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May 11, 2008

Survivor: Micronesia Episode 14 recap (the finale!)

Coming at you live once again, it's the Survivor, um, live blog. Starting...now! (Hit refresh for the latest posts.)

7:00: We start off with enough spider shots and black widow references that I might as well be watching Arachnophobia. We get it - the ladies are lying, conniving bitches.

7:05: Early prediction - with us getting four ladies in the final four, and with this being Mothers' Day and all, I say that Cirie takes it. Seems like a very CBS thing to do, setting up the season so that it ends today with her as the victor. Either that, or this episode will conclude with Natalie giving birth to the Antichrist; either one is possible.

7:09: I'll take advantage of this lull in the action to give thanks to the show's producers for sparing us the awful "pling" effects employed so frequently during last season's challenges. They were beyond annoying, and I couldn't be more thrilled that they've subsided and/or disappeared. With any luck, they will continue to ride this hot streak and dump the "remaining contestants walk past the torches of the losers and remember them" sequence that plagues every finale. Cross your fingers!

7:14: Now that all the men have been eliminated from the game, what a perfect time for a physical challenge. Boo. Tough luck, Cirie.

7:17: Please don't let Natalie win. Please don't let Natalie win. Please don't let Natalie win.

7:19: As it should have been (with her being the toughest physical competitor from the choices left), Amanda wins Immunity. Unfortunately, once again in a finale, a key Immunity Challenge was decided by luck more than anything else, as the puzzle ladders that the contestants had to make didn't require any skill to put together. I can't complain too much, though - Natalie was leading up to that point, and it probably cost her a victory. Hooray unfairness!

7:29: Wow - 10 minutes without anything interesting to say. Either I'm not seeing any of the angles or the show is failing us at this point. Mostly, it's just been some predictable angling by Natalie and Cirie, each trying to establish and/or change their place in the game. Odds are high that Amanda and Parvati stick with their alliance, as they've done all season, and vote out Natalie. But you never know...

7:33: Survey says...

7:34: "14th person voted out...Natalie!" (The exclamation point is mine; the rest is Jeff's.)

7:41: I'm having a really hard time wanting Amanda to win right now. Once again, she's put on her baby face, and now she's crying and creating an argument with Cirie (which she's dead wrong in, by the way) about who is on "the bottom of their alliance." Ugh. See, here's the problem with having all women left at the end of the game (cue angry emails for me).

7:44: Boooooooooooooo! "Today, you will honor the memories of the people that left before you."

7:45: Yaaaaayyyyyyy! "...before heading off to your final Immunity Challenge." That's right - we're back to a Final Two.

7:46: Booooooooooooo! Amanda is crying. Yet again.

7:48: Here we go on the loser tour. Sounds like a great time for a break. Be back in 10 minutes.

8:01: And we're back, as the ladies head out to their final Immunity Challenge. Showing their sick sense of humor, the producers are testing the womens' skill at balancing balls. I predict a win for Parvati.

8:05: Parvati drops the ball - literally. It would seem as though if Amanda wins, Cirie is out and Amanda has the edge on the million. If Cirie wins, I would think she'd take Parvati to the final Tribal Council.

8:07: Cirie...loses concentration, and likely a spot in the final two. With wins in the final two Immunity Challenges, combined with her perceived strategic strength over Parvati (not to mention Ozzy's newfound hatred for Parv), it's hard not to predict an Amanda win. 50 minutes left...anything can happen.

8:16: How refreshing would it be for Amanda to just say from the start "I'm taking Parvati 100%"? But no, she has to seemingly waver back and forth; I'm guessing that the folks behind the scene prod her with a stick every time she thinks about saying something like that. Just as with her idiotic argument with Cirie earlier, Amanda is not fooling anyone. It would be an absolute shock to see her not take her BFF with her to the final tribal. And yet, here she is acting as though she's been told to decide which of her parents will be killed. Girl, you're going to the final two with a 50% chance (at least) of winning one million dollars. Smile!!

8:20: Seeing Amanda's sad, crying mug for the last 30 minutes, Mrs. Fletch has had enough: "I wanna hit her!" I can't argue much with that statement. Is it too late to bring Natalie back?

8:21: Just kidding. F Natalie.

8:23: What an absolute shock. Amanda took Parvati to the final council. In other news, the sky is blue.

8:32: With the final two sealed up and nothing interesting to watch until then (unless you find Parvati and Amanda bouncing around and screaming like a pair of 12-year olds interesting), let me take this time to remind you and the show's creators of some of my recommendations for the show's future.

8:45: My grades for the jury on the bitterness scale:
Eliza - B+
Jason - C-
Alexis - B-
Natalie - B (bonus points for her bizarre lesbian "in the bedroom" question for Parvati)
Erik - A-
James - C+ (though really, since he wasn't voted off, should James even be eligible to ask a question?)
Cirie - B-
Ozzy - on the verge of tears...an A (for Parvati). On the other hand, he practically asked Amanda to marry him (I was half-expecting it). Should make for an interesting reunion show.

8:55: Stay tuned for this summer the latest watercooler show from CBS; that right, it's Desperate Boogie Nights! Oh wait - sorry, it's actually called Swingtown. Could've fooled me.

8:59: Well, I was dead wrong with my early predictions (either Cirie wins or Natalie gives birth to the Antichrist), but here's my call for the final votes: Amanda 5, Parvati 3.

9:04: Remind me not to ever bet on Survivor. Wrong again. Not that I'm all that surprised; with the constant loser vibe that Amanda gives off at these final Councils, I don't know if I would vote for her, either. Congrats to the Shallow one!

9:08: As much as I'd love to give a recap of the reunion show, two straight hours with the laptop is quite enough for this blogger. My final thoughts on the season (for now): I still hate Joel and Natalie, Amanda deserved to lose just like she did last season, James and Penner were unfairly (and unpredictably, naturally) screwed by injuries, and Jonny Fairplay is a hack who had no business being at the reunion.

Survivor: Micronesia homepage at CBS.com

15 people have chosen wisely: on "Survivor: Micronesia Episode 14 recap (the finale!)"

Nick said...

Did something happen halfway through the show? It's incomplete!

But yeah, going into the episode, I looked at my mom and went "I'm going for Parvati."

I couldn't stand Natalie or Cirie, and Amanda is really annoying. I also think the reason she didn't win is because she did EXACTLY what she did last time:

She took her friend (Todd/Parvati) and then proceeded to dig herself her own grave (though it wasn't as bad this season as it was last).

And man, I thought Jeff's 'unseen relationship' was going to be Nat/Parv... Nat totally groped Parv before they went to that tribal council, and then at the final, Nat was all talking about how they flirted with each other a lot.

Robb said...

Guess I'm sorta kinda glad we have a break from Survivor for a few months, because Africa is going to have a hard time living up to this season. Good start to finish.

Amanda seems so strong. But if she lost to Parv, she certainly would have lost to Cirie. But still, she is gorgeous.

How much you wanna bet Penner comes back for the next All-Star episode?

And how uncomfortable was it when Ozzy started mocking the Lunch Lady? Ouch! I think I made an Eliza face sitting on the couch with my mouth open and eyes popping out of my head.

Anonymous said...

Did they ever say what would have happened if the vote had ended in a tie? What was the point of having 8 jury members instead of 7 or 9, also why were those lame girls so shocked that it was a Final 2, has it ever before been a vote between 3 people?


Fletch said...

@ Nick - yep, she did the same thing. Played a decent game to get there, then turned into a whining, crying ninny. Did no one learn from Hatch? ("Yeah, I lied to you; I owned you!")

@ Robb - I'm glad we have a Survivor break because that means a break from the recaps (that is, if I decide to do them again...). ;)

If they take one of my ideas for the next "all-stars," Penner won't be eligible.

I loved Ozzy's dig at Lunchlady Land. That was great.

@ Gay - I too was wondering what would have happened had their been a tie. Seems like awfully poor planning on their part. And yes, there' been a final three for the last 6-8 seasons or so (for a while now, anyway). This was their first time back to two, so it came as sort of a shock.

Nick said...

To clarify a bit more, they've been having an even number on the jury for at least 3-4 seasons or so now, because I've made comments to my mom about it every time, wondering what would happen with a tie.

As for Ozzy's Lunchlady thing... I totally must have missed it. What'd he do? And when?

Fletch said...

True, but having an even number when there were 3 to vote for didn't matter, since you could end up with a tie regardless of whether there was an even or odd number on the jury. With only 2 to vote for, an odd number guarantees no tie.

At the reunion, Jeff asked Ozzy about he and Amanda. He said something along the lines of "you know these Survivor girls. I lost my job waiting tables and am now cleaning toilets." In case you don't recall, Lunchlady claimed she lost her gig being a lunchlady and was downgraded to janitor after her Survivor gig. CBS gave her money ($100k, if I recall) and then the school came out and said she was a straight-up liar. She ended up giving away the money.

Nick said...

oh yeah, that's right. I remember Ozzy saying that, but I totally didn't make the Lunchlady connection.

Must Love Dogs said...

Aargh! Once again, Amanda wins final immunity then stinks it up against the jury. I have finally figured out what I don't like about her: that humble, aw-shucks face she makes when she wins and how she pats people on the back and says in all sweetness "Nice try, you did good". No, Amanda. Own your victory. Just once I want to hear her say something like "Booyah, suckers! I kicked your ass up down and around town, uh huh." I would vote for the gloat. But if there's a sad sack standing there at the endgame I'm not writing their name down. So yeah, I'd have voted Parvati too.
At least we got some amusing jury commentary and very few bitterness *cough*Ozzy*cough*. lol at Natalie wanting to know if Parv is good in bed. Was it wrong of me to think lesbo back when she jumped at the all-woman final four idea?

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Oh man I hate Natalie too. She's the definition of bitch and the worse bitches are the ones who take pride in it. She's a cold-hearted person who I would literally fear for my life around. That's my take anyway lol.

I can't stand the loser tour either. It's sooooooo cheesy and I think they do it to waste time for sponsors.

Having lived in Africa for two years I am totally hyped already for Gabon. I've always wanted to go there and have said that is where I'd go if I had the chance to return to Mother Africa.

It's look stunning.

NFL Adam said...

I didn't watch this season, other than to check in to see if Cirie would lose again. What an utterly useless player. She didn't do anything in the year that Terry got screwed. And I imagine she didn't do much in this season.

And if I recall, wasn't it a final two when Cirus (or whatever is name was ... the UCI hoops player) won? Because the big-boobed chick wouldn't take Terry.

Why didn't TErry do this deal? He probably backed out. But he would have too big of a target if he did, I would imagine.

Fletch said...

@ Must Love - I agree with you 100%. Amanda definitely needed to own her strengths rather than whine about them.

@ Mr. Wonderful - if you ever go back to Africa, Mrs. Fletch is dying to go. Let her know. ;)

@ Adam - You said "Terry" three times; I'm guessing you kinda liked him? ;)

Why am I not remembering any hoops player winning? One of us needs to look that up. I can't recall who Terry lost to - it's been too long and the seasons blend together.

Cirie was probably the most deserving of the 4 ladies that were left this season. She doesn't do shit physcially, but behind the scenes, she dictated a lot of what was going on (which included ousting fan faves Ozzy and Yau-Man). So eff her, but at least she wasn't a useless lump.

NFL Adam said...

I'm sorry, Cirie still sucks. I guess part of the game is outlast and outwit, so domninating in two of three isn't so bad.

Aras was the guy that I was thinking of. He played hoops for UCI. Well, he was on the team. This was the first Exile Island. He, the fighter pilot (don't want to say his name), and the chick with huge boobs went to the final three. Then they had a competition that was so rigged, they might have just held a contest to see who could be the first to menstrate. So the chick one, dicking over the fighter pilot. (If you remmeber, the big-boobed chick had to eventually align with FP because Aras was cozying up with Cirie.)

I haven't watched many of the Survivors (the first two, Gary Hogeboom's and China), but this was the first time that somebody was so dominant physically that it became pretty engrossing. I mean, the FP was crushing a Division I athlete 20 years his junior in competition after competition.

But in the end, he didn't make it in a move that almost was a fishy as Dani "outing" Gary Hogeboom.

Fletch said...

Ok, I gotcha. Didn't remember what he looked like, so I had to do a search, but I remembered the name. Yeah, Terry aka FP (haha) was destroying everyone.

You probably didn't watch it (it was either the season before or after Terry; I think before), but Tom the 50ish firefighter destroyed the competition as well. That was pretty sweet, too. He ended up winning, to boot.

Robb said...

Terry was totally screwed. I'd love to see a reunion show with Terry, Tom, Ozzy (even though I kinda sorta hate him now), James, Andrew, Hunter - all of those strong, smart guys. What a blast that would be to watch.

My mother-in-law suggested they do a season where they provide no food but give them unlimited alcohol. Would be funny to watch them be drunk all the time.

Another interesting idea - what if they did a season and cast all couples? You would see a lot of very interesting maneuvering, perhaps people even sacrificing themselves to get their partner ahead.

lotto said...

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