Seriously Overdue Movie Reviews: The Losers, Shutter Island, How to Train Your Dragon, Splice, Get Him to the Greek

The Losers

The only thing memorable about this forgettable action flick will be how similar it is to The A-Team. Wait, I take that back - Jason Patric added some much needed energy to this otherwise bland affair with his creepy villain, a man who became scarier the less he said. The rest is all a blur filled with preening, ridiculous action and over-the-top slow-mo.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
	Reality: "I want you to punch me as hard as you can."

LAMBScore:

Shutter Island

I get the feeling that I'm going to really regret my initial feelings on this one by the time I get around to its second viewing. I'd spent so much time focusing on how obvious the "twist" was going to be that I didn't spend enough time watching the movie with it in mind. I doubt that a renewed look at it will have me in the "OMG masterpiece!" camp, but I've underestimated the quality and rewatchability of Scorcese before, and I should have learned my lesson.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "It's in the hole!"
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

How to Train Your Dragon

If you look up "Overused Phrases" in the dictionary, you just might come across a picture of someone telling you to look up something in the dictionary when they really ought to just come out and say what they mean to. But if you look up "Charming Movie," you just might find the poster for How to Train Your Dragon. Sure, it doesn't hurt when the always self-effacing Jay Baruchel is your vocal lead, but who can resist the Scottish (Vikings)? The adorable pug-like dragon? The spunky heroine and photogenic setting? Not quite a Pixar-ian effort, but a very enjoyable way to spend 100 minutes or so.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "Darn tootin."
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

Splice

I'd have a much easier time reviewing Splice if I could figure out what it wanted to be when it grew up.

Is it a commentary on man's quest to play God and the consequences that come from such actions? Is it a metaphor for the inherent evils of man - not the scientific forays, but the natural instincts? Or is it just a creepy psychological thriller hell bent on delivering a shocking (read: ludicrous) ending?

Because you can't tell me that it's all three. It can't have its cake and eat it, too.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "Darn tootin."
	Reality: "Whatever." (mostly for the ending; it's a Darn Tootin before that)

LAMBScore:

Kick-Ass

The first half is an effective and funny spin on Spider-Man, assuming Peter Parker was never bitten by a radioactive spiders and thusly had no great responsibility to worry about. The second half puts its lead character in the back seat in favor of the Big Daddy/Hit Girl storyline, and that was just fine with this reviewer, as they had the more compelling narrative to start with. Nic Cage has rarely been funnier. The three-minute interlude in which Big Daddy tells his origin story via comic-book-come-to-life are the best of the movie - haunting, touching and beautiful, all smack bad in the middle of an otherwise crass (in a good way), hyper-violent tale.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You're the best...around!"
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

Get Him to the Greek

Succeeding perhaps where Sacha Baron Cohen failed (?), Russell Brand effectively takes his Aldous Snow character, scene stealer extraordinaire of Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame, and expands him in GHTTG. He's still a drunken waste of a rock star, but Brand has the chops to pull off the sober scenes just as well, if not better, than the supposedly riotous ones, making a late-night, lonely call to his former lover (Rose Byrne) hilarious as well as tender. Make no mistake, though - this is first and foremost a "wacky road trip" movie, and at that it succeeds as well, though to varying degrees. Jonah Hill brings with him his own unique charms (turning it down a notch, thankfully) and Byrne is all but unrecognizable as the Winehouse-ian Spice Girl that never was.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
	Reality: "Darn tootin."

LAMBScore:

And then...

LAMBcast #18

After a few weeks off, the LAMBcast has returned, with an enthusiastic discussion of the lone film that's been worthy of being enthusiastic about to hit theaters in recent weeks, Kick-Ass. Ob board was host Nick Jobe, along with Mike Mendez and Mr. Last LAMB Standing himself, Travis McCollum. Listen up as the gents dissect the Matthew Vaughn flick, briefly discuss some trailers, including the revolting Human Centipede (which Travis has had the misfortune of already seeing), as well as not one or two but three games of Last LAMB Standing.

As usual, the music, as provided royalty-free by Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website, is the bomb. Big thanks to Kevin for providing this service.

You can find us on iTunes; just go to the Podcasts section and search for "LAMBcast." And hey - while you're on iTunes, why don't you go ahead and either rate the LAMBcast or write a review of it. Better yet, do both! It'll help us get noticed by the overlords at Apple and earn worldwide fame...or something like that.

And then...

Catching up with...Nic Cage

What would Superman be without Lex Luthor? Batman without The Joker? Seinfeld without Newman? It's been some 4+ months since CAGEFEST, and you'll have to forgive me if I've been feeling a bit like I'd encountered some kryptonite lately. What can I say? The man is my nemesis and, sad as it sounds, Blog Cabins suffers when my distaste for him is not brought to the forefront for months at a time. When I'm not bagging on the guy, I can feel my powers draining from my body and I hate to say it, but 2008 was a bad year in this respect, what with just a single Cage "film" hitting theaters (none other than one Bangkok Dangerous, of course).

Lucky for us (?), 2008 was dry for Nic only because he'd been working so hard on 2009 and beyond. The man amongst men is up to eleven projects in one level of development or another. If only IMDb would let curious fellows like myself go into hardcore statistician mode to see if that was a record - as you know, Nic is nothing if not a giant whore, pimping himself out wherever there is a dollar to be made.

"But what are these eleven projects?," you might be asking yourself. Well, lucky for you, I am here. Below I have previewed them, in chronological order and in all their glory, and even provided a Projected Level of Cageness (a synonym for sucktitude, as you must know), from 1-5 Cages. Enjoy!

Post-production
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Director Werner Herzog wants you to know that this is not a remake: "No, it's not, although I cannot fully verify it because I have never seen Bad Lieutenant made by Abel Ferrara. I do not know who the man is, although he has made a lot of noise about this." Classy, Werner. He also has this to say about our main man Cage: "I took him where he has not been before." Where? Talentville? Cool City? Hairland?

On the other other hand, Bad co-stars Val Kilmer, Eva Mendes, Fairuza Balk and Shawn Hatosy. Interesting...
Projected Level of Cageness:




Knowing
Alex Proyas (The Crow, Dark City) directs this mystery/thriller that stars our man Cage as a teacher that, through a sequence of events, comes to believe that he and his family may hold the key to the future of the world. Or something like that. Typical ego-centric character choosing by Nic, but the plot actually does sound kind of interesting, and though Proyas hasn't been all that hot as of late (I, Robot), he's know for being somewhat of a visionary.
Projected Level of Cageness:




G-Force
Hard for even Nic to screw this one up too much. It's an animated flick (brought to you by Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer) about specially trained guinea pigs that help save the world. Other vocal talent: Bill Nighy, Sam Rockwell, Steve Buscemi, Will Arnett, and Penelope Cruz.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Filming
Kick-Ass
Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust) directs this comic book adaptation about a high school boy who takes his love of superheroes way too far, attempting to train and become one himself. Sounds like Spider-Man without the, you know, skills. Anyway, Cage "will play a former cop who, in his quest to bring down an evil drug lord played by Mark Strong, has trained his 11-year-old daughter to be the ruthless vigilante Hit Girl," says Wikipedia.

This is a tough one. Vaughn has a good rep...but something about it reminds me too much of Wanted, and if you'll recall, I was no great fan of that. Though Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin) has a role as well. Hmmm.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Astro Boy
More "teaming" with Bill Nighy in this animated tale of...wait a sec. Read the plot summary from IMDb and tell me if it reminds you of anything: "When a scientist's young son dies, he secretly creates a powerful robot child to replace him, however the robot uses it's incredible powers to become a world famous super-hero, and faces his biggest challenge when an alien race threatens Earth."

Hi, A.I. with a superhero twist thrown in! Could they have stolen more blatantly? That's it, I'm changing the name of this site to Rotten Roma Tomatoes.

Freddie Highmore voices Astro Boy.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Season of the Witch
Nicolas re-teams with Gone in Sixty Seconds helmer Dominic Sena (boy, Kalifornia sure is looking like a fluke) for this actioner about knights in the 14th century suspecting a witch of nasty things, not the least of which is being the source of...dunh-dunh-duh...the Black Plague. Cage is pictured at right in a pic from USA Today (click image to enlarge).
Projected Level of Cageness:




Pre-production
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Yes, you guessed it - a live-action "adaptation" (haha) of the classic poem that inspired the classic sequence in Fantasia, starring Cage as the sorcerer and Jay Baruchel (Knocked Up, Tropic Thunder) as the apprentice. Brought to you by Disney (!), Jerry Bruckheimer (of course), and director Jon Turtletaub (the National Treasure flicks). Good christ - what an incenstuous bunch.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Riot
"As part of the crime-prevention program Scared Straight, a governor's delinquent son is sent to prison for what's to be a short period of time. While behind bars, however, the kid is taken hostage during a riot, forcing a lifer (Cage) to come to his aid." Directed by John Carpenter.

Is it just me, or does Cage have a serious hero complex? I'm surprised that his death at the end of Leaving Las Vegas didn't simultaneously cure cancer. Play a janitor already.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Amarillo Slim
Biopic of the famous poker player. Ok, sounds pretty good. To be directed by Milos Forman (Man on the Moon, The People vs. Larry Flynt). What?!? Does this mean Cage is going to grace us with real acting ability? I don't effing believe it.

The full story from the Hollywood Reporter.
Projected Level of Cageness:




Announced (very little info available)
Electric God
Hmmm..."God" in the title, no less. Very subtle. The story was broken in Variety. Seemed fine and dandy to me until the last line said "Saturn [Cage's production company] is in post [-production] on Andrew Niccol's Lord of War and is prepping The Wicker Man, written and to be directed by Neil LaBute." I'm thinking, "All those movies have come out already!"

The Electric God story came out in 2005. Don't hold your breath for this one...
Projected Level of Cageness:




The Dance
Biopic of boxer/boxing coach Billy "The Kid" Roth. Based on a documentary from 2003. Full story here (c'mon people, even I can spell Nicolas' first name right). Co-stars 50 Cent.
Projected Level of Cageness:




There you have it, folks. The next 2-3 years of Cage. Are you at the edge of your seat yet?

Cage on IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000115/

And then...