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Mar 3, 2008

Ellen Page sucks!

All this talk of how wonderful Ellen Page is has finally gotten to me. Who amongst you really thinks she is the cat's meow, much less the cat's pajamas? Do two movies, one a pedophilia fantasy (if ever there were such a thing), the other a quasi-hipster teenage pregnancy manifesto, really constitute a great career? Is she really that good, or is the writing holding her up by her tiny britches? I say nay, America (and Canada, too). Nay to tiny Canucks running rampant over the cinematical landscape, destroying all that lay in their way. Nay to Phucket, Thailand and nay to Dipster McDoodle on her Whopperized Telegrommet.

Nay!

(Note: I don't actually believe a word that you just read - I just wanted to be among the first to hop onto the "bash Ellen Page" bandwagon. You know it's coming, and sooner than you think.)


29 people have chosen wisely: on "Ellen Page sucks!"

Desmond said...

C'mon, you can't bash an adorable, whip-smart Canadian pixie.

O' to be knee deep in Canadian Pixies, brotha...

J.D. said...

She's the reason for the season, homeskillet.

Mrs. Thuro said...

She's cute and yes she did a good job in the aforementioned roles, but I still think she has a long way to go before becoming a truly reputable actress. Why she was nominated for Juno is beyond me.

She'll get there, but she's not there yet, despite what the fanboys say.

Dave said...

Funny. There is truth to all rants. Some more than others.

Jason Soto said...

I think she's hot. And I found her even hotter when she was pregnant. Maybe I got a thing for fat chicks?
-Jason (Waiting to get banned now)

Rick Ryan said...

Hey, what's all this Canada bashing going on here! We gave you Americans Jim Carrey, for crying out loud... actually, we've been meaning to apologize to you guys for that. We just didn't know what else to do with the wing nut but export him.

Nick said...

haha... I was like "You're crazy!" until I read the bottom of your post where you deny everything. But yeah, I've actually seen Ellen Page bashing already. It's crazy.

Jason: You're not the first person I've heard say that. I read quite a few reviews that admit she was hot while she was pregnant.

Nayana Anthony said...

I love her love her love her. I will always be a loyal Pageophile, bandwagon or no. She is the cat's meow, the cat's pajamas, AND the cat's nasty habit of licking you while you're asleep.

PS, Fletch, I'm digging the satire.

Piper said...

Dude,

You're missing her unflappable performance as Kitty Pryde in X-Men. It was brilliant.


I'm done with all the Juno hype.

Fletch said...

Y'all are crazy. Glad you dug this.

@ Piper - nope, bot missing Kitty Pryde - it was intentionally left out. After all, it was really a non-role that could have been played by anybody (ditto Ben Foster's). Tell me you're joking about it being "brilliant."

DCMovieGirl said...

No, she's good. You need to see that pedophile flick. She just has the most ANNOYING VOICE EV'VAH!!!

All nasily and shit.

Nick said...

dc: Hard Candy is freakin awesome... and hardcore.

Sheamus the... said...

yes...i do dig the page but i do indeed feel the approaching bash. Hollywood will chew you up and spit you out. Look at every single young actor or actress in the biz. By the way...Whatever happened to Haley Joel Osment(sp?)...doesnt really relate but where the heck is he?

The Rub: Movie Reviews said...

In agreement. And my favorite part is the label tag at the end.

I liked Hard Candy, but Juno made me want to punch a baby.

WaywardJam said...

I like Page. Loved Juno and Hard Candy was awesome. She'd should have learned a few things from Anna Paquin about the cruel mistress that is Hollywood. Paquin's like a window into Page's future.

To bash Page; I still watch SNL and she was horrible last weekend! She just jumped around like she was hepped up on Red Bull. Painful.

But, I am still excited about Smart People.

J.D. said...

Hard Candy is brilliant.

She's brilliant in it.

She's brilliant in everything.

She's Jesus H. Blog.

BOW TO HER!!!!!

Piper said...

Joking. Course.

luke said...

This post is the funniest thing I've ever read.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

I agree.

two words to describe ellen page.

Annoying

Bitch

.

Anonymous said...

Do your homework. Here are the movies she has carried (starred in):

Juno
Hard Candy
Mouth to Mouth
Tracey Fragments

Here are the movies she has had important roles in:

An American Crime
Marion Bridge
Wilby Wonderful

Plus television movies, a television series, and next week's Smart People.

Chris "The Punisher" Anderson said...

Hard Candy is a really, fiercely terrible film. There's only so much smug you can take before you start rooting for the pedophile in it, and THAT'S when you know things are screwed up. Her performance is so juvenilely sarcastic (more than the character asks for) that I wanted to explode her body less than 30 minutes into the film. Juno was good despite very self-conscious writing. Also, the Hamburger phone is retarded.

Anonymous said...

Oh please. Ellen page is an indie queen? Bull shit. She’s about as corporate as any other A list actress out there and the fact that her role as Juno was nominated was nothing more than a fluke. That role is just pure BS in my opinion. It has NO artistic merit to it, and any ditzy actress who stars in a CW show could’ve pulled it off. In fact Juno for the most part IS on par with Superbad or Knocked up. Well Superbad and Knocked up were entertaining at least. Juno was just plain bad as Hard Candy was. Ellen page is a horrible actresses and the fact that she was nominated for such a ho hum role proves my theory that the Oscars have gone down hill.

Fuze44 said...

That droning nasally voice perpetually bitching and moaning -- it just make my balls shrivel.

Anonymous said...

I'd whap her hard with Dr. McDoodle.

Anonymous said...

what an asshole!

Snappy the Alligator said...

fuck her and her Cisco commercials (perhaps the apex of her acting career)

Tim said...

She plays the same character in every movie (basically, herself, if you've ever seen interviews with her). I'd be impressed if she convincingly played a character with some modesty and humility.

Jack P said...

No, you're totally right -- Page sux donkey balls. She can't stop thinking about herself long enough to even be a shitty actor, let alone a good one. I mean, Stallone is a shitty actor and Norris is even worse, but they're still waaay better than Page.

Canadian? Yes. Hot? Not even on a 12 day bender. Whip smart? Uh... no -- that sounds more like Jodie Foster, Scarlett Johansson or Geena Davis.

Anonymous said...

She really sucks bad! She was on The Late Late Show last night and she made me so sick! I hope she goes away real quick. I hope that Alec Baldwin flick bombs. I am so sick of seeing her little obnoxious face on my damn T.V. set! That commercial and that movie look so fucking STUPID.