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Feb 11, 2011

TGITDNMAR (2/11/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Just Go With It
I could not be more psyched for the sequel to this one. Just Keep Going With It? Just Go With It Some More? Just Go With It All Over Again?

Seriously, this has to be the early favorite for worst title of 2011, easily besting the santorum-sounding Sanctum. This title makes How Do You Know sound like Snakes on a Plane. How many times will the title be uttered in the film? Over or under three?

On the bright side: Adam Sandler continues to employ Dennis Dugan, which is nice. He's also managed to finagle his entire posse (Allen Covert, Jonathan Loughran, and Peter Dante) for (sure-to-be) bit parts, in addition to no less than three other people with the last name Sandler in the credits.

Make no mistake - I will never, ever, ever accuse Sandler of being a bad person or forgetting his roots or leaving his friends behind. Obviously, the man is a saint to know, and takes care of everyone in his immediate vicinity. The real miracle (curse for us?) is that his movies continue to be successful, enabling to continue to churn out dirt pile after dirt pile. I'm happy for him and his friends and family on one hand, and saddened by the pain he causes the movie fan in me on the other.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

The Eagle
I should be congratulating Channing Tatum. First, he gets to co-star in a film directed by Academy Award nominee Ron Howard (in The Dilemma). Now, he's starring in a film from the director of The Last King of Scotland and State of Play and Touching the Void. And yet, instead of being happy for him, I feel pity for director Kevin McDonald and co-star Jamie Bell. What'd they do to deserve this?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Gnomeo and Juliet
Interesting voice cast, I'll say that much. Stars James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, but features (take a deep breath): Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osborne, Stephen Merchant, Hulk Hogan, and Patrick Stewart, amongst others.

And...that's really all I have to say about this one. Ain't even seen a trailer yet. But word is it's terrible.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
You probably think I hate the mere thought of this movie, the fine piece of dandruff falling from the Bieb's perfectly coiffed hair. You, knowing I'm older than 14 (and male), probably think that I would sooner lock myself in a padded room for a month than allow this "film" to exist.

You would be wrong, my friend. Think to yourself the last few films that the annoying pop star of the day starred in: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, Hannah Montana The Movie, Crossroads - heck, even Burlesque. (And if you're morbid, This Is It.)

What's the common denominator? The stars are fading, have faded, or have totally burnt out (Jackson) on the musical stars. The Jonas Brothers might as well have been an act from 1954 they seem so out of vogue now. Spears, as we all know, is still a joke in progress. Aguilera has a great voice but can't seem to make great music. THIS MEANS BIEBERMANIA IS ON ITS WAY OUT OF THE POPULAR CONSCIOUSNESS!!! It's only a matter of time before we're all free of him - rejoice!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%


11 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (2/11/11)"

cinemasights said...

I guess this means it's a good time to catch up on Terry Gilliam films.

Sebastian Gutierrez said...

Holy Shit! You are totally right about the pop star thing! We will soon be rid of him! HUZZAH!! Thank you for pointing this out!

Fletch said...

James - and all for naught! (Not like that's ever a bad idea.)

Seb - My pleasure! Let's hope this is indeed the beginning of the end.

JSR - You know, I was so close to writing Billy Elliott the whole time, probably got distracted, and still put that. Thanks.

Castor said...

I saw The Eagle on Friday. Not as bad as you would think with Channing Tatum as the lead. He was actually competent enough to carry the movie and I thought the movie was perfectly acceptable.

Univarn said...

No, Bieber-mania will never die! *cries* I already went out and got my Bieber4ever tattoo! And that stuff is permanent. There's no way to pull a Wino 4 ever out of Bieber!

Mayday said...

Yeah, these people go away if you don't have 5 to 15 year-old girls in the house. I have 2, and nary a day goes by without me seeing or hearing Bieber, Montana, or one of the Jonas's. I hope someone blows up the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards this year.

Spears and Aguilera are like classic rock to them. The press acts like forgetting the words to the national anthem will hurt Aguilera's career, but I doubt if any of her fans know the words, either. Yes, I've become an ornery "old guy" now.

cinemasights said...

@Fletch

Watching films is its own reward. That, and the Director's Chair is right around the corner.

Fletch said...

Castor - Indeed, it appears to be getting pretty decent reviews all around. Of course, I'll attribute all of that to McDonald, Bell, and Sutherland and none to Tatum. :D

Univarn - Perhaps the Bieber4Ever tat could be transitioned into a Boobies4Ever tat? Worth a try, right?

Mayday - Love it. I feel so bad for you...and so bad for myself: who knows what the iteration of these pop acts will look like in the next 5-15 years for me and Alexandra. Oy...

James - we needed you today. And you might have even done well at the two games of LLS.

Jack L said...

Nice summing up of the new releases,
I won't be seeing any of these, ever...

And about the Justin Bieber film, I had never thought of it that way before, you make an interesting point and I really hope you're right!

Fletch said...

Jack - I might see the Sandler flick on TV. In fact, it's almost a given to be the type of TBS movie that I'll get sucked into and watch more than once. And I'll probably enjoy myself. And hell, Brooklyn Boobs don't hurt.

I really hope I'm right about Bieber, too! :D