TGITDNMAR (9/25/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

2009: The year in which every month's slate makes you think it's February or August.

Surrogates
Why is an obvious 'summer movie' coming out at the end of September, you might ask? Well, I might ask the same thing; as we know, the only answer is that it sucks. This flick smells just like Babylon A.D., a late summer/early fall big-budget, future-set action flick starring a big, fading action star.

I'll likely get sucked into this one, just as I was sucked into Babylon before it, and I, Robot before that, because I'm a sucker for visions of the future...I just leave the theater wishing they were more like Gattaca or Minority Report or Children of Men rather than The Island (which I even fell for at times).

On the bright side, this seems to be the first film directly made as a result of another film's cheesy special effects; namely, someone saw X2 and though to themselves, "I wonder what it would be like if we made a whole movie filled with creepy looking Ian McKellens and Patrick Stuarts?"

By the way, if you love lists (you do), head on over and take a gander at Rotten Tomatoes' Top 100 Worst Films of the Last Ten Years. Blessedly, Southland Tales was spared from making the list, though some of my least favorites are up there, including Worst of the Worst rating receivers Strange Wilderness and Epic Movie. I have no idea how Eragon escaped alive.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 61%

Fame
I don't think there's a film being released this year that's of less interest to me than this one; even winter's Nine has the appeal of big-name stars, including that one guy that happens to be the best working film actor today.

This? Well, Kelsey Grammer and Bebe Neuwirth are in it, so if you're just dying to see the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm be upstaged by a Cheers reunion...well, look elsewhere. But at least they tried. I know he's no dancer, but has anyone seen George Wendt lately? I'm worried about the guy; he's the only Cheers regular that seems to have disappeared lately.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -1980%

Pandorum
I'm about as excited to see the next giant, sharp-toothed, fast-moving monsters movie (Hi The Descent!) as I am to see the next Dennis Quaid movie (read: not very much at all).

However...the plot summary is pretty intriguing ("A pair of crew members aboard a spaceship wake up with no knowledge of their mission or their identities.")...and it co-stars Ben Foster, an up-and-comer of the Ryan Gosling variety (though it seems he's had that label for some time now)...and Boondock Saint Norman Reedus co-stars as well. So it has a few things going for it in my book. No matter, though - this is simply not destined to be a theatrical experience (not that I mind all that much), as Mrs. Fletch would rather spin and circles and throw up than see something like this, methinks. Oh well - maybe cable.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%