TGITDNMAR (6/6/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

I've decided to open a theater. I'm going to call it "NY/LA." Why, you might ask? Well, as you may know, when smaller films get a theatrical release, many of them are pushed out to the theaters of North America slowly, hoping to gain word of mouth buzz and hype from large per-screen averages. In general, they will hit New York and Los Angeles first. Should they have a decent run there, other major cities like Dallas, Philadelphia, Boston, San Francisco and Chicago are added.

Notice that Phoenix is not on that list. Phoenix, the 5th most populated city in the United States (and 13th most populated metro area), is rarely, if ever, on the "second run" list of cities for non-wide releases. Now, I know I'm not going to get any sympathies from those of you living in small towns that consider yourselves lucky to see these movies at all, but I do feel that I'm warranted a gripe here (Chicago deserves to gripe as well; how big do they have to be to crack the first week release list?).

This is all a long-winded way of saying that I'm pissed that neither The Promotion nor Mongol is opening here this week. Weeks of Son of Rambow playing at the local art theater combined with weeks of "blah" new releases have had the effect of making me want to see the kids-make-a-movie movie where previously I had little desire. Are there no new movies that could be screened there?!? You're killing me, Camelview 5. You too, Hollywood, with your stupid "NY/LA" rule.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan
For being someone that doesn't have a problem with Adam Sandler (gotta love Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, at the least, and The Wedding Singer's right up there, too), I shocked myself a bit when looking over his filmography. Whether it be via rental (Punch Drunk Love) or cable, I've seen most or all of nearly all of his movies, yet I believe the last one I saw in the theater was The Waterboy, which came out 10 years ago.

Has it really been that long? Stupid as that one is, it was pretty damn funny watching it in the theater. It's been a mostly unsuccessful ten years since for Sandler (at least creatively), with only PDL and Reign Over Me getting him really good reviews, and the comedies, although not terrible (50 First Dates certainly has its moments), aren't rocking the houses like they once were.

The early news I've heard is that Zohan is a bit like The Waterboy, in that it's pretty dumb, but also pretty damn funny, at least for the first two acts. Could a reunion between me and Sandler at the theater be in the cards? Not if Mrs. Fletch has anything to say about it.

(Oh, by the way: I remembered that we saw Spanglish in the theaters, but I'm not gonna count it because a) it was a free test audience screening and b) it was pretty damned terrible.)
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 22%, or dependent on how much I want to go see it by myself.

Kung Fu Panda
Tell me if you've heard this one...

"You there! With the texting! You think no one can hear you? I can hear you, with the click-click-click...Dreamworks respects the sanctity of this theater. Please - no talking or texting...blah blah blah."

Don't get me wrong, I love the message. Don't talk. Don't text. Don't even turn on your damn cell phone, 'cause I can see the stupid glow and so can everyone else behind you. That said, I was sick of that commercial, oh, 28 years ago. I don't care if this is getting decent/good reviews - I can't see it (at least not until HBO).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 1%, or equal to the chance that you'll ever catch me texting in the theater.

Mongol (limited release)
This story of Genghis Khan ("KHANNNN!!!") was amongst the nominees for Best Foreign Language Film at the most recent Oscars. Six months into this year, it finally gets its release (in New York and LA, mind you). Boy, those Academy members sure are good at picking widely seen movies.

Saw a trailer for it not long ago. It looks beautiful, and if and when it comes to town, I'd like to check it out.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 6%, or totally dependent on if it makes it to town.

The Promotion (limited release)
The word from IMDb says that buzz for this comedy starring Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly is high based on a number of reviews after it premiered at SXSW. I was on board before hearing even that. The premise ("Dueling assistant managers of a local grocery store vie for a coveted promotion to manage the bigger, fancier store soon to be opened by their corporate employers.") and stars were enough to get me psyched, and the supporting cast has more than enough familiar faces to keep it lively.

Love the poster, too.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 92%, or greater than the chances that it'll be better than Step Brothers.