TGITDNMAR (6/8/07)

Time for a new feature here in the Blog Cabins - namely, TGIDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

In this feature, I will go beyond cleverness and simply give you previews of the new releases every week, tossing in numerous snarky comments along the way, to be sure. Short, sweet, and to the point.

At the box office today:

Ocean's Thirteen
In this second sequel to the Rat Pack redux, Clooney, Pitt, and the rest of the gang are joined by 67-year old Al Pacino and 53-year old Ellen Barkin - I can't think of a better way to spruce up the series! All kidding aside, the math doesn't seem to add up: the same 11 ("good guys") from the first film were joined by Julia Roberts in Ocean's Twelve, making her the, well, 12th. Now, Pacino is added, but he's the bad guy so he doesn't count. Meanwhile, Andy Garcia is now a "good guy," so he's #12. Is Ellen Barkin #13? My assumption from the trailers is that she's Pacino's right-hand woman or something. I demand an answer (and will get one soon)
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Hostel: Part II
Hooray for snuff films! With director Eli Roth's work, combined with the new Captivity and the Saw series, gruesome murder needs no such thing as plot or characters. I guess horror directors have officially run out of ideas and are just cutting straight to the chase these days. I'm the last person to suggest the "evil" effects of violence onscreen, but these films cut out the thrill of "thrills" and instead just try to outgross each other. No thanks.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Surf's Up
Shia LaBeouf returns to the screen (well, his voice, anyway) as some penguin with a Napoleon Complex trying to be a better surfer than some asshole surfer from back in the day. This looks mildly entertaining, but my Jedi powers sense oversentimentality (though the idea of it being presented in documentary format is novel for an animated picture).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 50%

La Vie en Rose
If you've read my reviews over time, you know I catch a lot of independent films, as well as a smattering of foreign films. That said, a film about the life of Edith Piaf doesn't really appeal to me. My mother? Perhaps, but not me.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 10%


For this week's estimates, check out BoxOfficeReport.com.

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Knocked Up

Since I can't come up with a coherent, focused review for Knocked Up that ties neatly together and stands as a deep commentary (or even a funny one) on the film, I'm going to have to hit you with a series of unrelated thoughts about the film (or anything else that pops into my head. Free your mind...

* This morning, Adam Carolla had Seth Rogen, the star of , as a guest. During their discussion, Carolla mentioned that people these days are more appreciative of quality comedies, as there has been a dearth of them in recent years. While I find this to be mostly true, I can't help but still think that the 00s are trouncing the 90s in terms of overall quality - and there's still a few years left. Neither decade can touch the 80s just yet, though.

* Just as Rogen stole all of his scenes from The 40 Year Old Virgin, Paul Rudd does so in Knocked Up. Playing a stressed out husband to Leslie Mann and father of two, he shines in his funniest role yet.

* Also stealing scenes is Jason Segel, playing Rogen's creepy-yet-still-likable brother.

* Director Judd Apatow should have never done TV it seems. After commercially flopping (though critically succeeding) with both Undeclared and Freaks and Geeks, Apatow is 2-for-2 now (both commercially and critically) with 40YOV and Knocked. If he hasn't yet been, he will soon be crowned as the new Woody Allen (or Kevin Smith, depending on your perspective).

* Katherine Heigl, teenage star of the Gerard Depardieu-vehicle My Father the Hero, makes her own star turn (escaping Grey's Anatomy) and holds her own with the numerous boys. Having Leslie Mann around certainly had to help. Mann, who's also known as Mrs. Apatow, is probably one of the better acting comediennes out there, though she's typically stuck playing the bitch. Here, she 's able to play a more fleshed-out character.

* Though Knocked Up is pretty long (especially for a comedy) at 129 minutes, it doesn't overstay its welcome, and actually clocks in 4 minutes shorter than 40YOV.

* We should all despise Rogen for being as funny, charming and talented as he is at the ripe old age of 25. He seems wise beyond his years, both on film and in real life.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"

And then...

Demographically Challenged

At the local Harkins Theater these days, the programming before the film is brought to me by Screenvision, which plays music and short animated films, but also still shows commercials (of course). The last few times, I've been lucky enough to see a lengthy commercial for some new History Channel TV show called Ice Road Truckers. It shows the DANGEROUS and GRITTY job that a bunch of bearded gentlemen in northern Canada do - namely, driving semis over ice (hence the name).

Fast forward to Wednesday night. While munching on dinner, I flipped the channel around and eventually settled on watching the last third or so or Pleasantville, which was running on TV Land. If you haven't seen the film, it stars Tobey Maguire, Reese Witherspoon and --

Actually, it doesn't matter. Sure, Pleasantville's a great movie, but what the heck is it doing on TV Land? And what is a show - set in the present day, mind you - about truckers doing on The History Channel?

Yea, we all know that MTV blazed this trail some 15 years ago, when The Real World paved the way for non-music video programming on the channel born of videos. But as more and more channels lose their identity (by their own choosing, it should be noted), the question must be asked: why do we need niche programming if they don't stick to their niches? Do we really need 20 different channels that show reruns of Seinfeld and CSI? (Oh wait - bad example - we already have that.)

This wouldn't be that much of a problem if we weren't paying for it. But when DirecTV or Dish Network or whoever crows about their 500 channels, with such specialized channels as The Golf Network and ESPN Classic, is it really that big of a selling point? Give me 100 quality-packed channels over 500 clones any day.

And then...

Blog Cabins Hits the Big Time

Your modest host Fletch has been linked by none other than WSJ.com. For the less cultured folk out there, that's the Wall Street Journal online. Many, many thanks to film reviewer Joe Morgenstern (and/or anyone else that may deserve thanks) for making my day. Don't worry - I'll still sign an autograph for you.

The full article can be found here.




























PS - Have to add a note to mention that WSJ is only indirectly responsible for the link. They apparently subscribe/use a widget from Sphere, which recommends the related content. So thanks to Sphere for having such good taste.

And then...

Programming Note

Just a quick post to pimp a column I've written for NFL Adam's The Hater Nation. It takes on two subjects near and dear to my heart - sports and movies. In fact, it's about sports movies. So do us all a favor and check it out:

http://thehaternation.blogspot.com/2007/06/sports-movie-umvps.html

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Once

I imagine that if I were a musician, I would appreciate Once more than I do. Don't get me wrong, though - first of all, it's still a very good film, and second, I play a mean "Jingle Bells" on the piano. I think I can even play "Happy Birthday" and a few other tunes, too.

Bad jokes aside, Once truly will appeal to those familiar with not only the creative process of music making, but the connection that musicians share when said process creates something beautiful. The film, with its main characters being named "Guy" and "Girl" doesn't muddy the waters with an abundance of plot or character building, instead focusing on the craft and, not surprisingly, the music (a good third of the film consists solely of one or more characters playing their songs, making this a rare indie "musical"). And sweet music it is. In no time, you'll be singing along to the catchy, if melancholy, tunes.

Unfortunately, too much of a good thing can turn out to be bad, as the music takes away from the very well written dialogue. Once has an organic, real feeling from beginning to end, and avoids the pitfalls that would typically pollute a film like this (such as a rabid sing along or "quirky" characters). In fact, much of the film feels much like a documentary, as if the actors were merely interacting with each other, as opposed to running through rehearsed dialogue. Scenes between the "Guy" and his father ring especially true.

One minor complaint, though it can't really be directed towards the filmmakers: I consider myself to be pretty good at picking up and comprehending the non-American English accents, but there are numerous times where the Irish-accented "Guy," his father, the Czech immigrant "Girl" or any number of other characters are nearly incomprehensible to American audiences. Put some subtitles on the screen, people! I have an easier time understanding German at times.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"It's in the hole!"

And then...

Record Zero Number of Box Office Records Broken Stuns Hollywood

Hollywood, Calif. - Studio executives and box office analysts in Tinseltown woke up to some shocking news on Monday morning as a record zero box office records were broken over the weekend.

With a pedestrian $43.2 million, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End took home the top spot in its second week of release, with newcomer Knocked Up placing second with $29.3 million. Rounding out the rest of the top five were Shrek the Third, Mr. Brooks, and Spider-Man 3.

"We all knew Pirates would have a drop-off, but we didn't think it would get so bad that there wouldn't be any new records broken," said Nielsen Media Research's Josh McJoshson. "We even thought about making up some new record for Knocked Up's debut, but we couldn't think of anything better than 'Biggest Delivery of All-Time.' We're all really disappointed down here - but then again - even a non-record is a record, so I guess it all worked out."

Early forecasts from analysts are predicting record numbers from "Films with 'Thirteen' in the title" next week as the 3rd Ocean's film hits theaters.

And then...

LeBron needs to have a talk with his dad

In case you missed it, or if you aren't into basketball (Hi, Mrs. Fletch!), LeBron James went off last night and single-handedly beat the Pistons, scoring the last 25 Cavaliers points, and 29 of the final 30.

Naturally, this makes me think that James is a werewolf. It was a full moon last night, after all...



(Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip that consists solely of the first game in Teen Wolf, where Scott first "wolfs out" and takes over the game, so this will have to suffice. Skip to the 3-minute mark for the best parts.)

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Since I've covered this ground multiple times, let me get this out of the way quickly:

Yes, this movie is waaaaay....tooooo....loooong. With a running time of 2 hours and 47 minutes, a full 45-60 minutes could/should have been trimmed from the film. I could write a separate post detailing which minutes those should be (if I had fancy editing software, I'd be tempted to make my own "director's cut" and sell it - I could make millions, to be sure), but I'll spare you. You get the picture - it's bloated.

Now, going into the theater with that already firmly ingrained into my mind probably helped the rating it will earn. Whereas the second Pirates (at a comparatively brisk 2 and a half hours) surprised us with it's length, this one was expected. And within it all is a much better film than the second.

It's a shame, then, that the second film is a prerequisite for understanding what the heck is going on At World's End. Much like The Matrix: Reloaded, many plot points are picked up here, in what is mostly a continuation of the story line from Dead Man's Chest. Aside from the trio of main characters from the first film, other major characters such as Geoffrey Rush's Captain Barbossa and Bill Nighy's Davy Jones return as well (as does Naomie Harris' grating Oracle, er, Tia Dalma).

But the story is almost immaterial. What you really want to know about are the effects, and by that I mean, how does Keith Richards look? Let me tell you - he's real, and he's spectacular.

Not really. He might as well have not been in the picture at all, as his cameo smacks of wink-wink-nod-nod "ain't it cool" desperation, and serves as a distraction to the already busy plot. Though he does seem rather lucid, which was a surprise, and his one or two lines were delivered effectively.

Though the film leaves you with the thinking that their will be a fourth Pirates in the near future, you can't help but hope that there's not, and that Depp isn't involved. Much like the Spider-Man franchise, I don't think many outside of hardcore fans are really clamoring for another in the series, and what little legacy there is to be found would be shattered by a fourth (just look at the Batman or Lethal Weapon series, or possibly the upcoming Die Hard sequel, for evidence of this; the fourth film in the series is almost always an abomination).

Then again, if Depp is on board without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, then maybe they're on to something after all...

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

And then...

Still thinking...?

I'm not breaking any news by saying that Hollywood has run out of ideas. It's become a cliché, and I think most of us just shrug it off when we hear it.

What does shock me, however, is just how stunningly true it's become. A look at this list of the top films highest grossing films since the year 2000 from boxofficereport.com may stun you, as it did me. Of the top 20 films listed, a whole two are original (Shrek and Finding Nemo). TWO! All of the rest are works that are either sequels, remakes, book or graphic novel adaptations, or some combination of those.

Compare that to the 90s, and the number balloons to 12. The 80s? 13. I count 16 for the 70s, though my knowledge of the origins for all of the films may not be totally accurate.

This can be looked at one of two ways. The first way is the Chicken Little approach: CHAOS! MAYHEM! CATASTROPHE! The sky is falling!

The second way is a bit more logical, and looks more pragmatically at why this is the case. It looks at who is going to the movies these days and why, and which films end up as the top grossers.

It's no secret that Hollywood makes its money in summer and caters to Oscar in the fall and winter. Accordingly, those late year films are geared towards an older crowd, whereas the summer films are aimed at the prized younger demographic. As market research and analytics grow exponentially (the Internet doesn't hurt), so does Hollywood's understanding of exactly what to make, when to put it out, and where to release it. If the younger folks continue watching just about anything fed to them (I'm guilty of this as well - see this week's review of Pirates of the Caribbean for evidence of this), what incentive is there for Hollywood to come up with new ideas when blockbuster season comes around? After all, it's much easier to take an established brand (i.e., G.I. Joe) and craft a script and some special effects around it than it is to come up with something entirely original. Thrown in the added time and effort, not to mention the diminished risk with the brand, and it's a no-brainer.

In the end, we the consumers are the guiltiest parties. By continuing to line up in droves for "meh" material such as Spider-Man 3 and POTC: At World's End, we are reinforcing Hollywood's negative behavior. So join me in looking into the object at right when thinking about how unoriginal Hollywood has become.


(It should be noted that in no way am I saying that all adaptations are bad and all original material is good. After all, some of the best movies of the past few years [Children of Men, V for Vendetta, and 300 to name a handful] were adapted from a book or graphic novel. So there's certainly not a hard-and-fast rule. However, there is more than likely a strong correlation between remakes and badness, especially when TV is involved.)

And then...