It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.
How can you tell it's August without looking at the calendar?
Easy - just look at the slate of movies. Aside from them being the usual (and much discussed) serving of crapola, what gets me is that I hadn't barely (if at all) heard of two of this week's releases (one of which, Robert Rodriguez's Shorts, I'm not even dignifying with a blurb about below). C'mon studios, we all know that this is the trash heap, but that doesn't absolve you from shoving adverts for them down our throats. I'm a consumer - treat me like one, damnit! After all, if you can't even feign interest in your own product, how can you expect me to?
Julie & Julia
It wasn't until I glanced at that poster the other day while reading a review that I realized that I was starting to get sick of Amy Adams.
Yeah, she's a great up-and-coming actress of the prestige variety, and I'm not trying to be a hater, but with five (5!) starring or 2nd-lead co-starring roles in less than 12 months, she's seriously on the potentially oxerexposed list. Here's her resume over that time:
* Julie & Julia
* Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
* Doubt
* Sunshine Cleaning
* Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Have you had your fill of Adams yet? The good news is that she's down with this run. Only one film on tap for 2010 and one more for 2011. But talk about striking while the iron was hot...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 7%
A Perfect Getaway
Oh look - it's "Actors that people generally like that generally star in crappy movies" all starring in one crappy movie together. Yes, Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, and Milla Jovavich are the big names in this horror flick that sounds like a cross between Turistas and the upcoming comedy Couples Retreat. As if the thought of seeing Jon Favreau isn't horrifying enough.
Seriously, though - Tim Olyphant, what the f*ck? Are you ever gonna live up to the promise that was Go? You were one of the best things about the 1999 Doug Liman flick, and that's saying a lot, as there was a sh*t ton to love. Yeah, I hear you were good on Deadwood, but a) I didn't watch it, b) it ain't like it lasted all that long, and c) it wasn't a movie. You should be a star, man! Or were you only a one-hit wonder?
Sidenote: I've been clamoring for a sequel to Turistas called Mas Turistas for a few years now. I have no desire to see either the original or my planned sequel, I just like the name.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%
G.I. Joe
If there's one thing smart about the Transformers and G.I. Joe adaptations, it's the fact that they made them so many years after their peak popularity that the people that loved them most at the time - people in my general age range (aka early 30s) - are too old to get worked up about how sh*tty they are. I mean, really, it's been two decades since I touched a Joe figurine, at least; wouldn't it be pretty pathetic of me to turn into Supergeek and lambaste them for turning a series full of colorful personalities (and color) into some lame explosion fest where everyone's wearing the same outfit and Mr. Zero Charisma (Channing Tatum) is the star?
Yes. Yes, it would be pathetic.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 11%
Cold Souls
The only contact I've had with this film is from visiting IMDb, where there's been a Flash ad that's popped up from time to time. Thanks to that awesome poster (that they're using the content of in the ads), I haven't minded - it cracks me up every time. Though I still knew nothing of the movie.
Here's the description from IMDb: "Paul is an actor who feels bogged down by his participation in a production of Chekov's play, Vanya. His condition which leads him to an organization that will store his soul while he treads the boards, though complications (and international travel) arise when his soul goes missing."
O....k. Sound Synecdoche, New York-y enough for you? Well, it ought to. And if that weren't enough, Synec alum Emily Watson is co-starring here as well.
Too bad it's only in NY/LA right now. I'm all over this like Steve Zahn on bad movies.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 80%
And then...
How can you tell it's August without looking at the calendar?
Easy - just look at the slate of movies. Aside from them being the usual (and much discussed) serving of crapola, what gets me is that I hadn't barely (if at all) heard of two of this week's releases (one of which, Robert Rodriguez's Shorts, I'm not even dignifying with a blurb about below). C'mon studios, we all know that this is the trash heap, but that doesn't absolve you from shoving adverts for them down our throats. I'm a consumer - treat me like one, damnit! After all, if you can't even feign interest in your own product, how can you expect me to?
Julie & JuliaIt wasn't until I glanced at that poster the other day while reading a review that I realized that I was starting to get sick of Amy Adams.
Yeah, she's a great up-and-coming actress of the prestige variety, and I'm not trying to be a hater, but with five (5!) starring or 2nd-lead co-starring roles in less than 12 months, she's seriously on the potentially oxerexposed list. Here's her resume over that time:
* Julie & Julia
* Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
* Doubt
* Sunshine Cleaning
* Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Have you had your fill of Adams yet? The good news is that she's down with this run. Only one film on tap for 2010 and one more for 2011. But talk about striking while the iron was hot...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 7%
A Perfect GetawayOh look - it's "Actors that people generally like that generally star in crappy movies" all starring in one crappy movie together. Yes, Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, and Milla Jovavich are the big names in this horror flick that sounds like a cross between Turistas and the upcoming comedy Couples Retreat. As if the thought of seeing Jon Favreau isn't horrifying enough.
Seriously, though - Tim Olyphant, what the f*ck? Are you ever gonna live up to the promise that was Go? You were one of the best things about the 1999 Doug Liman flick, and that's saying a lot, as there was a sh*t ton to love. Yeah, I hear you were good on Deadwood, but a) I didn't watch it, b) it ain't like it lasted all that long, and c) it wasn't a movie. You should be a star, man! Or were you only a one-hit wonder?
Sidenote: I've been clamoring for a sequel to Turistas called Mas Turistas for a few years now. I have no desire to see either the original or my planned sequel, I just like the name.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%
G.I. JoeIf there's one thing smart about the Transformers and G.I. Joe adaptations, it's the fact that they made them so many years after their peak popularity that the people that loved them most at the time - people in my general age range (aka early 30s) - are too old to get worked up about how sh*tty they are. I mean, really, it's been two decades since I touched a Joe figurine, at least; wouldn't it be pretty pathetic of me to turn into Supergeek and lambaste them for turning a series full of colorful personalities (and color) into some lame explosion fest where everyone's wearing the same outfit and Mr. Zero Charisma (Channing Tatum) is the star?
Yes. Yes, it would be pathetic.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 11%
Cold SoulsThe only contact I've had with this film is from visiting IMDb, where there's been a Flash ad that's popped up from time to time. Thanks to that awesome poster (that they're using the content of in the ads), I haven't minded - it cracks me up every time. Though I still knew nothing of the movie.
Here's the description from IMDb: "Paul is an actor who feels bogged down by his participation in a production of Chekov's play, Vanya. His condition which leads him to an organization that will store his soul while he treads the boards, though complications (and international travel) arise when his soul goes missing."
O....k. Sound Synecdoche, New York-y enough for you? Well, it ought to. And if that weren't enough, Synec alum Emily Watson is co-starring here as well.
Too bad it's only in NY/LA right now. I'm all over this like Steve Zahn on bad movies.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 80%
