Fletch's Film Review: Wanted

Note: for this review, I'm going to channel my allergies into the ability to type coherent sentences. It's a power that my father had, and now I have it. I will use it to rid the world of typos and misspellings. With great power comes great responsibility.

Note two: I realize that note one won't make a lick of sense if you haven't seen Wanted. Sorry about that. I've still honing my powers as we speak, so it's possible that I could be a bit rusty.

Note three: I totally wrote "I've still honing my powers" instead of "I'm still honing my powers" there. Again, sorry about that. Apparently, I need some dudes hitting me and/or coming at me with knives while I type. You know, for inspiration.

"If you spell another word wrong, I'll kill ya."

Thanks, Francis. I needed that.

Anyway, Wanted. What a hot mess, subtle as a frying pan to the face when all you wanted was a wake up call. In the world of Wanted, if a waiter spilled your drink on your lap, you'd be remiss if you didn't throw that sunuvabitch down a well filled with acid. In the world of Wanted, if you're hungry, you don't just eat a burger, you hunt down a cow, slaughter that bastard with a butter knife and dig into that raw flesh as if it were the first meal you'd eaten in years. You don't just go to bed at night, you bash your skull in with a jackhammer and a pound of Dramamine.

Why then, in adapting this comic for the big screen, didn't director Timur Bekmambetov go further? Why not just create this live action cartoon in the fashion of something like Sin City? As it stands, it's a weird hybrid that takes itself seriously for stretches, only to go into gonzo-insanity-no rules mode for every action piece. I'd have much preferred them to pick a path (and style) and stay the course - either take it seriously, meticulously offering explanations for the ridiculousness we're seeing onscreen, or say "Eff it" and go 300 on us.

Unfortunately for me, I really didn't embrace the crazy until the final minutes, when a donut and an energy drink come into play. Which is clearly my fault, as it was nuts from the start - I mean, really, a Goofle search for "Wesley Gibson" brings up zero results?

I mean "Google." Don't hurt me, Francis.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to chop your foot off and shove it into the hole where your head used to be."

And then...

TGITDNMAR (6/27/08 & 7/1/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

You might be wondering what this post is doing here on a Monday. Well, I missed it on Friday, and this week's lone wide release is coming on Wednesday, so I figured I might as well split the difference and combine them both for what you see here now.

Wanted
Cubicle drone pulled from his boring existence into a world of intrigue and danger? Check. Smoking hot raven-haired beauty as a love interest/experienced member of secret society? Check. Leadership/introduction given by wise elder (of color)? Check. Special effects that revolve around bullets? Check?

Could this have possibly been any more of a Matrix ripoff? Why does this not bother everyone to the point of boycotting it? It's not as though the source comic came out before the Keanu-led actioner, so there's really no excuse for a 'remake' of the Wachowski brothers' classic less than ten years from its release date. Ugh, this pisses me off.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 15%, or equal to the chance that someone like James McAvoy would ever end up with someone like Angelina Jolie.

Wall*E
I've seen the early scores from the fine folks at the LAMB for this, and let me tell you, were LAMBScores not such a new feature over there, I'd be crowing about Wall*E setting a record for the highest scores yet. The worst score I've seen so far is 4.5/5, and one person is even trying to give it a 6/5 rating.

My interest in seeing this has always been little more than marginal, but I must say, I feel compelled to see it now. I just wish Steve Guttenberg was on board.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 70%...and rising.

Hancock
Bad buzz, or just a lack thereof? Bad marketing? Confusing poster? Whatever the reason, it seems as though no one is hyped to see Hancock. I can't say that I am, either, but I am intrigued, and frankly, with Smith and Jason Bateman on board, I'll have a hard time saying no, especially when considering the lack of any competition this weekend (or next, really, which brings Hellboy II and, uh, Meet Dave to the table).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 50%, or equal to the chance that I can get "Summertime" in your head by saying this:

"Summer summer summertime/
Time to sit back and unwind"
(Repeat 50x)

And then...