Survivor: China - Episode 11 Recap

After a two week break for the viewing audience, the contestants of Survivor resumed their play right where we left them - at Tribal Council, shortly after Frosti was voted off. Though the outlook was bleak, Jeff shocked the gang with news that they were staying not for another vote or anything like that, but to immediately jump into the Reward Challenge (for really no apparent reason).

It was the standard multiple choice quiz style, with the topic at hand being "Potent Potables of China," or at least that's what it might be titled if this were Jeopardy! First person to get five right wins the reward. As there was little drama, we'll fast forward to the end, where we find PG the winner. Immediately, the remaining contestants start their cries of "Shenanigans! No fair! She's Chinese!" Okay, that's a lie, but it would have been funny had they done that.

As the winner, PG gets to take two losers of her choosing along with her on the trip, which will be to a remote mountain that houses the Shaolin Temple. Very, very cool. She picks her old Fei Long buddy Erik the Virgin first, then debates a while before taking Lunchlady Land, who we later learn is a student of ka-ra-tay herself (Kenpo, to be specific).

This is where we really learn why the show skipped the usual "getting back from Council" formalities and went straight to the Reward Challenge. The next morning, PG, Erik, and Denise are whisked away to a posh chartered jet, where they drank champagne, got naked and played Twister. Or maybe they just drank champagne. Either way, they enjoyed themselves. Without gushing too much, I'll just say that this was probably the best reward ever given to a group of contestants - as Jeff pointed out to everyone earlier, making the trip and staying at the Temple is something that very few outsiders are privileged enough to experience. What we're not told is that it is even rarer for the monks to get a chance to see a specimen as strange and unique as Lunchlady Land; word is, they lobbied for PG to pick her so that they might meet her.

Upon arrival at the Temple, the group changed into the native garb, got the grand tour, and not long after were enjoying a demonstration of the martial arts that made the Temple famous. Amidst all this, we're treated to quite the nugget: Denise gives her own demonstration to the inhabitants of Shaolin. More shocking is that she looks quite competent at what she's doing, and under tremendous pressure (akin to me giving a film review class to Siskel & Ebert, I guess). For all the trouble I give Lunchlady Land, I was genuinely impressed by her guts and thrilled that she got to experience this; I can only imagine how much it meant to her.

Anyhow, back to snarkiness and the game. As the gang of three arrived from their mountain paradise, the losers left behind were huddled like wet dogs inside a tiny cave near their campsite. Sad Stick Figure managed to show her winning personality wet again, declaring the cave "her happy place," and generally wishing death upon anyone that dared come near her, let alone speak to her. I'm so glad she didn't get to go to the Temple - if she had started rolling her eyes, I might have punched the television.

More tastes of the local environments for the Immunity Challenge, as throwing stars had to be hurled at cheesy targets to earn points. It's Stereotype Darts! Shockingly, Courtney managed to make it through the first round - given her prior performances, I would have thought the stars too heavy for her. She, James, Erik, and Amanda all make the final round, with each getting one star to throw for the win - get the most points and you win. Continuing the streak, another former Fei Longer wins, as Erik takes Immunity.

Back at camp, the scheming finally gets REALLY interesting, as a plan is hatched to not only oust James, but we confirm what we'd seen only glimpses of in prior episodes: the chief of this motley tribe is not outspoken, wannabe leader Todd, but Amanda Hathaway. The cunning linguist single-handedly hatches her plan to get rid of the big guy, taking a chance at catching him off guard (read: not playing one of his idols).

And it worked.

True, I've been a big fan of James - but he got played, and he deserved to go home. Getting blindsided ("I've been bamboozled!") is one thing, but this fellow had, in his possession, not one but two Immunity Idols, with only a few chances to play them. What are you waiting for?!?! At the same time, season after season goes by where we see the players without the idols afraid to make this play, for fear that should the person in James' shoes play an idol, one of them could be going home. They looked that chance in the face and kicked its ass, to put it bluntly. Todd even knew that, if anyone, he was the whose head might potentially be chopped, yet he never made a stink, going forward with the plan.

Hats off to Amanda - I'll be rooting for her from here on out.

Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Beowulf

I managed to escape having to read Beowulf in high school, but that won't stop me from learning my literature the American way - on the big screen!

It's hard to really praise or denounce the film too much. On one hand, it's a smorgasbord of cinematic magic that gets taken for granted these days - I start to feel old when I think that the sights featured in the film are pretty much commonplace for the kiddies out there in the audience. Despite its flaws (more on those later), the movie is pretty breathtaking to see when you disengage yourself from the story or the fact that a naked facsimile of Angelina Jolie is staring you in the face - the level of detail given, especially for closeups and/or frames without much movement, are photo-realistic. Meaning if you were looking at a still, you'd barely be able to tell that this was created by computers. As fancy as many of the special effects you see in films these days are, to this day, there aren't many that would pass that test.

On the other hand, for an "action" film, there really isn't all that much action, and what little there is is either so over the top as to render it silly, or is made limp by the fact that it becomes really obvious that you're watching computers when the pace speeds up. From all accounts, the effects are much improved over director Robert Zemekis' previous motion-capture film, The Polar Express (which I haven't seen), specifically as it relates to the characters eyes and faces, but every time a horse is on screen, it might as well be My Little Pony that the characters are riding on.


All that said, it's an enjoyable experience, and some of the effects and camera angles (which would be impossible using live action) are worth seeing enough to recommend this. Though you'll glare in wide wonder at how they managed to make Robin Wright Penn both uglier and prettier than she is in real life (at the same time), and you'll wonder what's wrong with the face of the character voiced by John Malkovich, Ray Winstone's Beowulf, Grendel, and (ahem) Grendel's mother are all sights to see (though the challenge of not letting the audience see too much of Beowulf in one particular scene gets to be a bit over the top).


Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

And then...

The 11 worst films on the IMDb Top 250 (and other random thoughts)

As far as the internets go, the Internet Movie Database is one of the most credible non-news sites (not that those sites are credible - heyo!). However, aside from housing a mini-encyclopedia of every film you never wanted to know that much about, it's also home to probably the most comprehensive ranking system for films.

I like their Top 250 (and it's sub-lists) for a number of reasons, chief of which is probably related to my age (31) and the average age of internet denizens (and therefore voters on IMDb). I'm not sure what that average age is, but I'm fairly certain it's significantly less than the average age of an American Film Institute member. The IMDb list, taken as a whole, is both critically and commercially minded, with all of the standards that you might expect to see on a typical critics' Top 10 Best Ever list, but it also includes films that go beyond mere critical success, ones that have had a cultural impact - in short, ones that are loved.

Here's their Top 10:

1. The Godfather
2. The Shawshank Redemption
3. The Godfather: Part II
4. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
5. Pulp Fiction
6. Schindler's List
7. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
8. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
9. Casablanca
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

A diverse group, and one that spans from 1942 to 2003. They might not make my all-time list (or yours), but I respect them all, even the ones I haven't seen.

Which is another story altogether: of the 250 films that currently inhabit the list, I have seen a mere 112, or 45%. While this might seem a shockingly low number for someone who has a movie blog, let me remind you, in case you don't already know, that I'm an ageist when it comes to film. For a number of reasons that don't need to be re-hashed right now, I'm not all that interested in seeing films made prior to 1963 or so. Breaking the list down by decade, I saw that 106 of the 112 flicks I've seen were made in 1960 or later (which translates to my seeing 63% of post-1960 entries and 7% of pre-1960 entries).

This does, however, bring us to a major flaw with the system: as you might expect, most people go to the site to read up on movies they are looking to see or have seen lately. Not surprisingly, people are seeing (and ranking) recent films on a much higher level than movies from even a few decades ago. A look at the top 50 ranked films by decade shows a large disparity in terms of total number of votes:

Top 50 2000s: 3,949,364
Top 50 1990s: 5,014,524
Top 50 1980s: 2,605,708
Top 50 1970s: 2,297,339
Top 50 1960s: 954,565

I think you get the point. Keep in mind that, though the 2000s have a lower total than the 90s, there's still more than two years worth of films (and votes) to come. Long story short - for the films made prior to the 90s, the cream will rise to the top, but there's not enough cream represented and it probably doesn't rise as high as it should. The films of the last two decades receive more votes (and higher ones than you might think they deserve) by the "kids" of today, leading to a list that is dominated by films from our recent past (a full 53 have a release date of 2000+). All this leads me to the point of all these numbers - the 11 worst films in the Top 250:

1. Stardust (2007; #247)
Ok, full disclosure - I haven't even seen this, but c'mon people - really? As I said upon its release - if it's reminiscent of The Princess Bride, wouldn't you just rather watch that instead? I can't see this staying on the list too long. (Ed. note: it's gone already. My in-depth look at the top 250 came about a week ago, and there have been, as you might have guessed, a number of changes already.)

2. The Prestige (2006; #86)
Chris Nolan is apparently the Spielberg of his generation, with 3 entries from his short career charting in the top 100 (Memento comes in at #27, Batman Begins at #96). However, as much as I like Nolan, this film has no business being anywhere near this list, especially when you consider that it wasn't even the best "magic" movie of 2006 (that would be The Illusionist).

3. Hot Fuzz (2007; #180)
In case you were thinking I might not like these films that are making this list, here's a reminder that that's not the case at all. This entry from the makers of Shaun of the Dead (#229) is a terrific, funny movie. But it's a joke that it's on a list of the top 250 films of all time, made even more ridiculous by the fact that it outranks Shaun.

4. The Bourne Ultimatum (2007; #105)
A similar situation here: I thought this was good, but the first is far superior to the shaky-cam riddled sequels, and neither the first nor second Bourne film can be found anywhere. A travishamockery.

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003; #227)
Wait a few years, watch it again, then tell me if it belongs as one of the best films of 2003. A fun ride, but that's where it stops.

6. Casino Royale (2006; #224)
I'll take Goldeneye (not ranked) over this in terms of recent Bond films any day of the week. Of course, that one doesn't belong, either, as I don't think a single other Bond film made the list. I'm sure some representation is due, but give the love to Connery where everyone knows it belongs. Besides, Royale was a good 1/2 hour too long. Ugh.

7. Superbad (2007; #215)
For the record: Dazed and Confused? Not ranked. Knocked Up? Not ranked. Superbad? Funny as hell. That's it.

8. 3:10 to Yuma (2007; #163)
This has to be one of the least acclaimed movies on the entire list - I'll be shocked if it makes many top 10 lists at the end of this year, much less gets any Oscar consideration. That and I just don't like Russell Crowe all that much.

9. Grindhouse (2007; #152)
If you read my review, you know I loved this movie, yet it seems too soon. I need to see it again, more of the general public that avoided it at the theater needs to see it, and damnit, neither True Romance nor Jackie Brown are anywhere to be found, and I'm just pissy about that.

10. Groundhog Day (1993; #179)
It actually kills me a little bit to put this movie on here, but I just don't feel like it has had enough cultural impact and/or has been loved as much as some other films that could take its place (Caddyshack, anyone?). That and Mrs. Fletch hates it. How that's possible, I'll never understand, but I'm sure she's not the only one.

11. The Elephant Man (1980; #85)
This may in fact be a great movie, but it gave me nightmares as a kid and I hate seeing it pop up anywhere, much less on a list of the best films of all time. Damn you, John Hurt! You too, Eric Stolz (Mask). To this day, I can't look at a still of the Elephant Man, much less watch it - stop laughing, I'm sure there's something out there that bothers you in a similar fashion...

The IMDb Top 250

And then...

Survivor: China - Episode 10 Recap

Recap shows...pure evil...the scourge of the universe. Hell no I didn't watch. I went to see I'm Not There, instead.

Regular programming resumes next Thursday.




Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Lions for Lambs; Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

A couple short takes so that I can catch up before the holiday:

Lions for Lambs
When your in high school (or maybe college), often times, though not often enough, your teachers might bring in a movie to demonstrate a theme or analogy to the current events of the day. Covering the Civil War in history class? Watch Glory. Covering Watergate? How bout All the President's Men? Not coincidentally, the star of that film is the director/co-star of this one, which I might show if I were covering the ongoing war in the Middle East.

A bit unfortunately though, the movie feels a bit too much like class, which (as I alluded to with the marketing efforts previously) is probably the chief reason it's failing at the box office. It's preachy. It's lecture-y. It doesn't feature splashy action or much of a plot to speak of, and the sets are sparse, to say the least.

But that's a shame, because Robert Redford has a clear message for its audience, and it's a powerful one that gives the film an edge over most political thrillers these days. It's not ambiguous - in fact, the message smacks you over the face. You! Are you pissed about what's going on with the war, or in general with this country of yours? Do something about it!

It resonated with me, and it's worth seeing.


Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Do yourself a favor and don't read reviews for this movie (except this one, of course). I read two for this heist-gone-wrong flick, after the fact, and was glad I didn't beforehand, as both revealed a pretty significant spoiler pretty nonchalantly. Don't make the same mistake.

This is an actor's showcase, a film with few characters that is owned by each of them. Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke play a pair of brothers seemingly on different paths in the world. A plan to grab some cash is hatched, it goes horribly wrong, and what's left is a pretty gripping drama of desperate people doing desperate things that only pile up as time goes by.

Worth a look for the performances by Hoffman and co-star Albert Finney alone. The fact that it was made by 80-something Sidney Lumet is just icing on the cake.

Fletch's Film Rating (for both):

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Southland Tales (part I)

I normally post my reviews in the order that I see them, partly due to topicality (a review of a two-month old movie has less impact than that of a new release), but mostly because it's freshest in my head right after I see it (obviously). I have to break that trend today.

Saw Southland Tales Friday. In case you haven't heard of it/much about it, it's the latest from Donnie Darko writer/director Richard Kelly. It's about...well...

It's about a lot of things. It has a lot of characters. It is either one of the best or one of the worst movies that I've ever seen. At the very least, in accordance with the previous sentence, it is amongst the more interesting movies you could see for awhile, and definitely should be seen, for the spectacle of it all if for no other reason.

At this point, I'm not even adequately prepared to give it a proper review. I need to see it again and will soon. Until then, if you saw and/or liked Donnie Darko at all (or Brazil or Twelve Monkeys, for starters), I urge you to see it and give me your comments. My preliminary rating:

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You're the best...around...and I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

And then...

Survivor: China - Episode 9 Recap

The ninth episode of Survivor started much the same way that the prior few seem to have: with Courtney talking about Jean-Robert. The difference this time? She was practically singing in giddy delight at the fact that he was gone. You'd think he was the Wicked Witch. Poor JR.

Of course, this is a happier tribe without him there...until the camera gave a few seconds of devotion to Lunchlady Land, still teeming over the prior vote, where we learn that she was the lone voter for PG. Turns out her fellow former Fei Longers thought she might switch allegiances at the last second and didn't want to risk keeping her in the loop. I wouldn't want that mullet mad at me.

The reward challenge, while somewhat innovative, was another pointless "teaming up" contest, where two groups of four, using drums of various size, had to bounce what looked like tennis balls across a maze (of sorts) and eventually get the balls into a basket. Clever, sure, but the execution was a failure, as the two best dribblers on each team just ended up bouncing the balls to each other the whole time while the other two pretty much stood there watching. The team of Erik, Frosti, Courtney and Amanda won handily (guess which two were prominently involved - I'll give you a hint and tell you that Courtney, who was picked last, wasn't one of them). On the other side, Denise and Todd stood around a lot while James and PG floundered their way to defeat. The reward itself was a leisurely cruise down the Li (?) River, amidst some gorgeous landscape, and though it looked like fun for the castaways, it didn't make for great television, as all the did was sit around and eat and drink. Woohoo!

Meanwhile, back at camp, PG, pissed and whiny because she's the biggest loser there (her words, not mine) decided to rip on James for his performance during the challenge. Say what you will about his reaction to her (something along the lines of "Leave me alone, shut up, go away, stop tossing blame, you diseased bitch."), but she was clearly out of line, and more or less admitted as much in a confessional later ("I was pissed that I'm a big loser and took it out on James"). Still, that was some funny stuff - enough for James to declare PG as the "new Jean-Robert." Burn!!

Let's fast forward to the Immunity Challenge, which begun with some drama. Before beginning, Jeff had a potential offer - food, and lots of it. Immediately, a number of contestants began salivating at their chance to appear cocky (oh, and hungry). Jeff gave them all two coins, one indicating the desire to eat, the other to play; "1, 2, 3, hold out your hand," and just like that four people were out of the challenge (James, Todd, Courtney and Denise), all supremely confident that they weren't going home.

The challenge was a melding of Simon Says and Memory, with each contestant placed in front of a table that had 20 or so tiles, each with a picture of an animal on it. Jeff would read off a group of animals; pick the correct ones that he read, in order, and you advance to the next round. Sounds easy, right? The first round, he reads off five animals. Immediately, Erik is gone. Amanda is out after the second round (also five animals), leaving just PG and Frosti. For the third round, six are read. PG gets it, Frosti doesn't and it's over.

Huh? A group of four people, each under the age of 40, can't remember five or six items in a list? I was shocked. Unless there were some rules we weren't privy to, like the contestants having to wait a few minutes before selecting their tiles, this was a major disappointment and a low point for the three losers.

With PG, who was the front-runner for getting voted off, winning immunity, the focus immediately shifted to Frosti and Erik, the other remaining Jean Hu-ers. Not a lot of drama at camp or at Tribal Council, and Frosti is gone from the game.

A pretty weak episode. And probably a weak recap. As such, I present five Goods and Bads from episode 9:

5 Goods From Episode 9

* At Tribal Council, Jeff immediately asked James why he went for the food rather than going for immunity. James' final reasoning: "It was meat, man." Classic.

* The grub that was so tempting at the challenge was hamburgers and fries. There were 12 hamburgers. James also revealed that he ate seven of the 12. Mind you, this was during what appeared to be a five-minute span. Wow, just wow.

* You know what less Jean-Robert means? That's right - less time for Courtney to bitch about Jean-Robert! A win-win, for her and us.

* Erik's goat impression, which can not be described in words.

* Frosti's penguin t-shirt. Okay, so it's not unique to this episode, but it's still great, and we won't be seeing it again.

5 Bads From Episode 9

* No more Frosti. After all, he was my second favorite after James. And pretty sharp for a 20-year old kid.

* PG winning immunity. On the other hand, maybe she'll get in more "fights" with James, which could prove entertaining.

* My fellow Survivor blogger friend Robb is a big fan of the "Outwit" type of players. I remembered this as I watched neither Frosti nor Erik make the slightest attempt at saving their butts prior to Council. A little effort, guys? They seemed content in playing the odds that the other was going home. Frosti, via his superior skill at challenges and his "relationship" with Courtney, proved the bigger threat. Still, weak attempt.

* The boring reward and disappointing Immunity Challenge. Just not great TV.

* The show ending with a cliffhanger (the contestants were told they weren't leaving the Tribal Council area, followed by the credits). Sure, this might prove interesting, but I'm guessing there's no episode next week with Thanksgiving. Damn you!

Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com

And then...

TGITDNMAR (11/16/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

A full slate of flicks on tap for this weekend, with two super-wide releases, one kinda wide (I'm guessing), and two limited release. In order:

Beowulf
They need to just stop running ads for this film, because the more I see of it, the worse I think it looks. Had I just seen a single trailer three months ago, followed by them releasing it now, there would be about a 90% chance of my seeing it, but lately, it just looks like a (bad) video game. Still intrigued, but just barely.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 50%

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Remember The Emporium department store? No? Maybe it was just a California store. Hell, I don't even know that it doesn't still exist. Anyway, what an awful title. That said, since it seems Mrs. Fletch and I have seen depressing movie after depressing movie over the past two months (In the Valley of Elah, Michael Clayton, Gone Baby Gone, et al), this film could be the antidote we're looking for. I'm almost ready to see Fred Claus, for chrissakes. Ok, maybe I'm not that desperate for a happy film, but still. The presence of Natalie Portman and Dustin Hoffman, whom I've loved lately, doesn't hurt either, and it's written and directed by Stranger Than Fiction writer Zach Helm - all good things.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 43%

Love in the Time of Cholera
Hmmm...maybe Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium isn't all that bad of a title in retrospect. The featured review on IMDb says it all about this one for me:

"The story is a bit ridiculous. A young man loves a girl to whom he proposes, but she marries a rich doctor whom she doesn't love at the insistence of her greedy father. The young man then copes with this by having sex with hundreds of women, all the while waiting for his true love's husband to die.

The first thing I was thinking was, "Dude, get over it. I've been rejected by a girl, and honestly, there are lots of fish in the sea." But this guy just can't let go."

And here I thought this was just a retread of last year's The Painted Veil (itself a remake), which I believe takes place around the same time period, what with Cholera playing a major role in that film, too. Either way - meh.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 8%

Margot at the Wedding
The latest from writer-director Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale, Kicking and Screaming), Margot is sure to be good-great, and I'd be all up for seeing it, except...I don't really care for either of the stars (Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Jason Leigh). Sure, they're each great actresses, as they've shown over the years, but something about either of them mixed with the angsty black comedy that Baumbach produces just doesn't sound like a good combination. Was Squid vet Laura Linney unavailable? I guess she was busy making The Savages, another soon-to-be released indie (co-starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman) that looks better.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 36%

Southland Tales
Richard Kelly has exactly one feature film under his belt, yet people are dying to see this? I guess when that one film is Donnie Darko, the reaction is somewhat justified, but it still seems early to me. Let's let Kelly get at least a few great films in the can before we crown him the next David Fincher, okay?

The real news here is the re-teaming of The Rundown co-stars Dwayne Johnson and Seann William Scott. If you haven't seen that, give it a chance, as it's probably one of the better action movies of the decade, relying on the charisma of its stars rather than a ton of firepower and slow-mo sunset/chopper shots.

If that wasn't enough good news, there's this: Curtis Armstrong co-stars as well. 'Nuff said. That just boosted the percentage below by at least 19%.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 66%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Lars and the Real GIrl

Or, When Good Actors Make Questionable Choices.

I don’t want to give the impression that Lars is a bad film, but I have to wonder if, 15 years from now, will Ryan Gosling see a still from this film, and wonder to himself “WTF was I doing starring opposite a blow-up doll?!?”

Oh, that’s right – “Bianca” isn’t a blow-up doll; she’s the 21st century version, a 100-lb. hunk of plastic made to look as real as possible - and she does. That said, this tale of a damaged-almost-beyond-repair young man plays out like one of the best Hallmark made-for-TV movies ever (which I think is both a compliment and an insult).

The Swedishly (?) named Lars is a simple guy living in an unspecified northern Midwestern town. He lives in the converted garage next to the house occupied by his brother Gus (Paul Schneider) and Gus’s wife Karin (Emily Mortimer). Karin, as we learn, is always trying (and failing) to pull Lars out of his shell, and his house, and get him to join them for breakfast or dinner, at one point stalking out the driveway and almost literally dragging him into the house. Lars is what you might call painfully shy.

Somehow, Lars manages to function somewhat normally as a human adult, working in your typical cubicle-hell office, surrounded by, amongst others, a pixie named Margo (Kelli Garner; think a younger Amy Adams) and a DJ Qualls-like cubicle mate. Said cubicle mate, as it turns out, is into some kinky stuff, and one day tries to show Lars a sex-doll website he’s stumbled upon (at work no less – wink wink). Lars, awkward of course, shows little interest and scurries off to get coffee.

Six weeks later, a doll is delivered to Lars’ “house.” Soon enough, he’s voluntarily headed for dinner with his brother and sister-in-law. His date? You guessed it – Bianca.

From there, the movie alternately shifts gears between being a quirky, community-driven indie about a town coming together to help one of its own, and a character study, digging deeper into why and how Lars got to the point of delusion. Though it has its charms, it really fails at both, never being serious enough for the latter or light enough for the former. Instead, we’re in a middle ground, stuck wondering just how small this small town is, and why NOT ONE PERSON is either rude enough or ignorant enough of the situation to tell Lars that he’s off his rocker. But he’s such a nice boy, and he wouldn’t hurt a fly, and he’s so immersed in his delusion that he wouldn’t hear it even if that happened, we’re told. Whatever.

There I go again, though – sounding negative, and the film’s really not all that bad. Schneider plays Lars’ brother as the beacon of reality for the audience, questioning the decision made by Lars’ de facto shrink (Patricia Clarkson) to play along with the delusion. He knows that Lars (and the rest of the family) will be mocked soundly, and the congregation at their church isn’t likely to look fondly on a sex doll showing up for mass. The movie also joins the ranks of films with a bowling alley scene, and if you’ve been here for awhile, you know that I’m a sucker for those. That said, Gosling, Mortimer and Clarkson are all slumming here – actors all too good for the material they’re working with. But at least it’s not Mannequin, right?

Fletch's Film Rating:


"Whatever."

And then...

Monday's Moods (11/12/07)

New feature time!

Monday’s Moods will be a sad attempt by me to tap into the zeitgeist of the pop culture landscape. As we all know, living in Arizona working as a data monkey keeps me in tune with all of the celebrity goings-on and biz news that Variety wishes they could keep up with.

The premise is simple – I’ll choose a few people, places and/or things and let you know how they’re feeling. We’ll all hope that none of them have “a case of the Mondays,” but that’s unlikely.

Robert Redford – pissed off
Judging from the tone of Lions for Lambs (which Mrs. Fletch and I saw this weekend; review to come), the squire of Sundance was already pretty peeved – but that was just at Bush, the war, and the apathy of Americans in this non-protest time of ours. Now he can add the moviegoing audience to that list, as Lambs took in just ~$7 million this past weekend, it’s first in wide release (also Tom Cruise’s first wide release in years not to open at #1).

Jerry Seinfeld – melancholic
The good news for Jerry: Bee Movie jumped to the number one spot at the box office, leapfrogging American Gangster, which bested it in it’s opening weekend last Friday. Finally, all those commercials and Dol-bee spots paid off. The sad news: the last of the Seinfeld season DVDs was recently released, meaning the streams of royalty dollars are likely to slow down in the coming months. I hope the guy doesn’t lose his house or anything.

TV/Film Studios – arrogant
No, I don’t know much (ok, any) of the details of the Writer’s Strike that is currently going on, but I do know that TV is going to turn to sh*t in about 3 months and movies will follow about a year or two later. I can’t wait to see reality shows such as Who Can Vomit More? or My Father’s Also My Brother! – they’re sure to be big hits! At theaters, get ready for a lot more indie films getting put into wide release, longer stays for films at theaters and maybe even some re-releases, in case you missed Gremlins 2 the first time around.

CMA producers/winners – sad
Because I don’t care about country music. The voicemails begging me to start doing so are getting annoying, by the way.

Kanye West – grieving
Via CNN.com: “The mother of hip-hop mogul Kanye West died following a "cosmetic procedure" in Los Angeles this weekend, her publicist told CNN Monday.” Bad enough to lose your mother, it’s gotta be worse when it’s from complications due to whatever cosmetic procedure she was having done. More: “Kanye West's writing partner Rhymefest lamented Donda West's death Sunday in an appearance on Chicago radio station WCGI, the AP reported. "She was everyone's mom," Rhymefest said. "A spirit never dies, a spirit lasts forever.” That’s right, folks – Rhymefest. I think that was just the encouragement I needed to finally go ahead with my proposed name change to “Moviepalooza.”

And then...

LAMB Report

(Ed. note: This post was originally published over at The LAMB, but I made a few edits and thought it belonged here as well. Thanks.)

Well, The Large Association of Movie Blogs is not even two weeks old, and I couldn't be much prouder of a parent.
Already, there are 11 LAMBs posted, and one more pending, for an average of more than one site a day. I know that doesn't sound like much, but with the existing LAMBs all linking to the site, and with some very special LAMBs writing individual posts about it (gold stars are awarded to Joe at Intermission at Work, * (asterisk) from A Blog About Nowt, and Wayward Jam over at Reel Whore - let me know if I've snubbed you), I think it's a great start.

Hopefully, all of you who've sent in entries so far are seeing an ever-so-slight traffic boost as well; I can't say that Blog Cabins has received all that much, but I also can't say that I expected all that much in the early stages, as I'm pretty familiar with many of you already.

That's about all I've got right now. Thanks again to all who have entered, and please let me know of any ideas or suggestions you might have on how to make that site better and/or more effective.

And then...

Survivor: China - Episode 8 Recap

Coming to you live from Casa de Fletch, it's that most unoriginal of gimmicks, the live blog. That said, I can't say that I've seen it done with this particular show. I'm joined as usual by Mrs. Fletch and our trusty, sleepy pug Scooter. Let the action begin!

7:02: I could watch the Jamie/Idol gaffe over and over again, but alas, it's time for the new episode to start.

7:03: Jean-Robert returns from council somewhat in shock, yet relieved that Jamie's idol was a fake. He shows his humility and appreciation by...hogging the sleeping quarters, not letting Erik on. Way to ingratiate yourself, JR - always looking to get in people's good graces. James asks him if he wants a hug and calls him a dumbass. We're off to a decent start.

7:05: I'm proud to say I've never been a "Dollar Menu-aire." I probably never will be, either. Sorry, McDonalds.

7:06: Raise your hand if you watch Num3ers. No one? Ok, raise your hand if you call it "numthers" like I do. Still no one?

7:08: Whaddaya know, James is providing the fish for everyone and is called a threat by Amanda. Boooo!

7:09: Challenge time already! Why do they merge tribes only to split the people into teams for the challenges? It goes against the whole philosophy. The challenge consists of a few contestants being put in boats while the other team tries to sink them. With an odd number of people, one will be left out, and with the contestants choosing their own tribes, the final two left are Angry Stick Figure and Lunchlady Land. Courtney gets picked as she can sit in the boat and is lighter. Poor Lunchlady Land.

7:13: More surprises! The team with James wins. I'm speechless. I have no speech.

7:16: If possible, I'd like to chart the popularity of "The King" from Burger King from his introduction till now. I'm pretty sure everyone thought he was bizarre and creepy at first, but he's easily one of my favorite mascots these days. You hear me Jack? Where have you been?

7:17: Time for the reward. Wake me when it's over. James, Todd, Amanda and Jean-Robert get to go to a 1,000-year old city. They all get a clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol - JR is the only one that's never seen or heard anything about it, leaving the other three to play REALLY dumb. This is awkward.

7:19: Food is served. Apparently, P.F. Chang's delivers to 1,000-year old cities. By the way, aren't there like a thousand 1,000-year old cities in China?

7:21: Time for the Lunchlady pity party. This is the most words we've heard her say combined.

7:23: More fun than JR not knowing about the Immunity Idol? JR looking for the already gone Immunity Idol. Unbelievably, we could be headed for a double-Jamie, as JR thinks he might have found an idol. This is too much. I don't know if I can take it two weeks in a row.

7:25: Now I'm sad. Just saw a commercial for Ghost Whisperer and Orlando Jones (Office Space, MadTV, the one-time "7-Up Guy") is co-starring alongside J-Love's breasts. I always liked Orlando, and now he's reduced to this? Even Num3ers would have been acceptable.

7:30: Todd is rightfully upset that James hasn't offered to give back one of the two immunity idols. I'd be pissed, too - as much as I like James, he MUST give one back to Todd soon or he'll lose not just the game, but my favor. Todd begins his scheming to get rid of James via a possible sneak attack. Then again, that means James has to lose AN Immunity Challenge for that to happen.

7:32: For today's Immunity Challenge, the tribe mates are propped on a mechanical bull of sorts that is filled with water. It will slowly drain water, and as such, will lose weight and can swivel. Fall off and you lose. This does not bode well for James. It does, however, bode well for Stick Figure, as for the "bull" to move, it would have to have weight on it.

7:34: JR goes first. Denise second. 20 minutes have elapsed. There goes James. No surprises yet.

7:36: Erik is the fourth out, followed by PG. Amanda gets DQ'ed for touching something she wasn't supposed to, and we're left with Frosti, Todd and Stick Figure. Frosti breaks into song, which distracts Todd.

7:37: F*ck. Courtney wins the only challenge she will ever win. Kudos to her for weighing less than a feather.

7:41: I can't say that I really watch the original CSI anymore, but one thing that bugs the hell out of me about the two knockoffs (er, spin-offs) is that every commercial I see for them shows either David Caruso or Gary Sinise running around chasing someone with a gun or something like that. They're "crime scene investigators!" Their job starts after the crime has taken place! Do they even have guns in real life? If so, do they ever use them? I'm dying to know. Please help me here.

7:42: Courtney: "I didn't think I'd ever end up winning anything!" Us either, Courtney.

7:44: JR tells Erik that he has an Immunity Idol. Erik more or less laughs at him and tells him he's off his rocker. Damn, no embarrassing usage of false idols.

7:47: Chaos. No idea who's going home, as it seems no one is on the same page about who to get rid of. Could be James, JR, PG, Erik - anyone. One thing is clear, Courtney hates JR. Just so that I can venture a guess prior to it happening, I'll say that the previous five minutes were all smoke and mirrors and that PG is still going home. I'm telling Mrs. Fletch this as we speak for posterity.

7:50: Talk at Council. Lots of it.

7:52: Courtney is wearing the Immunity Idol necklace as a belt.

7:53: Ok, that was a lie. Still, she could.

7:53: They've shown us three votes - James, PG and JR. Could be interesting.

7:54: Finally, Jeff gives the "If you have the Idol, play it now speech."

7:55: With a score of 5-3-1, JR gets voted out over James and PG. That was scary for James, who could have played one of his idols, but chose not to. A risky, risky move that paid off. With 8 people left and two idols, and with him being destined to win at least 2 more Immunity Challenges, James can basically just win the challenge or play an idol. Can't wait to hear JR's going away speech.

7:57: Ugh. A poker analogy. JR manages to congratulate himself twice, even calling himself the "best player in the game." I can't wait for his question/comment during the final episode.

See you next week! Give me a thumbs up or down on this format if you like. I might be able to take it.

Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com

And then...

TGITDNMAR (11/9/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Lions for Lambs
The Kingdom bombed. Rendition ain't doing so hot, either. The buzz now is, will Lions for Lambs, the latest current events/Iraq war film, share the same fate? I tend to think so, but not just for the shared theme. Personally, I'd like to see the film, but even I admit that I know almost nothing about it. In other words, for the style of film that it is, the trailer is awful.

Sci-fi flicks and comic book movies can get away with teasers, either due to some really cool sh*t in the teaser or because the audience may already be somewhat familiar with the characters/story, but that's not the case with a "serious drama." Sure, star power plays a role, but not so much here. Neither Redford nor Streep have been box office draws in decades (to say nothing of their quality), and Cruise has been plagued by craziness and/or bad press for the past three years.

Short story long: I don't see L4L doing big business, and I think it was badly marketed. Oh, and people might be tiring of Iraq war-themed movies.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 62%

No Country for Old Men
Can't you hear it already? "The Coen Brothers return to form!" "Call up Oscar and save the Coens a seat!" "Blah blah blah Coens blah blah Blood Simple!"

There's a good chance I'll be on board as well, though I never really felt like the Coens fell off the track or anything. I must be one or four people that liked Intolerable Cruelty, though I never saw The Ladykillers or The Man Who Wasn't There. The fact is, they've yet to make anything close to a bad movie, so it should be no surprise that this more serious entry is getting broad kudos. Though it does mark the next step towards Josh Brolin slowly taking over the world. First The Goonies, then a whole lot of not much, then Hollow Man (where everyone looked awesome compared to Bacon and Shue), then Planet Terror, and now this and In the Valley of Elah and American Gangster all coming out within weeks of each other. It's a banner year for James' son.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 89%

P2
Whither Wes Bentley? The onetime hot name from American Beauty is now starring as a creepy bad guy in some awful parking lot torture-porn flick? Really?
By the way, the tagline for the film is "A new level of fear." I find this highly entertaining. I just might have to break down and catch this on cable, though I still can't get over what happened to Bentley's career. He was good in Beauty! Really good! I'm flabbergasted. Meanwhile, Matthew McConnauasadfadghey ought to be releasing some lame man-child romantic comedy within the next 12 minutes.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: uh, no

Fred Claus
A couple weeks ago, I got the idea to do a "Build 'Em Up, Tear 'Em Down" feature for Vince Vaughn, as I was convinced that he was worthy. Here's a guy that had the world handed to him after Swingers, and yet I wasn't thinking that he had done all that much with his stardom.

Well, I was right and wrong. Though it seems like the comedies of the 00s pale in comparison to prior decades, he has been involved in some of the better ones lately (Old School, Wedding Crashers), and though he seems to have all but given up on dramas, he was in some interesting ones (The Cell, Clay Pigeons). Sure, there were a few misses and/or clunkers along the way (Psycho, Made, Domestic Disturbance), but nothing that I would deem as being pure evil or anything like that. I guess, if anything, it's his settling on what's essentially the same role over and over that bothers me more than anything, since he's a more-than-capable dramatic actor. Then again, he'd probably be getting grief from someone else for not doing enough comedy if he avoided it. Can't please all the people all the time, I guess.

Anyway, this one looks bad. Real bad. Despite an all-star cast, it's hard not to see this as North Pole Crasher. And no one wants to see Paul Giamatti naked.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 6%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Gone Baby Gone

I’m sure it’s an unfair comparison, and it may seem blasphemous to some, but I liked Gone Baby Gone more than Mystic River. Maybe it’s a factor of being able to relate more to Casey Affleck than to Sean Penn; or maybe it’s because the Shakespearean melodrama at the end of River was not only a huge turnoff, but the lasting image the film has for me; or maybe it’s just because I think Tim Robbins’ performance was more laughable than laudable (and I’m normally a big fan). What can I say – I’m the same guy that’ll take Casino over GoodFellas any day of the week.

I say it’s an unfair comparison because they really are two separate entities, and are directed by two different people at that, but it’s a pretty inescapable one as well. As a reader commented, Dennis Lehan’s novels are not all templates of one another, but these two (at least) do share some commonalities, not only in terms of story (female goes missing form the rough streets of south Boston) but in terms of mood and atmosphere that the respective directors (Clint Eastwood and Ben Affleck) use to tell the story. Affleck sets the tone quickly, with a montage of streets, scenes and people in the ‘hood and a voiceover by Casey’s Patrick Kenzie (which is actually quite effective).

From there, the story gets going quickly, and the film never feels long (it clocks in at 114 minutes), playing out like a hybrid of The Departed and a Law & Order: SVU episode, with Kenzie the private investigator and his girlfriend/partner on the case, bouncing around from one seedy locale to another, hunting down a kidnapped (?) seven year old. Begrudgingly assisting them in their search is the Boston PD, embodied by Morgan Freeman’s Jack Doyle (as a captain who has lost a child himself), Ed Harris (looking more coppish as he ages, completed here by a flat-top and goatee, both of which suit him well) and character actor John Ashton (Beverly Hills Cop I & II). Amy Madigan (Uncle Buck) appears as well, looking like warmed-over death as the aunt of the missing child, and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t mention my favorite co-star: the mustache portrayed by Titus Welliver (pictured at right). It truly is magnificent, and probably deserves some attention for Best Supporting Actor.

Both Afflecks deserve any and all kudos they are receiving for their respective roles. Ben proves to be a skilled director, keeping the pace brisk, the acting more than believable, and the mood unwavering. Casey, meanwhile, a much more, um, subtle actor than Ben, plays it cool and somber, with his emotions held in check until someone forcibly draws his ire. And he packs a mean bark and bit for someone of his stature. The performance is not showy, and where some might have wanted to see a Penn-like release of fury and anger and grief, the role not only doesn’t call for it, it would be out of place. This film is not about causes and reactions as River was, but about decisions. Early on, Kenzie’s partner (played by Michelle Monaghan) is nervous about taking the case, telling him “I don’t want this to end with us finding a dead baby girl in a dumpster somewhere.” Together, they face the possible realities (and repercussions) that lie ahead not only for the missing girl and her family, but for themselves and a number of others in the neighborhood.

You should make the decision to see it.

(My deepest apologies for ending with that line – it was just sitting there, begging to be used, and I couldn’t help myself.)

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Darn tootin!"

And then...

Steered in the wrong direction

I don't usually delve into matter all that political here, but there's a controversy brewing and I feel compelled to comment, as hypocrisy needs to be called out.

The story, as summed up by foxnews.com is this:

"A children’s fantasy film that stars Nicole Kidman and features a little girl on a quest to kill God has some Christian groups upset over what they believe is a ploy to promote atheism to kids.

The movie, “The Golden Compass,” is adapted from the first novel in a trilogy called “His Dark Materials” by English author Philip Pullman, an outspoken atheist. Critics fear that the film, due out in December, will encourage children to read the anti-Church series."

New Line, the studio releasing the film, has repeatedly assured moviegoers that the film has been watered down from the original works, taking the religious aspects out of it, but none of that is appeasing Bill Donohue, president and CEO of the Catholic League, who has said "These books denigrate Christianity, thrash the Catholic Church and sell the virtues of atheism."

"The Catholic League has mounted a PR campaign against the movie after researching Pullman's own writings about his series. The organization has published a pamphlet called "'The Golden Compass': Unmasked," which is for sale on its Web site."

If you're interested (and to be fair), here is the link for the pamphlet. Meanwhile, I'll take the high road and resist commenting on the fact that the Catholic League (which is surely a pure and just organization) aims to profit off the sale of the pamphlet; nowhere on that page is mention of the proceeds going to charity or the like.

I am at once bewildered, angered, and am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise over this move. I have not read any of the books, and did not know anything about the film outside of the trailers that I've seen. In the interest of full disclosure, I would classify myself as an agnostic atheist (at best). As such, I'm pretty offended by the hypocrisy here.

A number of questions here: Would the League have a problem with kids seeing any number of "pro-Christian" movies, like, say, The Passion of the Christ? I'm guessing not only would they not, they would in fact push hard for kids to see it. Why is that okay and this not? Are opposing viewpoints really that scary? Suppose the "church" shown in the film was truly evil - is blind support really what you want? In other words, is the church infallible? Are you really that worried that your kids might not end up sharing your beliefs, and if so, what then? Why can't people decide for themselves what movie(s) to watch?

Here's are some more questions, excerpted from a letter written by a Christian on the news-leader.com website (found via Google):

"Why are Christians choosing to create a hostile environment for this movie to flourish in, instead of using this opportunity to create communication between child and parent? When a parent says, "You cannot watch this movie!" that accomplishes only one thing: it piques the child's curiosity. Every child banned will wonder why their best friend is allowed to see it but they are not. Where will your children get their ideas about the movie if they don't get them from you?

What we seem to have forgotten is that the great C.S. Lewis wrote that people who worship the wrong god, but continually search for the good in that god, still go to heaven. Does that mean that everyone not labeled "Christian" will go to heaven as long as they continuously "seek good"? From what I can tell, "The Golden Compass" is about overcoming oppression and evil ... which sounds like "seeking good" to me!

I believe that God gave us the greatest gift: the freedom to choose. That ability to choose is what gives us the ability to freely love God, or to reject him. As Christians, we must respect that freedom of choice. Here's your opportunity: will you allow your children to watch this movie and then discuss the difference between the reality of your faith and beliefs versus the fictional world portrayed in the movie? Or, will you forbid the movie, creating curiosity in your child that can only be satisfied by watching the movie behind your back and discussing it with peers and friends, rather than with you?"

Amen.

And then...

The LAMB

Just a quick quasi-related programming note:

I've decided to start up a new blog (of sorts). It's called the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB), and is not at all a real association, but is intended to be a central location, a directory of sorts, for the numerous movie blogs out there. I'm sending a call out to any and all movie bloggers out there that would like to be posted on there, as I hope it would be a place for movie bloggers (and movie blog readers) to learn about other sites out there. With a number of blog directories and everyone's blogrolls being pretty scattershot, and with Google being a crapshoot as well, I know I'd like a place to go to read up a little bit about a number of sites and maybe get to know the authors (and their intentions) rather than surf blindly.



It's still wildly raw (and admittedly not much to look at), but I've given it the green light and have even posted an (abbreviated) entry for Blog Cabins there as well. Please check it out at: http://largeassmovieblogs.blogspot.com/. If you like it and would like to submit your site there, please follow the instructions given there. If you don't like it, feel free to give me ideas for how to make it better. And please - SPREAD THE WORD! Put up a link, write a post, get involved - it can only serve to benefit us all in the long run.

Thanks,
Fletch

And then...

TGITDNMAR (11/2/07)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

A slightly busier week this week with three major releases, but still pretty slow going at the theaters. On the bright side, two of them are high profile films, so we've got that going for us, which is nice. As for the third? Well, read on...

American Gangster
This has all the ingredients to be a critical and commercial smash hit, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling it, though I'll definitely see it and hope to be proven wrong. With Crowe, Washington, Ridley Scott, a strong supporting cast (Chiwetel Ejiofor, Ted Levine, Josh Brolin, Common), and that most American of tales (organized crime!), this does seem like a can't miss, but it's still ground that has been tread to death over the last 40 years, so originality seems unlikely.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 56%

Bee Movie
If you've seen the trailer for Bee Movie, then you already know what I do - this is the best Renee Zellweger has looked in years. Finally, the audience won't be subjected to a squinty face with giant cheeks and lips full of too much botox. Renee - get some glasses and stop making the pouty face and you might be seen as halfway attractive again. You're scaring the children.

Children, though, are not the intended audience for Bee Movie, as it seems. With a who's-who role call of Hollywood lending their voice, Jerry Seinfeld's pet project has a ton of clout behind it. Amongst the names contributing: Chris Rock, Matthew Broderick, Ray Liotta, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King, Sting, Kathy Bates, Rip Torn and so on. This has been over-hyped, so the expectations are high - I'm willing to try it out.
Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 41%

Martian Child

The new century has not been kind to John Cusack. 1999 brought us his last great film, the magnificent Being John Malkovich. The true final year of the 20th century (2000) brought us his last very good movie in the form of High Fidelity. Since then? Crap on a stick, for the most part; a laundry list of critical and/or commercial failures, from America's Sweethearts to Identity to Must Love Dogs to The Ice Harvest. Then again, he still pretty much looks like John Cusack (if a bit bloated), whereas his sis (and Martian Child co-star) looks like she aged 30 years over the last 10. I like you Joan, but what the hell happened?

Anyway, this film would get trounced this weekend even if it didn't look somewhat "meh," but it does. It's dead in the water. John, maybe you could give Savage Steve Holland a call?

"Two dollars!"

Fletch’s Chance of Viewing: 4%

And then...

Survivor: China - Episode 7 Recap

Despite a lack of action, this is officially one of my favorite episodes ever. But more on that later...

We start with the losers from last week (Fei Long) returning to camp. As they settle in for a long winter's nap, all of the attention falls squarely on the two drama queens for this season, namely Jean-Robert and Angry Stick Figure (formerly Sad Stick Figure). See, Angry Stick Figure (ASF) didn't get her way at Tribal Council, and now the Big Bad JR is still there, ready and willing to blow her straw house away. Anti-Hulk mad! Anti-Hulk smash!

Todd has the good sense to tell ASF "Shove it. No one cares that you don't like JR. Deal with it, bitch!" Not coincidentally, Todd earns a number of brownie points with me over the course of the episode.

Meanwhile, back at Zhan Hu, James has his eyes on the second Immunity Idol, while PG has her eyes on James. No, not in that way. See, PG, who apparently suffers from a Memento-like condition that keeps her from remembering the recent past, has it in her head that James is/should be on their side, gladly willing to join their not-so-merry bunch of losers. Uh, really? As if James suddenly forgot that you intentionally threw a challenge four days ago that resulted in Aaron getting voted off? James, who you treated like a piece of garbage back in your days of confidence. What a joke.

Not being so shortsighted as Todd, James waits patiently for the moment to strike and tear down the 2nd idol, doing just that (as well as removing the "dummy" bat thing) when the Three Amigos went down to the waterin' hole. He quickly put it in his bag, but was unable to replace the dummy idol as the team was headed back. All was well...for a while. First, Jamie noticed that the dummy idol was missing, and quickly finds it alongside a post. Not knowing any better, she (and Erik) assume they have found the One, True Ring. Later, while James is away, Jamie sneaks into his bag, finds both idols that he has stowed away, but in her haste, neglects to fully inspect them and thus misses seeing the writing on the back on the true idols that says "Congrats - you're supercool and have a real idol!" I smell trouble brewing.

Not long after all that goes down, James notices that the dummy idol is nowhere to be found and figures out that one of the three has it, and most likely thinks it's the real deal. This has him in stitches, and me as well.

Reward challenge time!

Or not. No reward challenge, only the expected merge. Jeff sends the group of ten off on just a reward, but warns them that the game never stops. Red alert! This doesn't stop many, if not all, of the contestants from getting drunk at the reward, which consists of watching some Cirque Du Soleil-style performers and getting fed aplenty.

After the reward, the now united tribe heads to the former Fei Long beach, as that tribe, via being the dominant one, earned the right to stay at their camp. After some get-to-know-you type stuff, the gang settles down to come up with their new name, which ends up being something like "Bring Da Funk." Meh. At some point, someone suggested "Angry Monkeys" for a name, and I really hoped they'd go for something like that, as that would be much more memorable than the "Hae Da Fung" they settled on.

Just as they are painting their new flag and taking part in other Arts & Crafts activities, Jeff rides up on a boat and surprises them. It's Immunity Challenge time, folks, and the game is Memory. Specifically, "What Happened at the Reward Challenge" Memory. Oops - I guess getting drunk there wasn't all great of an idea after all. James and Frosti immediately write themselves off. The challenge will be single-elimination, says Jeff; one wrong answer and you're out. A short time later, Frosti is the last one standing, with Jamie finishing second.

With Frosti's win, the target is placed squarely on the backs of PG, Jamie and Erik, with a small amount of attention still headed JR's way. After much discussion, the two favorites for extinction seem to be Jamie and JR. JR seems unconcerned, and even tells a few tribe mates that he'd rather get rid of PG, a foolish strategy that could bite him in the ass if there is a split vote. Jamie's not too worried, though, as she's got that "immunity idol" in her back pocket and is ready and willing to play it. Here's where it gets good:

Jamie, brimming with confidence, tells the "confessional cam" something along the lines of "People think I'm dumb, but I'm really not. I can play it well, but I'll show them I'm no Jessica Simpson." She actually goes on for awhile, but I can't remember all of it, and besides, I was too busy laughing to hear it all. This is going to be good. Meanwhile, someone else calls ASF a "bitch" and James calls her a "dumb ass" during a soliloquy in which he rips her for about two minutes straight. Have I mentioned I love James?

At Tribal Council, the usual bickering and JR/ASF catfighting occurs. After voting, Jeff (still not asking anyone if they want to play an idol) is interrupted by Jamie, who wishes to play her idol, proud as a peacock the whole time. Jeff plays it cool. "The rules of Survivor state that a player that uses an Immunity Idol would have any votes against them cast aside, with the person with the next highest vote total being voted off. Those are the rules when an Immunity Idol is played."

"This is NOT an Immunity Idol."

To add insult to injury, Jeff doesn't just place the dummy idol to the side, but rather throws it into the fire pit, along with Jamie's hopes of staying in the game. Jamie is simultaneously voted off and made to look like a giant fool. James can barely keep a straight face, and JR and I are right there with him. Priceless.

The tally: two "bitches" and one "dumb ass" for ASF, one Jamie made to look dumber than Jessica Simpson, one James giggling like a schoolgirl, and three words spoken by Lunchlady Land. My faith is restored.

Finally, I posted these in a comment from last week's recap, but here are my updated Power Rankings, which are actually just my list of favorites, from top to bottom, with any change indicated:

1. James (no change)
2. Frosti (nc)
3. Todd (+2)
4. Amanda (-1)
5. Jean-Robert (-1)
6. Erik (-1)
7. Denise (+1)
8. PG (+1)
9. Courtney (+1)

Keep in mind that a few people went up just because Jamie was #7 and is now gone.

Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com

And then...