Survivor: China - Episode 7 Recap

Despite a lack of action, this is officially one of my favorite episodes ever. But more on that later...

We start with the losers from last week (Fei Long) returning to camp. As they settle in for a long winter's nap, all of the attention falls squarely on the two drama queens for this season, namely Jean-Robert and Angry Stick Figure (formerly Sad Stick Figure). See, Angry Stick Figure (ASF) didn't get her way at Tribal Council, and now the Big Bad JR is still there, ready and willing to blow her straw house away. Anti-Hulk mad! Anti-Hulk smash!

Todd has the good sense to tell ASF "Shove it. No one cares that you don't like JR. Deal with it, bitch!" Not coincidentally, Todd earns a number of brownie points with me over the course of the episode.

Meanwhile, back at Zhan Hu, James has his eyes on the second Immunity Idol, while PG has her eyes on James. No, not in that way. See, PG, who apparently suffers from a Memento-like condition that keeps her from remembering the recent past, has it in her head that James is/should be on their side, gladly willing to join their not-so-merry bunch of losers. Uh, really? As if James suddenly forgot that you intentionally threw a challenge four days ago that resulted in Aaron getting voted off? James, who you treated like a piece of garbage back in your days of confidence. What a joke.

Not being so shortsighted as Todd, James waits patiently for the moment to strike and tear down the 2nd idol, doing just that (as well as removing the "dummy" bat thing) when the Three Amigos went down to the waterin' hole. He quickly put it in his bag, but was unable to replace the dummy idol as the team was headed back. All was well...for a while. First, Jamie noticed that the dummy idol was missing, and quickly finds it alongside a post. Not knowing any better, she (and Erik) assume they have found the One, True Ring. Later, while James is away, Jamie sneaks into his bag, finds both idols that he has stowed away, but in her haste, neglects to fully inspect them and thus misses seeing the writing on the back on the true idols that says "Congrats - you're supercool and have a real idol!" I smell trouble brewing.

Not long after all that goes down, James notices that the dummy idol is nowhere to be found and figures out that one of the three has it, and most likely thinks it's the real deal. This has him in stitches, and me as well.

Reward challenge time!

Or not. No reward challenge, only the expected merge. Jeff sends the group of ten off on just a reward, but warns them that the game never stops. Red alert! This doesn't stop many, if not all, of the contestants from getting drunk at the reward, which consists of watching some Cirque Du Soleil-style performers and getting fed aplenty.

After the reward, the now united tribe heads to the former Fei Long beach, as that tribe, via being the dominant one, earned the right to stay at their camp. After some get-to-know-you type stuff, the gang settles down to come up with their new name, which ends up being something like "Bring Da Funk." Meh. At some point, someone suggested "Angry Monkeys" for a name, and I really hoped they'd go for something like that, as that would be much more memorable than the "Hae Da Fung" they settled on.

Just as they are painting their new flag and taking part in other Arts & Crafts activities, Jeff rides up on a boat and surprises them. It's Immunity Challenge time, folks, and the game is Memory. Specifically, "What Happened at the Reward Challenge" Memory. Oops - I guess getting drunk there wasn't all great of an idea after all. James and Frosti immediately write themselves off. The challenge will be single-elimination, says Jeff; one wrong answer and you're out. A short time later, Frosti is the last one standing, with Jamie finishing second.

With Frosti's win, the target is placed squarely on the backs of PG, Jamie and Erik, with a small amount of attention still headed JR's way. After much discussion, the two favorites for extinction seem to be Jamie and JR. JR seems unconcerned, and even tells a few tribe mates that he'd rather get rid of PG, a foolish strategy that could bite him in the ass if there is a split vote. Jamie's not too worried, though, as she's got that "immunity idol" in her back pocket and is ready and willing to play it. Here's where it gets good:

Jamie, brimming with confidence, tells the "confessional cam" something along the lines of "People think I'm dumb, but I'm really not. I can play it well, but I'll show them I'm no Jessica Simpson." She actually goes on for awhile, but I can't remember all of it, and besides, I was too busy laughing to hear it all. This is going to be good. Meanwhile, someone else calls ASF a "bitch" and James calls her a "dumb ass" during a soliloquy in which he rips her for about two minutes straight. Have I mentioned I love James?

At Tribal Council, the usual bickering and JR/ASF catfighting occurs. After voting, Jeff (still not asking anyone if they want to play an idol) is interrupted by Jamie, who wishes to play her idol, proud as a peacock the whole time. Jeff plays it cool. "The rules of Survivor state that a player that uses an Immunity Idol would have any votes against them cast aside, with the person with the next highest vote total being voted off. Those are the rules when an Immunity Idol is played."

"This is NOT an Immunity Idol."

To add insult to injury, Jeff doesn't just place the dummy idol to the side, but rather throws it into the fire pit, along with Jamie's hopes of staying in the game. Jamie is simultaneously voted off and made to look like a giant fool. James can barely keep a straight face, and JR and I are right there with him. Priceless.

The tally: two "bitches" and one "dumb ass" for ASF, one Jamie made to look dumber than Jessica Simpson, one James giggling like a schoolgirl, and three words spoken by Lunchlady Land. My faith is restored.

Finally, I posted these in a comment from last week's recap, but here are my updated Power Rankings, which are actually just my list of favorites, from top to bottom, with any change indicated:

1. James (no change)
2. Frosti (nc)
3. Todd (+2)
4. Amanda (-1)
5. Jean-Robert (-1)
6. Erik (-1)
7. Denise (+1)
8. PG (+1)
9. Courtney (+1)

Keep in mind that a few people went up just because Jamie was #7 and is now gone.

Survivor: China homepage at CBS.com