TGITDNMAR (11/6/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Lots to get to, so let's get to it.

A Christmas Carol
The first time I saw the original trailer for this Bob Zemekis CGI-motion capture 3-D extravaganza, I was filled with hate. As you might recall, I grew up with the George C. Scott 1984 (televised) version that co-starred Cheers own Robin Colcord (or whatever his name was). I would call it a very traditionalist version of Dickens' book, despite the fact that I haven't read Dickens' book. It just oozes "olde England," a sentiment I know to be true because I've seen pictures of England and watched numerous Harry Potter films.

Anyway, the sight of Scrooge flying to the moon (Alice) on the cone of truth was enough to sent tiny icicles of hate flying from my body. After a few viewings, though, I got off my old school soapbox and tried to open my mind to a new interpretation; so long as the spirit and message are there, that's what matters, right?

But then they had to come along and release a second trailer, one in which Scrooge can be seen being turned into a miniature version of himself and sliding down some icy slope. If that weren't bad enough (it is), we're treated to the knee-slappin' humor of him ramming through (whaddaya know?) numerous baby icicles, all whacking him in the nuts. Bob Saget and Tom Bergeron would be proud. Dickens, however, is likely in his grave, hitting himself in the groinal region as hard as he can and as many times as he can, all until he's able to forget the abomination of an adaptation that's been made from his work.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

The Box
Though I'd almost like to see Men/Goats more, Mrs. Fletch and I will be off seeing Richard Kelly's (Donnie Darko, Southland Tales) latest tonight. Why, you ask?

Because good or bad, it's almost guaranteed to be interesting, a quality most modern films lack. Yes, it's gotten some terrible reviews - but it's also earned some raves, and from folks whose opinion I respect (okay, so I've only seen this one).

But if you, like me, have seen Southland Tales, you know that Kelly won't disappoint either way. Even if The Box is a failure, it ought to be a fantastic failure. Though the rush to see it is fear of commercial failure; it might not be in theaters next week (ST was gone after one weekend in Phoenix), whereas Goats ought to have a long run.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 100%

Update: Just returned from The Box. Wow. So many words that I have no words at this point. Though I'm a few reviews behind, expect one on this soon.

Precious: Based on a Really Long Title That Seems to Serve No Purpose Other to Be Really Long. After All, Who Really Cares Who Sapphire Is? I Mean, Have You Ever Heard of This Sapphire Person? I Didn't Think So.
Yea, it looks good. Even though Mariah doesn't, but I suppose that's the point. I wonder how bad that makes Precious feel that Mariah has to ugly herself up to get into this movie? Kind of cruel given the content of the film, if you ask me.

I'm a big fan of posters that could double as works of art; this one is pretty rad, unlike the ones above and below it, which are standard-fare "floating star heads" (though at least the Goats one has some humor in it).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 82%

The Men Who Stare at Goats
Does Ewan McGregor have a little Colin Farrell in him, in that he stinks as an actor any time he adopts a straight American accent? That's the vibe I get from the trailer for goats; not sure, what it is, but I just like him a lot less when he sounds like me, I guess. Think about it - The Island, uh, other examples, and that one movie. Oh well, I haven't seen his entire filmography - maybe you can help me out. (By the way, Big Fish does not count, as he was pure Southern Comfort there.)

Anyway, it looks funny enough, and has a hell of a cast. I'm not expecting an award winner, just a good time.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 94%

The Fourth Kind
God, this flick is just begging to be included in my next installment of "Imagining sequels that won't happen," isn't it? It's almost too obvious, though.

Milla. Alaska. Abductions. Aliens? It's like Insomnia mixed with a whole bunch of other movies that I don't really care about.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 11%