TGITDNMAR (9/11/09) (brief edition)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The NFL is back. Temperatures are on their way down (which is a good thing here in Phoenix). It's birthday season in the Fletch family. A new CD from a much-liked band and a new book by my favorite author are either here now or coming very soon. There are numerous new televisions shows that I'm actually interested in seeing (among them, Community, Bored to Death and maybe Flashforward). Yes, it's a good time in the land of Blog Cabins. Will the movie gods make it even better?

9
Seen it. Reviewed it. You should totally go comment on it, thereby earning valuable karma points which can be traded in for fantastic prizes later in life.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

I Can Do Bad All By Myself
One of these days, I'm gonna have to have a Tyler Perry Film Festival, where I endure all of his efforts. That day will be the day that I plan on shooting myself, and I will use the film festival as motivation to complete the task.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Sorority Row
Have you seen Rumer Willis' jawline? I mean, have you seen it? Actually, I guess the better question is, have you seen the rest of her face, since her jaw takes up half of it.

Ok, I apologize - digs at peoples' looks (minus Nic Cage) are weak and petty. That was totally uncalled for. I actually think that, her gigantic, manly jaw notwithstanding, Rumer is an attractive girl.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

Whiteout
The head film reviewer for The Arizona Republic, Bill Goodykoontz, had a nice article that was printed in today's paper about the disturbing (and growing) trend of studios pulling their movies from critics' hands via not having advance screenings. Whiteout, Sorority Row, and the Tyler Perry flick were all sans advance critics' screenings this week, leaving the paper with no wide release reviews for their Movie Preview section today (9's review was printed with Wednesday's paper).

It's a disturbing trend indeed, made even weirder by the transparency of it all. Anyone who pays any attention to movie reviewing ought to know by now that this practice all but guarantees that the film at hand is a piece of crap (though Perry does it out of spite, more or less, as referenced in the article). Want to see a bad movie? Go see the one that hasn't been reviewed anywhere. Of course, Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb will have you tagged as rotten or fresh within moments of your release anyhow, so studios, your running from critics is pointless.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 5%

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: 9

This ought to be one of the earlier reviews you'll see of this flick, so I think I can get away with this horrible shtick. Rhyme not really intended.

Nine things about the movie I saw on the ninth day of the ninth month of 2009, 9:

1. It's damn short. Based on a 2005 short film of the same name, 9 clocks in at a mere 79 minutes. Not surprisingly, this leaves it a bit short in the story department. The viewer is plunked into a dystopian, Matrix-like (the "real world of the Matrix) world in which the machines have taken over...sort of. We're meant to feel the same disorientation of the lead character, a rag doll robot named, of course, 9. However, it might not have been such a good idea to leave your audience disoriented for 1/8 of the running time.

2. The animation is beautiful, though perhaps a bit too familiar, evoking images and atmospheres seem frequently as of late. The opening sequence could double for Coraline. The coloring of 9's world and the eyes of 9 and his "people" look an awful lot like those of a cute little Pixar robot.

3. Also familiar is 9's "act first, fear later" attitude, reminiscent of the brave rat that was the star of the recent Tale of Desperaux. As are the art-deco monsters and general storyline, which feel somewhat copped from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Basically, there's not a lot about 9 that feels fresh or new, and there are cliches aplenty...

4. ...Including the use of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," which was eye roll-inducing. I thought John Woo had hijacked the film for a moment. At least it wasn't a slow-motion scene.

5. That said, possibly the best thing that 9 has going for it is its tremendous character design. By making the Stitchpunks (as they're apparently called) look neither human nor robotic, we're greeted with adorable creatures that are as fun to look at still as they are when they're running...and they look pretty funny when they're on the move.

6. I fell asleep at one point...during the first of two climaxes. Not good (though I wasn't out long, if that helps).

7. It has an interesting, eclectic, voice cast, with Elijah Wood (9), Martin Landau, Christopher Plummer, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly, and Crispin Glover (who, of course, voices the "weird" rag doll).

8. How this film received the same rating as such other 2009 films as Obsessed, The Haunting in Connecticut, Fast & Furious, The Proposal, Terminator: Salvation, etc., etc. - with a PG-13 - is beyond me. The Secret of Nimh - albeit released in 1982 at a time when films were obviously rated differently - contains what I would recall to be scarier content, and was rated G. Ratings fodder aside, the content is not at a "13 and above" level; this is a film made for 8-12 year olds.

9. Though tonally totally different, 9 fits in a category with another recent animated film, spring's Monsters vs. Aliens. Both borrowed heavily from any and all available sources, are entertaining yet not compelling, in the end feeling more like innocent, empty eye candy than the more substantial works of their peers. Whether that is faint praise or condemnation, I leave to you and your tastes.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

And then...

Gasp! (Also, Poll results/New Poll)

No more Survivor - what am I supposed to do now? Write just about movies? Well, a Lymelife review is due any day now, and Mrs. Fletch and I are headed to see the new Terminator film in just a few minutes, but in the meantime, what say we review the results of the last poll?

Looks like the a healthy chunk of you were smarter than me, having skipped X-Men Origins: Wolverine altogether (40%). The rest of the votes were a smattering of "best parts" from that gawdawful film, with the opening credits, a nekkid Hugh Jackman, Deadpool, and the District 9 trailer leading the way.

Speaking of District 9, am I the only one distressed by the fact that there are no less than three films being released by the end of the year with some form of the number nine in their title? How unimaginative is that sh*t? I'd be more distressed, but I'm wildly looking forward to two of them (perhaps you can guess which one I'm not cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs over). Anyway, I'm wondering which one you're most interested in seeing...

And then...