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Jun 15, 2007

TGITDNMAR* (6/15/07)

If every week's new releases looked like the crop coming out today, no one would ever go to the theaters. Truly shocking, considering that this is one of the prime weeks - mid-June, all the kids are out of school, and with Ocean's being the big release last week and Evan Almighty being the biggest release next, the next mega-film doesn't come out for three weeks (Transformers)! Anyway, here's the major releases being, um, released today:

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Time for another trip back in time: this time, let's go all the way back to 2005. You've just gotten out of the theater after seeing Fantastic Four.

What's that? You didn't see it in the theater? No - you did, but you thought it sucked?

Whatever the case, this trip back in time wasn't worth taking, as everyone who saw the original thought it sucked. But you know what the shocking, twister ending to this story is? The sequel looks much better - though I still thinks Ioan Gruffudd has the name of an Irish frog (it's pronounced Griffith, by the way - he should go on tour with Ralph Fiennes aka "Raif Fine") and Michael Chiklis will always just be that shlubby drunk guy who crashes Jerry's apartment and hires an escort on Seinfeld.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 68%

Nancy Drew
In case you haven't heard (and you will), let me be the first to tell you - Nancy Drew star Emma Roberts is the daughter of Eric Roberts and the niece of Julia Roberts!! Can you believe it?
And since that's the only interesting tidbit here, and since I'm not a 12-year old girl...
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: -300%

I can't tell you much about this film because I don't know much about it - it's Canadian, it's a horror/comedy, and apparently it's the new Shaun of the Dead. Let's hope Phoenix is considered a big enough town for it to receive a copy of.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 47%

DOA: Dead or Alive
This sounds like a comedy masterpiece - just set your timer for 5 months from now and catch it on HBO or Showtime. Here's the plot outline, via Wikipedia:
"A number of fighters are invited to DOA, an invitational martial arts contest. They travel to the tournament island by plane, until they have to jump out mid-flight with parachutes, and then have until sundown to reach the main island to be entered into the tournament. Fighters are then pooled against one another in a knock-out style tournament, with the loser of a battle sent home, and the winner progressing to the subsequent round. The plot revolves around four female fighters who begin as rivals, but subsequently find themselves teaming up against another force."
Jaime Pressly stars.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 2% (in the theater); 99% (on TV)

* For those unaware, TGITDNMAR stands for "Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released

2 people have chosen wisely: on "TGITDNMAR* (6/15/07)"

NFL Adam said...

He is Vic Freaking Mackey!

Fletch said...

No - he's "The Commish." I could never watch "The Shield" because I knew I wouldn't be able to suspend my disbelief long enough to buy The Commish/Seinfeld loser as a tough guy.