TGITDNMAR (3/28/08)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Okay, at this point, even I am sick of my own bitching about how bad this year has been at the movies. Will that stop me from complaining yet again? Of course not. Look, by this time last year, we'd already had Zodiac, Breach, Smokin' Aces, 300 and The Namesake, just to name a few. This year? Um...well, Cloverfield was a good time. Definitely, Maybe was pretty good. In Bruges would probably be my movie of the year thus far, and in any other year, it probably wouldn't crack the top 15. Blech. Let's see what pieces of garbage I'll be seeing at the theater this weekend (yes, I'm part of the problem).

Stop Loss
I haven't seen this (obviously), but I already think they made a mistake not casting Joseph Gordin-Levitt in the lead role. Ryan Phillippe has certainly progressed as an actor, but I still find Gordon-Levitt to be much more appealing, and I just know I'm going to be angry whenever it's Phillippe and/or this Channing Tatum character onscreen (who apparently is a big hit with the kids; sorry, I never saw Step Up).

Still, this is director Kim Peirce's first film since Boys Don't Cry, so it's bound to be better than the (youth-targeted) marketing makes it seem. If you need more incentive, know that Timothy Olyphant is in it as well (which I wasn't even aware of until just now).
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 58%

21
Despite the familiar feel to the story, this one looked appealing. Unfortunately, I have it on good word that it's not. From casting a bunch of white folks in roles that are based on Asian-Americans (surely offensive, but somewhat understandable considering the dearth of Asian-American stars) to butchering the geography of a town as familiar to many as Las Vegas to a cliche-ridden script to lazy directing to bad accents, all the signs point to "Stay Away."

Just for fun: if I were in the "blurbing" business and saw this, assuming my review was negative, the blurb would be "Don't hit on 21!" If the review was positive, I think I'd have to go with "Double down on 21!" Finally, if it were a middle-of-the-road grade, the obvious choice is "21 is a split hand." If you can think of worse blurbs, by all means, "hit" us with them.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 21% (it's really more like 7%, but how could I resist?)

Superhero Movie
I must be really dumb. As horrible as Epic Movie was, and as gawdawful as Meet the Spartans looked, I could potentially be talked into seeing this one (considering the current movie climate). The trailer doesn't make the movie look great by any means, but it definitely looks funnier than either of those two junk heaps. In the end, I won't see it (in the theater, at least) because I after sitting through Epic, I swore not to, but there's a good chance I'll sit through it when it hits cable.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Run, Fatboy, Run
Interesting story: in Britain, when this was first released, it was titled Fatboy Rennt (congratulations to the three people that got that).

Anyway, this is the leading contender for best movie of the week, in spite of the fact that David Schwimmer is the director. For starters, the lead is Simon Pegg of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz fame, which automatically makes it worth seeing. Helping out the cause are co-stars Thandie Newton and Hank Azaria, and scriptwriter Michael Ian Blank (who co-wrote with Pegg), a comedy vet that had a hand in the creation of The State and Stella, and has been a mainstay on Comedy Central for the past 15 years, it seems.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 83%

Flawless
Here's another chapter in the continuing saga of Demi Moore's career. After appearing (oddly) in the mixed-reviewed Mr. Brooks (I was on the negative side of the fence), Moore stars with Michael Caine in a period heist flick (my ears just perked up) set in London in the 60s. I really don't know much else about this, except to tell you that the creepy French guy (Lambert Wilson) from The Matrix sequels co-stars. If only Monica Belucci were joining him again. Sigh.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 29%