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Mar 28, 2011

Burning Questions: Mallrats

For the first time, we feature a guest post here for Burning Questions. Jason Soto of Invasion of the B Movies couldn't quite find the right place to post this on his site(s) (Mallrats not being a B movie and all), so he's donated it to the cause. It's not fashioned entirely in the usage I typically do (mine are typically in regards to logic errors), but you'll find that it burns a hole in your head all the same...

Alright, so everyone here seen Mallrats, right? The second Kevin Smith film? Takes place in a mall? Well in case you haven't I'll give you a quick rundown.

Two guys spend a day in a mall and wacky things happen. Done.

Ok, now for those of you (like me) who seen the movie countless times, let me recount the scene then get to my question.

So Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is producing a dating game show and it's gonna be filmed live in the mall. Why? Why not?! Anyway, Quint's ex-girlfriend is gonna be a contestant on the show, which is pretty much a rip-off of "The Dating Game". Quint wants to get back with his girlfriend so he comes up with a plan to fill in for the three suitors who are trying to win the date with the ex-girlfriend. Quint enlists the help of Jay to get the suitors so stoned they can't go on. The problem is he only got two of them stoned, leaving a third one (Gill Hicks) left. Since they didn't have time to dispatch the third guy, they go on with Gill. So here's the question:

What would've it been like if Jay did get Gill stoned, leaving a third spot open AND Jay had to go on stage with Quint and Brodie? That would've been fucking hilarious! Be like:

Brandi: "Suitor number three: describe our date"
Jay: "First, girl, we go back to my Mom's place, where I make her cook us some scrambled eggs, while that's happening, we smoke a big fat blunt! Then after the meal, we go back up to my room and BICKITY BAM!! We're fucking!! All sorts of styles, baby! Snootchies!!!"

Tell me that wouldn't be funny?

2 people have chosen wisely: on "Burning Questions: Mallrats"

JacksSmirkingRevenge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JacksSmirkingRevenge said...

Hey Richard Dawson, go back to your podium til it's time to play the feud.