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Apr 11, 2009

TGITDNMAR (4/10/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

If only. If only Observe and Report could have worked a colon into its title - we'd have all three wide releases with colons!! Can you imagine the potential excitement? I would have had to seriously think about possibility buying this t-shirt! But nay, nay said writer/director Jody Hill. A mere "and" it is. Well, in my head, it'll always be Observe: Report.

Hannah Montana: The Movie
This is torture.

Let me back up, and while I'm at it, I'm going to let you behind the scene - tear down the non-existent fourth wall and share with you a trade secret here at Blog Cabins. See that picture over there to your right? Due to the intricacies of Blogger, if I don't type enough lines to "cover" that picture, the formatting on this post will be all screwed up and I'll look wildly unprofessional. If you're a longtime reader, I'm sure you've seen something like that before.

So...I have to figure out something to say - anything - about friggin' Hannah Montana: The Movie, a film adaptation of a TV show I've never seen nor wish to, starring a toothy teenager and her former joke of a father. I can't even look at the full cast and derive any material, as the only other names I recognize are Melora Hardin, Barry Bostwick and Vanessa Williams, and I don't even know why I know the name Melora Hardin.

Lucky for me, I was always great at b.s.-ing my way through term papers and the like, and I just managed to crap out a few hundred words about a movie that I will never ever see.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): What do you think it is?

Observe and Report
Of course, if they really wanted to squeeze that colon into the title, they could have called this Paul Blart: Taxi Driver, since those are just about the only things that I've seen written about this.

That's not true - I think one review spent more time talking about Hill's last flick - The Foot Fist Way - than it did talking about this one. Whatever the case, I say meh. Hill has also been heavily involved in HBO's Eastbound & Down, and while I don't hate it, I'm certainly not salivating over it. I just don't think I find his style all that funny, though that might be the point.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 16%

Dragonball: Evolution
Longtime and tremendously astute readers might notice that a movie that I don't have much interest (or things to say about) usually gets pushed to the bottom of TGITDNMAR. But when there's more than one, what is a Fletch to do. The answer is above.

As for this one...um, let's see...Chow Yun-Fat is in it, and he's always good. And hey - an Ernie Hudson sighting. Even better. But wait - this really kicks ass: there's a dude in this named Texas Battle. I don't even know what to say, but that's awesome.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%


7 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (4/10/09)"

Nick said...

Not even Chow Yun-Fat could save Dragonball Evolution. And Ernie Hudson plays an old Asian monk (I know... wtf). Texas Battle is only in it for about, maybe, 3 total minutes of the entire movie.

I want to strangle the screenwriter of the movie right now... I really do.

Fletch said...

I dunno - finding out that Hudson plays an Asian monk makes me want to see it just that much more - as in, from 0% to 3%. ;)

As for your strangling desire - um, what were you expecting? This looks worse than the Double Dragon movie did, and that's saying something. (Please look up Double Dragon - the game and movie - if that reference is too old for you.) :P

Nick said...

I'm insulted. I know exactly what both are. I've played the game and seen the movie... numerous times, actually. To me, Double Dragon falls under the 'so bad it's good' category.

As for what I expected with Dragonball... the same thing every other DB fan expected: a bad movie, but not THIS bad.

Paul Arrand Rodgers said...

Observe and Report was awesome.

Daniel Getahun said...

I think O & R is going to be one of the most polarizing comedies (or even movies of the year) - half will hate it and half will love it. Same would have been for The Foot Fist Way but hardly anyone saw it. I kind of shrugged off both - there were a few funny scenes (more in FFW, imo), but neither really had me cracking up consistently.

Fletch said...

Nick - my deepest apologies. ;) I should have known not to doubt your geekiness.

Paul and Daniel - I don't know - I'm content to wait for HBO for O&R and for Foot Fist. I'd like to see both, but I really don't think that Hill's humor jibes with mine.

Daniel - did you see Adventureland? I'm curious to hear your take on it...

Daniel Getahun said...

I'm curious, too. It was sold out the first time I tried, and there hasn't been a second yet. I'm afraid it's going to elude me again here because our two week film festival starts on Thursday. I've really been wanting to see it, though.