TGITDNMAR (5/13/11)

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It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Priest
What will be next in the one-word title, quasi-religious, zombpire trilogy from star Paul Bettany and director Scott Charles Stewart? One can hardly hold back their need to know.

My best bet is this: Dominion, starring, of course, Bettany, as well as Sharlto Copley, Idris Elba, and Rachel Bilson. Set 4300 years into the future, Dominion centers on a broken down man named Jacob (Bettany) questioning his faith in Zheyahu (the name that the people of that time will be calling their deity) after his lifepartner (wife) and malespring (son) are taken from him by a man known only as The Shemanatrix. However, The Shemanatrix holds a secret dear to humanity; all may not be as it seems. Meanwhile, the enemies of Zheyahu have targeted Jacob as the leader in a movement to oust the apolitical zombies of Leftanthsaville. Or something.

All jokes aside, as bad as Legion looked (and apparently was), and as much as I got a similar vibe from Priest when first seeing the trailer, I have to say that I have a glimmer of optimism that it just might be decent - that the commentary on organized religion just might be enough to suck me in, provided that I can ignore the ridiculous monster aspect to the proceedings. Doubtful, I know.
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 45%

Bridesmaids
If you've heard me talking about the trailers on the LAMBcast, you know that I haven't been sold on the quality of this so-called "female Hangover." However, I've got it on multiple words that it is no copycat, that this (yes) Apatow-produced chick flick brings the funny - and not nearly represented solely by the gross-out humor of the trailer(s) - but also brings the heart. Even bigger, it features female characters that just might be real people, and not shrill wannabrides or one-note caricatures. I'm still worried about the treatment Melissa McCarthy is shown in the trailer ("Get it? She's fat!"), but I have to say that, especially with a lack of other films I'm interested in seeing in theaters at the moment, I'm kind of interested in checking this out.
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 78%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (5/6/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

OMG - on time and everything!

Thor
I guess you have to give it up to the marketing machine. For years, we've heard questions about what the studios would do when they ran out of "A"-level superheroes. Turns out that said worry was much ado about nothing (maybe - see below). Iron Man is perhaps not Batman or Spider-Man, but despite the protestations that he wasn't them, he was also someone that even the least-interested person probably still recognized. With the success of Thor, I have to think that the fears that studios won't be able to sell us on the B team are unfounded. As of press time, the film is scheduled to rake in approximately $65-75 million in its first weekend. Sure, that's no Dark Knight figure, but it's nothing to sneeze at, either. What might be more fascinating is that Thor actually looks like a decent film (and is receiving reviews that back up that supposition).

Now, a caveat. I'm not 100% sold on my theory about the B team, despite my claim. See, non-comic book people like me might not know a damn thing about Thor the comic book character, however, the name Thor has pretty strong recognition to it - everyone knows he's a Norse god. So, sell me Ant Man and we'll really see if those fears are unfounded.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 93%

Something Borrowed
Remember that one time, when we all thought Kate Hudson was gonna be great?

Yeah...we were idiots.

Does Ms. Hudson make movies that aren't somehow related to weddings? She must have Spielbergian levels of personal issues regarding nuptials. Could that be residual issues surrounding the "we've been together forever but are never getting married" status of her mother and surrogate dad, Kurt Russell? Sigmund Fletch wants to know.

No, that's not true. I really don't care. Which, not coincidentally, is how I feel about any and every Hudson film.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Jumping the Broom
Oh shit! CSI's disgraced former co-star Gary Dourdan is in this. I always liked him and was sad when he got killed off there (and got arrested for possessing every drug known to man, but that's another story). Regardless, it looks like this is a bit part, and frankly, I'm not sure that a larger one would make a dent in my interest level for the Broom.

One look at the poster tells me two big things about the Broom: first, that its subject matter (clash between "urban" and "bougie" black families) could make for a really interesting, revealing movie, and second, that it won't. I'll hope to be wrong, but the tone of the poster is "Haha, we're having fun fighting! It's gonna be a party either uptown or downtown!" And maybe accomplishing something meaningful is possible within the confines of the type of comedy it looks like (stand-ups do it all of the time). But I doubt it.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 8%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (4/29/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Well, or a few days after the new movies are released...

Fast Five
What's harder to believe - the fact that I saw this on opening night (the first in the franchise that I've seen at all, much less in the theater), or the fact that I kinda liked it?

Frankly, it's hard not to give in to its charms. It's a big, dumb football player of a movie, but so long as you are up for a visceral ride and can ignore giant implausabilities (of which there are oh so many), you can't help but psych yourself up for some Diesel vs. Rock action. Everyone else is just ear or ear candy in one fashion or another, and that's okay. Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Prom
Ah yes, another one of those Disney teen movies in which I've never heard of a single person in the main cast, so I go digging through the extended cast looking for some character actor and/or has been that's slumming their way through a paycheck. Who will I find this time, and could they possibly be enough to get me interested??

A) Christine Elise: known mostly for Beverly Hills 90210 (the original). No.

B) Faith Ford: Of Murphy Brown/Hope & Faith fame. No. What happens when someone known for being "perky" gets older? I think the answer is that they disappear, sad as that may be.

C) Jere Burns: Of Dear, John fame. No - however, he's been an occasional guest star on Justified as some low-level gangster, and he's been spectacularly creepy. But I would require about 10,000 hims to get me to see Prom, I'm afraid.
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
I just watched Cop Out for the first time this weekend. And to quote Tracy Morgan attempting to will Seann William Scott from telling a joke: "No. No. Huh Huh. No. No! No! No! Hell No! NO! NO! I refuse to... No! No!"
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (4/22/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Water for Elephants
Or, Big Fish, minus the Tim Burton touches. I dunno...that's kind of the vibe I get from it.

I know I'm supposed to be programmed to hate this, and I can't exactly say that I wouldn't, but grant me this (and yourself, if you're a hater as well at this stage): here we have a brooding, burgeoning star in a period piece about a forbidden love - isn't there at least a decent chance that this could turn into an unintentional comedy good time, a la Legends of the Fall?

Just keep it in mind...
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 28%

Madea's Big Happy Family
Here are some things I've said about prior Tyler Perry films in earlier editions of TGITDNMAR:

I Can Do Bad All By Myself
One of these days, I'm gonna have to have a Tyler Perry Film Festival, where I endure all of his efforts. That day will be the day that I plan on shooting myself, and I will use the film festival as motivation to complete the task.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Meet the Browns
That Tyler Perry - such a cad. I don't begrudge the guy his success, but I just have no desire at all to see his movies. Wish I had more to say here, but I just don't.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 1%

Why Did I Get Married?
Consider me shocked that the title of this flick doesn't start out with "Tyler Perry's..." as it seems all of his other films have. Perry is nothing if not a great businessman, but his recent feature in Entertainment Weekly paints him simultaneously as an inspirational Hollywood outsider and as a whining ninny, what with his constant bitching about not being asked to star in roles that might usually go to Denzel. Uh, Tyler - your flicks might have made a ton of money, but I don't think you have a rep as some sort of great actor. Writer, producer? Perhaps - but "starring alongside Adam Sandler in a buddy comedy?" That might not seem like that lofty a position, but just saying you want to do something doesn't mean you deserve to or will do it. On that note, I'd like to be paid handsomely to write reviews and other movie-related content for Premiere or The Akron Times. Oh wait...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Hmmm...whatcha think the percentage is gonna be this time around?
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

African Cats
Happy Earth Day or something. First, there was Earth in 2007, narrated by James Earl Jones; in 2009, Oceans, narrated by Pierce Brosnan. And now, in 2011, we get African Cats narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. "The lion is the baddest motherf$@%er in all the prairie!!"
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 14%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (4/15/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Scream 4
In honor of the biggest Scream 4 fan I know of (that had yet to see the film)...

"Scream 4 Update!! Scream 4 Update!!"

Ok, so I don't really have any news to share. And frankly (no pun intended), I've never really had that much interest in seeing it - we all know the 3rd one was crappy...why would a decade help? A bunch of new teens? Ok. Kevin Williamson kinda sorta back on board? Sure, 'cause he's been relevant since Scream 2.

However, it's going to be the subject of next week's LAMBcast, which will (I believe) be the first time we have participants from three continents on board, so now I kinda want to see the flick just to be in on that. Why is that cool? I don't know, but it just is.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 37%

Rio
Looks gorgeous, but appears to otherwise be just for the kiddies. However, did you know that there's an Angry Birds Rio edition? Well, if you're life has been taken over by that ridiculous game like mine has, you sure do. What does that have to do with the film? Nothing, but I can't think of anything else to say about it. At least it's not Hop.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (4/1/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Source Code
I think the consensus on this prior to a couple days ago was something like, "Sure, it looks like some kind of 12 Monkeys/Groundhog Day/Unstoppable mashup, but since we all liked Moon, and Duncan Jones has directed both, it's worth giving him the benefit of the doubt." However, since it opened and has garnered itself a pretty sweet high-80s score on Rotten Tomatoes, the bar has been raised. I know my interest level went from Felicity Huffman to Salma Hayek.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 96%

Hop
Sure, this might seem like something I wouldn't dig, but with Russell Brand and James Marsden on board, so am I. And besides, when's the last time we had an honest-to-goodness great flick centered around a fictional character that parents tell their kids about before giving them something sweet? Oh yeah, that's right...Tooth Fairy. Of course I have no interest in this - it looks bloody awful, and I wrote on Twitter (and have seen it from others as well) that Hop itself must be the April Fools' joke on all of us. Please bomb.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Super
I'm not sure if this will even be coming to Phoenix, but if it does, I'd like to catch it. If not - or if there's not time - I sense a future double-bill along with Defendor.

As I said on the LAMBcast when we talked about the trailer, it may seem like we have too many of these superhero parodies, but if we can stomach upwards of five or six straight superhero movies each year, I don't see why we can't take one superhero satire per year. Better yet, this one looks to be pretty funny and has a solid cast. Though my favorite aspect of this film might be that poster - my early favorite for poster of the year.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 80%

Insidious
This might well be great, and I'd really like to say that it interests me, but I'm just not feeling it right now. Sure, I dug Saw enough (never saw beyond the first, though) and Paranormal Activity was a fun watch, but evil house - nay, evil kid! And speaking of posters...blah. Enjoy it, horror peeps; I may one day, but that day probably won't be anytime soon.
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 11%

And then...

Crappy TGITDNMAR (3/18/11)

Consider this a symptom of the expected lull in blogging/movie-watching that comes with having an infant in the house. Our dear little miss has pneumonia right now - blah. As such, I've been running around like a headless chicken to the doctor's office and pharmacy and back to the doctor's and so on and so forth all day...and I had the day "off" today. So much for that.

Anyway, I will undoubtedly not be seeing any movies in theaters this weekend, but here's the rundown on them anyway...

Limitless - Looks intriguing, largely due to the casting choices. I'm not positive, but I believe this is Bradley Cooper's first real leading role (star vehicle), and I tend to think he'll make a good one. Additionally, DeNiro may be a coin flip as a potential antagonist, but if the coin lands on the right side, he could be great. Bonus - the early reviews are pretty decent. Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Seeing in the Theater: 78%

Paul - It seems as though, after some early anticipation, interest in Paul has waned for many in the blogosphere. I know he's been there all along, but I can't help but wonder if this is largely due to Seth Rogen's participation. Let's face it - like the guy or not, Rogen is highly capable of getting on people's nerves and could use a break from the spotlight for at least nine months or so. You'd think that doing voice work would help in this regard, but a) this is still less than three months since his last starring role and b) he has a pretty distinctive voice. Still, with Frost, Pegg, and Mottola involved (and next week's LAMBcast about the film), I'm in, sooner rather than later. Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Seeing in the Theater: 65%

The Lincoln Lawyer - Alright, alright, alright. Everyone's favorite (or not) stoner dude is back, with a serious role. Will it bring him back to relevance? I can't say that I really care anymore. Once upon a time, I thought Matthew McConaughey has what it took to be a megastar (yes, I bought into the Time to Kill hype). But it's been nearly 15 years, and he's proven to be a frustrating star, content to do mostly the same thing time and again, in less-than-average (if that) films. Sadly for the film, this has probably been the highlight of its existence in my world to date. Too bad - I was kind of looking forward to seeing Ryan Phillippe in a villainous role. Kind of interesting, come to think of it - I couldn't stand him a dozen years ago and thought him a lesser Keanu, but he's slowly won me over and has made (mostly) great choices. A turning point for the two, perhaps? Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Seeing in the Theater: 41%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (3/4/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

I've decided that I'm going to adjust my scoring of these, in light of the fact that with an infant in the house, the odds of me seeing any of them has in fact been drastically reduced. So I'll just pretend that that's not the case for these purposes and try to score like I had some months ago.

Rango
I'm on two minds on Rango - either it genuinely isn't appealing to me as much as the Hunter Thompson fan in me knows it should, or I'm doing an effective job of avoiding it enough to the point where I just plain haven't seen all that much of it, robbing myself of key scenes that would spark my interest. It could very well be the latter; I've seen the trailer a couple times, but none recently and I haven't sought out anything beyond that. I barely knew before today which other voices were featured beyond Johnny Depp's. But I have a very good feeling about this, and am excited to check it out.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 63%

The Adjustment Bureau
Well, this just looks worse with every one of the 12,000 times the trailer has been aired, no? I'm hoping that that side effect is merely due to the overplaying itself. With a star-studded cast and roots of none other than Philip K. Dick, the Bureau should be right up my alley. Then again, it's awfully reminiscent of Dark City, and the gimmickry of the fedoras ain't helping, either.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 77%

Take Me Home Tonight
Topher Grace, what are you doing with your post-That 70s Show career? Traffic was a decent transition - not a giant stretch playing a drug-taking high schooler, but a small role in an great ensemble film is never a bad idea. Your bit parts in the Ocean's movies were excellent calls, and your star turn in In Good Company was a strong showing as well. Since then? Well, I can't blame you taking the role of Venom in Spider-Man 3 - who wouldn't? But this, Tad Hamilton, Valentine's Day? Bad choices, my friend, from the looks of it. I hope it's okay, but I'm not all that confident.

Oh, and seriously? An Eddie Money song? Next thing you know, a movie will share its name with a song by Martika.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 18%

Beastly
Oh look - another movie that's been sitting on the shelf forever (Take Me Home Tonight was filmed in 2007, for chrissakes). Of course, this one, another modern take on Beauty and the Beast, looks even worse. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I were 16 and gave a shit about either of the stars, but alas, that is not the case.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

Sorry...

No "Tigmar" today. I feel like crap. :| Thankfully, I already wrote about Drive Angry. Trust me, I don't have anything kinder to say about Hall Pass...

And then...

TGITDNMAR (2/18/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Unknown
I know that the buzz on the web from just about everyone is just how much this thing looks, acts, and smells like Taken. We're all aghast - "But how could they do such a thing?! Look at the poster - it's even similar!"

Well, Taken did make $145,000,000 domestically...on a $25 mil budget. In other words, big fucking hit. And now we have Unknown, released about the same time of year, with the same star and European setting and what do you know - a $30 mil budget. If it makes half as much as Taken, it'll still make a ton of money. Those resemblances in the marketing department aren't by accident.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

I Am Number Four
I'd like to think that, were I 15, this movie would look wildly appealing to me. But I think I'm lying to myself. Don't get me wrong - the premise is decent, but it just looks dumb. Or maybe I just think that Alex Pettyfer and his stupid name look dumb.

On the bright side (as I mentioned on a LAMBcast some time back), this co-stars Timothy Olyphant and Kevin Durand. So there at least two reasons to check it out. Cable me.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 7%

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Hahahaha...this currently has a 2.7/10 on IMDb (sure to go up and settled in the 4s or 5s, I'd imagine).

Shoot me if I ever see this movie, and no, I've not seen either of its predecessors.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (2/11/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Just Go With It
I could not be more psyched for the sequel to this one. Just Keep Going With It? Just Go With It Some More? Just Go With It All Over Again?

Seriously, this has to be the early favorite for worst title of 2011, easily besting the santorum-sounding Sanctum. This title makes How Do You Know sound like Snakes on a Plane. How many times will the title be uttered in the film? Over or under three?

On the bright side: Adam Sandler continues to employ Dennis Dugan, which is nice. He's also managed to finagle his entire posse (Allen Covert, Jonathan Loughran, and Peter Dante) for (sure-to-be) bit parts, in addition to no less than three other people with the last name Sandler in the credits.

Make no mistake - I will never, ever, ever accuse Sandler of being a bad person or forgetting his roots or leaving his friends behind. Obviously, the man is a saint to know, and takes care of everyone in his immediate vicinity. The real miracle (curse for us?) is that his movies continue to be successful, enabling to continue to churn out dirt pile after dirt pile. I'm happy for him and his friends and family on one hand, and saddened by the pain he causes the movie fan in me on the other.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

The Eagle
I should be congratulating Channing Tatum. First, he gets to co-star in a film directed by Academy Award nominee Ron Howard (in The Dilemma). Now, he's starring in a film from the director of The Last King of Scotland and State of Play and Touching the Void. And yet, instead of being happy for him, I feel pity for director Kevin McDonald and co-star Jamie Bell. What'd they do to deserve this?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Gnomeo and Juliet
Interesting voice cast, I'll say that much. Stars James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, but features (take a deep breath): Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osborne, Stephen Merchant, Hulk Hogan, and Patrick Stewart, amongst others.

And...that's really all I have to say about this one. Ain't even seen a trailer yet. But word is it's terrible.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
You probably think I hate the mere thought of this movie, the fine piece of dandruff falling from the Bieb's perfectly coiffed hair. You, knowing I'm older than 14 (and male), probably think that I would sooner lock myself in a padded room for a month than allow this "film" to exist.

You would be wrong, my friend. Think to yourself the last few films that the annoying pop star of the day starred in: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Hannah Montana The Movie, Crossroads - heck, even Burlesque. (And if you're morbid, This Is It.)

What's the common denominator? The stars are fading, have faded, or have totally burnt out (Jackson) on the musical stars. The Jonas Brothers might as well have been an act from 1954 they seem so out of vogue now. Spears, as we all know, is still a joke in progress. Aguilera has a great voice but can't seem to make great music. THIS MEANS BIEBERMANIA IS ON ITS WAY OUT OF THE POPULAR CONSCIOUSNESS!!! It's only a matter of time before we're all free of him - rejoice!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (2/4/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Worst weekend of the new year by far. The less time spent on this, the better. I'll be spending my weekend finishing The Green Mile book, then watching the movie. Also will be watching the Super Bowl (Go Steelers Not Winning! I say that because I'm not a Packers fan, but I don't want the Steelers getting any more championships ahead of the 49ers) and finishing a certain classic comedy that I'm thus far nonplussed with (!).

Sanctum
JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON JAMES CAMERON!!!!

I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but Mr. Titavatard is the producer on this one. Not that that makes me want to see it any more. I'm sure it's not as bad as I made it out to be on Facebook, but isn't this just Open Water in an underwater cave? I can't wait until the Descent version of this comes out with underwater cave sea monsters...though hell, that's probably already happened.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 4%

The Roommate
I'm so old. I recognize the name Leighton Meester. I've heard the name Minka Kelly. I could tell you nothing about either of them, aside from guessing that they're both nubile, attractive young women. I scanned the entire listed cast of this flick, and only one name stuck out, and it's one that the demographic this film is targeted towards probably doesn't even know (and he's not even that old). Who is it?


P.S. - Stating the obvious here, but the IMDb "Recommends" section at the bottom of each movie's page sucks. How in holy moses is Single White Female not one of the choices?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (1/28/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Makes me sad to say this, but it does seem as though this whole parenthood thing will have an effect on our movie going after all. We though we could manage to escape at least once a week, but not yet. Perhaps we'll figure it out in time - we're certainly determined to. As such, just a warning that the percentages given in this series are bound to be lower on average for the foreseeable future (just so you know I'm not hating on the movies themselves...usually).

The Mechanic
No, I haven't seen the original. Didn't even know there was one until this came out. I've seen Death Wish...that's about the extent of my Charlie Bronson viewing. But does it even matter? Remake or no, this story seems about as familiar to us as our faces should be. Elements of Matchstick Men, The Transporter series, The Professional, and god knows how many other hitman movies. As such, the desire to see this is hinging entirely upon the film's stars, and in that sense, they've done pretty well. Ben Foster is a should-be-a-bigger-star kinda guy, mesmerizing at times (3:10 to Yuma, The Messenger) and just plain good even in trashier fare (X3, Alpha Dog). Statham...well, he's Statham. He never really changes much (did I mention that this shares elements with The Transporter series?), but he's cool and everyone seems to like him.

(Sidenote: Ben Foster has now appeared in The Punisher, The Messenger, and The Mechanic. Feel free to take guesses at what his next The ____ movie will be. I'm going with The Plumber.)
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 26%

The Rite
How ironic that this is about God and demons and such. Apparently, God has it out for Tony Hopkins, cursing his life by having him star in such shit during the twilight days of his career. (I'm going to safely assume that this is shit based not only off of what I see from the trailer, but the film's current RT score of 15%.)

The thing is, this isn't like Brett Favre finishing his career on a 6-10 Vikings team or George Foreman boxing until the age of 48. I haven't seen a lot of Hopkins work recently (who has?), but I saw him in 2007's Fracture and the man is surely still on his game. Is it bad decision-making on his part or a lack of quality scripts heading his way? I have to believe it's the former - certainly, there aren't a ton of roles out there for septuagenarians in general, but something tells me that when you're reaching the status and have the reputation that Hopkins does, you're never exactly hurting for work. Hell, Gene Hackman made The Royal Tenenbaums at the age of 71!

Basically, this leaves me at a loss. It hurts me to see Hopkins in tripe. Then again, perhaps the fault lies elsewhere on this one - The Rite, as it turns out, has a pretty deep cast of well-respected actors, including Alice Braga, Ciaran Hinds, Toby Jones and even Rutger Hauer. What happened?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (1/21/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The Company Men
"Here's the carpet. Now, would you kindly get the f$#@! under it, please?"

That's roughly the theoretical exchange that I feel happened to this film. How else to explain it? Sure, it's not exactly topical anymore (this ground has been tread in everything from The Promotion to Up in the Air to even similarly-themed films like Michael Clayton. But when you gather Ben Affleck, Tommy Lee Jones, Chris Cooper, Maria Bello, Kevin Costner, Craig T. Nelson and more, along with the creator of ER as the director...well, I'd expect to hear a little something about it. And yet I haven't even seen the trailer for this I'm sure it's out there, but it hasn't played in front of any movie I've seen in the last three months.

The cast alone will mark it down as a future TV viewing - good reviews might push it to a theatrical one. So far, so good.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 31%

No Strings Attached
Please, if you can, name for me the Top 10 directors that are known from the 80s or before that are still working (at least one film every three years - with apologies to James and Terrence Malick) and relevant today.

I'm no encyclopedia, but it seems to me that you might have trouble filling out that list. Last week in this space, I wondered what happened to Ron Howard and how he came to be the director of such an awful-looking film as The Dilemma. Still, I'd probably grant him a spot. Martin Scorcese is probably on top of the list, as he not only works constantly but is still producing at a high level. It feels like Spielberg has moved on to producing, but he has Tintin coming out this year and really hasn't been all that inactive. Woody Allen is around, still making a flick a year, and while I'd say he's borderline, every third film or so seems relevant. Ridley Scott's still there, even if I don't particularly care for his flicks. Certainly the Coen brothers. Cameron. Eastwood? Herzog? Wong Kar-wai?

I've named exactly ten in that paragraph. I'm sure to have missed some - especially internationally speaking - but I think the point is there. DePalma, Schumacher, Landis, Hughes (before he died) - all of these men and countless others were huge names 20something years ago and now? Not so much.

Add to that list the director of No Strings Attached, Mr. Ivan Reitman. While never the biggest directing name in Hollywood, Reitman had a string of successes in the 80s and 90s, from the Ghostbusters films to Twins to Stripes and Dave. They weren't all $100 million dollar makers (that was the gold standard for a hit back in the days, kids), but they were quality films.

Reitman's last two films were Evolution in 2001 and My Super Ex-Girlfriend in 2006. Not stinkers, necessarily, but nothing that caught the zeitgest, either. These days, Reitman is more famous perhaps for being Jason's father than for being a director in his own right (and to be fair, he's maintained being a successful producers over the years.)

So what happened? Do these guys just run out of steam? Get bored and/or too successful? Perhaps that last question is really the answer. It's often the hungry that get out there and work their asses off to make a name for themselves. After they've done so, if there wasn't enough strength motivating them in the first place, them perhaps their steam has been expunged, leaving a fat and happy person in their place.

I'm not saying that this has happened to Reitman (or Landis or to Hughes before his death), necessarily. I suppose I'm just nostalgic more than anything. Stars fade. A string of middling films can tear down even the biggest of names (Tom Cruise), and if one's star was never the gleamingest (yep, made it up), then it's all the harder to recapture. I suppose I just never thought that Reitman did anything to really harm his name and I'm wondering where his steam went. Perhaps he just got old.

On the bright side, despite starring Ashton Kutcher, No Strings appears to be getting decent, if not great reviews (hey, kinda like Evolution and Super Ex). So maybe he'll be back with another flick in 5 years...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 20%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (1/14/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Nice that I get to ease back into this, what with it being a) January and b) there only being two major releases today.

The Green Hornet
Reports of this being the flop it looked like appear to have been exaggerated. I haven't read a full review, but the snippets I've seen about the internet make it out to be a somewhat fun, somewhat dumb ride, full of Michel Gondry silliness. I guess this is the best possible scenario. This always seemed a strange franchise for Gondry to be attached to in the first place, his pairing with Seth Rogen even stranger, and the fact that Rogen and his buddy Evan Goldberg wrote it all the more strange.

I'm interested because I love Gondry's work and I'm curious to see Christoph Waltz in his first American flick post-Basterds, but probably not enough to get me into the theater, at least not at this time of year, what with Academy Award catch-up taking precedence.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 27%

The Dilemma
If you go to the theater to see this movie for any other reason aside from maybe "I needed a Jennifer Connelly fix real bad!!," there's a good chance I will lose respect for you. Plain and simple, and as snobby as that might make me sound. You can't even employ the same line towards Winona Ryder or even Channing Tatum, since Winona can be see currently in Black Swan, and Channing can be seen in other pieces of crap that are somehow sure to be better than this one.

What the hell, Ron Howard? How did you come to direct a film that clearly has "Directed by Dennis Dugan" written all over it?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (10/15/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

It's back! I'm trying to get back in the groove of things over here...please be patient. That goes for my blog reading as well.

Red
I won't go nearly so far as to say that this looks proper good, or even that I'll like it, but it certainly does look like fun. I'm just hoping that it's the kind of fun I can get behind, rather than the Wanted-y fun that I've gotten a vibe from watching the trailer lately, what with the Willis-exiting-the-spinning-car thing and the Malkovich-shooting-a-missile-with-a-bullet thing. Clearly, realism is not what the filmmakers are going for here (shocking that I came to this revelation, I know).

Still, it's a movie about 55+ spies starring the above-mentioned actors as well as Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, and Blog Cabins favorite Karl Urban. I'm in.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 77%

Jackass 3D
Never seen more than five minutes of this pop culture phenomenon in all its years of existence. I don't see anything that will change that now. I get it, but the adult version of seeing a dad get hit in the nuts with a baseball bat from his kids (thanks, America's Funniest Home Videos!) has just never held that much appeal to me.

Coming up, on an all-new Ow, My Balls!...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

Conviction
IMDb states that this film is being released today. They didn't display it as "limited," so I figured it was a wide release. So I go to Box Office Mojo, and it shows that it's only being opened in 11 theaters. Nevertheless, this film stars Hilary Swank and Sam Rockwell...and today was the first time that I'd heard or seen thing one about it. And it's not a chick flick or a kid flick or some obscure horror flick, which is usually the case when a film comes out with me being largely unaware of its presence. This does not bode well for Conviction.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 8%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (10/1/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

It's been three weeks since I did one of these! I'm terrible - though at least the 30 crazy days were here to keep you company. Sadly, I don't have all that much to say about the films below; well, I do about one since I already saw it, but you'll just have to wait for that...

The Social Network
Just came back from this. I'll say this much: I don't get all the "Five stars!" business, but it's a compelling, funny, intensely interesting film, with a whole lot going for it. I'm thrilled to say that Fincher is back in my good graces.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Case 39
I've been waiting FOUR years for this bad boy to come out! Ok, that's not true at all. I mean, the filmmakers have been waiting that long for a theatrical U.S. release of this Renee Squinchyface and Bradley Cooper-starring horror flick, but they just might be the only ones.

As you might recall, I said some nice-ish things about this during a recent Trailer Talk segment on a LAMBcast, but...yeah, I ain't gonna be seeing it (at least not in the theater).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 3%

Let Me In
Further proof that I just can't be satisfied: I'd like to say that I'm pretty pleased with the near-universal acclaim for this redux of Let the Right One In. But alas, I can not do that. While on the one hand it's a good thing that it's not yet another rushed and crappy re-do of a beloved foreign/small film...the other hand is saying this: If this one is indeed good and becomes known as a "good film," that decreases the likelihood of people who haven't seen the original from visiting it. And that is a bad thing. It's almost better to wish for crappy remakes so us enlightened folks can point to it and say "See, I told you so!" We might not get our chance here.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 85%

And then...

TGITDNMAR (9/10/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

This ought to be short and sweet...

Resident Evil: Afterlife
This has got to be the first time that two movies came out in the same year with the word "afterlife" in their title (the other being the Liam Neeson-Christina Ricci flick After.life). How's that for some special trivia?

Really, that's about all I have to say about this flick. I've seen no more than 30 minutes combined of the prior three entries to this series, so I'd say that the chances of my seeing this one in the theater are pretty slim.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

I'm Still Here
On the fence about seeing I'm Still Here? I don't see how you could be, but here's one more reason to check out the art installation/documentary/train-wreck (?) from director Casey Affleck: P. Diddy is in it. And if his recent role in Get Him to the Greek didn't tell you that he could be a comic genius playing essentially himself, imagine what he's like when he actually is himself...in a movie...opposite Joaquin Phoenix "playing" an aspiring rapper.

Oh, this outta be good...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 61%

And then...

Thank God It's the State of the Comment of the Week (or, TGITSOTCOTW)

THE STATE OF THE CABINS

Things to Click On

* I've been busy as hell at and away from work, and as you might have noticed, I've been pretty terrible lately at reading blogs. My Google Reader number of posts to be read is depressingly high, and on top of that, my usual blog readin' time (weekends) will be gone this weekend as I travel to Vegas in a mere two hours from now. I'm sorry, not only for being a bad reader, but for not really having anything here.

Movies watched for the first time (non-theatrically) since last week:
* Bigger, Stronger, Faster* - Probably the best doc I've seen since Man on Wire. This was supposed to be good, but it was pretty great - director Chris Bell is like Michael Moore, minus all of the things people hate about Moore. He's engaging and tells a story that's simultaneously terribly personal to him and interesting to the masses. Steroids have been THE topic in sports for much of the past decade, and BSF* manages to encapsulate just about all of it, all the while telling the tale of Bell's own struggles - not with "performance enhancers" themselves, but with the yin and yang in his family and his inability to decide whether or not he should use them.

Not only funny but educational, BSF* just might make you question why it is that 'roids are deemed so bad these days. Much like marijuana, facts and reality have become awfully blurred, and you have to wonder who is more at risk in these life or death games: potential users or the drug companies that might lose business if their just-as-dangerous prescription drugs were made as illegal as some of their less-reputable counterparts.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	Expectation: "Darn tootin."
	Reality: "It's in the hole!."

LAMBScore:

Music I'm currently obsessed with:
* In honor of the Vegas trip - my favorite tune to turn on just as I'm nearing the Strip:



Book I'm currently reading:
* About halfway through Battle Royale now. Really liking it, and now I'm a bit more optimistic about the movie version: book recommended Nick told me it wasn't so great, but another source has told me he was wrong. I'm not sure who to trust; probably Nick, but at least getting a vote in the other direction is better than hearing it's bad from everyone.

It's a much more casual read than I would have expected; I don't know how else to put that, but it seems as if it were written by an American. Perhaps some credit is due the translator. Anyway, it's easy to read (despite the grim subject matter), and I can't wait to see how it plays out, though I'm a bit disappointed that author Koushon Takami more or less played his hand and gave away the ending with an opening memo that makes no sense at first, only to show its importance 200 pages in (out of 600+). Of course, I could be wrong...

TGITDNMAR

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Machete
God yes. I was one of the people dying for this when I saw Grindhouse (in theaters, mind you - I was one of the 12). Bring this Mexploitation flick on.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Going the Distance
"he's going the distance.
he's going for speed.
she's all alone
all alone in her time of need.
because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
he's fighting and biting and riding on his horse,
he's going the distance."

In other words, a giant "no thanks" to this one. But the Cake song is good, no?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

The American
Saw this last night. Review to come...who the hell knows.

I liked it, but most people probably won't. If you like frenetic tension and fast cuts and lots of action and shit blowing up and lots of gunplay...this is NOT the movie for you. It's slow as molasses and character-driven. I kinda dug it, though it seemed like they went out of their way a bit too much to make Clooney seem sullen. I paid special attention: he doesn't crack a smile until about an hour into this flick, and that's about the only time he does. He's almost purposefully looking serious the whole time.

But if you're into introspective assassin flicks set in Italy (hey, whaddaya know, Clooney's got a villa in Italy), then this might be up your alley
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

The Tillman Story
I'd almost definitely be interested in a doc about football, the military and government lies anyway, but having living in Arizona for 21 years (the place where Pat Tillman player college and pro ball), this one's got special meaning. The cherry on top? It's supposed to be pretty damn good. Deal me in.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 98%

COMMENT OF THE WEEK (8/29 - 9/2)

The winner of the Chong Li Memorial Comment of the Week is...


I'm still not 100% sure if this was a serious question of made in jest (leaning towards the latter), but either way, this comment from David of Hoping for Something to Hope For gave me a chuckle, in reference to the latest SGC:

"Does anybody know a place where I can go to get good at this? Like some sort of Movie poster archive that I can absorb to the best of my abilities so that I can come back here and dominate?"

And then...