LOST Season Preview Part 1

Greetings all, new beat writer here at the Blog Cabins, I’ll be covering the final season of LOST in a weekly column. Some people may know me from my critically acclaimed “Sportsbook Hustle” weekly column over at THN. Well, with football winding down, and everyone’s favorite show LOST firing up, I told our old pal Irwin that I was toying with the idea of writing a weekly LOST blog. He quickly offered me a contract, then ordered me to write a season preview before the big premiere.

Hopefully there are still quite a few LOST fans floating around - I know I myself have turned on the show numerous times. They have put their fans through quite a bit over their five seasons, whether with timewasting episodes, retarded “mysteries”, or pointless plot twists. Apparently, the producers got mad at their nerdy fans hanging out on message boards all the time breaking down every retarded detail of every show, and exchanging moronic theories, so in retaliation they just inundated the show with retarded mystery after mystery that had no possible explanation to shut them up. Who knows if it worked, but it did give us some god awful episodes, probably hitting a low point with the episode about the mystery of Jack’s tattoos (actual solution to the mystery: Matt Fox has some tattoos, LOST retard solution: they have magic powers that make Asian people hate him).

But for all their awful episodes and plot lines that go nowhere, they always come through with some powerhouse episodes and they seem to be working toward some final resolution, even if during Season five they painted themselves into a corner and just said “F it, let’s get crazy and start doing some time travelling” (originally they had claimed that the show could happen in our world). Plus, we’ve all been around for 5 years, so we might as well see this baby through to the end. I’m still holding out hope the producers will give the fans another giant "F You" in the final episode and have the whole thing have taken place inside Hurley’s mind in the psycho ward. Anyway, I’m putting together a little teaser to catch everyone up on where we are going into the premiere, because lord knows I’d forgotten most of the intricacies of the plot before catching up last month on Hulu, plus even if you just watched the whole season yesterday you could still get confused. But that’s why I’m here. Here is where we left all of the characters…

People not on the Island
Desmondo – A pretty uneventful season for our favorite Scotsman, (and of course favorite character), he and Penny were off island, so didn’t get involved in a lot of the hijinks, he did get shot by Ben Linus and issue quite a beatdown, but we aren’t really sure what lies ahead for him, we do know he is the only one who is unaffected by time shifts and whatnot, so if there is some alternate reality or something Desmondo could be a major player with his memory of all past events. We can only hope Desmond is prominently featured this season, as he's been the focal character for like 3 of their best 5 episodes (with "the Constant" being a consensus #1).

Charles Widmore – We still aren’t sure what old Charlie has up his sleeve, he wants to take over the island somehow, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen, including sacrificing his son Faraday, antagonizing Ben Linus, threatening Desmond, and just being a general douche. But at least we did learn last season through those timetravels that even when he was young and an Other he still was still a massive douche.

Penny and Charlie Hume - These two have just been hanging with Desmond, while he was relegated to background player in Season 5, only question left here is whether Ben Linus is going to give another try to evening up the score with Chuck Widmore by taking out his daughter.

Eloise Hawking – We learned quite a bit about Eloise in the last season. She is Daniel’s mother, former leader of the Others, old flame of Charles Widmore, runner of the Lampost Dharma station, and of course as we already knew a notorious timetraveler and sage. But how is she so powerful? Upon my rewatch of Season 5, I figured it all out. After she iced her son, Dan Faraday, she gained possession of his journal, which had the secret of time travel, Desmond’s exploits, and numerous island and future events. Also it’s no coincidence that now that the written date of the journal has passed she claimed that “For once, I have no idea what is going to happen.” She should still be an important supporting character; she was willing to sacrifice her son’s life for some endgame that she and Widmore are building towards…

Walt – Walt is off the island, roaming around, annoying everyone with his creepiness, tough break for the producers here, they said they knew they were going to jump ahead a bunch of years, so Walt aging from 10 to 14 would fit into their plot, what they weren’t planning on was him going from cute little kid to creepy looking teenager who can’t act. The kid is terrible. Walt the character does still have some superpowers, allegedly, and he still thinks his pops is on the island, so I’m sure he’ll be popping up in the Final Season, probably in a scaled back role though, they don’t want his awful acting submarining the show.

Aaron – This 3-year old kid is a much better actor than Walt, plus with him just being a little kid, they can always switch him out for some other baby if he ages poorly, the main question with this guy is whether he will be reunited with his mother, and if being raised by Kate for 4 years did in fact turn him evil as that oracle predicted all the way back in Season 1.

Wormfood
John Locke – John Locke, as we all know by now, is deceased - apparently Jacob’s enemy has used his dead guy DNA copying power (much like he did with Christian Shepherd’s corpse) to wreak havoc on the island. It was a hell of a run for good old Locke. He did end up winning his little war of faith/science with Jack in the end, as now Jack has turned into a poor man’s Locke, (right down to blowing stuff up). It looks like his body will be sticking around for the final season, but no more John Locke.

Jacob – After all their building up to Jacob, they went ahead and killed the fella in his only episode. We found out that he’d been scouting all the people from Oceanic 815 for a long time, and has Richard Aplert’s anti-aging powers. He will probably pop up in a few flashbacks this season as they try to explain some of the mysteries they’ve built up, and they can always go to the fallback of “Uhhm Jacob is a god, so uhhh he used his God powers” to get themselves out of any corners they’ve painted themselves into. Also Jacob’s last words, “They’re coming,” is the big question going into the premiere - the main suspects are Jack and the gang somehow getting mystically transported 30 years into the future.

Daniel Faraday – Seems Farady had it all figured out, other than the concept that approaching the Others brandishing a gun and shooting people might not be the best way to get a sit-down with his mother. Whether his theory on constants and variables in time-traveling pan out remains to be seen, but it will be interesting finding out what happens post-hydrogen bomb explosion.

Juliet Burke – So they offed Juliet, having her blow up a hydrogen bomb with her dying efforts, and if you think they killed her off because the actress got a better gig on the show “V”, you would be correct. At least it is smart of the producers to give themselves some slack with the characters so they can kill off a character and adjust the plot accordingly. A couple unresolved Juliet plots may be wrapped up in a roundabout way, mainly the one about all pregnant women dying, and I’m sure she’ll do some cameos in flashbacks.

All right I'm running a little long, so I'll break this baby into two posts and be back tomorrow with Part 2 to update you on the characters we left on the island...