Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains Episode 9 Recap/Live Blog

Alright, what the hell happened last week?

Ah yes, that's right. The Dragon Slayer was slayed by a bunch of disloyal, dishonorable scoundrels. Or something like that. That's right, Coach joined the jury, robbing us of his inevitable nervous breakdown and countless hours of unintentional comedy. And the worst part? Friend of the Cabins Travis, who interviews the castoffs on the day after each show, had a chance to hear a personalized kayaking story from the Slayer himself...and turned the opportunity down! If this were the game, I would be wanting to vote him out based on such an egregious error. Be sure to click the link at the bottom and visit his site so you can give him a hard time for this unforgivable gaffe.

7:00: Yea, I didn't see much of the dialogue just now as I was busy typing the previous paragraph. Didn't seem all that important. Russ pissed about so and so not voting his way; it's time for them to go yada yada yada. I think I got the point.

7:03: Hooray - I'm a big fan of challenges where the contestants are forced to endure pain, show their stamina, etc. I'm not a sadist or anything, I just like it when we get to see what their true colors are - what are they made of and how badly do they want it? All challenges should attempt to instill this mindset.

7:06: God, I love corporate sponsorships on this show. You know how some movies or TV shows are so bad that they go so far that you end up loving them for their badness? That's how I feel about these in-show commercials. I detest them so much that they practically give me joy when they pop up, just because they're always so awkward and cheesy. This one, for Outback Steakhouse, isn't as forced as some of them, so that takes away some of my pleasure, but most of it's still there. Bloomin' great!

7:08: Oh, the gift that keeps on giving - Sandra was just paid under the table to proclaim her love for the Down Under-themed restaurant. I wish I could remember their theme song so that I could make a bad joke about it.

7:11: Good christ, how much sweat does that stinky pirate make? Rupert's head just vomited a pint of water. Gross.

7:12: Finally, a challenge where Courtney is the strongest competitor. How much pressure can there be on a 43-lb. frame?

7:16: If a Bloomin' Onion does not make its way onscreen, I might not be able to watch the rest of this episode.

7:16: Have another shot - Sandra spoke her true love for Outback again!
7:19: That Parvati - so discreet. She couldn't wait 10 or 20 minutes to read it?

7:20: "Do you have a pocket?" - Parvati to Danielle, as she's looking for a hiding place for her clue.

"No, but I can put it in my boobs." - Danielle. You're damn right you can hide it in there! Here, take my car keys and wallet, too, please - I'm sure there's plenty of room.

7:22: J.T. with the tremendously stupid idea we heard about in the previews last week. Not even sure what to make of it so far. I just know that if I were ever to find a hidden immunity idol, I ain't even telling a soul, much less giving it away in some complicated scheme to gain a team advantage.

7:24: WATFO? An Outback commercial! I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that they got a discounted rate on that ad? Lucky for them, as a part of their deal, they got a free ad on Blog Cabins, too. OUTBACK. NO RULES, JUST RIGHT!

7:28: Please, please, please J.T. end his letter with, "XOXO, J-Tizzle."

7:29: So, um, where'd J-Tizzle get a pad and paper?

7:31: The Villains have to lose this challenge, right? That's the only way they would have kept J.T.'s ridiculous letter/idol plan in the show, I'd assume. Unless that segment was included just to show his stupidity/slight chance at brilliance. Let's just say that if the Villains lose that I'll be upset that they telegraphed that fact, and if they win, then I'll be upset that they wasted our time showing all that. It's a win-win, lose-lose scenario.

7:34: The Villains lost. I'm upset that they telegraphed that defeat from 30 minutes away.

7:35: Thus far, Russell proves J.T.'s stupidity, telling us the obvious: "You don't hand the enemy an idol...especially when his name is Russell Hantz." Well, no shit. At the same time, I'm not entirely sold that Russ is the Grinch - he'd be a fool not to take J.T.'s gift into consideration later on down the road.

7:40: Hilarious - the first thing we see back from commercial at Villain camp is Russell showing the letter to Parvati, the person they "instructed" him to sideswipe and vote off.

7:42: Was just thinking about this: Russell (and I) are laughing at J.T.'s move, and likely with good reason. However, what if Russ doesn't do as instructed? If they show up at the next challenge and Courtney or Sandra is voted out, now you have a team of six that are all united against Russ, and he's on a team of five people. So despite being given an idol, he's also been given a shitty scenario in which he won't vote off Parv, and in not doing so he can only infuriate the other tribe.

[ETA @ 7:55: Ok, nevermind the previous paragraph: I thought there were six Heroes, but there are just five. Invalidates all of that pretty much.]

7:46: I'd keep Courtney; the words she just spoke to Parvati were the most genuine and full of common sense I've ever heard her speak. And good on her for not trashing Sandra. That is a loyal player.

7:47: Does Danielle have a mustache? Oh, and I almost forgot - Sandra's "rice and beans" line about her and Courtney being best buds was classic. I wonder which one is the rice?

7:49: Russ just declared to everyone that he, Parv and Danielle have had an alliance. So what's left - Courtney and Sandra who have an alliance together and know their days are numbered...and Jeri, who is somehow still there, probably only because no one fears her as she has no one to ally with. Only...SHE DOES! Sandra, Courtney - want to stay in the game? Why don'tcha, ya know, pull Jeri along over to your side and the three of you can go up against Russ and his gals?

Friggin' idiots.

7:51: And shocker of shockers, Courtney is voted off. Sandra and/or Jeri, enjoy the three days you have left before it's your turn.

7:54: Finally, it's time for my Official Question Request for Travis' interview with Stick:

"Courtney, you seemed much less obnoxious this time around. Would you say this was due to the producers just not showing you as much this season, or have you matured as a person in the years since your last run on Survivor?"

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