Fletch's Film Review: Surrogates

You probably never saw Last Action Hero, and if you did, you've probably flushed it from your memory. It serves as a guilty pleasure for me, though then again, I never thought it was as bad as everyone made it out to be. Anyway, there's a series of scenes I enjoy quite a bit; our protagonist, Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien) has been transported into the land of movies. Long story short, he's paired as the partner to cop/last action hero Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenneger). Right off the bat, he's trying to convince Slater that his life is all just a part of a movie. Madigan takes him to a video store to look for Schwarzenneger films, but they don't exist. He asks someone for their phone number, gets the standard "555-..." response, and reasons that that severely limits the capabilities of the phone system, especially in L.A. The girl behind the counter overhears this conversation, and the following exchange occurs:

Blockbuster girl: Is this your kid?
Slater: Oh no. He is a mental patient that I am taking downtown.
Madigan: What about this girl? She is too attractive to work here.
Slater: I agree. I think she should work with us. Undercover of course.
Madigan: The point is there are no unattractive women here. Where are the ordinary women?

It's not a terrible film, but this will be my lasting memory of Surrogates: serving as the one film where the neverending supply of gorgeous extras is 100% justified.

Aside from that nugget, Surrogates probably serves as one of the least necessary and least memorable films of all time. It's premise (in the future, most people don't leave the safety of their own home, preferring to send out robotic versions of themselves) is a mashup of several familiar films, from Blade Runner to I, Robot to The Island to Strange Days, and it doesn't seem to offer any new ideas. It's a passable form of entertainment, one that doesn't insult your intelligence with over-explanations or "No way!" action sequences; for the most part, it plays it straight, and even attempts to ratchet up the dramatic factor by bringing a Minority Report-ish dead child narrative into the fold so that Bruce Willis and Rosamund Pike (who plays his now-distant wife, in more ways than one) can act sad and/or angry on occasion. It's just that, aside from a few fun bon mots dealing with the realities of what might happen should people get to choose a real-life avatar (hey, isn't there a movie coming out by that name? Hmmm...), such as being introduced to a large, athletic, young black man (surrogate) that turns out to be a 50s-ish Murray Steinberg type, there isn't a whole lot to take away from it.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"Whatever."

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

P.S. - Ok, though I said it neither offers much intelligent nor insults said intelligence, there certainly were some head-scratchers. Here are some, along with any other random thoughts I had:

* There's not an easier way for a film set in the future to bother me than to not pay attention to the cars on the road. Surrogates is set in 2017 (according to Wikipedia, which is odd, because I swear that title cards said "14 years from now"). and yet everyone's driving 2009 Toyota Priuses and 2009 Chevy Cobalts and sh*t. WTF? So, super-advanced robotic technology will have worked its way to photo realism in 8 years (and crime will vanish), but we'll all still be driving our cars from today (which look brand new eight years from now, too)? Really?

* It's nice to see that James Cromwell is interested in recycling, it's just too bad that the producers of Surrogates couldn't have figured out a way to electronically cut and paste his scenes from I, Robot into this flick. Might've saved everyone some time and money.

* So, a certain character switches the surrogate they're using in an attempt to fly under the radar and remain inconspicuous...yet driving around in a Maybach (or whatever) doesn't contradict that? (Thanks to Mrs. Fletch for this one.)

* All they had to do was show a real-life human being exercising once - just once - to eradicate the oh-so-obvious "If people are plugged-in vegetables a la Wall*E, why aren't they all fat asses?" But no such dice.

* You know what? I need to stop talking/reading/thinking about this movie. If you're ever in limbo about a film and are doing some research to get an answer to a question you might have (like, "What kind of car is it that that character was driving around in while trying to be inconspicuous?"), just stop. All I found were more questions regarding the logic of the film, plot holes, inconsistencies, etc., and if I keep reading them, I'll hate this flick in no time time.

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #38 Results

Last week's winner: BD79, with 5 points.
Theme 1: Each film took place in full or part in New Mexico. (unguessed)
Theme 2: Each film involves a novelist and/or the writing of a novel. (BD79)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. One point per tag. Try to resist the Google. Get the most points and you win. There will always be a theme(s), though it's point worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. Additionally, I may split the taglines into two or three groups, each with their own themes.

Tuesday's Twelve Tags is dead, my friends. Or at least, in a coma for an undetermined amount of time. Thanks to all that have played for the many months that it's been going on for, but the interest level clearly seems to have dropped off, and it seems ill worth the time and effort to produce it these days. It might return at some point in the future. Here are the final standings and last week's answers:

Standings
Justin - 11.5
Nick - 6
BD79 - 4.5
Jess - 4
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
Sea_of_Green, Kyle, Nic Cage, Univarn - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers:
Group 1
1. 21 Grams
2. Contact (BD79)
3. Sunshine Cleaning
4. In the Valley of Elah
5. The Tao of Steve
6. First Snow (Alex)
Theme: Each film took place in full or part in New Mexico. (unguessed)

Group 2
7. Basic Instinct (BD79)
8. The Jewel of the Nile (WampaOne)
9. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Alex)
10. Wonder Boys
11. Secret Window (Univarn)
12. Swimming Pool
Theme: Each film involves a novelist and/or the writing of a novel. (BD79)

And then...

The LAMBcast has landed!

After weeks and months of discussion and preparation and schedule-fitting, the LAMB is proud to present its inaugural podcast, the creatively titled LAMBcast.

In it, I was joined by two of your fellow LAMBs, the man from Down Under, Tom Clift of Plus Trailers, and Mike Mendez of Big Mike's Movie Blog. It was, as discussed, a raw and somewhat experimental affair, as none of us had ever previously participated or produced a podcast. So yes, there are plenty of "uhs" and "umms" and a handful of awkward silences, but that's what happens when you throw three people (from around the world) who've never spoken into a live arena.

Clocking in at around 34 minutes, it's a bit longer than what I'd originally planned, but I think it's a pretty tight, good listen - it was perfect for my drive to work this morning, anyway! All in all, though, I'm proud of what we've come up with and am positive that it's only going to get better from here. I hope you'll join us, either as a listener or, if you're interested (and a LAMB), as a fellow podcaster.

Here's a sampling of what we learned this time out:

* Big Mike is in love with the sound of his own voice. ;)

* Tom is in need of a microphone (which I believe he's already purchased since this was recorded).

* I was more nervous/unprepared than I thought I would be, a result of a last-minute drive-and-dash to purchase my own headset/mic prior to recording.

* I didn't do as good of a job as I had thought in synching up the audio tracks, as evidenced in a slight echo audible in certain spots.

* The music, as provided royalty-free by Kevin MacLeod's Incompetech website, is the bomb. Big thanks to Kevin for providing this service.

* Somehow, I was the biggest Trekkie in the room.


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Additional sites mentioned during the podcast:

* Phil's Movie Blog
* Not all Texans ride horses to school
* when is evil cool?
* Random Picture Day

A smaller version of the above widget has been added to the sidebar; if you'd like to add it to your site (you would like to!), feel free. We're not yet listed on iTunes, but I've submitted the feed and it ought to be added in the next few days. I'll keep you posted.

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, we'd love to hear them. I'd like to send big, big thanks out to Mike and Tom for participating, and additional thanks to the folks at Punch Drunk Critics, Movie Zeal, and Subject: Cinema for giving me advice and/or inspiration and/or tech ideas (directly or indirectly) along the way with their podcasts.

And then...

Ok, so I finally saw 3:10 to Yuma...

Some time ago, after finally seeing The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, I made a post with some thoughts I had about it and its reception. Well, I just finished watching that other 2007 western, 3:10 to Yuma, so I thought it fitting I give it the same treatment. Blog Cabins, your home of up-to-date commentary and analysis!

(Major spoilers ahead)

I recall much being made at the time about the film's ending. People seemed to love it or hate it, with most falling in the latter camp. Me, I don't get what the big deal was. What, just because the villain - proven time and again during the film to be looking out for no one but himself (and perhaps his right-hand man, Charlie Prince - suddenly, incomprehensibly does a 180-degree turn, sacrifices himself and massacres his own posse? Was that it? What's the problem there? Seemed totally in line with the events of the prior 120 minutes.

The awful ending notwithstanding, I still enjoyed the film overall. The desert landscapes are shot beautifully, the cast is well-rounded and deep (though the Luke Wilson appearance was a bit jarring). Ben Foster is featured prominently in a role that's not only the best of his that I've seen, but one that might have been in the Val Kilmer/Doc Holliday echelon had he been given a few more memorable lines.

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#60)

Funny how an easier one brought some folks back into the fold. Ok, lemme see what I've got in the Easy department.




















Standings:
J.D., Fletch - 11
Wendymoon - 5
Clive Dangerously - 4
Jason/Daniel, Nick, David Bishop - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, BD79, Rachel - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, JLG, Big Mike Mendez - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Just because: "Die Tasche!" (video!)

And then...

TGITDNMAR (9/25/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

2009: The year in which every month's slate makes you think it's February or August.

Surrogates
Why is an obvious 'summer movie' coming out at the end of September, you might ask? Well, I might ask the same thing; as we know, the only answer is that it sucks. This flick smells just like Babylon A.D., a late summer/early fall big-budget, future-set action flick starring a big, fading action star.

I'll likely get sucked into this one, just as I was sucked into Babylon before it, and I, Robot before that, because I'm a sucker for visions of the future...I just leave the theater wishing they were more like Gattaca or Minority Report or Children of Men rather than The Island (which I even fell for at times).

On the bright side, this seems to be the first film directly made as a result of another film's cheesy special effects; namely, someone saw X2 and though to themselves, "I wonder what it would be like if we made a whole movie filled with creepy looking Ian McKellens and Patrick Stuarts?"

By the way, if you love lists (you do), head on over and take a gander at Rotten Tomatoes' Top 100 Worst Films of the Last Ten Years. Blessedly, Southland Tales was spared from making the list, though some of my least favorites are up there, including Worst of the Worst rating receivers Strange Wilderness and Epic Movie. I have no idea how Eragon escaped alive.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 61%

Fame
I don't think there's a film being released this year that's of less interest to me than this one; even winter's Nine has the appeal of big-name stars, including that one guy that happens to be the best working film actor today.

This? Well, Kelsey Grammer and Bebe Neuwirth are in it, so if you're just dying to see the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm be upstaged by a Cheers reunion...well, look elsewhere. But at least they tried. I know he's no dancer, but has anyone seen George Wendt lately? I'm worried about the guy; he's the only Cheers regular that seems to have disappeared lately.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): -1980%

Pandorum
I'm about as excited to see the next giant, sharp-toothed, fast-moving monsters movie (Hi The Descent!) as I am to see the next Dennis Quaid movie (read: not very much at all).

However...the plot summary is pretty intriguing ("A pair of crew members aboard a spaceship wake up with no knowledge of their mission or their identities.")...and it co-stars Ben Foster, an up-and-comer of the Ryan Gosling variety (though it seems he's had that label for some time now)...and Boondock Saint Norman Reedus co-stars as well. So it has a few things going for it in my book. No matter, though - this is simply not destined to be a theatrical experience (not that I mind all that much), as Mrs. Fletch would rather spin and circles and throw up than see something like this, methinks. Oh well - maybe cable.

Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

And then...

Survivor: Samoa Episode 2 Live Blog

7:08: Yasmin is busy not making friends with the audience. "The hood is not the wood." Good line, but bitching about how hard the outdoors is...on your SECOND day...just makes me want you to be gone immediately. Have you not watched the show? Are you not aware that it takes place, in large part, in jungles?!?

7:09: Russell just called Jaison "calm and collective." For all intensive purposes and all of the sudden, I find Russell even dumber, irregardless of what he says next.

7:11: Son of a mother^$#&@ b*tch! Russell of all people just found a hidden immunity idol. Kill me now. Then again, he immediately told the next person he could find (Jaison). Please be wise, Jaison, and tell everyone else immediately.

7:15: Am I the only one hoping for a Shaving Challenge, so that we can see if personal chef Mike has a harelip like his twin brother Jeffrey Tambor? It's Oscar! (Arrested Development reference; again, if you haven't seen it, do it now.)

7:17: Yay! Another challenge where people hurt each other! Great idea, Survivor; there's nothing better than watching otherwise good contestants being forced home because they have a potentially fatal leg infection.

7:21: If we didn't have enough reasons to hate Ben from last week, he outright kicks Good Russell in the shin, getting booted from the challenge, setting a new low for the show (though firefighter Joel was the standard bearer of such nasty play some seasons ago).

7:23: Way to redeem yourself, jackass. Called on his idiocy by Jeff, all Ben can say is "Outlaw!," clearly proud of his dirty play. I think the only way I might like would be if there were 20 idiots of the Ben/Bad Russell variety, in which case it would be nice to see them beat up on each other. That not being the case, I have nothing but disdain for Ben.

7:25: Wait a sec...ok, we've had two weeks' worth of challenges, and I don't believe I've heard the words "exile island" yet. Can it be? Is it finally dead? This almost makes up for the crap we just saw in the challenge. Almost. We have already been spared the lame plings and starbursts and slow motion the producers employed during the challenges, and now Exile Island is gone? If only the dreaded "Walk of the Dead" could be excised, we'd have almost nothing to complain about.

7:28: In the least surprising news ever, someone got hurt at the brutal challenge. This time, it was Jeffrey Tambor, who just so happens to be the oldest player in the game.

7:30: And just like that, Mike is gone, thanks to super low blood pressure (and a physical challenge with strapping young men half his age - or more). Hard to know if this was just a freak thing or if his health condition would have come up later, but...wow, just crappy news all around, made worse by the fact that we've just had a combined reward/immunity challenge and a player is already gone. There's a half hour left in the show...

7:33: Wow...Yasmin's got some cajones. Stranger in a new camp, she comes in and outright lectures the other team, telling Assface Ben "I want to talk to you in private." Hateable as she is, I'd love to see her try this sh*t in real life.

7:37: I have to hand it to Survivor. They give us the MOST HATED CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME last week in Bad Russell. The audience is speechless; we have no speech. Our mouths are agape at his willingness - hell, his joy at disrupting his own camp. So what happens next? We get a racist, cheap-shot giving, filterless clown named Ben that comes along and improbably (unbelievably) makes Russell seem likable by comparison. I'm impressed.

7:43: It's unfathomable that Betsy has to campaign for her own ass, and that these fools are even contemplating keeping Ben around, all for the beloved challenges, none of which they've won (I don't believe). Since when are all of the challenges physical, anyway? These people are so short-sighted.

7:46: "Whatever I want...happens." - Bad Russell. Let's just bookmark that quote for the future, in the hopes that we can play it on repeat when the opposite...happens.

7:48: "There was one...minor incident [between Ben and Yasmin]." Understatement of the century.

7:49: Notwithstanding his potential "alliance" with Bad Russell, Jaison might be my new favorite player. He's far and away the most logical, analytical, level-headed, common sensical player in the game. So refreshing.

7:51: Well, at least Ben is delusional, thinking his chances of winning the game are the same as when it started. Jeff...obviously not a fan of old Ben's. Unfortunately, it ain't gonna matter; these idiots are gonna vote out Betsy.

7:54: This is just dumb. I'm far from being biased toward the older folks, but this show needs to just stop putting anyone over age 40 on it anymore unless something changes. Those people are put at such a significant disadvantage that it makes little sense to even admit them to the game. An older cast member is almost always the first or second person voted off, and usually it's solely due to their age and/or age combined with sex. I've had it; I know life ain't fair, but this is just retarded. How do the producers not see this?

In case you couldn't tell, Betsy was voted out in a landslide. Lame.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

And then...

And now, a word from our sponsors... (a different kind of FF-UN)

I like to think that I give a lot of love to character actors here. The thing is, this being a movie blog, I focus on actors and their roles in feature films. However, being the affable, well-rounded pop culture consumer that I am, I take in my share of TV as well, and don't think that I don't notice the importance of the character actors of the small screen. Most notably, veteran commercial actors.

Sure, these guys get regular gigs outside of commercials, from sitcoms to dramas to features, but for some of them, it seems as though their bread and butter is the commercial, with them able to dangle in the netherworld of stardom that allows them to remain unrecognizable enough to the untrained eye to keep the focus on the product, yet talented enough for geeks like me to appreciate them. Below are four guys that have been on my radar for one reason or another for years now, and most likely aren't going anywhere anytime soon. It's time the spotlight shines on them:

Pat Finn: This one's a bit slippery. The Second City alumnus has been around Hollywood for about 15 years, and in that time has worked on features (including a great tiny role as "Officer Rick" in Dude, Where's My Car?), sitcoms (including Murphy Brown and Seinfeld, where he played Sein nemesis Joe Mayo, who would't let Jerry be in charge of the music at his party after disliking Jerry's taste), and dramas (Ed, where he had a recurring role).

But anyone who's consumed the slightest bit of TV, or print, or radio, ought to recognize him as the face and voice of Toyota. He's done what seems like hundreds of ads for them, and is even known as Pat or "Action" Pat in the commercials, bringing the same likable, everyguy doofiness he brings to all his roles. He's also been involved with the Got Milk? folks for nearly a decade.

Nate Torrence: If there's one actor on this list that might not belong on this list anymore, it's Torrence. After all, how many of them can say that they've starred in their own (Direct-to-DVD) feature? That DVD disclaimer notwithstanding, Torrence's role as geeky Lloyd in Get Smart was so well-received, and his chemistry with co-star Masi Oka (Heroes) so strong that Warner gave the two their own spin-off.

Before that, of course, Nate was best known to us as the star of two commercial series; in the first, he was the perennially pounded upon new hire in a number of Capitol One ads, as the high-school-reunion-attending Moose (!!) in a popular Enterprise ad. He also starred in this funny VW commercial that aired a few years back. Best of luck in your new big-time Hollywood career, Nate; don't forget us lowly commercial fans of yours.

Kevin West: You want a snooty, elitist guy? How about a mousy, skinny, and/or slightly crazy/kooky guy? West has it all covered. Though his most memorable role for me was as an effete wine critic in the Sinbad classic Houseguest, his "Other works" page on IMDb (which lists mostly commercials; I never knew it existed - great work, IMDb!) shows why I know the man from the boob tube. He's been in a number of adverts over the last 2-plus decades, and for god's sake, the man voiced "Snap" for Rice Crispies for 6 years; that practically makes him a national hero.

Just for fun, here's the man in action from an old-school Little Caesar's spot:


Fred Koehler: Readers that grew up in the 80s are likely to recognize Koller from his days as a child actor. Got it yet? No?

Ok, I guess no one else watched Kate & Allie. Truth be told, I didn't even really watch K & A, but I suppose I saw it enough times in reruns and such that I was familiar with Koehler, who played Jane Curtin's son Chip. He was about my age, he was a smart-ass - what's not to like?

I'm not sure at what point he became a staple of the commercial world; his IMDb page indicates that he was essentially absent. But if his work since is any indication - I think he's gotten work on every TV drama to have aired since 1999 - he's been hammering out commercials such as the one below ever since. Two bonus Koehler notes: first, big-ups if you remember him from HBO's Oz; he memorably played J.K. Simmons son on the prison drama for four episodes. Second, is it just me, or is he starting to resemble John Cusack as he ages?

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #38

Last week's winner: Univarn, with a whopping 3 points. Tuesday's Twelve Tags is on life support, folks. And to think, both themes were Swayze related. I'm hurt people, really.
Theme 1: Each film featured a celebrity that died in 2009. For example, David Carradine was in Epic Movie, Karl Malden was in The Sting II. (unguessed)
Theme 2: Each film contains a character named Dalton. (unguessed)

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. One point per tag. Try to resist the Google. Get the most points and you win. There will always be a theme(s), though it's point worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. Additionally, I may split the taglines into two or three groups, each with their own themes.

Group 1
1. Difference between dead and life
2. Get ready to take a chance on something that just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history.
3. life's a messy business.
4. Sometimes finding the truth is easier than facing it.
5. Why do women find this man irresistible?
6. What if someone looked into your future and didn't see tomorrow?
Theme value: 7 points

Group 2
7. A brutal murder. A brilliant killer. A cop who can't resist the danger
8. When the going gets tough, the tough get going
9. SeX. MurdEr. MyStery. Welcome to the party.
10. Undependable. Unpredictable. Unforgettable.
11. The most important part of a story is the ending.
12. Dive into this summer's sexiest mystery
Theme value: 3 points

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 11.5
Nick - 6
Jess - 4
BD79 - 3.5
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
Sea_of_Green, Kyle, Nic Cage, Univarn - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
Group 1
1.
2. Contact (BD79)
3.
4.
5.
6. First Snow (Alex)
Theme:

Group 2
7. Basic Instinct (BD79)
8. The Jewel of the Nile (WampaOne)
9. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Alex)
10.
11. Secret Window (Univarn)
12.
Theme: Each film involves a novelist and/or the writing of a novel. (BD79)

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Cold Souls and The Informant!

No films in my recent viewing history have smacked of their predecessors more than Cold Souls and The Informant!

Cold Souls is the easy and obvious one; it's 11-word plot summary alone (emotionally burdened actor learns he can store his soul; zaniness ensues) reeks so much of Charlie Kauffman that it might well be be titled Synecdoche, New York II (or would that be Being John Malkovich Again...or Eternal Moonshine of the Spotless Soul)? A glance at writer/director Sophie Barthes' resume indicates that this was no happy accident, either; though Souls is her first feature, she has two shorts under her belt, the most recent of which is titled Happiness. Care to take a guess at what that one's about? Yup, it's another high-concept piece, about factory workers at a condom factory and the question "what if you could buy happiness in a box?" *Groan*

For better or worse, Cold Souls isn't a total ripoff of Kauffman's work (or the work of similar outsiders Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry); her feature debut lacks the playfulness and visual creativity of those earlier works in favor of a more serious tone with a dry laugh thrown in here and there. There seems to be less of a necessity for Paul Giamatti to be playing "Paul Giamatti" here as there was for Malkovich to be playing a version of himself, but that doesn't mean it's not used to its advantage here and there. That said, much of the Kauffman comparisons might have been eschewed had Giamatti simply been playing "John Cooper" or some other non-real person. The bigger issue is that Barthes seems to want to have her cake and eat it, too: she wants to mock the faux-depth of actors, acting, and the heavy burden of the soul, all the while maintaining a haze of importance and abstract, artsy importance over the proceedings. An entertaining if ultimately frustrating film, though nonetheless impressive for a feature debut.

Narrative-wise, The Informant! has little in common with 1999's Election, but I can't help but feel Alexander Payne's footprint all over it. Middle America setting? Check. Dated feel? Check; this is a two-sided coin, however - the film's event take place in the early 90s, which might've absolved director Steven Sodebergh of delivering that feel, but he clearly amped up with Marvin Hamlisch's Burt Bacharach-esque soundtrack (it could be swapped with the Austin Powers one and no one would be the wiser) and 70s game show-y credit font. Tale of greed and dirty tactics? Check. Non-stop, stream-of-thought narration by our protagonist? Check. I'm disappointed a role for Matthew Broderick wasn't found, though a bone was clearly thrown to me with the casting of Back to the Future standout Tom Wilson (Biff and all iterations of the Tannen family, a group of roles he should have won an honorary Oscar for). But I digress...

Soderbergh clearly delighted in dressing up and frumping down his leading man in dorky glasses, news anchor hair and Jerry Garcia ties in telling the approximately true story of whistle blower Mark Whitacre (in a (500) Days of Summer-like move, the audience is given a snarky "So there" after being told in a pre-credits disclaimer that, despite the film's attempts at accuracy, some names have been changed blah blah blah). By the same token, Damon dove right into his role, gaining the obligatory weight that's apparently needed to play a Midwestern convincingly, but more importantly ditching any preconceived notions you might have had of him, and I don't mean just the "cute nose" that Mrs. Fletch likes so much. Between the hair, the nose, the weight, the accent and the inflection, you might never guess that this was either that smartass south Boston whiz kid or the sneaky strong silent-type spy we saw in three Bourne films.

So it's apparent that each cared enough about the character to spend ample time paying attention to detail; it's just a shame that, for whatever reason, they seem to have walked away with such disdain for him (and his actions) that he never escalates beyond caricature. Whitacre's a cartoon buffoon - a mixture of Bugs Bunny and Foghorn Leghorn, displaying the genius of the former simultaneously with the rube nature of the latter. We're given the task of deciding what to believe: was Whitacre eight steps ahead of everyone or just making it up as he went along, digging a hole so deep that he gained some sort of imperceptibility? But when the director is too busy making fun of his lead to make him a real person, am I really supposed to care?

A nonstop minor-chuckle fest with boundless energy and a broken record feel to it.

Both films:

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.""

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#59)

No guesses. Obviously then, no winner. No interest? How 'bout an easy one?



















Standings:
J.D., Fletch - 11
Wendymoon - 5
Clive Dangerously - 4
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop, BD79, Rachel - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, JLG, Big Mike Mendez - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

TGITDNMAR (9/18/09)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

Lots to get to, so let's get to it!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
I've been thoroughly unimpressed with the trailer for the latest 3-D animation extravaganza, based off a famous children's book that I'm obviously too old for, having never heard of it.

Oops - Wiki tells me that it was first published in 1978, which clearly doesn't make me too old for it, given that I was 2 that year. Ok, so it was a poorly marketed children's book, at least on the west coast. Damn east coast media bias rearing its ugly head again...

Anyway, like I said - not too interested in this uber-kiddy-looking flick with a goofy, Adrien Brody-looking lead and giant pancakes (har!) falling from the sky. But then the Phoenix New Times (a very trusted review source for me, and regular Thursday reading) posted an overwhelmingly positive review that says the film has more to say about relationships than 1,000 Kate Hudson flicks. Throw in some good sight gags, an interesting vocal cast (Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Mr. T.) and call me curious.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 43%

Love Happens
Speaking of crappy romantic comedies...

Jennifer Aniston on board? Check. A title straight out of the Romantic Comedy Generic Title Generator? Check. Even worse tagline straight from a similar Generator ("Sometimes when you least expect it...")? Check.

Really, is there any way that this isn't just plain gawdawful, despite the non-Aniston cast (Aaron Eckhart, John Carroll Lynch, Martin Sheen, Frances Conroy, Dan Fogler, Judy ("Say goodbye to...these!" of Arrested Development fame) Greer?

I think not. And I'm sure as hell not willing to spend the $10 to find out.

P.S. - Apparently, the Rom-Com Generic Title Generator does not yet exist, but damnit, it should! C'mon, people of the interwebs, don't let me down on this one.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 0%

The Informant!
If all you did was read a select list of actor names involved with The Informant!, you might come away thinking it was a porn flick. Howie Johnson? Hans Tester? Ludger Pistor? Joe Chrest? Candy Clark? Dick Smothers? Rusty Schwimmer (a woman, by the way)? Good christ, I'm scared.

Also on the Insider's Insider™ front, were you aware that this is practically Ocean's Fourteen? That's right, kids; not only are Matt Damon and Steven Soderbergh re-teaming for the whistle blowing caper, but Mr. Eddie Jemison (aka Livingston Dell) is also on board. Anything is possible!!!

All silliness aside, as evidenced by the relatively-new "8 Most Awaited Movies this Moment" widget I've added to the sidebar, this flick is high on my "Want to See" list. I could laugh just looking at Damon's prosthetic nose and dorky glasses/hair, but then they went ahead and added folks like Joel McHale, Tony Hale and (comeback alert!) Scott Bakula to the mix. So in.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 100%

Jennifer's Body
I want to care, I really do. Okay, that's not true. I don't really care if I don't care.

"But it's Diablo Cody's Juno follow-up!," you might say. "And Megan Fox is ubiquitously hot!"

Yeah, yeah, I know. But...I don't know. It just looks...I mean...it's horror, so it's already at a disadvantage in my book...and then it kinda reminds me of The Faculty, which wasn't exactly a world-beater. And I'm not 16, so I'm probably not gonna spend $10 just to see more of Fox than I could see on the interwebs (if I were so inclined and had that much free time). There's just...why don't you go see it, and if it blows your goddamn mind, I'll consider it, ok?
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 6%

And then...

Survivor: Samoa Episode 1 Live Blog

Thanks to a four-month long hiatus between seasons, my live blogging/recap juices have been refilled to levels high enough for me to feel the Survivor mojo.

I go into this season not having sought out any information about the contestants, location, spoilers - nothing but what I learned watching the promo at the end of the prior reunion show. I did hear that it has the LARGEST CAST EVER with 20 people, but I'm pretty sure they've had that many before. Maybe this group is just fatter.

And away we go...

7:00: Look! A bunch of insanely gorgeous landscapes...that our contestants will likely never, ever come near, save for perhaps the "Honor the Dead Survivors" walk on the finale.

7:01: Is that blonde girl wearing cowboy boots? I don't like her already, and shall deem her "Dumdum" until a better name comes to mind.

7:04: Having the contestants write down descriptions of their tribemates when they don't know each other is comedic gold. "Better looking Lennox Lewis." Ha!

7:06: Sorry, "Bar Manager," but folks don't generally think of people wearing white tank tops with palm trees on them as natural born leaders. It's just one of those unspoken rules about society, I think.

7:09: I call shenanigans. How the hell could Mick have known that Shawnsay (or whatever his name is) was a good swimmer? C'mon people, what are the odds that this particular black guy happened to be a water polo player? 1 in 1000? More? Hey, I just call 'em like I see 'em; most stereotypes get that way for a reason. Remember Osten?

7:11: I wouldn't care if she turned out to be the second coming of Alfred Einstein, I'm not picking anyone a) with a mullet or b) named "Shambo" to be my "Smartest" player. She managed to fill both roles. And yes, I know his name is really Norman.

7:17: Nice, even matchup. Fun to watch. Not much else to say about it.

7:21: The "dumb blonde" girl and the "dumb longer-haired blonde" and the "dark-haired girl." WTF, Russell? Why isn't the dark-haired girl dumb? You're a hairist, Russell. And an asshole, apparently (he must be the guy Nick commented about in the earlier post I made).

7:24: John is...a rocket scientist? O RLY?

7:26: I am shocked...just shocked that the Mulleted One whose name rhymes with a Sylvester Stallone character is feeling ostracized from the group. I have no speech.

7:28: Interesting. We've had loads of villains on the show, but a performance artist? Really? Emptying water from canteens, burning socks (?), pathologically lying...hateable he might be, but he'll certainly be interesting.

7:36: Smart play by the purple team on the A frame obstacles. They are obviously the more likable team thus far, notwithstanding Daniel Plainview.

7:39: Scratch that - millionaire oil man is on the yellow team. First episodes, man - who the hell knows who any of these people are. I guess what I'm saying is that I like Eric (white guy, buzzcut), Russell ("better looking Lennox Lewis") and maybe a little Shambone. Just about everyone else is either unlikable or a blank slate at this point.

7:43: Seriously, does anyone watch CSI: Miami regularly? I must know why they constantly are using guns. It's driving me crazy (but not crazy enough to actually watch the show). I'm begging you for help.

7:47: Aww...Russ got his wittle feewings hurt when Marissa had the nerve to tell him that she thought his blatant "talk to and make 'alliances' with everyone" tactic was making her wary of him, sending him on a small-penised rampage throughout the camp campaigning to get her voted off. C'mon, guy.

7:51: I don't think I've ever seen a group of tribemates fight so hard to be idiots at a Tribal Council. It was like they were cutting each other off trying to say something dumber than the person before them. Who came out smelling like a rose? The ones that shut the hell up, i.e. the policewoman, Mick, the longer-hairer blonde girl (notice I didn't call her dumb), and, to some extent, the Jeffrey Tambor-looking chef. Everyone else deserves to go. Oh, and the white tank top wearing bar manager is really doing his best to top Russ as the tribal a-hole. It's good to have you back, Survivor.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: Inglourious Basterds

Perhaps I should just be scolded for my lack of faith.

As I can only hope that many others did, I underestimated Quentin Tarantino. I watched the trailers, I saw the posters, I read about the film in which it was (loosely, we were told) inspired by. I couldn't help but notice Hostel director Eli Roth prominently featured in both. Combine all that with the experience that was Grindhouse, and I assumed a lot about Inglourious Basterds. My preconceived notions were summed up in that week's TGITDNMAR as such:

"...Eli Roth is annoying. Diane Kruger can't act her way out of a plastic bag. There's pretty much no one else of note involved [Brad Pitt notwithstanding]. The plot...let's just say I'm finding it a bit thin. And I'm no fan of torture porn, even when the torture is being performed on Nazis. So basically, what we're left with is a case of STYLE vs. substance. Like 300, only without the CGI effects and homoeroticism."

So basically (again - yeah, I overuse that phrase), what I did was take the resume of Tarantino - only the most influential director of the past 15 years - and completely wiped my mind of it. The reason I might have found the plot "a bit thin?" Because I apparently knew nothing about it.

God, I'm an idiot.

What the experience did, though, was illustrate to me what might be Tarantino's best quality as a filmmaker - the thing that makes him one of the top directors we have today, along with guys like Paul Thomas Anderson, Darren Aronofsky and David Fincher, and the Coens - unpredictability. The ability to keep their audiences guessing, not only in terms of the types of projects that they will tackle, but the way they handle the narratives themselves. Whether it's Aronofsky setting a third of his Fountain inside a giant bubble or the now famous premier scene of Basterds, a scene that should be oh-so-familiar but somehow feels fresher than anything put onscreen this year, or Anderson's employment of only industrial, orchestral sounds in an otherwise silent opening of There Will Be Blood, these men have proven time and again that they are more original than Werther's, have a better plan than Marshall, and execute that plan better than, well, an executioner.

Tarantino's tale is not the 150-minute torture porn excursion I expected but rather a paean to revenge, and not solely of the Charles Bronson variety. Sure, the Basterds themselves are the ids of the film, travelling somewhat gleefully across Europe on the hunt for Nazi scalps, but Shosanna's tale is the glue that holds the film together, her pain stronger and more focused than all of the Basterds combined. Tarantino's passionate handling of her story, mixed in with pulpy (and Pulp-y) dialogue and mexican standoffs and goofy accents and rewritten history and characters so colorful they're practically bleeding off the screen make for, as the Grindhouse experience was in 2007, the most raucous, least forgettable film of the year, despite whatever flaws you might find it.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"It's in the hole!"

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

And then...

Survivor: Samoa Episode 1 Live Blog returns!

You know I can't say no to Survivor! As long as it's on, I'll probably be doing this. The live blog will start at 7 PM Pacific time, or approximately t-minus 9.5 hours and counting.

Survivor news at Survivor.com
Survivor homepage at CBS.com

And then...

Tuesday's Twelve Tags #37

Just barely getting this in before midnight AZ time...

Last week's winner: Uh, it was a tie between Justin and Nick, who each got a whopping 2.5 points. Guess the bloom is off the rose, eh?
Theme 1: All of the films were winners of the Cannes Film Festival's top prize, the Palme D'Or. (unguessed)
Theme 2: All of the films were winners of the Golden Raspberry Awards (aka The Razzies Worst Picture award. (unguessed)

In other words, I totally kicked everyone's ass last week. Well, that or no one cared enough.

Here's the new dozen. The rules are simple: I'm going to give you a dozen taglines, all you have to do is name as many flicks that they belong to as you can. One point per tag. Try to resist the Google. Get the most points and you win. There will always be a theme(s), though it's point worth will vary according to how difficult I think it is. Additionally, I may split the taglines into two or three groups, each with their own themes.

Group 1
1. We Know It's Big. We Measured.
2. You'll root for them all...but you'll never guess who wins
3. The con is on... place your bets!
4. Love Is In The Hair
5. Life is one long insane trip. Some people just have better directions
6. The Villain. Even Mother Teresa wanted him dead.
Theme value: 5 points

Group 2
7. Behind Every Great Man Is A Woman... Wishing He'd Get The Hell Out Of Her Way.
8. Keeping up an image can be a full time job
9. Like new, great looking and fully loaded with laughs.
10. The war's not over until the last man comes home.
11. The dancing's over. Now it gets dirty.
12. It looked like the perfect bank robbery. But you can't judge a crime by its cover.
Theme value: 10 points (!)

As you get them right, I'll mark them as gotten and stuff. Good luck.

Standings
Justin - 11.5
Nick - 6
Jess - 4
BD79 - 3.5
J.D. - 2.5
Shane, Jason Soto - 2
Sea_of_Green, Kyle, Nic Cage - 1
Dead Pan - .5

Correct answers so far:
Group 1
1. Epic Movie (Univarn)
2.
3.
4.
5. Donnie Darko (Alex)
6.
Theme:

Group 2
7.
8.
9.
10. Missing in Action (Univarn)
11. Road House (Alex)
12. Inside Man (Univarn)
Theme:

And then...

Just because.

I know I'm on record as not being a fan of endless blog tributes to the recently departed, but I've got to make an exception here.

And then...

Just because: "Oh, you think so, doctor?"

And then...

Stained Glass Cinema Sunday (#58)

Easy, hard, easy hard - eventually, I'd like to find a middle ground where the posters are tough but not impossible, but it almost seems like that place does not exist. This one? I'd say it towards the difficult side again, but who knows anymore?




















Standings:
J.D. - 11
Fletch - 10
Wendymoon - 5
Clive Dangerously - 4
Jason/Daniel, Nick - 3
Evan Derrick, Jason Soto, David Bishop, BD79, Rachel - 2
Steel11Kane, TonyD, Luke Harrington, Adam Ross, Justin, Anders, Dreamrot, Dave, JLG, Big Mike Mendez - 1

Here are the altered/actual posters from last time:

And then...

Separated at birth?

+
=
?

And then...

TGITDNMAR (9/11/09) (brief edition)

It's that time again for TGITDNMAR, which (obviously) stands for Thank God It's The Day New Movies Are Released.

The NFL is back. Temperatures are on their way down (which is a good thing here in Phoenix). It's birthday season in the Fletch family. A new CD from a much-liked band and a new book by my favorite author are either here now or coming very soon. There are numerous new televisions shows that I'm actually interested in seeing (among them, Community, Bored to Death and maybe Flashforward). Yes, it's a good time in the land of Blog Cabins. Will the movie gods make it even better?

9
Seen it. Reviewed it. You should totally go comment on it, thereby earning valuable karma points which can be traded in for fantastic prizes later in life.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 100%

I Can Do Bad All By Myself
One of these days, I'm gonna have to have a Tyler Perry Film Festival, where I endure all of his efforts. That day will be the day that I plan on shooting myself, and I will use the film festival as motivation to complete the task.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 0%

Sorority Row
Have you seen Rumer Willis' jawline? I mean, have you seen it? Actually, I guess the better question is, have you seen the rest of her face, since her jaw takes up half of it.

Ok, I apologize - digs at peoples' looks (minus Nic Cage) are weak and petty. That was totally uncalled for. I actually think that, her gigantic, manly jaw notwithstanding, Rumer is an attractive girl.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing (in the theater): 1%

Whiteout
The head film reviewer for The Arizona Republic, Bill Goodykoontz, had a nice article that was printed in today's paper about the disturbing (and growing) trend of studios pulling their movies from critics' hands via not having advance screenings. Whiteout, Sorority Row, and the Tyler Perry flick were all sans advance critics' screenings this week, leaving the paper with no wide release reviews for their Movie Preview section today (9's review was printed with Wednesday's paper).

It's a disturbing trend indeed, made even weirder by the transparency of it all. Anyone who pays any attention to movie reviewing ought to know by now that this practice all but guarantees that the film at hand is a piece of crap (though Perry does it out of spite, more or less, as referenced in the article). Want to see a bad movie? Go see the one that hasn't been reviewed anywhere. Of course, Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb will have you tagged as rotten or fresh within moments of your release anyhow, so studios, your running from critics is pointless.
Fletch's Chance of Viewing: 5%

And then...

Poll results; new poll

You stereotype loving bastards! The Breakfast Club over Ferris? I'm gonna have to pretend I just don't know you from now on.

No, Breakfast is a worthy choice as Hughes' favorite directorial effort; I just happen to enjoy Ferris more. The real shockers came with the low turnout of Weird Science (commentor Nic Cage had to be one of those three voters, as I'm pretty sure he can recite the film from memory), the fact that Planes, Trains received more votes than Science (it's pretty good, but c'mon) and the fact that Curly Sue, christened by my with a "haha" in the voting option, received a single vote. Come out of the closet, Curly voter!

New poll wants to know your favorite movie era, separated all nice and tidy (and completely meaningless-y) by decade; what can I say, it's an easy compartment by which to divide time. Are you all heathens like me that prefers the films of the 80s and beyond? Are the 70s really the best-ever decade in your humble? Do you kick it super old school and prefer the golden oldies of the 40s? Or do you just have bad taste and prefer this decade's films (kidding)?

And then...

Fletch's Film Review: 9

This ought to be one of the earlier reviews you'll see of this flick, so I think I can get away with this horrible shtick. Rhyme not really intended.

Nine things about the movie I saw on the ninth day of the ninth month of 2009, 9:

1. It's damn short. Based on a 2005 short film of the same name, 9 clocks in at a mere 79 minutes. Not surprisingly, this leaves it a bit short in the story department. The viewer is plunked into a dystopian, Matrix-like (the "real world of the Matrix) world in which the machines have taken over...sort of. We're meant to feel the same disorientation of the lead character, a rag doll robot named, of course, 9. However, it might not have been such a good idea to leave your audience disoriented for 1/8 of the running time.

2. The animation is beautiful, though perhaps a bit too familiar, evoking images and atmospheres seem frequently as of late. The opening sequence could double for Coraline. The coloring of 9's world and the eyes of 9 and his "people" look an awful lot like those of a cute little Pixar robot.

3. Also familiar is 9's "act first, fear later" attitude, reminiscent of the brave rat that was the star of the recent Tale of Desperaux. As are the art-deco monsters and general storyline, which feel somewhat copped from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Basically, there's not a lot about 9 that feels fresh or new, and there are cliches aplenty...

4. ...Including the use of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," which was eye roll-inducing. I thought John Woo had hijacked the film for a moment. At least it wasn't a slow-motion scene.

5. That said, possibly the best thing that 9 has going for it is its tremendous character design. By making the Stitchpunks (as they're apparently called) look neither human nor robotic, we're greeted with adorable creatures that are as fun to look at still as they are when they're running...and they look pretty funny when they're on the move.

6. I fell asleep at one point...during the first of two climaxes. Not good (though I wasn't out long, if that helps).

7. It has an interesting, eclectic, voice cast, with Elijah Wood (9), Martin Landau, Christopher Plummer, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly, and Crispin Glover (who, of course, voices the "weird" rag doll).

8. How this film received the same rating as such other 2009 films as Obsessed, The Haunting in Connecticut, Fast & Furious, The Proposal, Terminator: Salvation, etc., etc. - with a PG-13 - is beyond me. The Secret of Nimh - albeit released in 1982 at a time when films were obviously rated differently - contains what I would recall to be scarier content, and was rated G. Ratings fodder aside, the content is not at a "13 and above" level; this is a film made for 8-12 year olds.

9. Though tonally totally different, 9 fits in a category with another recent animated film, spring's Monsters vs. Aliens. Both borrowed heavily from any and all available sources, are entertaining yet not compelling, in the end feeling more like innocent, empty eye candy than the more substantial works of their peers. Whether that is faint praise or condemnation, I leave to you and your tastes.

Fletch's Film Rating:

	"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."

Shaky Cam Rating (details):	LAMBScore:

And then...