Fletch's Film Review: Australia

It's quite fortunate for me that certain words from other languages are melded into the boiling pot that is the English language and given the thumbs up for everyday use. For example, I probably can't say "Me and my hermano are going to a baseball game" without getting a sideways glance from a few people, or at the least some stalking by G.O.B. However, I won't get dirty looks from anyone if I call Australia a cliché-filled, cheesy catastrophe - well, if you don't count lovers of the film or people who say "freedom fries."

Now, if you're new to this world and experiencing things for the first time and happen to see Australia as your virgin theatrical experience, then by all means, love it. But it's hard to see why anyone who has ever seen a film before would love this one - they've seen everything that happens in it a million times before, all corners of the plot are telegraphed ("Stop") eons in advance, and "visionary" director Baz Luhrmann brings absolutely none of his skill set to the table. This is a film that could have been directed by anyone and no one would have been the wiser. Wait, that's not true - with the heavy Wizard of Oz influence and excess slow-motion, I might have thought this was John Woo's attempt at relevance. Lucky for us, though, there are no doves to be found.

All this is not to say that I didn't enjoy Australia; sure, it's an hour too long, wildly predictable, heavy-handed and wildly unimaginative, but it's not as though the script or acting are gawdawful. To be sure, the production values are excellent, and I found myself embracing it's badness about two hours in, smiling gleefully as the swiss and cheddar as they oozed out of that fine continent until it was squeezed dry. I played Count the Martyrs, Watch the Villain's Life Crumble Around Him, Transform the Fish Out of Water and Melt the Unmeltable, Independent Hero - they were all there, and they were fantastic.

Oh, and in case you don't know, hermano means brother.

Fletch's Film Rating:

"Whatever."


A few additional random thoughts:

* I knew very little about Australia heading in, but I did know that the three big names involved were all Australian (technically, Kidman was born in Hawaii, but was raised in Australia and is know for being an Aussie). Imagine my surprise, then, when I discovered that she doesn't even play one. Here we have a movie about the continent of Australia, titled Australia, with the biggest Australian director and two of the most well-known Australian actors as its stars...and one of them plays a Brit. I don't know if this is just weird or if it's really dumb.

* Outside of that casting aberration, a pat on the back and a round of applause for the casting job. Bryan Brown hasn't been this involved with a feature this high profile since what, 1989? Nice to see him make a triumphant return. FF-UN vet David Wenham (LOTR, 300) makes for a good, weaselly villain, but is given little to work with, and Brandon Walters hits it out of the park as the bit-too-angelic Nullah. Finally, David Gulpilil completes his journey as the Most Recognizable Aboriginal Face as King George, coming a long way from his small yet memorable role in Crocodile Dundee (which I still can't turn off whenever it pops up on TV). If only they could have found a role for Paul Hogan, I might have forgiven all the bad stuff and outright loved Australia. Crikey.

* I almost forgot...yesterday was Blog Cabins' 2nd birthday. We've come along way, baby. Thanks to all of you for your faithful readership over this time. No other fanfare this year...maybe next.