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Sep 17, 2009

Survivor: Samoa Episode 1 Live Blog

Thanks to a four-month long hiatus between seasons, my live blogging/recap juices have been refilled to levels high enough for me to feel the Survivor mojo.

I go into this season not having sought out any information about the contestants, location, spoilers - nothing but what I learned watching the promo at the end of the prior reunion show. I did hear that it has the LARGEST CAST EVER with 20 people, but I'm pretty sure they've had that many before. Maybe this group is just fatter.

And away we go...

7:00: Look! A bunch of insanely gorgeous landscapes...that our contestants will likely never, ever come near, save for perhaps the "Honor the Dead Survivors" walk on the finale.

7:01: Is that blonde girl wearing cowboy boots? I don't like her already, and shall deem her "Dumdum" until a better name comes to mind.

7:04: Having the contestants write down descriptions of their tribemates when they don't know each other is comedic gold. "Better looking Lennox Lewis." Ha!

7:06: Sorry, "Bar Manager," but folks don't generally think of people wearing white tank tops with palm trees on them as natural born leaders. It's just one of those unspoken rules about society, I think.

7:09: I call shenanigans. How the hell could Mick have known that Shawnsay (or whatever his name is) was a good swimmer? C'mon people, what are the odds that this particular black guy happened to be a water polo player? 1 in 1000? More? Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em; most stereotypes get that way for a reason. Remember Osten?

7:11: I wouldn't care if she turned out to be the second coming of Alfred Einstein, I'm not picking anyone a) with a mullet or b) named "Shambo" to be my "Smartest" player. She managed to fill both roles. And yes, I know his name is really Norman.

7:17: Nice, even matchup. Fun to watch. Not much else to say about it.

7:21: The "dumb blonde" girl and the "dumb longer-haired blonde" and the "dark-haired girl." WTF, Russell? Why isn't the dark-haired girl dumb? You're a hairist, Russell. And an asshole, apparently (he must be the guy Nick commented about in the earlier post I made).

7:24: John is...a rocket scientist? O RLY?

7:26: I am shocked...just shocked that the Mulleted One whose name rhymes with a Sylvester Stallone character is feeling ostracized from the group. I have no speech.

7:28: Interesting. We've had loads of villains on the show, but a performance artist? Really? Emptying water from canteens, burning socks (?), pathologically lying...hateable he might be, but he'll certainly be interesting.

7:36: Smart play by the purple team on the A frame obstacles. They are obviously the more likable team thus far, notwithstanding Daniel Plainview.

7:39: Scratch that - millionaire oil man is on the yellow team. First episodes, man - who the hell knows who any of these people are. I guess what I'm saying is that I like Eric (white guy, buzzcut), Russell ("better looking Lennox Lewis") and maybe a little Shambone. Just about everyone else is either unlikable or a blank slate at this point.

7:43: Seriously, does anyone watch CSI: Miami regularly? I must know why they constantly are using guns. It's driving me crazy (but not crazy enough to actually watch the show). I'm begging you for help.

7:47: Aww...Russ got his wittle feewings hurt when Marissa had the nerve to tell him that she thought his blatant "talk to and make 'alliances' with everyone" tactic was making her wary of him, sending him on a small-penised rampage throughout the camp campaigning to get her voted off. C'mon, guy.

7:51: I don't think I've ever seen a group of tribemates fight so hard to be idiots at a Tribal Council. It was like they were cutting each other off trying to say something dumber than the person before them. Who came out smelling like a rose? The ones that shut the hell up, i.e. the policewoman, Mick, the longer-hairer blonde girl (notice I didn't call her dumb), and, to some extent, the Jeffrey Tambor-looking chef. Everyone else deserves to go. Oh, and the white tank top wearing bar manager is really doing his best to top Russ as the tribal a-hole. It's good to have you back, Survivor.

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5 people have chosen wisely: on "Survivor: Samoa Episode 1 Live Blog"

Nick said...

Yeah, Russell was the guy I was talking about in the other post. The jackass Russell, not the black Russell (isn't the water polo guy named Russell, too? I know there are 2 Russells).

I called Shambow ShamWow. So if she ever does anything amazing, I'd like them to go "Sham WOW!"

Mrs Fletch said...

That redneck guy seems like a real ass too (he's on the same team as evil Russell). I feel sorry for the other teammates.

Anonymous said...

That russell guy is cool, people who try that hard to be a jerk are usually pretty interesting, and stop bagging on hot, dumb blondes just because your wife reads the site... theyre the best!!! Nice work bringing back the live blogging...


Robb said...

Glad you are keeping up the good fight here Fletch. My blog is full of cobwebs for now, and though I'm gearing up for a re-birth, it isn't going to be in time for this Survivor season.

I hate the oil-man Russell. Coach was a great villain because he believed his own nonsense. This guy just wants to be famous for being on TV, and he isn't going to out-do Fairplay. Boring! But as long as he is around the producers are going to make it all about him, so I hope they wise up soon and get him the heck out of there. I don't feel particularly sorry for the girl he booted off though, as she did manage to make two enemies in two days, which is no way to play Survivor, even if both of your enemies are jack-asses.

I'm positive they've had 20 players before, but I heard the "biggest cast" thing too, I wonder what that is about? And, more importantly, when are people going to stop showing up on the island wearing business clothes? Have you ever watched Survivor before? Why would you even pack a suit? If they say they are taking you to a photo op, it is just a trick! But then, no doubt half of them don't know how to build a fire either, so maybe I'm just expecting too much. :)

Fletch said...

Nick: water polo guy is named Jaison. But he might as well be named Russell - let's have an all-Russell cast! ;P

Likin' the ShamWOW idea...

Gay: "people who try that hard to be a jerk are usually pretty interesting"

Hmmm...stop looking in the mirror, Gay.

I didn't bag on the young blondies, but now that you mention it, I didn't find them particularly interesting or hot, either.

Robb: the business clothes. The boots. The high heels. These people are so, so adept at making me not root for them right away. If and when I fill out my application and get on the show, I'll be wearing Adidas or Nike from head to toe when I arrive in exotic locale TBD. And I'll probably be wearing extra socks, underwear, t-shirts, etc. I ain't taking any chances.