Notice a trend here?

Apparently, all you have to do to make the thirtysomething star of your film look high school/college-aged is to comb their bangs down as far as possible.

THE TRUMAN SHOW



HIGH FIDELITY



THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY



This rule does not apply to women, or at least not to Romy and Michelle:


I was all set to include Dexter in this as well, but couldn't find any images of Michael C. Hall playing the college-aged version of his serial killer. (And it's a TV show, but whatever.)

Which ones did I leave out?

And then...

Fletch's Favored Five: Teeth in Film

I've put way too much thought into this list - the only problem is that there's not a whole lot to choose from. They play an important part in Intolerably Cruelty, to be sure, and they're so pivotal in one film that the film is even named Teeth, but a) I haven't seen that, b) it sounds too gimmicky, and c) I'm not even sure they show the titular teeth because d) they ain't in her mouth.

What I was aiming for were the five most memorable teeth, be they an individual tooth or a mouthful. Obviously, vampires are way too commonplace and boring. Before we go any further, how about a lifetime achievement award to Tom Cruise, owner of three front teeth (or one, depending on how you look at it). Ever since this was pointed out to me, I've been unable to not fixate on it (don't think about elephants), so I thought I'd share my trauma with you:


Next, an honorable mention.

Mike Myers, Austin Powers series: Austin's gritty, grimy Briteeth were an important element of his character, and though they're not amongst my favorites, they deserve a shout-out. Sexy, baby:


The five:

5. Matt Dillon, There's Something About Mary: The definition of "chompers." Dillon's Pat Healy will do whatever it takes to get in the good graces of Mary, and when he learns that she's into nice, big teeth, well...


4. Vinnie Jones, Snatch: Really, the tooth itself is pretty inconsequential to the film; it merely adds to the aura of cool that writer/director Guy Ritchie imports into his characters and movies, and Tony was most definitely a cool cat and a bad ass, and his bullet tooth certainly helped in that regard.


3. John Matuszak, The Goonies: What would you work on first - the severe facial deformity or that set of mismanaged rice bits? Poor Sloth...


2. Richard Kiel, The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker: I can't imagine what it must have been like to brush those things after chowing down on some popcorn. That in and of itself is a nightmare.


1. Chris Cooper, Adaptation: It's a travesty that for my favorite set of teeth, there was not a single good image to be found on the internets. I had to find a video clip and screenshot it to present you this look at the few remaining teeth that John Laroche had. I don't doubt at all that his mouth played a large part in his Oscar win.

And then...

Recycling Rocks: A very special episode of Fletch's Favored Five

No Survivor. A sure-to-be late TGITDNMAR. Too much time spent at the hospital leading to a (relatively) neglected Blog Cabins. All this adds up to a little Recycling action. So, once again, here's one of my "greatest hits" from the time before you started reading this blog. Enjoy.

---------------------------------------------

Warning: the post you are about to read is in poor taste at best, and possibly offensive at worst. Proceed with caution - and lighten up!

"Stupid is as stupid does." - Forrest Gump

"I like the way you talk, too." - Karl Childers

"Sometimes they're bald because their head is shiny and they don't have hair on it. So their head is just more of their face." - Sam Dawson

Listed above are some of the most famous quotes that the film world has ever seen (okay, maybe not the third one so much - that's from I Am Sam). Their common thread? The words were all uttered by characters that are, well, let's just say they're "special" in one way or another. A conversation the other day got me thinking - who are my favorite mentally challenged characters? I feel compelled to share with you...

Honorable Mentions

Sam Dawson, Sam I Am
Only the man that brought Jeff Spicoli to the national consciousness could have played Sam. Wait a sec, what am I saying? I never saw this, and neither did anyone else. But it sure as hell looks funny.

Steve Barker, The Ringer
Johnny Knoxville, the original Jackass, as a guy scamming his way into the Special Olympics? Brilliant. He and a host of other "non-special" actors (including a recognizable face from Galazy Quest and Supertroopers) do their best to appear as naturally "special" as they can, with varying degrees on success. So wrong, but pretty good at times.

Radio, Radio
Further proof that Cuba Gooding, Jr. - he of eternal promise following Jerry Maguire - will take any job in a feature film that he can possibly get. Snow Dogs? Sure. Norbit? Whatever. Playing Eddie Murphy in the gawdawful-looking sequel to Daddy Day Care (as if anyone cared about the first)? Sure!

And now...the Corky Awards:

5. "Brian," The Score
Okay, so technically, Ed Norton wasn't playing a "special" character for the duration of The Score. His "Brian" was just a role within his character's role needed to infiltrate a storage house as part of a con. But the few blessed minutes that "Brian" is onscreen are enough to make you wish he was there the whole time, especially for his scenes with Brando.






4. Karl Childers (Sling Blade)
If ever you don't think Billy Bob Thornton is a great actor, just watch this, Bad Santa, and Tombstone back-to-back-to-back. Despite never changing his looks all that much, the man is a fantastic chameleon, and this, his star-making performance, is funny, touching and scary all at once.


3. Carla Tate/Daniel McMann, The Other Sister
Truth be told, I've not seen this entire film, but I've seen enough to know that a) it's a terrible, terrible movie, directed by the Human Sap Machine, Mr. Garry Marshall (Beaches, Pretty Woman, The Princess Diaries) and b) it's an awesome, amazing film, features some of the funniest performances of all time by Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi.

Unfortunately, it's not a comedy. Could've fooled me - and someone even went to the trouble to make a drinking game ought of it - brilliant.

2. Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump
He's pretty much the reigning Godfather of these types of roles, with the film having made some $300+ million (back in 1994) and spawning a cottage industry of merchandise, from boxes of chocolate to Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurants (not bad, by the way). Hanks spawned more catchphrases as Gump than he had in the rest of his career combined, I imagine. That said, in my heart, he still can't top...




1. Warren Jensen, There's Something About Mary
Have you seen his baseball? Oh, and a word to the wise...don't touch his ears.

And then...

A very special episode of Fletch's Favored Five

Warning: the post you are about to read is in poor taste at best, and possibly offensive at worst. Proceed with caution - and lighten up!

"Stupid is as stupid does." - Forrest Gump

"I like the way you talk, too." - Karl Childers

"Sometimes they're bald because their head is shiny and they don't have hair on it. So their head is just more of their face." - Sam Dawson

Listed above are some of the most famous quotes that the film world has ever seen (okay, maybe not the third one so much - that's from I Am Sam). Their common thread? The words were all uttered by characters that are, well, let's just say they're "special" in one way or another. A conversation the other day got me thinking - who are my favorite mentally challenged characters? I feel compelled to share with you...

Honorable Mentions

Sam Dawson, Sam I Am
Only the man that brought Jeff Spicoli to the national consciousness could have played Sam. Wait a sec, what am I saying? I never saw this, and neither did anyone else. But it sure as hell looks funny.

Steve Barker, The Ringer
Johnny Knoxville, the original Jackass, as a guy scamming his way into the Special Olympics? Brilliant. He and a host of other "non-special" actors (including a recognizable face from Galazy Quest and Supertroopers) do their best to appear as naturally "special" as they can, with varying degrees on success. So wrong, but pretty good at times.

Radio, Radio
Further proof that Cuba Gooding, Jr. - he of eternal promise following Jerry Maguire - will take any job in a feature film that he can possibly get. Snow Dogs? Sure. Norbit? Whatever. Playing Eddie Murphy in the gawdawful-looking sequel to Daddy Day Care (as if anyone cared about the first)? Sure!

And now...the Corky Awards:

5. "Brian," The Score
Okay, so technically, Ed Norton wasn't playing a "special" character for the duration of The Score. His "Brian" was just a role within his character's role needed to infiltrate a storage house as part of a con. But the few blessed minutes that "Brian" is onscreen are enough to make you wish he was there the whole time, especially for his scenes with Brando.





4. Karl Childers (Sling Blade)
If ever you don't think Billy Bob Thornton is a great actor, just watch this, Bad Santa, and Tombstone back-to-back-to-back. Despite never changing his looks all that much, the man is a fantastic chameleon, and this, his star-making performance, is funny, touching and scary all at once.


3. Carla Tate/Daniel McMann, The Other Sister
Truth be told, I've not seen this entire film, but I've seen enough to know that a) it's a terrible, terrible movie, directed by the Human Sap Machine, Mr. Garry Marshall (Beaches, Pretty Woman, The Princess Diaries) and b) it's an awesome, amazing film, features some of the funniest performances of all time by Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi.

Unfortunately, it's not a comedy. Could've fooled me - and someone even went to the trouble to make a drinking game ought of it - brilliant.

2. Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump
He's pretty much the reigning Godfather of these types of roles, with the film having made some $300+ million (back in 1994) and spawning a cottage industry of merchandise, from boxes of chocolate to Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurants (not bad, by the way). Hanks spawned more catchphrases as Gump than he had in the rest of his career combined, I imagine. That said, in my heart, he still can't top...



1. Warren Jensen, There's Something About Mary
Have you seen his baseball? Oh, and a word to the wise...don't touch his ears.

And then...