Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 1 Recap/Live Blog

"Fletch, what gives? I thought this was a movie blog? What's with all the TV crap?"

I hear you, and I assure you, despite the LOST recaps and the return of the Survivor live blog (by my count, the 7th straight season of this - can you believe it?), this is still a movie blog...with the occasional foray into TV. So, if you like it, I'm thrilled; if you don't, please don't let it scare you off. There's plenty of movie chatter - I've not replaced anything, merely added all this other stuff. Anyway, on to the show.

7:00: Speaking of seven seasons, is it just me or does the time in between the seasons seem to be shrinking. Perhaps it's just because I've more or less added a "responsibility" to the watching of the show, but it's been barely a month and a half since the last season ended. Somebody, please do some research and find out for me how much shorter the break has gotten over the years.

7:03: I'm sure I've said this at some point in the past, and I understand that the producers have a pool of only so many people to choose form (and even fewer interesting ones), but there should never be anyone playing this game for a third time, at least not until we're to season 50 or something (coming next year, by the way). I love James as much as the next viewer, but there's not some other potential "all-star" that could have been tapped for his spot (or Colby's, or Jeri's, or...)?

7:06: Is this Survivor or Rambo? Six minutes of helicopters...enough.

7:07: "How does it feel to be deemed one of the ten most notorious of all time?," says Jeff. He forgot to add "that we could get."

7:08: The whole "heroes vs. villains" idea is a great one in theory, but less than ten minutes in and I'm already sick of it. All this does is give the so-called villains even bigger heads than they might already have. And it's not as though the "heroes" were virginal on their way to their golden status; everyone that's made it anywhere in this game has lied (outwitted) their way into that station. I guess it's not so much the setup of the game that I dislike so much as the moniker; only bad, annoying things can come from this.

7:12: Danielle the Villain - who is that exactly?

7:14: Candice the Hero(ine) - who is that exactly? Those are the two members of this 20-strong cast that I just had no idea how they got cast. I have scant recognition of either. Sugar seems wildly out of place, too - she's memorable due to her name and looks, but I can't think of why she deserves to be out there.

7:18: Dislocated shoulder for Stephanie on the first point of the first challenge. Ouch - though seeing that pisses me off for personal reasons more than disturbs me over the violence (which is overkill, by the way). Ask me sometime about my retarded dislocated right ring finger some time - let's just say I wish I had the Survivor medical team on had at the time.

7:25: Okay, I gotta hand it to Sugar - that was a badass, highlight reel move.

7:26: Yes! The chance to see Tyson get his ass kicked by James/Rupert. Speaking of highlights, I could watch that over and over and over again. I'm not yet concerned with who I want to win; the bigger internal debate is who would I rather see leave the game first - Tyson or Randy? Both are wastes of space and offer little in terms of entertainment value.

7:27: Who else was hoping that Rupert would pull a Ronnie Lott and tell the medical team to cut off his toe? Just me? Ok then.

[Times might be slightly off as the DVR has been employed here and there. Bear with me as I just use the actual time and not the show time. They ought to be close enough.]

7:36: If I was hoping for two hours of people talking about how great they were, I would be loving this episode. Unfortunately, I was not (not that it's terrible, but the confessionals are proving to be repetitive more than anything else).

7:38: Russ, so great, Russ. In no time flat, he's attempting to re-start his Dumb Girl Alliance all over again. It's easy to doubt the strategy, but remember that this guy should have won last season despite the seeming obviousness of his game.

7:40: Hey, Russ just said he was the best person at the game again. My idea for the Immunity Challenge: have a Compliment-Off, where players must be the best at telling other players how great they are without flattering themselves at all.

7:42: It's really hard to like Colby when he reminds me so much of Brett Fav-ray. Colby, are you retiring from the game or coming back for another season?!?! Make up your damn mind.

7:42: Only when the cameras make their way to the Heroes tribe do we really see why the players are described and were divided as such. Talk about different vibes - the Heroes seem just happy to be there, while the Villains are already at each other's backs. Then again, that's the recipe for losing at sports, generally. (And it also might just be an editing trick - the Heroes could be scheming just as much, I suppose.)

7:44: Are we sure Tom's not Colby's father? I don't see how those two don't end up as strong allies - they're practically the same guy.

7:51: Ha - The Jeri/Coach romance is friggin' great. Those two morons are perfect for each other.

7:53: You know this is a two-hour show, right? We're in this for the long haul.

7:54: Colby, WTF? You didn't do research before heading out? I know he probably didn't know exactly with whom he'd be playing with/against, but if I'm him, I'm watching (or re-watching) every single season prior to heading out there - at least half of each season to get an idea of everyone is. Hell, read a blog or head over to Survivor.com or something.

8:00: Please, please, please let Rob prove Randy to be wrong.

8:01: Bam! Awesome. Anything to make Randy out to be a jackass is a-ok in my book, and Rob has free rein to be as arrogant as he wishes. Outside of the ever-appealing Russ, Rob is by far my favorite Villain (yes, despite the Boston accent).

8:02: Speaking of Russ, his jealous side just came out for the first time this season, as his massive ego was hurt by the fact that Coach was impressed by Rob's prowess with the fire. "How dare they not fawn constantly over me?! Now I must hate Rob for being worthy of praise."

8:08: Poor, sad Rupert. Even with a flint, he can't make fire. At least they won't pick on him like they must have done to Kid Rupert in his younger days. Still, you wouldn't know it from looking at him - I felt like he would have liked to hide in a corner after that debacle.

8:10: Rob illustrates his excellence yet again, preying on the globe-sized egos (coughCoachcough) in an effort to get coconuts or some damn thing. But of course the Dragon Slayer would take the bait.

8:12: Once upon a time, Colby had a puppy dog, and it's name was Sugar. He taught it tricks, kept it fed, took it on walks, and after a short time, it followed him around everywhere.

Then he got sick of the puppy.

8:16: It's funny - we have a group of 20 (or 18) people that we're wildly (or kinda) familiar with, and we get a two-hour season intro; meanwhile, for every other season, where we have between 16-20 strangers that it takes four or five episodes to get to know at all, we get a one-hour premier episode. What's wrong with this picture?

8:19: So, how can I root for the Heroes tribe and still root for Boston Rob? And can a season with this heroes vs. villains gimmick, how soon is too soon for a merge? Methinks they need to keep them separated as long as possible to retain their angle.

8:25: I feel old or something. I have like zero interest in this challenge. Whatever whatever whatever - just get to Tribal Council.

8:28: Colby, eager to get his hip unattached from Sugar's, is ready to vote her out first after her crying fit post-challenge. Least surprising (yet still hilarious) moment of the episode thus far.

8:35: It's between Sugar and Amanda apparently to see who goes home first - funny that it should happen to be the two players most likely to cry (or appear to cry in Amanda's case) at any point. I'll start welling up now in preparation for the sad goodbye.

8:43: "We need to break up Tom and Stephanie" says Candice...to Amanda's face. Amanda, who is also being targeted as being a part of "Amanda and James," as in "We need to break up Amanda and James." Maybe not the best idea to mention that in front of her.

8:45: Typical. As I'm typing that, Amanda more or less says she wants to get rid of Stephanie. Way to prove me wrong, bitch. Yeah, I called you a bitch - what are you gonna do, cry about it? That's what I thought.

8:49: I vote Sugar out. Despite her awesomeness in the Reward Challenge, she bugs me almost as much as she bugs Colby, and I think she adds little long-term as an ally.

8:51: Oh, and she's so dumb she can barely operate a pen. Warrants mentioning.

8:53: Despite the rain coming down hard on the Heroes as they leave Tribal Council, I get the feeling that a young Brett Favre clone will sleep like a baby tonight, free from an annoying little sprite named Sugar. I'm right there with him.

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