Potential outcomes from a weekend in Vegas

(Editor's note: This is the post I had scheduled for Friday before a massive storm came in Thursday night and knocked out our internet connection and didn't come back until after I'd left town. Enjoy nonetheless.)

I'm headed to Las Vegas again this weekend for that other geek past time of mine - a fantasy football draft. It's been pointed out to me that I have a penchant for films set in Vegas, but who can blame me? Along with my Bowling=Good Movie Theory (The Big Lebowski, Kingpin, Uncle Buck, Teen Wolf - see my Fletch's Favored Five Movies That Roll post for more), the Vegas = Good Movie Theory wouldn't be far behind (Ocean's, Fear and Loathing, Go, etc.). Sure, there are exceptions (I haven't seen 21 yet, but word of mouth isn't exactly sparkling), but they're both pretty solid theories. And don't you dare tell me Teen Wolf isn't a good flick.

Anyway, I was thinking of the many directions my trip might turn. Here's a sliding scale of Vegas movie results I might befall.

THE DREAM: Ocean's Eleven
Let's see...get released from jail....hook up with best bud. Head out to Vegas and rob ex-girlfriend's new guy of many many millions...get away with it and get ex-gal back. Does it get any better?

NOT TOO SHABBY: Vegas Vacation
Sure, Rusty (version 4) had to endure some time with Cousin Eddie and the gang, but the under-21 son of Clark Griswold managed simultaneously to get a fake ID and the best name on a fake ID this side of McLovin (Nick Pappageorgio), then went on a winning streak, including taking home 4 brand new cars - one for each member of his family.

MAKES FOR A GREAT STORY, BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT: Go
Our friend from across the pond, Simon, first gets stuffed into a trunk for the LA-Vegas drive. He gets released from there somewhere in the desert, then releases the contents of his stomach. Sure, he loses some money gambling, but he avoided the shrimp at the buffet and thereby also avoided the subsequent runs that some of his pals got. Then he crashes a wedding, takes part in a threesome, starts a fire, steals a Ferrari, hits a strip club Champagne Room, gets involved in a long car chase, and ends up getting shot in the arm (on purpose). Talk about a crazy weekend.

SURE, I LIKE CHAIRS: Knocked Up
Ben and Pete's trip went something like this: blackjack, strip club, acid, Cirque du Soleil, bonding while tripping and freaking out over chairs. Could be better, could be worse.

STUCK INSIDE OF VEGAS WITH THE PHOENIX BLUES AGAIN: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Hard to say if Dr. Gonzo and Raoul Duke had a good time in Sin City. Interesting? Scary? Hell yes. Fun? Not so much. Between the intense hallucinations, paranoia, intense vomiting, attempted suicides and run-ins with John Q. Law (in the person of Gary Busey, no less), I'd say this was mostly a weekend to avoid.

IF HE'S SUCH A MAGIC MAN, CAN HE MAKE MY EARS STOP HURTING?: Swingers
Poor Mikey. His Vegas trip probably resembles most people's. Wild excitement on the drive/flight in ("Vegas, baby, Vegas!"), only to be crushed by the cruel mistress that gambling is ("Always double down on eleven"), and ending with listening to way too much Heart in the back of some trailer. Only, sub out the Heart and the trailer for Air Supply (currently playing at the Orleans) and the trailer for a shared hotel room.

ARE YOU KIDDING? A BROKEN FINGERNAIL CREEPS ME OUT: Casino
Whenever you think you might want to cheat in Vegas...just watch Casino again. 'Nuff said.

SOUNDS MESSY: Leaving Las Vegas
Along with The Wicker Man, my favorite Nic Cage movie. Guess why...

TORTUROUS: What Happens in Vegas
I have no idea what actually happens to the characters, I'm just talking about watching it. That would be the worst.

And then...

Fletch's Favored Five: Sin City Flicks

And by that I mean movies that are set in or feature scenes in Las Vegas, not overrated adaptations of Frank Miller's work that star Mickey Rourke.

After all, who doesn't love Vegas? Much like movies with bowling scenes (covered here), films that showcase Vegas in one way or another just add a certain zest and flavor that Sacramento just can't offer, much less Atlantic City (sorry, Rounders). With so many to choose from, it's damn near impossible to pick my favorites. So first, some honorable mentions:

The Godfather
The fact is, I haven't seen this in a long time and barely (if at all) recall any scenes that were filmed in Vegas. However, when doing research for this post, I saw The Godfather as one of the films associated with Las Vegas - as such, I knew omitting it from this list altogether would get me on some hated lists that I don't want to be on. So, here it is.

Bugsy
Another mob movie that can't be omitted, especially considering that the movie is about how Bugsy started Las Vegas. It would seem disrespectful to leave it off. Kudos, Mr. Siegel.

Rain Man
"They're gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?"

Vegas Vacation
Four words: Wayne Newton. Nick Papagiorgio.

The Cooler
A great portrayal of old school versus new school Vegas, with Alec Baldwin in the classic role of Shelley Kaplow. However, many points are taken away as the audience must endure numerous shots of William H. Macy ass. Boo!!

And the winners...

5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I originally had this slotted at number two, but had to keep moving it down, as the films listed below just plain deserved it more. That said, Terry Gilliam's adaptation of Hunter Thompson's brilliant novel definitely belongs in the conversation - hell, it even has Vegas in the title! Bonus points for featuring old school Vegas (as it's set in the mid-70s, that couldn't really be avoided) and for Ellen Barkin's out-of-nowhere near cameo as a frazzled waitress in a run-down diner.

4. Swingers
The city fathers should probably pay out royalties to Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Doug Liman and anyone else associated with Swingers, as the movie is probably one of the big reasons for Vegas' boom in the mid-90s. With every hipster (and non-hipster alike) shouting out "Vegas, baby, Vegas!," the city got millions of dollars worth of p.r. for nothing. Hell, as legend has it, the filmmakers didn't even have authority to film their scenes while in town - they had to shoot it guerrilla-style the whole time. And don't forget - always double-down on 11. Always.

3. Go
A proud member of my all-time underrated movies, Go also makes me want to run to Vegas just watching it. The Taye Diggs-led storyline is the most fun of the three in Go as it's got it all- sex, drugs, strippers, gambling and even an MSG-laden buffet. Let's go!




2. Ocean's Eleven (2001)
We're all very familiar with this one. Star-studded cast remakes Rat Pack "hit" from days gone by, with George Clooney in the Sinatra role. Three stars of the new Strip are featured prominently (Bellagio, The Mirage and the MGM Grand), with the Bellagio practically given a co-starring role, as much of the film takes place in it and other casinos. Heck, even Siegfried and Roy get a cameo.

1. Casino
Even if this wasn't a great movie (which it is), it would have probably earned the top spot by virtue of the first 45 minutes alone. As Sam "Ace" Rothstein walks you through the inner workings of his casino, you get what was at the time probably the best insiders' point of view of how a casino is run. Throw in James Woods, Sharon Stone (still in her prime), Joe Pesci and a kickass soundtrack and you have one of the best films of the 90s (and I still say it's better than GoodFellas).


Finally, the hall of shame:

The Great White Hype - for its lost potential. This should have been a much better movie.

Con Air - do I need to explain?

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Famous - haven't even seen this, but it's associated with Vegas. For more evidence, read that title again.

Very Bad Things - another lost potential case. A great cast, including a pre-Entourage Jeremy Piven, a still-thin, post-Swingers Jon Favreau, Christian Slater, Cameron Diaz, etc., etc. - and the movie stunk. A grand disappointment.

And then...