Fletch's Favored Five: Things About Road House

I have had a fire lit under me.

First, I included the epic Patrick Swayze film Road House in a recent poll that asked "which films give you the most laughs?" Its inclusion was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, as it's not intended to be make the audience crack up. That said, it's an unequivocal comedy classic along the lines of Top Gun and any mid-80s to early 90s Jean Claude Van Damme film. It's one of the most rewatchable films of all time, which is surely helped in that category by the fact that TBS and/or TNT (and now AMC) apparently has it in their contract that it must be played at least once a week.

Then, when it received zero votes in said poll, Mrs. Fletch had the nerve to go and say this: "Note: Nobody picked Roadhouse. Now can we stop watching it on cable every time it comes on?" If you have a second, please go ahead and pull the knife out of my back for me. Thanks.

Brought on my that act of sedition, I immediately set up a new poll to gauge the cumulative opinion of Road House by the readers of Blog Cabins. But a) I'm not stopping there, and b) it's not winning that poll just yet, though I think the vote totals currently up (10-8) already validate my love for the flick. Since I'm the one with the blog and she's not, I'm taking advantage of that fact and presenting you with my five favorite things about the action-comedy classic. Mrs. Fletch, I pray that one day you will be enlightened enough to appreciate the glory of Road House.

5. This guy's hair. One ingredient of some of the better cheesy 80s movies was that the Big Boss Man had to have an Evil Henchmen that just happened to be some sort of pseudo-Bizarro Twin to the Good Guy. Road House is no different. I present to you Mr. Marshall R. Teague:
















4. Boot knife. 'Nuff said.



3. I can not tell a lie: boobs. Lots of 'em, led by the fake Loni Anderson, Ms. Julie Michaels


















2. Banquet Beer! Mijo!



1. Sure, it'd be easy to pick "the conglomerated efforts of one Patrick Wayne Swayze," what with the tai chi, mullet, "Pain don't hurt," self-stitching, Three Rules, and everything else, but I'm gonna go with Ben Gazarra, who just oozes slime with every word spoken. He's a Napoleonic villain, angry at the world because Kelly Lynch wouldn't stay with him. He employs prison rapists, "bleeders," and jovial fat guys who drive monster trucks. And he has a stuffed polar bear in his house, amongst other treasures. He also drives a Chrylser LeBaron, if I recall correctly. The only role that could possibly top this one is his role as Jackie Treehorn in Lebowski, but that one loses out, mostly due to its brevity. Brad Wesley for the win!