TGITDNMAR (8/31/07)

Remind me to just suspend this feature next August. It's really painful to look at the new lineup of victims each and every week. As a form of protest/a reflection of the state of things, I will take Hollywood's laziness and bad products and similarly deliver a bad product. As such, you get a no-frills, stripped-down version of TGITDNMAR this week - that's right, no links, no pictures, and short, hastily-written descriptions. You wanna know more about this week's movies? First of all, may god have mercy on your soul, and second, you're on your own.

Halloween
Though I'm not typically a fan of horror, and not really ever of this series, I was intrigued by the thought of Rob Zombie directing this 86th version of Halloween. (Full disclosure: I've never seen a Rob Zombie movie, but I imagine I would like them if I were a fan of the genre.) Then I saw that Malcolm McDowell was in it. McDowell on TV good (Heroes, Entourage); McDowell on film (lately, anyway) bad, very bad (uh...Hidalgo, I Spy). Doesn't help that it's getting rotten reviews.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 2%

Balls of Fury
This looks like it might make a good-great cable movie (Chris Walken never hurts in that department - just ask Joe Dirt), but if I were to even think of seeing this in the theater, I might wear a paper bag on my way in and out. Bonus: the "Seinfeld, four" guy (from the "Chinese Restaurant" episode) is in it, and he always cracks me up. Otherwise, meh.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%


Death Sentence
Sure, Charlie Bronson ought to come back and exact vengeance on director James Wan (Saw) and star Kevin Bacon for stealing his franchise (Death Wish). Nonetheless, this looks like it might be fun, albeit gory as hell considering the director. Bacon gets down and dirty as an average joe who's out to get vengeance on the guys that killed his son. (Somewhat) bitchin'.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 17%