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Mar 20, 2009

TGITDNMAR (3/20/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Did you know that today is the first day of spring? Hollywood did, and it's gracing us with two movies that actually look watchable (!), along with one potential mega-stinker that must be watched to appreciate it's Cageness. Oops, did I give away which one it was? My bad.

Good friend and better writer Daniel Getahun (of Getafilm) has already had the, um, good fortune of seeing Knowing. He gave us a quick review in a comment yesterday:

"I have to step in here for the good of humanity and say Knowing is horrendously awful and the worst movie I've seen in the last 8 months. As a brother-in-arms with Fletch against Cage, I can tell him this is our worst nightmare come true or it's a must-see for a reload of anti-Cage ammunition. It's like a bad M. Night Shyamalan movie, but Shyamalan doesn't play the hero and the special effects are better. More details in my "review" if you don't mind spoilers."

I'm glad Daniel put in that note about reloading for anti-Cage ammunition. As you may recall, Mrs. Fletch and I actually went to see National Treasure 2 in the theaters, as when it came out we had seen just about everything we wanted to, but we still wanted to go out to a movie. So we tried to pick something terrible and just have fun with it. Turned out I didn't hate it as much as I could have, but I see the potential for seeing Knowing on a similar plane. Probably won't, as there are a number of other releases out now that I'm interested in seeing, but this one will definitely be seen on TV at some point in the future. I can only hope it lives up to the promise of The Wicker Man.

Also: this doesn't belong anywhere else, but the kid that plays Cage's son is a 10-year old from Texas named Chandler Canterbury. Seriously? That's got to be the most effete, Little Lord Fauntleroy-ish name I've ever heard of. Oh wait - his younger brother is named Shelby and his older brother is Colby. From Texas? How can these children not be getting beaten by their classmates on a daily basis (not that I'm promoting such an act)?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 8%

Doesn't this movie just smell bad? I mean, walk-in-the-house-and-hit-by-the-smell-of-cat-poop reaks? Like all the worst elements from the Ocean's films and Mr. and Mrs. Smith were combined into one stinker?

But then you see that Tony Gilroy, the writer-director of Michael Clayton (which, by the way, somehow doesn't lose a thing with multiple viewings) is the auteur here as well. And it's not like Clive Owen or Julia Roberts are generally associated with crappy movies (The International, The Mexican and Shoot 'Em Up, notwithstanding).

Long story short - I'm on board. I mean, I'm a sucker for a heist/con movie anyway, and I don't know how much it has to do with the shite that's been released over the first three months of the year, but this comes in second place this week. Though, I must say - even though he's no Travolta or Cage, doesn't it seem like we're bordering on Clive Owen overload? Two films released in '04, two in '05, three in '06, two in '07, none in '08, but two already in the first few months of '09. I need a break, either way. Oh, and shame on all involved - Inside Man 2 has been announced. You've got to be effing kidding me.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 70%

I Love You, Man
You know, strange as this may sound, I've seen practically no commercials for Man. From all accounts I've heard, this is the most heavily promoted film being released this week, but if I hadn't seen that one commercial for it, I'd barely know it was out.

And you know what? I haven't gone in search of the trailer, either, and I'm not going to. With the two leads, along with co-stars such as J.K. Simmons, Jon Favreau and bit players (I'm assuming) like Joe LoTruglio, Thomas Lennon and Matt Walsh (yes, they may be future FF-UNs, though they aren't unfamiliar to me), I'm on board already and I want to go in as cold as possible.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 95%

16 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (3/20/09)"

Nick said...

It was my sister's birthday yesterday, and she wants me to go see a movie with her this weekend. She's giving me the option of either Knowing or Duplicity.

Now, I like Cage. And I like Owen. I like sci-fi films and I like con/heist films. But between the horrendous reviews for Knowing and the equally bad vibes I'm getting from Duplicity, I'm not sure which to pick. Though I think I'm gonna go with Duplicity.

Duplicity has never excited me at all, really. Knowing excited me at first until the trailers started showing stuff that made it look like aliens come in from nowhere toward the end and ruin what could have otherwise been a potentially good story. And now there's the bad reviews that also discuss how bad the third act is (which makes me bring in my aliens theory more). Did they learn nothing from Indiana Jones 4?

As for I Love You, Man... you haven't seen a single commercial? I swear, if I see another commercial for this movie, I might throw something at my screen. I just have a feeling it's gonna be one of those where even after it comes out, we're gonna have another 2 weeks of advertisements saying stuff like "The #1 movie in America!" and then "The #1 comedy in America!" and probably "The #1 comedy in America 2 weeks in a row!" after that.

I always hate the "#1 comedy in America" commercials, because quite often, it's the ONLY comedy in America at the moment.

Daniel Getahun said...

Thanks for the linkage (and untrue compliment), comrade. We might lose a battle with Cage here and there, but we'll win the war...yes, we will.

But for as bad as I thought Knowing was, I'll come out and say that he's a.) no worse than the other actors (the kid with the ridiculous name is even worse), and b.) no worse than he's been before. So still bad, but not bad on a new level. And unfortunately there aren't any iconic scenes with him like in The Wicker Man. The closest he comes here is hitting a tree trunk with a baseball bat and yelling, "You want some of this?!" as he tries to scare off "the whisper people" (actual term).

And it should be noted that there may likely be a number of people who come down on the side of Ebert on this one, forgiving the movie for lacking logic and suspense and praising it for taking on a big idea. So you actually might like it, Nick, especially with your tolerance for Cage.

I Love You, Man is on par with Role Models in terms of laughs and plot, and I know you liked that one, Fletch. Plenty of humor from Samberg and Favreau, and Lou Ferrigno is hilarious in his short screen time.

Fletch said...

Nick - I've seen exactly that - one commercial - for I♥U,Man, and I've not seen the trailer once. Yes, it's shocking. I guess I just don't watch enough MTV or something. ;) Excellent rant regarding the "#1 X in America" commercials; however, you have to remember that those commercials likely work on the type of folks that made the films #1 in whatever subgenre to begin with. For example...Beverly Hills Chihuahua?

Can't believe you uttered the words "I like Cage." Dios mio. Just remember, the more you support Cage, the more films he will unleash on an unsuspecting American public.

Daniel - Methinks you may be selling Cage short.

"The closest he comes here is hitting a tree trunk with a baseball bat and yelling, "You want some of this?!" as he tries to scare off "the whisper people" (actual term)."

That almost sounds worth the price of admission alone...

Did you ever see Southland Tales? Does Knowing just get batshit crazy like it did? I saw that you had a number (that number being 30 or so...) of burning questions about, Knowing, but I didn't want to read them. Gotta keep myself fresh for my first viewing six months from now.

Daniel Getahun said...

Yeah the baseball bat scene is a highlight, if such a thing exists. Though a massive sweeping fire is done pretty well, too.

Knowing doesn't get anywhere near as insane as Southland Tales. It's much simpler and much stupider. I thought that movie was terrible, but at least you could tell Richard Kelly was trying to do something complex and new.

blake said...

What is it about Duplicity that makes us all assured it's going to suck? I haven't read a single review, but I agree, it looks like it will be a huge failure. I will however, due to Tony Gilroy's name being attached.

Oh, and you left out Beyond Borders on Clive Owen's list of shame.

Nick said...

Fletch: In my defense, I don't watch MTV and I've never seen The Wicker Man. :P

I'm not saying Cage is the greatest thing in the world. But I have a high tolerance for bad or annoying things. I AM going into teaching, after all.

Daniel Getahun said...

Exhibit A.

The prosecution rests, Your Honor.

Anh Khoi Do said...

It was almost impossible to not hear a word about I Love You, Man. In fact, I saw it at the movie theatre Thursday when I went to see One Week. My chance of seeing any of the films you mention? Since Nicolas Cage hasn't done anything good in the last few years, I'm just going to skip Knowing. Speaking about Duplicity, I didn't bother to watch any commercial or the trailer, so you know what that means. Finally, as for I Love You, Man, it really depends of my mood.

Anonymous said...

Wow. The original poster "Fletch" . . . . . . . . what an amazingly mature individual. I mean really, attacking a kid's name. At what age do you grow up? Clearly for him NEVER. He must have been bullied in school when he was little. I am sorry for that, but that is why there is therapy.

Honestly, he lost all credibility with his reviews when he did (said) that.

Nick said...

Wow. The original flamer "Anonymous" ........ you surprised me, really. Insulting a reviewer who pointed out the oddness of a person's name. And all under the wonderful guise of anonymity. How fresh. How new. How mature.

Honestly, you must be totally proud of yourself with that.

Nick said...

(By the way, if you're going to discredit somebody, at least be grammatically correct about it. Don't go from second person (you) to third person (him) in two consecutive sentences. And then try not to follow it up by agreeing with what you're discrediting the person for. You lose all credibility as an intelligent flamer when you do (say) that.)

Fletch said...

Anon -

I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys' R Us kid
There's a million toys at Toys 'R Us that I can play with!
From bikes, to trains, to video games,
It's the biggest toy store there is! Gee whiz!
I don't want to grow, cuz baby if I did,
I wouldn't be a Toys 'R Us kid!

Really, I don't know how to respond to your "attack" on my "attack" on that poor, poor child's name. I really was brutal, wasn't I? Chandler, Shelby and Colby Canterbury, will you ever forgive me?

Nick - wow, the original poster "Nick." What an amazingly mature individual. I mean, really - standing up for the original poster "Fletch?" :P

Shane said...

Ok, went and watched Knowing today. Have to say that I really enjoyed it a lot....UNTIL the last 20 minutes. Then it just ruined the entire movie. Plus I think the ending opening up a whole bunch of plot holes!!

One major question though, if you see some random guyes talking to you your 10 year old child and the same guys hanging around your house in the middle of the night, wouldn't you call the cops?!?!

I would give the first 1 hour and 40 minutes of the movie 7 or 8/10 but because of the ending, it only gets 2/10.

Caitlin said...

I will see Knowing in the theaters, no less, because my love for THE CAGE knows no bounds. And if I am wrong, I don't CARE. He's amazingly awful! As long as you resist Cage, I am there to embrace him - yes, him and his awful hairstyles.

Re: The Canterbury kids' names: Chandler, Shelby and Colby were all names (not that common, but common enough) of kids I grew up with, especially Colby. I'm from Texas, so there. ;) None of them got their asses kicked on a regular basis.

Hell, I went to school with the kid that played Beaver in the Leave It To Beaver movie, and he and his brother went by some very silly nicknames and they never got their asses beat, either. :D

Daniel Getahun said...

So that little link I posted a few comments ago? Yeah, that was a mistake - i didn't mean to pimp my own site like a prick. I must have copied and pasted the wrong window because I meant to link to this.