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Dec 14, 2008

Survivor: Gabon - Finale Live Blog/Recap

The Survivor: Gabon Finale Live Blogarama Extraordinaire is coming...

...and it's here. Five minutes and counting. If by chance you read this, you should totally, definitely comment so I know I'm not just writing this for my own pleasure. You know you want to.

7:01: So...who will win it all? We have Bob, Sugar, and three people whose names end in "eee," two of which are men. Call me crazy, but I'm guessing a non-eee takes it. Personally, I'm pulling for the players in the following order:

* Matty,
* Bob - a close second,
* Sugar - one of two players I deem most deserving, along with Bob,
* Kenny - has become unlikable but has still played a strong game overall,
* Suzie - won one Immunity Challenge and made one strategic move that was more out of necessity than anything else. Otherwise worthless.

7:08: I've only heard it twice, but I'm already sick to death of the "hoowa huh jahmbay!" music playing in the background. I feel like I'm watching the opening credits to Oz over and over again...

7:10: I'm wondering how long it will take me to get tired of Sulking Kenny. Probably awhile.

7:13: Given a number of supplies (fabric, beads, makeup, etc.) the survivors are forced to earn their prize money, made to play dress up as "warriors" for their immunity challenge. Sugar's the only one that doesn't look 100% ridiculous, so I'm thinking she might win.

7:16: Note to Survivor producers: I won't think the show any less realistic if you allow the female contestants to shave their pits. I mean, it's not like you send them out there sans tampons, right?

7:17: Hope you were eating dinner when you read that last post.

7:18: "gee gechu bachu bawai. ooo ahmatayay. gee gechu bachu bawai. ooo ahmatayay. gee gechu bachu bawai. ooo ahmatayay." To borrow from my good friend Inigo Montoya, "Kill me quickly."

7:20: Bob wins his 17th straight Immunity Necklace. Big strategic boners by Matty, Kenny and Suzie, applying way too much makeup near their eyes. Hmmm...let's think about this: lots of motion, high temperature, guess what's next? That's right - sweating and the bleeding of makeup into the eyes. Not only painful, I'm sure, but a big impediment to performing well. These are the things one learns when living in a place that regularly reaches 110 degrees.

7:27: Lot of pre-Council posturing, but I'd be uber-surprised if it's anyone but Suzie. I'd also be uber-surprised if I ever used the term "uber-surprised" again.

7:31: Hey, look Randy! I think I found a worse mohawk than yours!

7:33: Watching Kenny get caught in a big lie was good, but not quite as good as watching him become the 14th person voted out. Game over, gamer.

7:39: Early prediction: the next Immunity Challenge will be an endurance test or a quiz, and Suzie will win. I swear, it happens nearly every season - a mostly worthless player makes it to the final four, defies all odds, wins the next I.C., and leaves us all intensely anxious that they will somehow win the game. And then they never do.

7:41: Alright! I was just thinking it was break time, and here's the gawdawful Bring Out Yer Dead sequence where the final four go on a long walk and put us all to sleep. Back in fifteen or so.

7:53: Since everyone bags on the show for the lame sequence I just skipped (though I enjoyed them burning the mementos at the end; a nice touch), I thought I'd take this time to thank the show's producers for ditching the horrendous plings and other assorted computer-generated special effects that they'd been throwing into the challenges for the last couple seasons. Thank you, gracias, danke, merci beaucoup, domo arigato (sp), and all that jazz. I appreciate it. That is all.

7:55: Goddamn I should be on Survivor. I would rule at this Immunity Challenge, which requires the players to build a house of cards ten feet tall using 200 tiles. If no one gets to ten feet, the player with the highest house wins. With me not there, I'm guessing Bob takes it.

8:01: Bob, Grand Wizard and King of all things Scientific, Mathematic and other Smart Stuff, couldn't build a house taller than three feet. And who won? Who do you think won - of course I called it.

8:07: Yeah, I'm not totally sold on this "Bob's going home" business. Granted, it would indeed be dumb of the remaining three not to vote Bob out, but Sugar for one would much rather see Bob win than Suzie, and the others probably would, too.

8:09: Suzie, you dolt! Way to make friends and influence people with your nonstop "I can't believe I won" shtick. Yeah, people loooove hearing over and over and over about their losses.

8:12: How great is Bob? Rather than politic, he's got Sugar coming to him, more or less working to get him into the final three, and what's he doing? Practicing his fire-making skills, of course. I love Matty, but I don't think he'd stand a chance against Bob if it came to that, and frankly, I think a part of me is pulling for Bob...

8:16: Is this Survivor or Bambi? I've never seen so many people cry in this game. Kind of touching, but also kind of retarded - you've known these people for less than two months, after all.

8:19: Get your flints out - we've got a tie between Bob and Matty. Get Matty prepped for his exit interview while you're at it, ok?

8:22: Well, this sucks. I was fine with Bob winning, but it was sad to see Matty not even come close to getting a fire going. On the bright side, though, it was excellent - excellent - to see Matty there with a BIG smile on his face as he hugged the remaining players and headed out. He'll go down as one of my favorite players ever. What a likable guy. Congrats to Bob and Sugar, and I'll be glad with whichever of you win.

Oh yeah, Suzie's still there. I can't help but be reminded of the scene at the end of Scent of a Woman when Pacino's Frank Slade says this: "And Harry, Jimmy, Trent wherever you are out there, F*** YOU TOO!"

8:31: Coming in second to the Bring Out Yer Dead sequence in the Most Annoying Awards is the We Get Food Then Torch Out Camp sequence. Ugh. Get on with the Final Council already.

8:34: Let us all take pleasure in the fact that Randy and Corrine, the biggest, cuntiest curmudgeons that have been on this show since Sue in season one...each have to vote for someone, despite their proclamations about how retarded these lesser players are. Suck it, angry folks.

8:37: Really, how does Sugar not win this? Sure, Bob might win a popularity contest, but Sugar was far and away the best player all season, including her use of Bob. As a bonus, she's not exactly unlikable, either.

8:42: Do a shot every time Suzie says "my son!"

8:44: Do a shot every time Sugar cries!

8:46: So, will there be a catfight at the reunion show or what? That Corrine/Sugar exchange just now was great.

8:48: Marcus wins the award for Angriest Player That Really Has Nothing To Be Angry About. Congrats, Marcus - sorry, no prize for you. It always kills me when the first person on the jury is still wildly bitter at these three people some 20 days later. Get over it, already. Look at Crystal, for example - she was voted off three days prior to the Final Council and was entirely gracious.

8:51: "You're a jerk. You were a jerk the whole time." Brilliant. Randy, bite a chainsaw.

8:53: Sugar's crying again! Oh, and uh, Matty...um...that hair. How can I say this? You looked better after 39 days of dirtiness than after one day of cleanliness. No offense, buddy.

9:00: That Kenny, such a ham, pacing back and forth while pretending to be unsure of who to vote for. We all know he's voting for Sugar - anything to still maintain a chance of hooking up with her. He's like Lloyd Christmas and she's Mary Swanson.

9:02: You know how when they return from their three-month (or however long) hiatus to return to crown the champion and the people always look worse? In the biggest shocker of shockers, someone actually looks better! Sugar, you're a winner already.

9:05: Thank Christ. If Suzie had somehow won this game, I might've had to stop watching. Funny enough, since this was one of the few seasons where I didn't think to make the "if so-and-so wins, I'm not watching" threat. Bob wins!

Of course, the real shocker is that Sugar got ZERO votes. Seriously, jury? You're that bitter? She deserved to win more than anyone else.

9:08: Well, you're on your own for the Reunion show. Thanks for reading, and CBS/Survivor, thanks for a great season.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

21 people have chosen wisely: on "Survivor: Gabon - Finale Live Blog/Recap"

Nick said...

Just letting you know, I'm reading!

And as I'm slightly ahead of you (it started 30 minutes late for me, so I'm only 30 minutes ahead)... let's just say... interesting stuff.

Fletch said...

Woo - loyal reader!

You should definitely stop watching for 30 minutes so we can be on the same page...or something like that. ;)

Mrs Fletch said...

present and accounted for! though we are sitting about 2 feet apart.

Nick said...

I would, but I'm watching it with my mother, and I don't think she'd appreciate that.

also... I figure you'd have seen who won that immunity by now. Shocker, huh?

Fletch said...

Ok. Say hi to the NickMom for me.

Yep, it just finished a few minutes ago. Shocking, indeed.

Nick said...

Yup... the winner is about to be shown in a couple minutes. Jeff should be doing his 'wonder travel around the world' in a couple minutes after the commercials.

But yeah... tribal was crazy. I won't spoil anything, but let's just say Corinne makes the Bitch Comment Of The Year.

Nick said...

Alright... I know the winner! I won't say who, but God was it close.

And Corinne is still a cunt (and I never use that word).

Fletch said...

Damn, and I was about to predict that neither Randy nor Corrine would end up with the Bitchiest Rant. Usually, someone comes from out of the blue and takes that. I would have bet on Charlie. Guess not.

Nick said...

To answer your question on the blog... sort of. They're just talking about the Corinne comment on the reunion show (or about to when it comes back from the commercial).

Fletch said...

She and Randy really ought to get married. He can film it!

Nick said...

haha... yeah. I felt the same way.

Also... they're about to get to one of the biggest questions I had during the show... is Crystal REALLY an olympic gold medalist? Because seriously... she couldn't do crap, even in the first episode.

They're also about to talk about Ace's accent (if it's real or not).

Nick said...

By the way... I think Kenny totally redeemed himself during the reunion show. He admitted his downfall was his cockiness... and he returned to that lovable dork he was at the beginning of the season.

Nick said...

Oh, and just to triple-comment here... I agree with you that it was so freakin shocking that not only did Sugar not receive a SINGLE vote, but Suzie received THREE and almost WON. That would have made the entire season suck horribly.

Robb said...

I feel so relieved that this season is over. I could have taken a few more weeks of Sugar and Matty and Bob, but that is about it. That jury was ridiculous with their bitterness. I think Randy and Corrine must be infectious, because they even got to Marcus. Although, Marcus is a doctor, and many doctors, especially the young ones, have a good dose of egoism. So maybe he isn't the nice boy the show painted him as. Too bad.

Anyone who voted for Suzie should be banned from any All-Star season ever. Give me a break.

And Sugar is the hottest Survivor ever. (Sorry JP. Heh)

Fletch said...

I think normalcy returned to Kenny's life after leaving the show. He seemed just as socially awkward last night as I would expect him to be.

Marcus seemed pretty even-keeled at the reunion, but I too was shocked at his bitterness during the final council. Dood, you came in 10th place - you have no gripe with anyone but yourself.

I can see Matty voting for Suzie if he had a long-standing alliance with her (it seems he did), but I don't get it from anyone else.

Sugar, hottest ever? I'm pretty sure I could peruse headshots alone and come up with plenty to top her...

Frank the Tank said...

Fletch, I started playing your drinking game with Sugar crying and I nearly drank myself into a coma. You may need to revamp that rule for Survivor: Tacquitos or whatever the next one is called.

steel11kane said...

Sorry, Fletch. I had to DVR the episode and just finished watching.

Let me say it was tough staying away and not reading the blog for a full day.

I can't believe the idiocy of some people. It year's past, people never held such a grudge and the best player of the game was given the million dollars - HELLO RICHARD HATCH.

Sugar played the game way better than Bob - Bob just was a much better competitor in the challenges. Though, Sugar actually put up a fight in those last ones.

I seriously was super pissed that Susie was allowed on the final three. That just promotes that shitty contestants can almost win - and she almost did. I was with you, if she won I might have been out.

I seriously think Corinne is a bigger bitch than Randy. As much of a bastard as he was - he never attacked someone the way she did. Too bad too, she was sorta cute. Don't know who would date her though, they'd never stand a chance.

My vote is still for Sugar. She played the best game overall. I think Kenny was the best strategist in the game, but towards the end started over thinking things - just like so many that have come before him.

Oh, and Sugar was definitely cute. But no way was she the hottest Survivor ever. She might crack the Top 10, but she isn't even in the Top 5.

Thanks for doing this Fletch. Look forward to the next season - keep the blogs coming, I mean you're watching anyway.

Fletch said...

Awww, c'mon Tank, I hadn't started the game until halfway through the final council! What a lightweight. Thanks for the nickname for the next one, though - I like Tacquitos (the name, not the food).

Kane - looks like we're agreed pretty much across the board. As for next season...we'll see. No promises yet.

JacksSmirkingRevenge said...

Come on, how can you all like Sugar soo much. She is just as big of a bitch as Corrine. Corrine is just honest about it and doesnt try to put on a front. They way Sugar acted toward Randy when he was booted was atrocious. I will take the straight forward bitch over the pretend to be sweet bitch anyday.

I think it says something about her real personality that she is so universally hated by the other contestants.

Anyways, i can understand why a guy like Marcus is so bitter. He got screwed by the shows producers. They kept reoerganizing the tribes (because he and his alliance was so powerful), to a point where they weak players had the dominant numbers. If Survivor just lets the show play out, that guy walks to victory.

Nick said...

Jack: No, I have to disagree. Sugar was sneaky at times, but she was nowhere NEAR Corinne on the bitch-o-meter. And I don't care if Bob got upset... from what I saw as a viewer, Randy DESERVED to get laughed at. Hell, I was laughing, too. It was a brilliant play. On a bitch level from 1-10, I'd put Corinne at about a 12, and Sugar at MAYBE a 2.

And the others didn't hate her. If you paid attention during the reunion show, they said they didn't hate her. They were just annoyed with all her crying and emotionality because her father had just died. There's a huge difference.

And Marcus wasn't bitter about what happened due to the show's producers. He was bitter about how he was treated by the other tribemates. Again, a big difference.

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