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May 2, 2011

TGITDNMAR (4/29/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Well, or a few days after the new movies are released...

Fast Five
What's harder to believe - the fact that I saw this on opening night (the first in the franchise that I've seen at all, much less in the theater), or the fact that I kinda liked it?

Frankly, it's hard not to give in to its charms. It's a big, dumb football player of a movie, but so long as you are up for a visceral ride and can ignore giant implausabilities (of which there are oh so many), you can't help but psych yourself up for some Diesel vs. Rock action. Everyone else is just ear or ear candy in one fashion or another, and that's okay. Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

Ah yes, another one of those Disney teen movies in which I've never heard of a single person in the main cast, so I go digging through the extended cast looking for some character actor and/or has been that's slumming their way through a paycheck. Who will I find this time, and could they possibly be enough to get me interested??

A) Christine Elise: known mostly for Beverly Hills 90210 (the original). No.

B) Faith Ford: Of Murphy Brown/Hope & Faith fame. No. What happens when someone known for being "perky" gets older? I think the answer is that they disappear, sad as that may be.

C) Jere Burns: Of Dear, John fame. No - however, he's been an occasional guest star on Justified as some low-level gangster, and he's been spectacularly creepy. But I would require about 10,000 hims to get me to see Prom, I'm afraid.
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
I just watched Cop Out for the first time this weekend. And to quote Tracy Morgan attempting to will Seann William Scott from telling a joke: "No. No. Huh Huh. No. No! No! No! Hell No! NO! NO! I refuse to... No! No!"
Dylan's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

12 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (4/29/11)"

Nick said...

I still find it fascinating you saw Fast Five without having seen any of the others. The character development isn't huge in the series, but there is about 3 movies worth of relationships there (I don't count Tokyo Drift since it technically happens after all the others). Not to mention the twist about halfway into the closing credits probably made no sense or had any kind of impact on you. :P

cinemasights said...

Have you even seen the original Hoodwinked? It was a egregiously overlooked little gem.

Fletch said...

@ Nick - Funny...by and large, I didn't really feel like I was missing anything important. It ain't like it's hard to tell what's going on from the trailers. My brother explained how Ludacris and Tyrese and the Spanish-speaking dudes fit into it, so that helped a bit. But it's not like that even mattered, either. I didn't know the relationship they had with the guy from The Transporter (who's gotten huge, by the way, and remains a terrible actor), but that got spelled out.

And...uh...no, the closing credits scene made zero impact on me...since I didn't see it. I almost always bolt from the theater once the credits hit to beat the crowds, unless I know there's a credits scene or it starts quickly. And I did not. Wanna email me what happened in it?

@ James - I know it's supposed to be good and you love it, but no, I have not seen it. I just know that this new one is supposed to be awful.

M. Hufstader said...

Dammit, I've been going back and forth on seeing Fast Five. I know it's going to be a shit movie, but I love action back, bikini clad shit movies, so I don't know what I'm whining about. And if it's the kind of movie you hate to love...it sounds like it's right up my alley. I might have to check it out after all.

Fletch said...

@ M. - Don't get your hopes up too high on the "bikini-clad" aspect...the trailer oversells that quite a bit. Or maybe that all happened in the few minutes I had nodded off for. There's really a large gap in the action after the jam-packed opening.

Nick said...

Dylan: Emailed.

Jess said...

I'm not sure there's been a week of this before where it was 100% and two zeros. I'm with James, the original Hoodwinked is pretty great. However, they did what most animated sequels can get away with and replaced a lot of the voices. Oh, and one of the stars of PROM is Aimee Teegarten, a star of Friday Night Lights.

Kano said...

I love the subtle change of "under normal circumstances" - don't you just love fatherhood? :-)

Castor said...

I might check out Fast Five because it seems like so much fun. The others, you would need to pay me to go see those.

Jack L said...

Hoodwinked 2 looks really bad, which is a shame as I thought the first was not bad at all...

I've seen a couple of Fast and Furious films, I'm not sure which ones though. But I doubt I'll see this one, maybe when it comes out on DVD.

Justin Gott said...

Well you picked a good one to start with. . . it's the best of the bunch! I just saw it last night and I loved it all. You should really just check out the first and the fourth ones - the 2nd is really really poorly acted (unlike the others which are just poorly acted!) and the 3rd is unintentionally hilarious, which I guess does have its merits then. Glad you got up to go see it though - it is definitely my favorite movie of the year so far!

Fletch said...

@ Nick - Gracias.

@ Jess - Well, it was only a 100% because I'd already seen it; had my brother and family not come into town, it probably would have been more like 35%. And I suppose I was a bit harsh on Hoodwinked...but really, there is 0% chance I'll be seeing it.

Never watched FNL. I saw Varsity Blues, I think I got it covered. :D

@ Kano - Haha, yeah, I did that a few weeks or months back. Seemed silly to just rate everything lower than 50% based on the reality of the situation.

@ Castor - OMG! The one movie that has perked your interest in going to the theater is...Fast Five? I'm shocked! Not that it's bad or anything, but c'mon, there have been better films released this year (coughHannacough) that you've been "meh" about.

@ Jack - Haha, they just run together, don't they?

@ Justin - Yeah, I'd imagine so. I was the one saying it looked like the best just based on the trailers. Glad to see it lived up to that. How fucking rare is it that the fifth movie in a franchise is the best? I've still got the DVDs for the first four on loan to me, and I'm sure I'll watch 'em all eventually. Hell, if I can be curious to watch Transformers 2, I can certainly watch F & F.