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Aug 22, 2008

TGITDNMAR (8/22/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Your resident pessimist has some bad news yet again: this is the worst weekend for new, wide releases that you will see in 2008. I know, I know - I've probably said the same thing about 30 times this year already, but I take it all back. The combined percentage below for all four movies isn't likely to top 100%, that's how bad it is. The lone release that's halfway appealing is Hamlet 2, but it's a limited release.

Might I suggest catching up on some lesser-known flicks released earlier this summer? Personally, I'm ready to see Vicky Christina Barcelona, thanks largely to a number of good reviews, and the same could be said for Man on Wire, also receiving excellent word of mouth. And maybe, just maybe, Tell No One will hit Phoenix this week...

Death Race
For exhibits A-Z in the argument for shorter trailers, see the one for Death Race, which assumes everyone has seen the original and offers no apologies for telling you the entire movie in the span of two minutes. Sure, Ian McShane's great, as is Joan Allen, but they are slumming with a capital S, and Statham's appeal is quickly, sadly vanishing. Sure, The Bank Job was decent, but it's hard to forget crap like this and that In the Name of the King or whatever it was called that came out earlier this year. And let's not forget that the third Transporter (maybe time for a new career, Mr. Transporter?) is coming soon.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%, or equal to the percentage for the next movie.

The House Bunny
Revenge of the Nerds was on TV last night. And seeing Anthony Edwards' girlfriend in it, the one with glasses larger than even Nicole Richie would dare to wear, was a painful reminder of the preview for this Anna (which I just learned is pronounced Ah-na) Faris vehicle.

Emma Stone, so appealing in Superbad gets stuck with the sad, She's All That cliched character, playing one of the "ugly" sorority girls that Faris' Bunny cleans up, getting rid of those frumpy glasses (and probably bleaching some hair) en route to making the notties hotties. Lame.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%, or equal to the percentage for the next movie.

The Longshots
I just learned that there's an actor appearing in The Longshots named Earthquake. Brilliant. That almost made me forget that Ice Cube hasn't made a decent flick in at least five years and that Fred Durst is directing.

But seriously, I don't really care about Durst directing. See the man's work before shooting him down. Longshots doesn't look bad so much as it looks just so done before. I'm sure it's inspiring and cute and all that, but it just ain't my bag.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%, or equal to the percentage of the two previous movies.

The Rocker
There's a reason they've got Rainn Wilson in some too-tight briefs and shirtless on that poster to your right. It's disturbing. See below.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 10%, or equal to about how good this is in comparison to either School of Rock or Superbad, the two movies it keeps getting compared to.

See the guy on the right here? (next)

He's got a damn claw! Creepy!

(Yes, I know he doesn't really have a claw. Still, when I saw the poster, I got freaked out for a bit. Just play along and make me feel better, ok?)

Oh, and don't forget - because I won't let you - The Great Movie Poster Piece Contest is going on now! Click on the image in the top right corner for more details. Win prizes! Impress the neighborhood children and random strangers at the supermarket! Mock your dog's inability to get more than 3 correct!

9 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR (8/22/08)"

Fox said...

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (The House Bunny): 0%, or equal to the percentage for the next movie.

GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHGGGGJKLHLKJH:JKHHJHJHJHJHLH$%!$$!$!$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {:0[ (those are fangs!)

J.D. said...

Yeah, I concur with Fox. Like, boo.

Wait, Fred Durst directed The Longshots? WTF?! Whatever, I'm still seeing it. Keke Palmer - 'nuff said.

Fletch said...

Hmmmm...methinks you disagree with me?

I don't dislike her, but I don't get the Ahhhna Faris love at all. She's a terrible actress (and I say that about few people) and I don't find her particularly funny, either. Maybe it's all her due to her awful voice. Whatever.

JD - I'm hoping the word "nookie" sneaks its way into the movie. I want some subversity.

Fox said...

I was interested in The Longshots b/c I like Ice Cube, but I gotta say, it kinda makes me even more curious now that I know Fred Durst is directing. Not that I like Fred Durst, but it's just so weird that it ups the allure for me.

Oh, and that fat dude with the claw? He kinda looks likes Jonah Hill channeling Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Daniel G. said...

Glad you liked MoW. I think you'll like Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and Tell No One, well, everybody has different thoughts on that one. Considering you liked Roman de Gare, I expect you'll definitely like it.

Has anyone seen The Rocker and thought it was good? I'm wondering if I should regret not seeing it the other night.

nick plowman said...

I am sorta with J.D. and Fox.

And, I might see The Rocker, but I am not sure yet.

Shannon the Movie Moxie said...

Out of these I would say The Longshots looks the most interesting (I always like inspirational sport and/or teacher movies).

There was a whole wack of cool limited releases here this week including Hamlet 2, Tuya's Marriage and the fantastic Boy A. It's been a while since we've had 10 releases in 1 week!

Fletch said...

Daniel - the choice on Friday was between MoW and Vicky Christina. I'm sure we made the right choice, but I'd still like to see the latter.

I'm guessing there's no need to regret missing The Rocker. Just watch School of Rock and Superbad at the same time - I'm guessing that'll give you the same experience.

Shannon - doesn't it bother you, though, that those "inspirational" sports/teacher movies are ALL THE SAME?

That said, I have a hard time turning away from Lean on Me when it comes on TV. From the GnR opening to a kickass Freeman, it's one of the best in my book. Hilariously dated, too.

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