It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.
Just Go With It
I could not be more psyched for the sequel to this one. Just Keep Going With It? Just Go With It Some More? Just Go With It All Over Again?
Seriously, this has to be the early favorite for worst title of 2011, easily besting the santorum-sounding Sanctum. This title makes How Do You Know sound like Snakes on a Plane. How many times will the title be uttered in the film? Over or under three?
On the bright side: Adam Sandler continues to employ Dennis Dugan, which is nice. He's also managed to finagle his entire posse (Allen Covert, Jonathan Loughran, and Peter Dante) for (sure-to-be) bit parts, in addition to no less than three other people with the last name Sandler in the credits.
Make no mistake - I will never, ever, ever accuse Sandler of being a bad person or forgetting his roots or leaving his friends behind. Obviously, the man is a saint to know, and takes care of everyone in his immediate vicinity. The real miracle (curse for us?) is that his movies continue to be successful, enabling to continue to churn out dirt pile after dirt pile. I'm happy for him and his friends and family on one hand, and saddened by the pain he causes the movie fan in me on the other.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%
The Eagle
I should be congratulating Channing Tatum. First, he gets to co-star in a film directed by Academy Award nominee Ron Howard (in The Dilemma). Now, he's starring in a film from the director of The Last King of Scotland and State of Play and Touching the Void. And yet, instead of being happy for him, I feel pity for director Kevin McDonald and co-star Jamie Bell. What'd they do to deserve this?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
Gnomeo and Juliet
Interesting voice cast, I'll say that much. Stars James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, but features (take a deep breath): Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osborne, Stephen Merchant, Hulk Hogan, and Patrick Stewart, amongst others.
And...that's really all I have to say about this one. Ain't even seen a trailer yet. But word is it's terrible.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
You probably think I hate the mere thought of this movie, the fine piece of dandruff falling from the Bieb's perfectly coiffed hair. You, knowing I'm older than 14 (and male), probably think that I would sooner lock myself in a padded room for a month than allow this "film" to exist.
You would be wrong, my friend. Think to yourself the last few films that the annoying pop star of the day starred in: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Hannah Montana The Movie, Crossroads - heck, even Burlesque. (And if you're morbid, This Is It.)
What's the common denominator? The stars are fading, have faded, or have totally burnt out (Jackson) on the musical stars. The Jonas Brothers might as well have been an act from 1954 they seem so out of vogue now. Spears, as we all know, is still a joke in progress. Aguilera has a great voice but can't seem to make great music. THIS MEANS BIEBERMANIA IS ON ITS WAY OUT OF THE POPULAR CONSCIOUSNESS!!! It's only a matter of time before we're all free of him - rejoice!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
And then...
Just Go With ItI could not be more psyched for the sequel to this one. Just Keep Going With It? Just Go With It Some More? Just Go With It All Over Again?
Seriously, this has to be the early favorite for worst title of 2011, easily besting the santorum-sounding Sanctum. This title makes How Do You Know sound like Snakes on a Plane. How many times will the title be uttered in the film? Over or under three?
On the bright side: Adam Sandler continues to employ Dennis Dugan, which is nice. He's also managed to finagle his entire posse (Allen Covert, Jonathan Loughran, and Peter Dante) for (sure-to-be) bit parts, in addition to no less than three other people with the last name Sandler in the credits.
Make no mistake - I will never, ever, ever accuse Sandler of being a bad person or forgetting his roots or leaving his friends behind. Obviously, the man is a saint to know, and takes care of everyone in his immediate vicinity. The real miracle (curse for us?) is that his movies continue to be successful, enabling to continue to churn out dirt pile after dirt pile. I'm happy for him and his friends and family on one hand, and saddened by the pain he causes the movie fan in me on the other.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%
The EagleI should be congratulating Channing Tatum. First, he gets to co-star in a film directed by Academy Award nominee Ron Howard (in The Dilemma). Now, he's starring in a film from the director of The Last King of Scotland and State of Play and Touching the Void. And yet, instead of being happy for him, I feel pity for director Kevin McDonald and co-star Jamie Bell. What'd they do to deserve this?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
Gnomeo and JulietInteresting voice cast, I'll say that much. Stars James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, but features (take a deep breath): Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osborne, Stephen Merchant, Hulk Hogan, and Patrick Stewart, amongst others.
And...that's really all I have to say about this one. Ain't even seen a trailer yet. But word is it's terrible.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
Justin Bieber: Never Say NeverYou probably think I hate the mere thought of this movie, the fine piece of dandruff falling from the Bieb's perfectly coiffed hair. You, knowing I'm older than 14 (and male), probably think that I would sooner lock myself in a padded room for a month than allow this "film" to exist.
You would be wrong, my friend. Think to yourself the last few films that the annoying pop star of the day starred in: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Hannah Montana The Movie, Crossroads - heck, even Burlesque. (And if you're morbid, This Is It.)
What's the common denominator? The stars are fading, have faded, or have totally burnt out (Jackson) on the musical stars. The Jonas Brothers might as well have been an act from 1954 they seem so out of vogue now. Spears, as we all know, is still a joke in progress. Aguilera has a great voice but can't seem to make great music. THIS MEANS BIEBERMANIA IS ON ITS WAY OUT OF THE POPULAR CONSCIOUSNESS!!! It's only a matter of time before we're all free of him - rejoice!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%
