I couldn't find a good place for these in the review, but I wanted to bring to light my main issues with the latest Cage crapfest. Perhaps the lovers of the flick out there can enlighten me some, or vice-versa, though I imagine they'll just shrug them all off.
* Much like the Superman films (but even worse), there tends to be a lack of drama involved when it comes to light that the lead character is invincible. The gloriously named John Milton has escaped from hell. Ok, we think, he's mortal again, and The Accountant is sent to bring him back. The Accountant is just a pseudonym for the Grim Reaper, right, so we can assume he's going to kill him and be done with it? No dice. Milton, as it turns out, can not be killed. Which kinda makes every action scene with him instantly retarded, a la Neo fighting Agent Smith for 78 minutes during Matrix: Revolutions. Bo-ring.
* Yeah, the sex/action scene was great...the first time, when it was called Shoot Em Up.
* Why was the movie called Drive Angry again? The only concrete evidence is that it's the license plate of the car that's featured most often in the film - a car that was owned by Piper's cheating boyfriend, who happens to be mostly inconsequential to the main plot. Sure, there is a dude driving in this movie, but he's not so much angry as out of justice. And, as I said in my review, extremely morose. Methinks the real reason is that this film happens to feature three kickass muscle cars of yesteryear, and putting "Drive" in the title is a pathetic attempt to get all those gearheads out there interested in the movie. Not a big deal, just a head-scratcher for me.
* Sorry, why did they manage to get the awesome David Morse only to have him featured for about three minutes? I think I'm repeating that one, but it bugged me.
* Billy Burke's character is a satanic cult leader. He's wanted for murder, kidnapping, and god knows what else. At one point, he gets a hold of the baby and gets away, going to his hideout (this is after showing up at a bar in plain sight). His hideout is found by Cage and Piper. How? Well, they just drove along the highway until they saw a distinctively colored van parked in front of a church. Isn't this man highly sought after? Would he really be so stupid as to "hide out" by not hiding whatsoever?
* Late in the film, Milton has found the big bads' hideout and aims to ambush them along with the help of his waitress friend Piper. But wouldn't ya know it, right as he's about to get her to go in, the Accountant shows up and holds a gun to Piper's head. He wants Milton to return to him the magic shotgun, aka The Godslayer aka the only thing that can "kill" the Accountant. In return for doing so, he will spare Piper and Milton can commence with the ambushing. Milton agrees. Later on, when it looks as though Milton will fail in his task (not by dying, of course, but by being too late to save his granddaughter), the Accountant and/or Piper (sorry, I can't recall which) show up with the Godslayer to assist Milton in winning the day.
Now, what the fuck was the point of all that? We know that the Accountant has been tailing Milton all this time, so two things bother me. First, why stop the pursuit right when you have Milton? He gives a reasoning having to do with the Devil not liking when people sacrifice babies, but if that were the case, why didn't the Accountant just kill Billy Burke's character at any time he damn well pleased? But more importantly, why pop up right when Milton is there, only to hamper him (taking away his partner and mojo gun), only to re-appear at the last possible second? We all know that Milton would have happily gone back with the Accountant once his task was completed anyway, which already invalidates the chase, but this sequence of events makes the Accountant - only the best character in the movie by a country mile, utterly pointless.
I'm sure there's plenty more that I'm forgetting at the moment (or blocking from memory), but I think that's quite enough nitpicking for one day. Fire away...