Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 10 Recap/Live Blog

Well, Mrs. Fletch is out of town on business, and as it turns out, was unable to catch the show, so this live blog will serve some additional purposes this week, enabling me to not only say hi ("Hi!), but to also do my best to really be descriptive and explain the show more than my usual snarky responses do.

7:00: Okay, Rupert, Candace and J.T. are sitting by a fire. They look bored and tired. Cut to Amanda and Colby looking equally grizzled.

7:01: Alright, I won't be quite that descriptive.

7:01: Rupert and Amanda make their way to the jungle, where they find a treasure chest of sorts with a note. Long story short: it's merge goodies, but they don't have the key - the Villains do. When they meet up, they'll open the chest and drink wine and get drunk and say stupid things to each other. Oh, the times they'll have!

7:02: Russ is planning his meetup with J.T., which will have to include an explanation as to why he didn't vote out Parvati at the previous Tribal Council. This oughta be good.

7:05: And we're back from commercial. Parvati is blabbing about how great she is or something. You're not missing much yet.

7:06: But then we get a perk-up in the show. J.T. sees Parv coming over from their camp for the merge and immediately gives us a play-by-play of the circumstances he's dreaming of in his head to explain why she's still there, involving something about Parv having another idol that she played and whatnot. Yeah, not even close, son.

7:08: Just wanted to note that Rupert seems to have lost just about as much weight as Russ. I want that smelly pirate to chop off his hair and shave his beard for the reunion. I don't think a single person would recognize him.

7:09: We've seen Candace a few times so far this episode, and each time she's looked as though she needed to, um, release her bowels. Something about her body language tells me she's not too happy about her place in the game right about now.

7:10: Parv is feeling slighted about how the Heroes are treating her. Waah. "I'm disrespected - woe is me!" Please.

7:10: Russ-plestiltskin is spinning yarns yet again. He just sold J.T. hook, line, and sinker (he even just used those exact words!) about how he's totally with them and such. Wow - this guy rules.

7:12: He or she who is desperate is the most dangerous player in the game. Sandra just spilled the Russ guts all over the place to Rupert, letting the pirate know who's really in charge. As Rupert just stated, "This is where the game gets crazy." I couldn't agree more.

7:15: Drama with breakfast foods. Yawn.

7:17: Did you ever think there would be a scenario in the game where Rupert was the seer, the wise one? He's trying his damnedest to inform J.T., Amanda, and Candace about what a snake Russell is, but they don't believe him at all! This is priceless. J.T. is trying to convince Rupe that he's a rube for believing Sandra at all. This is bound to have a good ending.

7:23: And so the Parvati-Amanda alliance rears its ugly head for the first time, as they met up in the jungle and spilled some secrets to each other. Though, to be honest, half the time they spent together was telling each other "I trust you." "No, I trust you." "No, I trust you." Christ, we get it.

7:25: Ha! Finally, an "eff you" to the producers by a merged tribe. Their new name? Yin Yang, which Russ even explained to Jeff. What a wildly original name - I love it. "It means good and evil." No shit, dude.

7:26: Another Immunity Challenge up my alley, as the players are forced to climb a pole and hang on as long as their bodies let them.

7:27: Colby and Sandra first out, after no less than 20 seconds, apparently. Bad move for Sandra as she's on the chopping block, but Colby's actually pretty safe in the game now (nice work, producers!), so him being out can only serve to conserve his energy.

7:28: Russ and Rupert out. Down to six (J.T., Candace, Parv, Amanda, Danielle and Jeri). Amanda out now.

7:29: J.T. falls/jumps off. Just four women left, all of them Villains save Candace. If only Stick were here, she'd kill at this challenge! Oh, and I just thought of the Stick/pole connection. Oh, the bad jokes I could've used...sigh.

7:30: Jeri climbs off. I don't understand why any of these people (granted: they've been on their poles for 95 minutes, so they're doing something right) stayed so high on their poles, when gravity will only work against them more up there. Anyway...

7:32: Boobs wins immunity, as only she and Parvati remained, and since Parv already had an idol, she "let" Boobs take it. That's three Villains with an Immunity Idol, by the way, versus zero Heroes. Guess which (former) tribe is going home tonight?

7:38: Huh, whaddaya know? All of a sudden, J.T. and gang are a bit worried, wondering why Parvati was so unafraid to step down from her pole. Yeah, people, she ain't going anywhere - that's why she's not afraid. Wake up to the truthteller that is Rupert.

7:39: Here's where Russell and/or Parvati have made a serious mistake, and only time will tell which one. Russ, who doesn't know that Parvati has her own idol, just gave her his (that J.T. gave to him). Now Parv has two. She did not think it was worth telling Russ about hers, which means that she has just lost him should that news ever surface. This would actually be a perfect time for Parvati to get Russell out of the game, but that won't happen because the former Villains need to stick together just as much as the former Heroes need to.

7:41: Christ, Amanda, again with the "I'm gonna cry" face? Enough already! Put this girl in the Marines or something.

7:43: Two seconds into Tribal Council and Rupert's going apeshit over the bananas or plantains or some other ripe fruit of the day. Wow, what a banal topic for Council.

7:44: Russ ingratiates himself to me even more, telling Jeff "So what?" about the fruit convo. Bless you, Russ-plestiltskin, for being the voice of reason in a sea of idiots.

7:45: Jeff, to Parvati, after she complained about a lack of strategic talking to her from the Heroes: "Well, maybe that's because you're just so used to getting so much attention in real life." Burn....

7:47: Now I can't decide if I want to call Danielle "Boobs" or "Tom Selleck." That mustache of hers is gettin' nasty. Somebody let her win a reward challenge that involves a razor and/or hot wax, pronto.

7:48: In an interesting move, the producers appear to be showing us all of the votes. Not quite, but it seems that way. All of the votes shown thus far are either Jeri or J.T. Which obviously means someone else is going home. Hell, I have no idea.

7:49: Christ - this is awesome (if not stupid). Parvati just piped up to play BOTH idols, giving one to Sandra and one to Jeri. Sorry to be so immature, but damn, that was friggin' awesome!

7:50: Rupert: "I knew we shouldn't have trusted that ___," in regards to Russell.

7:51: The first few votes all for Jeri. All useless. The next three are for J.T. Buh-bye, J.T. You just got played!

7:52: Russ to Parvati (whispering): "You have some explaining to do." Parvati in response: "It's a secret." Clearly, Russ can't be too mad at her, as she just ensured the Villains place at the tribe in charge of this game (and herself as the HNIC). Memorable episode. I can only hope I did a good enough job describing it all for my lovely and lonely wife. Goodnight, dear.

7:54: Before we go, though, my Official Question Request for Travis:

"J.T., the complexities of the game presuppose that the situations that the players are put into force them to reconsider what they normally observe about human social conditions and put themselves on an island in terms of their instinctual thinking. What would you say about the way that --

-- aw, who the hell am I kidding? The question everyone has is: "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING YOUR IDOL TO RUSSELL?!?!?!"

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