TGITDNMAR (8/20/10)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

This is why they consider August the dumping grounds.

Piranha 3D
As I mentioned the other day, I've never seen a single Piranha flick, and I've only seen the first Jaws. To be honest, the deep sea (or lake, as it were in this case) freaks me out. You'll never catch me scuba diving - no interest whatsoever. As such, I've mostly avoided movies that take place in the deep sea, or at least have to do with freaky low-level creatures (giant squids? No thanks.). But...I gotta admit, this seems like a fun flick. I'm really not a horror fan, and the thought of seeing 378 ways that people can get torn to pieces by razor-toothed rabid fish doesn't appear to me all that much, but this one sure seems to have the right attitude to it.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 10%

The Switch
Those friggin' Coens. It had happened before, but I swear that before they came along, they weren't hardly any other flicks with two people listed as director, even if it was known behind the scenes (for example, the last movie to win Best Director with two before the Coens was West Side Story). Nowadays, every other movie that comes out has two directors. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. Just bugs me.

Little-known fact: Mrs. Fletch has a crush on Jason Bateman. Being a lover of AD (and The Hogan Family, of course - ok, not really), I'm a Bateman fan, too, even though even he couldn't save Extract. Long story short: there's a good chance we'll be seeing this, despite Jennifer Aniston's insistence on starring only in terrible movies.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 79%

Lottery Ticket
Considering my only real exposure to him is a few minutes of Like Mike (co-starring The Lipnick!), it's a little bit weird, but I have this feeling that Bow Wow has a decent future as an actor (once he fully ditches his idiotic stage name, that is). He just seems to be an appealing, charismatic kid.

Likewise, though it's got a contrived plot and is apparently victim to all kinds of stereotypes, this appears to be an appealing little movie that ---

OMG...it has both Terry Crews and Keith David in it. This movie just got 500% more interesting. Upon learning this, I had to see what else they had been in together, if anything. The answer: Gamer. Hmmm...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 31%

Nanny McPhee Returns
Relative quality of the ORIGINAL Nanny notwithstanding (it could be terrific, for all I know, though I assume it's somewhere more along the lines of "pleasant"), the success bar for sequels sure has been lowered quite a bit, hasn't it? The first film earned a paltry $47 million in the U.S. back in 2005 and managed ~$120 million worldwide.

To put this in, say, 1986 terms, the film earned $27 million stateside and $70 million worldwide. Now, several films from 1986 made less domestically yet still had sequels (or were sequels that spawned future sequels), for example, Iron Eagle made just $24 million and Friday the 13th, Part VI made $19 million. So there's a precedent.

My point? I don't know if I have one, but something about the existence of this sequel rubs me the wrong way. It's really pretty illogical and I just did a bunch of research to seem all informed and smart. Did it work?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

Vampires Suck
Diedrich Bader. Ken Jeong. My condolences. Here's hoping you really, really enjoy the Jet-skis you're able to buy sacrificing your dignity (and career) for this shit.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%