Survivor: Samoa Episode 7 Recap/Live Blog

So...who's gonna die tonight? Are you ready for some football? Well tough, but Survivor seems to always be good for some rough play. Off we go...

7:01: We're coming to you live from Eric's fabulous Tree Cave Hole Thing. Slightly ingenious, but mostly weird. Cracks me up every time I see him in there.

7:02: Uh-oh...someone just said "bros before hos" - time to take another shot. Time to change the game - we will now take shots for every time they show Eric in his Tree Cave Hole. I expect to be drunk by the midway point.

7:07: You know what the best thing is about the next episode after an episode where no one was voted out? We get equal time for each tribe at the start of the show. How refreshing.

7:09: Ingenious plan by the Galu guys making ShamWow their new "leader" (there's a Leadership Necklace? WTF?!?). This ought to equal some high, high comedy.

7:10: You know what's one thing that I never, ever needed to see in this lifetime? ShamWow's armpit hair. Kill me quickly.

7:11: The reward is lunch on a boat? And the contestants are thrilled? Sounds like a sh*tty reward to me. You're on an island! You see the ocean every friggin' day; whoopity do if it happens to be from a boat! Sure, the lunch is sure to be nicer than their normal diet of rice and unspiced fish, but I can think of many much better challenges (shower with spa, tools, a toilet, etc.).

7:13: If someone gets injured playing Memory, it might be time to cancel the show...

7:14: Going back a minute or two...um, since Shambo is sitting out of the challenge, she had to assign a decision maker for the tribe? What is going on here - when did this show turn into preschool? Of course, an amusing bit of course did ensue when her choice was immediately poo-pooed by Kevin Spacey, after which Sham immediately acquiesced. Some leader.

7:16: A few minutes ago, Mrs. Fletch mentioned that the blonde girl on Galu that we've barely seen or heard from looks like Scarlett Johansson. True that. Strange, then, that she is the lone invisible player remaining. CBS, why aren't you spotlighting this person? Of course, this gives me an excuse to put up a ScarJo picture, so win-win.

7:18: Of course, as I'm typing that, Invisigirl is given a spotlight in the confessional. Her name is Kelly! Hi Kelly, nice to meet you.

7:19: In case you couldn't tell, I didn't care much for that challenge. Bo-ring. I did enjoy watching ShamWow attempt to hold back her smirk when she sent the player she most hates, Laura, off to the other camp, thereby missing out on the reward. I'm no ShamLover, but Laura, who hates ShamWow as well, really looks like a bitch. I'm glad she got sent.

7:23: "I'm a womens' minister. I don't want to be a pastor of men; I don't think that's a woman's role," says Laura. No wonder I don't like her - I can think of about eight reasons just in that sentence why I don't like her.

7:25: Brilliant, Russell. Laura's not there 10 minutes (seemingly) and he's all over her like white on rice, working his cajun mojo charm.

7:26: Monica reminds me of a former Survivor player, but I have no idea whom.

7:26: See? They go out on this supposed reward, and what happens? They're put to work and fed beef stew. I'd have rather not gone. Jerks.

7:34: Women are so funny. If I were in Shambo's shoes (or Laura's) and my hated rival just got back from an exile of sorts, the last thing I'm doing is giving him a hug.

7:35: Shambo's been there for two weeks and she barely knows John's name. I don't feel so bad now.

7:35: This episode is really starting to piss me off. Jeff just bitched at Foa Foa because no one was wearing the vaunted Leadership Necklace. Heaven forbid! Thank goodness they told him that they did, in fact, still have an All-Hallowed Leader and that they merely felt the necklace was bad luck. Jeff was about to tattle on them to Principal Belding or something like that.

7:40: That looked like one of the harder puzzles that the game team has drawn up. Galu wins again! Liz...Jaison...who will be going home? I'll stick with Liz; Russell might be pissed at Jaison, but losing teams always seem to stick to the "we need men for the challenges!" tactic.

7:42: Just thought of this: Laura's a pastor, ShamWow's a lesbian. Might explain their distaste for each other. Just maybe.

7:48: So is that guy Mick the anti-Jack Shephard or the uber-Jack Shephard? All I know it, he's the most boring island doctor in pop culture history. I could not care less about him one way or another. C'mon, Professor, make a radio or something with that big brain of yours.

7:51: Jaison: "I actually do feel like I have some large responsibility in these losses." Dude! There are only five of you - if you lose a challenge, you're essentially guaranteed a 20% share in that responsibility! Suck ass like you did and all of a sudden (whaddaya know?) your share hikes up closer to 50%. So yeah, I'd say you were pretty responsible. Dummy. I have 80% turned on Jaison.

7:53: However, my supersmarts were correct yet again. The weakest female (Liz) was voted out yet again. Sadly, she will not be missed by anyone.

7:55: CBS might want to alter the text of the Family Moment when there's only one person doling out that moment. Makes it more depressing than anything. Just say "Liz's brother" or "husband" or whatever.

7:57: Next time on...Survivor Live Blog: a merge and champagne and other craziness. So long as Eric's Tree Cave Hole makes an appearance, it's all good for me.

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