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Apr 22, 2011

TGITDNMAR (4/22/11)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Water for Elephants
Or, Big Fish, minus the Tim Burton touches. I dunno...that's kind of the vibe I get from it.

I know I'm supposed to be programmed to hate this, and I can't exactly say that I wouldn't, but grant me this (and yourself, if you're a hater as well at this stage): here we have a brooding, burgeoning star in a period piece about a forbidden love - isn't there at least a decent chance that this could turn into an unintentional comedy good time, a la Legends of the Fall?

Just keep it in mind...
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 28%

Madea's Big Happy Family
Here are some things I've said about prior Tyler Perry films in earlier editions of TGITDNMAR:
I Can Do Bad All By Myself
One of these days, I'm gonna have to have a Tyler Perry Film Festival, where I endure all of his efforts. That day will be the day that I plan on shooting myself, and I will use the film festival as motivation to complete the task.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Meet the Browns
That Tyler Perry - such a cad. I don't begrudge the guy his success, but I just have no desire at all to see his movies. Wish I had more to say here, but I just don't.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 1%

Why Did I Get Married?
Consider me shocked that the title of this flick doesn't start out with "Tyler Perry's..." as it seems all of his other films have. Perry is nothing if not a great businessman, but his recent feature in Entertainment Weekly paints him simultaneously as an inspirational Hollywood outsider and as a whining ninny, what with his constant bitching about not being asked to star in roles that might usually go to Denzel. Uh, Tyler - your flicks might have made a ton of money, but I don't think you have a rep as some sort of great actor. Writer, producer? Perhaps - but "starring alongside Adam Sandler in a buddy comedy?" That might not seem like that lofty a position, but just saying you want to do something doesn't mean you deserve to or will do it. On that note, I'd like to be paid handsomely to write reviews and other movie-related content for Premiere or The Akron Times. Oh wait...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Hmmm...whatcha think the percentage is gonna be this time around?
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

African Cats
Happy Earth Day or something. First, there was Earth in 2007, narrated by James Earl Jones; in 2009, Oceans, narrated by Pierce Brosnan. And now, in 2011, we get African Cats narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. "The lion is the baddest motherf$@%er in all the prairie!!"
Fletch's Under Normal Circumstances Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 14%

7 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (4/22/11)"

Jack L said...

huh, not even one interesting film this week.

I've never seen one of Tyler Perry's film but I've heard horrible things about them...

Tom Clift said...

You seem awfully generous this week Fletch. I can't imagine wanting to see ANY of these

Univarn said...

Disney's gone from Earth to Oceans to African Cats. I'm totally stocked for the inevitable Southern Miami Cockroaches! Please give Al Pacino the narration! PLEASE!!!!

simoncolumb said...

Depressing week for movies in the US! Yet, you know in the summer it'll all be logjammed...

Castor said...

Ya, another week I won't be going to the movie theater... Two more weeks before Thor and the real start of the summer season.

Fletch said...

@ Jack - I think the only way I'd ever watch Perry's films is if I was with a group of people and we decided to do some sort of marathon in which we mock them incessantly.

@ Tom - 28%, 10% and 14% and I'm being generous? Not saying you're wrong (in fact, I'm fairly sure that 10% is a typo and should have said 0%), but those are pretty low scores here.

@ Univarn - If I still had the Comment of the Week, you'd likely be winning again. Though, wow...harsh Pacino dig!

@ Simon - Indeed. Bugs me a bit. There are going to be several weekends with multiple tough decisions, and yet here we have shit.

@ Castor - How many films have you seen in the theater in 2011 so far now? 3?

Tom Clift said...

Haha what can I say, I think these look reaaaaaally shitty :P