Survivor: Micronesia (Fans vs. Favorites) Episode 7 recap

Yes, friends, it's time for March Madness. You know, that time of year when CBS pushes their schedule all around so as to accomodate the full slate of NCAA basketball games on Thursday and Friday. A time when sports fans like me rejoice, and everyone else (say, Mother Fletch, for example) moans because The Young and the Restless has been pushed aside for four days out of the year. Also regularly moved every year is Survivor, but that will get no complaints from me - it's not like I have regularly scheduled programming to watch on a Wednesday. In case you forgot it was bumped...allow me to recap.

We start with a dispute over Chicken. Ozzy thinks he's a valuable asset that should be kept in the game, but Tracy thinks they should vote him off. Damn (!) - I'm mixing up seasons again. Actually, Tracy and Ozzy were just fighting over what to do with the three real live chickens that their tribe is in posession of. Tracy, seeing the writing on the wall, wants to kill those cluckers and have her some BBQ wings before her fire is extinguished. Ozzy, knowing that he's probably not going anywhere, wants to keep them around for later. Bickering ensues. While Tracy has a good point here and there, Ozzy should have pulled a James-like quote out of his brain and told her that when she's voted off at the next tribal, she can go to Survivor Loser HQ and eat all the chicken she wants.

Meanwhile, the Haagen Dazs Dork continues to fawn over Ozzy. At this point, it's not just obvious to us at home (thanks to the help of the confessionals), but to the other tribemates like Cirie (now dubbed "Ci-reef" after a boating adventure where she whined the whole time about her fear of the ocean) and Amanda. Ozzy teaches young Mowgli how to climb a coconut tree...Ozzy cheers on young Mowgli...Mowgli loves his Ozzy. I'll save you any more description and just provide a picture from last night's show.


The Reward Challenge brought us yet another opportunity for injured contestants, what with more than half of them blindfolded while pushing giant stones around while another sighted player guided them around a course. Alas, it appeared as though everyone came out unscathed, though we were fortunate enough to hear James tell a fellow blinded teammate to "Shut up and listen!" We did learn, however, that Ci-reef doesn't know her left from right very well - a scary thought considering her profession (nurse).

Upon winning the reward trip to a waterfall/spa (brought to you by Herbal Essences), Tracy foolishly says yes to Ozzy when he asks her to "take one for the team" and head to Exile Island. Obviously, she must have been thinking that she might have a chance to find a hidden idol, but it's not as though we'd ever know, as the audience never caught a glimpse of the exiled castaways (Tracy and Jason), further proving the uselessness of the Exile Island concept.

Meanwhile, back at the losers' camp, Kooky Kathy is getting kookier. We can't totally blame her, as their "shelter" (a cave) looks like a horror film set, complete with bats, rats, and bugs of all sizes, and it's raining non-stop when they're not in the Cave of Doom, but she's on the verge of losing it. As I'm watching her, I think to myself "she's gonna quit," and within moments, she's bawling to the other ladies on her tribe (Eliza, Monkey-Faced New Girl, and Cuter New Girl) about her issues. Eliza's eyes can't conceal her feelings - she thinks Kooky Kathy is going krazy, and for once, I agree with her - Kathy is acting like a 5-year old.

Not long after, a boat arrives onshore. Jeff is there to talk to Kathy about her desire to quit the game (though not talk her out of it). He is surprisingly gentle, given how we know he feels about quitters in this game of Survivor; I have to question why, as this is the third person to more or less quit this season, including Johnny Fairplay and Chet. Granted, neither of them forced a special boat trip, but they each asked to be voted out by their teams. At the same time, the thousand people who really wanted to be on the show sat and watched this trio of losers limp through the game, then limp out of it. Would it be too much to ask for the producers to do a better job of screening the applicants? How about a 24-hour simulation of life on the island? How about a financial penalty for quitting? Anyone? Bueller??

The Immunity Challenge was fantastic. A bridge/obstacle course was set up from the shore to about 100 yeards into the sea with 5 cushions/puzzle pieces on a pier at the end. One-by-one, a contestant had to drag a rope with them as they ran out to the pier, hook the rope up to a cushion bundle, then call for the remaining players to drag them back in. With no restrictions on who had to run out in the water each time, Posiedon ran the course four out of five times for his team, amazingly never tiring and earning his team a big lead for the puzzle portion. It was all for naught, though, as the puzzlers proved incapable of solving it before the other team.

Back at camp, all of the hullaballo over who might go home proved to be much ado about nothing, as there was much scattering about by the desperate Tracy, including a plan hatched by Amy (again), who was looking to oust Ozzy. In the end, Tracy was ousted, surprising no one. The only things we learned? First, that Amy is all over the place, seemingly dispatched by the Favorites to fool the Fans into a false sense of security before each Council (I can't figure out why she keeps hatching plans only to abandon them). Second, it looks like Amanda got a promotion! Last season, her "job title" was listed as "Beauty Pageant Winner." This year - "Aspiring Designer." Congrats, Amanda!

When I'm on Surivor, my job title will be listed as "Aspiring Survivor winner."

Survivor: Micronesia homepage at CBS.com