LOST Episode 1 Breakdown

A pretty solid season premiere last night, you can’t beat two hours of Lost after a 6 month hiatus, sure there were the usual solutions to their lame mysteries that made no sense, but we’ve grown to accept that over the years. So the big Season 6 Plot seems to be them doing two alternate timelines, one where Jack’s big plan to blow up the Swan worked, and one where it did not. They kicked us off with Jack on Flight 815, not crashing this time, just getting constantly annoyed by fellow passenger Rose (at least some things don’t change in alternate realities), and those disturbing old people PDA’s. Let’s just hope these alternate realities fizzle out quickly, do any of us care what would have happened to any of the people if the flight hadn’t crashed, I know I don’t, they’re mostly just regular folk, they even had to make a lame plot about Kate escaping from custody to try to make their lame alternate reality interesting.

Obviously Katie escaping from custody and outsmarting that cop for the 25th time is a little farfetched, but luckily it is not the only gaping plot hole in the absurd alternate reality. Right off the bat I suspected a dream or some lame flashforward fakeout from the producers since Jack’s hair was much longer than the buzz cut he initially sported on Flight 815. Then there was the fact that good old Desmondo was on the flight, even if the island had been blown up, and Dez’s around the world Sailing trip had been successful, why in the hell would he be flying from Austrailia to Los Angeles, the only logical explanation of course is that Desmondo’s powers carried over when the timelines split and he remembered the original timeline, and took Flight 815 so he could hang out with his old Island buddies.

Then they changed the Charlie timeline, originally when the plane crashed Chaz had just dropped his heroin in the toilet and was about to flush, so we’re now led to believe if the plane hadn’t crashed he would have picked the H out of the toilet and swallowed it? I’m not biting, plus if he was suicidal, there are a lot of better ways to do it than choking on a bag of H that is probably covered in that blue airplane toilet water. It was nice of Dominic Monaghan and Boone to come back for an episode for their lame alternate timeline, I was a little disappointed they couldn’t get Shannon, not like the actress has anything going on, and what was the explanation for where she was the whole flight while Boone and Locke chewed the fat. Also, humourous to think of Frogurt and Artz being pumped for the alternate timeline, so they could cash one more paycheck . Lastly, what was the deal with Christian Shepherd’s coffin going missing, didn’t Jackie find that coffin on the Island in Episode 2, so it had to be on the flight; there is a simple explanation for that one at least, that clerk Jack talked to clearly had a necrophiliac look to him, he was probably having some fun with Christian’s corpse in the back, and will return it to Jackie after a few days. That Christian is a dashing fella, we might also remember him as Bob Warner, one of the few lucky actors to pull off the double dip of the two best shows on tv, Lost and 24. Anyway obviously this alternate storyline is going to go on for a few more episodes and only continue to get lamer. If we wanted to see side by side alternate relaties we could watch that lame Gwyneth Paltrow movie or that episode of Scrubs where J.D. does/does not get caught checking out some girl’s rack.

Despite the classic Lostiness of throwing in a lame plot line, all the other storylines they have going on seem to be firing on all cylinders, the H-bomb team teleported through time to wherever Sun and her gang are at, another solid brawl between Jack and Sawyer and the “heart-breaking” goodbye between Sawyer and Juliet (I don’t care what Irwin’s readers think, Penny and Desmond, they aren’t). At least Miles got a chance to use his talking to the dead powers, as I requested. Also awesome to see the ghost of Jacob, turns out Hugo’s insanity really worked out for the good of the team, hopefully Jacob and Hurley form some kind of super team like Pat Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg. They did finally show us the temple and sure enough there was quite a team of Others hanging out there, leading us to the patented Lost contrived way to add new characters at the beginning of a season. Let’s delve into that quickly…

In Season 2 they had the tail section joining up with team (Ana Lucia, Libby, and Bernard, three misfires right there), some psycho Scotsman hanging out down the Hatch (Yes! Desmondo!), as well as a kidnapped ballooner they suspected of being an Other (Ben, another strong character). In Season three they introduced the Others (Juliet and Tom, not bad) and had two random wierdos pretending they were there the whole time (Nikki and Paolo, so hated the fans made the producers kill them off). In Season 4 Widmore’s team came to the island for some wacky hijinks (Farady, Miles, Charlotte, and Lapidus; Faraday and Miles added something to the table). In Season 5 they already had too many characters, but still felt the need to add a bunch of Dharma bit players through the time traveling angle (Rog Linus, Phil, Horus, Radzinsky), a couple old school Others (Alpert’s role was dialed up, a Young Hawking and Widmore also served to annoy) and some new plane crash survivors (Ilana is the only one left I think). Now in Season 6 it appears the Temple posse is the latest bunch of actors to join the cast, namely that John Lennon wannabe and samurai wannabe, possibly Cindy the annoying flight attendant also, after one episode I would say the chances of them panning out are pretty remote.

On the other side of the Island nothing really happened, Jacob’s old enemy revealed that he was the smoke monster, and that yes he really can’t pass through ash, then he yelled at Ben and kidnapped Alpert, some pretty uneventful happenings after the crescendo of killing Jacob, but it looks like they are setting up a faceoff against Jacob’s enemy and it looks like he’ll be staying in John Locke’s body or at least his smokey counterpart. Hopefully Team Jacob can rally and pull off the upset, a strong move by Jake preserving Sayid, that guy is kind of badass, definitely a good fella to have on your side in any upcoming war. So all in all a decent first episode, we’ll just have to wait and see where the rest of the season takes us…