the day (currently sitting at a solid 'meh').

But Paul Rudd is nothing if not appealing, even if the film ends up painting he and his sharper-minded, possibly cruel co-workers as the "bad guys" in this comedy about the underdogs and oddballs.

Looks better than the other stuff coming out this weekend, anyway...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 53%

Cats & Dogs: Some Long-Ass Title That No One Cares About
Believe it or not, we actually own the first Cats & Dogs on DVD, but that's only because Mrs. Fletch is a hardcore animal lover. We sat down and watched it once, but as is customary for me, I fell asleep halfway through (this happened again last night with In the Loop; I swear I've seen the first halves of hundreds of movies, always with the intention to finish watching, but never the follow-through).

But I digress (a lot) - fact is, I barely remember the first one, even though it's not as though I saw it way back when it was released in 1967, leading (as we all know) to one of the longest waits between original and sequel for a film that no one was asking for a sequel to. And as such, I have zero interest in this one, however cute the fuzzles in it may be.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%

Charlie St. Cloud
Unless you were looking (like me) or were told by someone who was looking (like me), you'd probably never know that this Zac Efron vehicle actually had a solid supporting cast, including the corpse of Kim Basinger, Ray Liotta, and Donal Logue. So props to Charlie for that.

Unfortunately, as much as I applaud Efron for making something a bit challenging (either a smart or terribly stupid decision, depending on your viewpoint), this flick has "loser" stamped all over it - not so much in terms of the quality of it, which is still up for debate, but in terms of the subject matter. Some downer about a teen who kills his kid brother and then spends his days playing baseball with his ghost? Unless this was made in 1986 and/or has some kind of wacky charm to it, I'm just not feeling it. It appears to be playing it straight as an arrow, i.e. dull and/or sappy. Super pass.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

LAMBcast #32

You want over-analysis? You got it, friend. Nick, Tom, Rachel, Sebastian and myself gathered to take the trip down the rabbit hole that is Inception, engaging in a discussion full of spoilers (FULL OF SPOILERS) about Chris Nolan's latest mind-bender. We talk theories, strengths, weaknesses, and just where the most-discussed film of 2010 ranks amongst the Dark Knight director's best works? Detractors, prepared to be annoyed.

Despite the lengthy discussion, we still squeezed in some time for a pair of LLS games and some Trailer Talk about The Town and Faster.

As usual, the music, as provided royalty-free by Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website, is the bomb. Big thanks to Kevin for providing this service.

Also, we're still on iTunes, and would still love a review, even if it's a bad one. Thanks for listening!

FYI: I started a dedicated Facebook page for the LAMBcast. I'll still post something here when a new episode is released, but if you're looking for a central place for commentary, suggestions, complaints, etc., go here.

And then...

Fletch's Favored Five: Teeth in Film

I've put way too much thought into this list - the only problem is that there's not a whole lot to choose from. They play an important part in Intolerably Cruelty, to be sure, and they're so pivotal in one film that the film is even named Teeth, but a) I haven't seen that, b) it sounds too gimmicky, and c) I'm not even sure they show the titular teeth because d) they ain't in her mouth.

What I was aiming for were the five most memorable teeth, be they an individual tooth or a mouthful. Obviously, vampires are way too commonplace and boring. Before we go any further, how about a lifetime achievement award to Tom Cruise, owner of three front teeth (or one, depending on how you look at it). Ever since this was pointed out to me, I've been unable to not fixate on it (don't think about elephants), so I thought I'd share my trauma with you:


Next, an honorable mention.

Mike Myers, Austin Powers series: Austin's gritty, grimy Briteeth were an important element of his character, and though they're not amongst my favorites, they deserve a shout-out. Sexy, baby:


The five:

5. Matt Dillon, There's Something About Mary: The definition of "chompers." Dillon's Pat Healy will do whatever it takes to get in the good graces of Mary, and when he learns that she's into nice, big teeth, well...


4. Vinnie Jones, Snatch: Really, the tooth itself is pretty inconsequential to the film; it merely adds to the aura of cool that writer/director Guy Ritchie imports into his characters and movies, and Tony was most definitely a cool cat and a bad ass, and his bullet tooth certainly helped in that regard.


3. John Matuszak, The Goonies: What would you work on first - the severe facial deformity or that set of mismanaged rice bits? Poor Sloth...


2. Richard Kiel, The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker: I can't imagine what it must have been like to brush those things after chowing down on some popcorn. That in and of itself is a nightmare.


1. Chris Cooper, Adaptation: It's a travesty that for my favorite set of teeth, there was not a single good image to be found on the internets. I had to find a video clip and screenshot it to present you this look at the few remaining teeth that John Laroche had. I don't doubt at all that his mouth played a large part in his Oscar win.

And then...

Failure.

And then...

The State of the Cabins (7/21/10)

Movies watched for the first time (non-theatrically) since last week:
* Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
I wasn't the slightest bit interested in this when it first hit theaters. Then the reviews came in, and they were overwhelmingly positive. It was reminiscent of Kung Fu Panda, another film I didn't care about seeing until the praise came rolling in. But when I finally saw that one, it lived up to the hype; this one, not so much.

Cloudy has a few charms and a few laughs, but I must have been expecting a lot more of both, since the movie felt pretty empty and thin most of the time. Too many of the gags were overused - even the good ones such as Flint self-narrating his way around his laboratory. Even "Steve!" grew a bit tiresome, though the usage of his translator on Flint's father (an excellent character, by the way) was brilliant. The anal imagery during the finale was just inescapable - I felt wrong just watching it, and I can't believe that didn't bother anyone else.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "It's in the hole!"
	Reality: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

Music I'm currently obsessed with:
None! I've been a bad music fan recently, and haven't purchased a CD in at least a month. I've having withdrawals. It's time to start listening to new music again and/or buy some that's been on my BUY list for awhile collecting dust (i.e. The Heavy's latest album and/or some Black Keys).

Book I'm currently reading:
Still on A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, and probably will be next week as well. It's kind of slow going - not a bad sign for the book, it just ain't a page turner. At nearly halfway through, it's not the comedic gem it's purported to be, but it's well-written with very memorable characters, and Jones is pretty damn funny. I want to see the never-gonna-happen-apparently movie adaptation just to see who they'd get to play him.

And then...

Seriously Overdue Movie Reviews: The Losers, Shutter Island, How to Train Your Dragon, Splice, Get Him to the Greek

The Losers

The only thing memorable about this forgettable action flick will be how similar it is to The A-Team. Wait, I take that back - Jason Patric added some much needed energy to this otherwise bland affair with his creepy villain, a man who became scarier the less he said. The rest is all a blur filled with preening, ridiculous action and over-the-top slow-mo.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
	Reality: "I want you to punch me as hard as you can."

LAMBScore:

Shutter Island

I get the feeling that I'm going to really regret my initial feelings on this one by the time I get around to its second viewing. I'd spent so much time focusing on how obvious the "twist" was going to be that I didn't spend enough time watching the movie with it in mind. I doubt that a renewed look at it will have me in the "OMG masterpiece!" camp, but I've underestimated the quality and rewatchability of Scorcese before, and I should have learned my lesson.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "It's in the hole!"
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

How to Train Your Dragon

If you look up "Overused Phrases" in the dictionary, you just might come across a picture of someone telling you to look up something in the dictionary when they really ought to just come out and say what they mean to. But if you look up "Charming Movie," you just might find the poster for How to Train Your Dragon. Sure, it doesn't hurt when the always self-effacing Jay Baruchel is your vocal lead, but who can resist the Scottish (Vikings)? The adorable pug-like dragon? The spunky heroine and photogenic setting? Not quite a Pixar-ian effort, but a very enjoyable way to spend 100 minutes or so.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "Darn tootin."
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

Splice

I'd have a much easier time reviewing Splice if I could figure out what it wanted to be when it grew up.

Is it a commentary on man's quest to play God and the consequences that come from such actions? Is it a metaphor for the inherent evils of man - not the scientific forays, but the natural instincts? Or is it just a creepy psychological thriller hell bent on delivering a shocking (read: ludicrous) ending?

Because you can't tell me that it's all three. It can't have its cake and eat it, too.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "Darn tootin."
	Reality: "Whatever." (mostly for the ending; it's a Darn Tootin before that)

LAMBScore:

Kick-Ass

The first half is an effective and funny spin on Spider-Man, assuming Peter Parker was never bitten by a radioactive spiders and thusly had no great responsibility to worry about. The second half puts its lead character in the back seat in favor of the Big Daddy/Hit Girl storyline, and that was just fine with this reviewer, as they had the more compelling narrative to start with. Nic Cage has rarely been funnier. The three-minute interlude in which Big Daddy tells his origin story via comic-book-come-to-life are the best of the movie - haunting, touching and beautiful, all smack bad in the middle of an otherwise crass (in a good way), hyper-violent tale.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You're the best...around!"
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

Get Him to the Greek

Succeeding perhaps where Sacha Baron Cohen failed (?), Russell Brand effectively takes his Aldous Snow character, scene stealer extraordinaire of Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame, and expands him in GHTTG. He's still a drunken waste of a rock star, but Brand has the chops to pull off the sober scenes just as well, if not better, than the supposedly riotous ones, making a late-night, lonely call to his former lover (Rose Byrne) hilarious as well as tender. Make no mistake, though - this is first and foremost a "wacky road trip" movie, and at that it succeeds as well, though to varying degrees. Jonah Hill brings with him his own unique charms (turning it down a notch, thankfully) and Byrne is all but unrecognizable as the Winehouse-ian Spice Girl that never was.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#102)

I'm hoping to finally stump y'all with the Expert one here. Seems like it's been awhile, even if it hasn't.

BEGINNER
















EXPERT

















Standings:
J.D. - 28
TheGreatWhiteDope - 15.5
Dreamrot (smacdonn) - 7
Nick, Wendymoon - 6
Clive Dangerously, Justin - 5
simoncolumb, Steel11Kane (Kano), BD79 - 4
Jason/Daniel, David Bishop, Rachel, JLG - 3
TJMAC510 - 2.5
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto - 2
TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Anders, Dave, Big Mike Mendez, Nic Cage, CaptainRon19, TheAnswerMVP2001 - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (7/23/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Expect a great second-week showing from Inception - it's still July and these are the major releases of the weekend? Sure makes you wonder where Summer 2010 got that terrible rep...

Salt
...that being said, Salt has received pretty positive reviews thus far. Or rather, that's the impression I was under until I checked Rotten Tomatoes earlier and saw that it had a 56% approval rating.

I'm marginally interested in seeing this, and that's putting it pretty kindly. Did you know that the role was originally written for Tom Cruise? Of course you did, as that's apparently the only interesting thing anyone has had to say up till now about Salt. Not exactly a beacon of hope there.

Um...it does have Liev Schrieber and Chewitall Edgeonthefloor co-starring, though, for whatever that's worth.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 48%

Ramona and Beezus
Do any kids these days know what this is about at all anymore? Pretty sure I was never in the demographic anyway, what with having a penis and all, but I can't recall the last time I'd heard the name Beverly Cleary prior to this coming out. Hell, I thought she was the one that wrote Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing... but that's Judy Blume.

To boot - this is starring some Disney teen princess I've never heard of that probably has naughty pics somewhere out there on the internet. My desire to see this ranks somewhere in between Sex and the City 2 and The Human Centipede (in that statement, I would rather watch the former than the latter - yes, it's true).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

LAMBcast #31

What do you call six guys gathered around a microphone?

Wait, don't answer that. I made an exception and went beyond our normal (unwritten) 3-5 person rule when I got a message out of the blue from longtime veteran LAMBcaster Big Mike, who joined me, Nick, Jason, and newbies Kai and James for a jam-packed show. It was high time for another "What Have You Randomly Seen Lately?" show, so we run the gamut on everything from Predators to Dr. Giggles to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to Pin and everything in between, I think. After the LLS and Trailer Talk-free Pixar eps, those segments make their triumphant return as well. Hell of a show if I do say so my damn self.

Just be prepared for a bit of raunch, a lot of swearing, and a lot of laughs.

As usual, the music, as provided royalty-free by Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website, is the bomb. Big thanks to Kevin for providing this service.

Also, we're still on iTunes, and would still love a review, even if it's a bad one. Thanks for listening!

FYI: I started a dedicated Facebook page for the LAMBcast. I'll still post something here when a new episode is released, but if you're looking for a central place for commentary, suggestions, complaints, etc., go here (and LIKE it!).

And then...