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Nov 20, 2009

TGITDNMAR (11/20/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon
OMG Taylor! OMG Robert! OMG Kristin! OMG Kristin and Robert! OMG Look at Taylor! OMG Dakota Fanning! OMG Vampires! OMG Werewolves! OMG OMG! OMG Taylor! OMG Robert! OMG Kristin! OMG Kristin and Robert! OMG Look at Taylor! OMG Dakota Fanning! OMG Vampires! OMG Werewolves! OMG OMG!
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Planet 51
I feel like the Politically Correct Police is slacking on their job of annoying us and making sure we're aware of things that don't matter. This week, it's the fact that Dwayne Johnson, he of multi-racial descent (Black and Samoan), is doing the voice of a white character. Of course, I don't particularly care about this, save for the part where you can be certain it would be a big, fat, hairy deal were the situation reversed (The Last Airbender, anyone?). Hypocrisy?

Anyway, I haven't even watched the full trailer for this, but I'm not sure I need to; it's a clever concept, but one that can be summed up in about 3.5 words. Ought to be ripe for some decent jokes - just don't go looking for anything deep. Solid vocal cast, with Jessica Biel, Justin Long, Gary Oldman, John Cleese, and Seann William Scott (The Rundown reunion!) on board.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 23%

The Blind Side
I'm really hoping that at some point, Sandra Bullock's Southern belle will paraphrase the iconic John Moxon and tell the disenfranchised, parentless and poor teen she has taken in, "I don't want...you to have...your life." But that's probably not going to happen.

I don't have much else to say about this one - just not interested in the slightest. Newsflash, but Sandra Bullock, as a rule, doesn't make good movies. Though is anyone else shocked that this is a Warner production and not Disney? Talk about an upset.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 6%

The Fantastic Mr. Fox
By all accounts, I shouldn't be all that excited for this. After all, it's Wes Anderson, doing a replica of his Wes Anderson thang (the major criticism of The Darjeeling Limited), only this time with stop-motion. Most of the W.A. Players are on board as well, from Bill Murray to Jason Schwartzman to Owen Wilson. And yet, I'm psyched to see it. Must be the whistle click*click - it's my trademark.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 99%

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
I suppose it's too obvious for me to ask that the title be changed to Bad Actor, right?

Truth is, despite the fact that I haven't seen the first, openly loathe Cage, and am not all that interested in Herzog's films (in general), the trailer for this makes it appear to be pretty interesting, even if the material is the kind of stuff that we've seen before. Cage (warning: compliment coming) is at his best when he's off the reservation a bit and he's clearly off it here. No theatrical viewing in my future, but I wouldn't mind a future cable one.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 11%

Broken Embraces
I'm about to hit you with some of my famous, fabulous Insider's Insight™ yet again. Are you sitting down?


Ok, here it is.

Pedro Almodóvar thinks Penelope Cruz is hot. Like, really hot. Woody Allen thinks she's the bees knees. Whoever directed Elegy (sorry, my Insider brain can only retain so much information) thinks she's hot, too. Pretty sure Cameron Crowe agrees as well.

You know what? I f*$#ing get it. Penny Cruz is hotter than all other starlets combined. Her face is a porcelain doll come to life. Her breasts rival Venus de Milo's in their beauty. Her hair is made of fine Corinthian leather and her neck emits its own perfume whenever she desires it to.

I get it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 2%

8 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (11/20/09)"

Fitz said...

Too bad she is the shittiest actress around, well, except for Juliette Danielle(finding yet another way to reference The Room).

J.D. said...

Elegy was directed by a woman!

Fletch said...

Fitz - who? Bullock or Cruz?

J.D. - you know, I thought it might have been, but like I said, couldn't recall. Point still stands. She might be gay, and even if she's not, there are many straight women infatuated with Angie Jolie - why not Cruz as well?

Fitz said...

Cruz. She can't act at all. I'd sooner shoot myself in the face than watch yet another Oscar get handed to her.

Univarn said...

Fitz if Penelope Cruz is suicide worthy for you, you may want to re-examine your life goals a bit... you're setting a rather depressing standard.

In other news, I pointed out to a friend of mine today when we were talking about The Blind Side, that you'd think this movie being about an African American male overcome severe personal setbacks to become a NFL player, they might want to put him in a commercial or two... just to let people know.

Fletch said...

Univarn - I think it's hilarious/sad that The Blind Side is opening at around the same time as Precious. Could they be simultaneously more similar and more crazy different? It's like, "Okay audiences, here are two films that deal with many of the same themes: you can either choose to watch the Disneyfied version of the story or the real-life version," even though the real-life feeling one is a work of fiction and vice versa. Weird.

Zach said...

Words cannot express my dislike for Twilight...
The only reason I would go to that film is to go in front of the audience and say "I'll show you a new moon..." And then moon them all.

Nick said...

Zach: Words cannot express my dislike for Twilight, either (the books are terrible). But I still enjoyed the movies, for some strange reason.

Bad movies are people, too!

... or something like that.