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Aug 20, 2009

Fletch's Film Review: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

It would be too easy to give you a standard, boring review where I tell you all about the hits and misses of The Goods; where and when it flies (not often) and where it sinks (often), how it relates to its theatrical cousin Step Brothers and any of the other Will Ferrell/Adam McKay productions. It'd be like me writing my name; so simple that I could do it without thinking, upside-down and blind-folded.

So I'm not going to do that. No, you expect Insider Insight™ from Blog Cabins, so that is what I shall bring you. Why would I write a simple review when I can get inside the actors' heads and tell you what their reaction to the film was.

This will blow your mind more than Hurricane Bill and Hurricane Ted put together.

Name: Jeremy Piven
Role: Don Ready, he sells cars, motherf*cker
Reaction: "My fake hair has never looked better. Booyah, bitches!"


Name: Ving Rhames
Role: Jibby Newsome, a key member of Don's team
Reaction: "This is awesome. I'm surrounded by naked women all day and they let me wear my own wardrobe. I dread the day that idiot Cruise calls me up to play boring ass Luther for the fourth damn time."


Name: David Koechner
Role: Champ Kind Brent Gage, Don's right-hand man
Reaction: "I wonder if I'll ever get to stop playing the sidekick. What's our next movie about, Will?"


Name: James Brolin
Role: Ben Selleck, the dealership owner that calls on Don's services
Reaction: "Eat sh*t, Josh."



Name: Kathryn Hahn
Role: Babs Merrick, possibly pedophiliac sex kitten and eye candy member of Don's team
Reaction: "Finally, people might notice me. Well, my boobs, at least."


Name: Ed Helms
Role: Paxton Harding, douchier version of Bradley Cooper's Wedding Crashers role
Reaction: "It's about time I get to play a jerk. So sick of being the nerd..."


Name: Ken Jeong
Role: Teddy Dang, token Asian-American, picked on for being so
Reaction: "Did you know that Fletch and I are Facebook friends? Our relationship is more meaningful than my role in this movie."


Name: Jordana Spiro
Role: Ivy Selleck, Ben's daughter/unbelievable love interest
Reaction: "Who am I, and why am I the lead love interest in a major motion picture? Oh, that's right - I'm the highly sought-after star of some TBS sitcom or something. I knew that."


Name: Alan Thicke
Role: Stu Harding, Paxton's also-evil dad
Reaction: "Can you believe that the only difference between me circa Growing Pains and me circa right now is a few gray hairs? I look fandamntastic. Eat sh*t, Brolin."


Name: Matt Walsh
Role: Captain Ortiz, apparently a pilot
Reaction:"What the hell happened to my role? Did you seriously cut me out and leave Ian's role in?" [Editor's note: Matt was referring to his old Upright Citizen's Brigade co-star Ian Roberts, who has a small role.]


Fletch's Film Rating:

"Whatever."


LAMBScore:


7 people have chosen wisely: on "Fletch's Film Review: The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard"

Encore Entertainment said...

Damn. For some reason the Kathryn Hahn reaction stung the most. Poor lady.

Mrs Fletch said...

A really talented cast was assembled and then handed a crappy script. The parts that were funny were pretty damn funny, there just just weren't very many of those.

Let's start a new Facebook group: We want to see Ken Jeong in a lead role.

Paul Arrand Rodgers said...

Fletch, I have an idea for a Ken Jeong lead role. Oh yes, I really freakin' do.

online dictionary said...

I laughed with appetite when I read
"This will blow your mind more than Hurricane Bill and Hurricane Ted put together." ... but it's true :)

Film Gurl said...

I really want to see this movie, it's on my list of movies to see!

BostonSucksMyBlog said...

Im tired of ken Jeong. Why is he in EVERYTHING anymore?

Reel Whore said...

You know I liked this more than you, but I love these actor reactions. Jordan Spiro's especially since I didn't have a clue who that chica was or why she was in this?!